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The 8 Ball: Top 8 Takeaways From the Royal Rumble

January 30, 2015 | Posted by Mike Hammerlock

Top 8 Takeaways from the Royal Rumble

All right, we’ve had a few days to calm down from the 2nd Royal Rumble Revolution. One thing is for sure – it left a lasting impression. Philadelphia did not disappoint. The crowd became the big story by the end of the night. Philly, you rock. This week’s 8-Ball will look at the winners, losers, realities and consequences of this year’s Rumble pay-per-view. Since we only got a Raw studio show on Monday, little has changed since the big event. Presumably things occurred on last night’s live Smackdown. Yet what follows are the top 8 things to shake out of the 2015 Royal Rumble. What’s the shape of the brave, new world in which we live?

8. Rybacksliding

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I’m not a Ryback booster. He seems like a fairly interesting guy away from the ring, but you need look no farther than his wretched TLC match against Kane for why I’m not enthusiastic about his ringwork. He struggles with anything beyond a squash match. That said, with his recent return to “Feed me more!” mode it seemed the WWE would give him another push. I thought the wheels might be in motion for at least a WrestleMania clash with Rusev. That now looks remote given what we saw at the Rumble. Ryback spent 11 anonymous minutes in the ring. He eliminated no one. He entered at #23 and went out at #19. That is negative momentum. He didn’t get into anything more than a minor altercation with Rusev. I thought for sure one of those guys would dump the other. Then during the post-Rumble backstage show Rusev and Cena started barking at each other … and there went Ryback’s best shot a high profile WrestleMania 1v1 match. Not so wild guess here, Ryback’s job for the next two months will be to make Rusev look awesome heading into the Bulgaro-Russian’s WrestleMania and Fast Lane clashes with Cena. Good for us. Good for the WrestleMania card. Bad for Ryback.

7. Embrace the New Bray

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Hands down, without question, the guy who had the biggest star turn during the Royal Rumble was Bray Wyatt. He took over the first half of the match. That the booking team abandoned Wyatt’s takeover in the second half of the match doesn’t change that we got to see Bray Wyatt ascendant and we liked it. Now I know Bray’s supposed to be a heel, but he’s the fuck-the-system face we want. The world’s going to hell and Bray’s decided the only survivors are going to be the ones who build themselves a new kingdom. Hell, Matthew McConaughey won an Emmy last year essentially for playing Bray Wyatt as a police detective. Wyatt is the man for the moment and we got a glimpse of that during the Rumble. He’s going to be a face like no other: a mixture of Austin, Mankind, Dusty Rhodes, Inoki (because Bray does strong style) and the Blue Meanie. I don’t know that the WWE truly gets it yet, but after the Rumble more of us do. It’s as simple as this – give Bray Wyatt a sliver of a chance and he’ll take over the world.

6. It Didn’t Have to be Daniel Bryan

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The match turned started turning sour after DBry’s WTF?! elimination, but that didn’t mean Bryan had to win. It meant that the WWE had to respect Bryan’s standing with the audience. He spent 10 minutes in the scrum, tossed Tyson Kidd and then we got his pointless, premature elimination. He went out between DDP, Fandango, Adam Rose and Kofi Kingston. It was a true face palm moment. They didn’t even attempt to gin up the drama of a potential Bryan win, likely in fear of a backlash they got anyway. The other major contenders – Dolph Ziggler, Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose and Rusev – all got unceremonious exits as well. Rusev came closest, but he was gone almost as soon as he popped up from lying in wait. It was criminal underutilization of the more talented elements of the roster. That’s the frustration. We want to see these guys cut loose and do cool things.That doesn’t even touch on the afterthought booking of Cesaro, Mizdow and the Intercontinental Champion, Bad News Barrett.

The WWE finds itself boxed in with Daniel Bryan representing the only viable option in the minds of many fans because it remains incapable of booking its mid-card. When we get to the Royal Rumble it should feel like a dozen guys could win, like we’ve got all kinds of good options and anything can happen. What we got was one guy who made sense (Bryan), one guy who was getting jammed down our throats (Roman Reigns) and a few other guys we’ve been conditioned to think stand no chance with Vince McMahon. It’s WCW all over again. The guys who are getting over with the fans hit glass ceilings and often get frozen out of having coherent storylines. We get weird, unintentional meta stories. Rusev apparently still hates black people, eliminating both Kofi Kingston and Big E. If you could decode what’s up with that, you’d probably be able to unravel all the other secrets of Vince McMahon’s mind. Yet somehow, despite six hours a week of programming, much of the WWE drifts aimlessly, even the guys who are near the top of the card.

The epidemic lack of storytelling for much of the roster limits the ability of the WWE to tell compelling stories in big moments like the Royal Rumble. Even with that, its increasingly disgruntled fans would be far more forgiving if some actual storytelling were inserted into the supposed marquee matches. Rumors are that Daniel Bryan and Sheamus may meet at WrestleMania. No problem with that. Those two guys are awesome and could steal the show. Yet why not put Sheamus in the Rumble (either as an entrant or an interloper) where he acts like a goat-seeking missile, giving us an actual story around AmDrag’s elimination? Why not have Bray Wyatt carry his early momentum into the latter stages of the match? Why not have Dean Ambrose look to line-jump Reigns, who tossed him last year? Why not give Ziggler a chance to steal the show even if he doesn’t win? We’re trying to care, but the constant message broadcast from WWE central is the bulk of its roster is disposable. So we coalesce around Daniel Bryan because we’ve believe in so little else.

5. The Golden Company

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I’m going to complain about the usage of Big Show and Kane later in this column. However, those complaints have nothing to do with Big Show or Kane. The Rumble match was riddled with flaws, treating these two with respect was not one of them. Kane broke Shawn Michaels’ record for most eliminations in Rumble history. As much as Kane has become consistently terrible in the ring, he’s earned some accolades during the course of his career. The man is 47 years-old and his huge carcass has given 20 years of dedicated work to the WWE. I’m impressed he can walk. He’s been a dentist, Kevin Nash’s doppelganger, the living embodiment of vengeance, a necrophiliac, a stalker, Uncle Fester with a mean streak, a guy in a twelve step program and a corporate lackey. To a degree, you’re nobody in modern WWE history if Kane hasn’t put you over. He deserves something to call his own. No one’s been in more Royal Rumbles and no one’s tossed more people. I suggested last week that Big Show deserved a strong showing at the Rumble, and he got it. Show’s perhaps the most mis-booked wrestler of this era. He’s a freakish talent, with mobility and durability that belies his size. I think we forget how enormous he is partially due to his ability to engage in a full-fledged wrestling match. If wrestling were real, Paul Wight would have dominated the past 15 years. Of course he tossed a bunch of guys at the Rumble. It makes sense even if the story/booking around it failed. Wish they had found a way to respect Show and Kane while telling a better story, but we shouldn’t fault the E for the respect part.

4. Plan 9 from Titan Tower

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Recently I took my son to see a midnight showing of Plan 9 from Outer Space. One of the iconic moments in the movie is when the flying saucers first appear and you can see the strings that they’re dangling from. The Royal Rumble match had a similar no-tech feel to it. You could see the strings being pulled in an effort to manipulate the live and home audience. It was blatant and amateurish. Daniel Bryan got whisked off the stage before most of the other major contenders arrived. Big Show and Kane flash eliminated most of the other main contenders: Ziggler, Wyatt and Ambrose. Ambrose and Reigns went into buddy movie mode in search of a cheap pop. Reigns had to overcome impossible odds. Not only did he have the Authority’s dreadnought class goons running riot, he had the undefeated Russian superheel Rusev lying in wait … and isn’t Reigns’ skin pigmentation dark enough to put him on Rusev’s natural enemies list? Then his quasi-cousin Rock emerged at the end of the match to run off Show and Kane, and to raise Reigns’ hand in celebration. It made for perhaps the most stage-managed Rumble match in history. We got no art, just pure calculation. It was a paint-by-numbers Rumble match, which explains the paint-by-numbers quality.

3. We’re All Smarks Now

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Philadelphia has a low threshold for bullshit. The story behind Eagles fans booing Santa Claus in 1968 isn’t that they despise Christmas or reflexively boo everything. What happened was the team foisted a half-assed, motley looking Santa on fans suffering through a 2-12 season. It was more insult than they could bear and Philly rebelled against it. Probably not an accident that Philly was where the American Revolution kicked into high gear. The 2015 Royal Rumble was another ramshackle Santa moment. Philly is the best wrestling town on earth. People there truly love it. They reach deep into their pockets to support the WWE and a pile of indie promotions. Point here is what happened Sunday night was not a product of Philadelphians being ill-tempered. It came about because they’re knowledgeable fans who care about the product, people who believe they deserve better than shabby treatment from our WWE overlords. It was the perfect place to send the message WWE fans won’t sit by quietly while the company tries to force excrement down our gullets. Yet it’s far from alone.

If you’ve spent your hard-earned money for a ticket to a WWE show, you’re not a passive fan. You care and you’re paying attention. I’ll add that pretty much everyone uses this thing called the Internet to follow the things they care about. The WWE leverages it with its app and social media platform. On top of that, the WWE Network practically is purpose built to convert “casual” fans into “smart” fans. Watch any episode of the Monday Night War and you’ll get an explanation of how the sausage gets made. The talk is all about how the WWF and WCW alienated fans at various junctures and how quality in the ring matters. Taking unprecedented risks and listening when fans get behind given wrestlers gets all kinds of praise. The criticisms of the cartoony WWF and ego-driven WCW often land like body blows directed at the current WWE. Dredging up the highlights from the ‘90s makes you wonder if they should have renamed the show Remember When Wrestling Was Cool?. Those of us who were there remember and those who weren’t have learned all about it thanks to the Internet and the WWE Network. On top of that, the E pays lip service to all of these notions on a regular basis. You might remember in 2011 when HHH was lecturing CM Punk about how all he ever really needed to succeed was to get the fans behind him.

Larger point is the WWE doesn’t get to flip a switch in our brains that turns us into clap happy zombies. The people who spend on Network subscriptions and live event tickets inevitably are more educated fans. Everybody who watched the Rumble match live or on Monday’s Raw saw Philly trash Roman Reigns. The small percentage of pig ignorant folks who didn’t understand what spurred that reaction likely do now. Do you really think other cities are going to miss their chance to be heard now that the battle lines have been drawn? It’s fans vs. Vince. Unlike the tired circus act Vince is trying to sell us, open rebellion looks like fun. And if Vince doesn’t react, then don’t be shocked if the fans escalate. For instance, what if they start booing Sting and dropping a “you’re washed up” chant on him? Roman Reigns is just the guy in the crosshairs at the moment. The fans can screw with pretty much the entire show. I’m not saying the Royal Rumble was a Skynet-becomes-self-aware moment, but don’t think Philly was the last city that’s going to blast the WWE for its attempt to circumvent fan input.

2. Instant Classic

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The triple threat title clash at the Royal Rumble was the best match for the WWE Title since Punk vs. Cena at Money in the Bank in July, 2011. The E has staged many good-to-great title matches since then, but Brock-Rollins-Cena was on another level. It was epic from start to finish. Brock Lesnar showed off just how gifted he is in the ring. Seth Rollins stepped up to deliver some huge moments (flying knee off the top to break Lesnar’s early momentum, diving elbow out to the announce table, Phoenix Splash). John Cena played a perfect foil for both of them, and his inability to AAouttanowhere-to-victory told a great story. Seriously, Cena failed to beat both Lesnar and Rollins with the plan that has always worked in the past. That’s fertile storytelling ground if the WWE wants to follow up on it (not that I’m expecting it will). A motherfucker named doubt should be creeping into the back of his mind. Most of all, the match made sense. It was time for someone else to inject life into the increasingly stale Lesnar-Cena rivalry. Rollins was the perfect choice, both in and out of the ring. When Rollins cashes in and becomes WWE champion, he’ll have earned it like few others in the history of the MITB briefcase. In fact, Rollins deserves to be the guy who takes the belt from Lesnar. This title match was everything fans could ask from pro wrestling. Why do we put up with a steady stream of nonsense that drives us crazy? Because sometimes a match like this goes down and you’re damn glad you saw it.

1. Illegitimate

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One of the knocks that got circulated about the Daniel Bryan-Brock Lesnar WrestleMania match we won’t see is that Bryan wasn’t a credible threat to a physical specimen like Lesnar. Really? A four-time world champion who has beaten John Cena, Randy Orton and HHH and headlined the company’s biggest shows can’t hang with Lesnar? That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a red herring. The guy who looks in no way ready to challenge Brock Lesnar for the title, at WrestleMania or anywhere else, is Roman Reigns. Rather than build him up, the Royal Rumble diminished Reigns. It made him look small. The creative decision was to hide him until the very end and keep him away from anybody else who looked like a fan favorite. Reigns only tossed the Authority guys (Show and Kane) and the big Russian heel (Rusev). Looks like the WWE thought that was the “playing it safe” route. It backfired. What it turned into was a stealth win by Reigns. He earned just about nothing. Kane and Show eliminated each other for the most part, then Rock bailed out Reigns. The crowd popped in favor of Rusev, who pretty much jumped over the top rope for the final elimination.

Had the WWE simply confronted the reality of the situation – that Reigns has been scuffling and that Philly was going to bury him – it at least could have booked Reigns like the beast he was last year. Toss everyone (yes, including that Daniel Bryan guy) and come out looking like the titan who might be able to clash with Brock Lesnar. It would have been a bit jarring as we haven’t seen that Roman Reigns since last summer, but at least he might have earned some grudging respect for dominating the match. Maybe it would have forced him into a de facto heel role against Lesnar. So what? He’s there anyway, except now he looks weak as shit.

The crazy thing is the E succeeded in putting over Reigns, though it didn’t happen according to the corporate timeline. The WWE failed to adjust in real time, or to think through the consequences of its actions. Immediately after the Shield split, crowds were erupting for Reigns. He still had the Shield entrance and the badass persona he’d forged as the Shield’s strong but silent closer. The audience wanted him at Money in the Bank. He had reached the hype spot where the WWE wants him today. McMahon foolishly ignored his customers and gambled he could keep Reigns at that near-crescendo for nine months. McMahon lost that bet. Even if Reigns hadn’t gotten injured, spinning his wheels for months on end made him seem far less than inevitable. If he was the guy, he’d have already been the guy. He didn’t get screwed over like Daniel Bryan at SummerSlam 2013 or blow our minds in a near-miss like Seth Rollins at this Royal Rumble. He missed his shot, twice. Traditionally that means you slide back down the pecking order until you come back stronger. Reigns didn’t do that. He just kind of floated and now we’re supposed to believe he’s the next big thing in contradiction with what our eyes are telling us.

I take requests.. The purpose of this column is to look forward. What could be? What should be? What is and what should never be? What would make more sense? 411 has plenty of columns that count down and rank things that happened in the past. This is not one of those columns. The Magic 8-Ball is here to gaze into the future. If there’s someone or something you think should be given the 8-Ball treatment, mention it in the comments section. I might pick it up for future weeks.