wrestling / Columns

The 8 Ball: Top 8 Takeaways from WWE Fastlane

February 28, 2015 | Posted by Mike Hammerlock

Top 8 Takeaways from WWE Fast Lane

For better or worse, the WWE held its inaugural Fast Lane pay-per-view on Sunday night. Roman Reigns won the biggest singles match of his career, preventing us from seeing the Brock Lesnar-Daniel Bryan WrestleMania that practically booked itself. Yet, according to the Magic 8-Ball, the Lesnar-Bryan clash we may never get to see did make the top 8 takeaways from this event. Go figure, it’s an unpredictable oracle.

One question I did pose to the 8-Ball that doesn’t get directly answered below is whether Fast Lane should return again in 2016. The answer is no, though it probably will. Fast Lane feels like an anonymous stop on the Road to WrestleMania. Elimination Chamber served the purpose of making the champ earn a spot in main event of the industry’s biggest showcase. It made sense and was generally a pretty good show. Yet that doesn’t mean Fast Lane was colossal failure. Like with most events, it was a mixed bag. Lots of takeaways from this event. What made the list? Well, enough with the prologue and let’s get to it.

8. Gimme Tag Teams

 photo Fastlane8_zpsrwfgxg3s.jpg

Cesaro and Tyson Kidd have been criminally underutilized in the WWE. They both ooze talent. It’s not really all that much of a surprise to see them forge a cohesive tag team in a short amount of time. Would I prefer to see Cesaro challenging for the WWE title? Hell yeah, but at least this gives him a chance to be his incredible self inside a wrestling ring. The Fast Lane match against the Usos was good stuff. Nice to see a team challenge the champs and take the belts based on ring quality rather than some goofy storyline drummed up by Creative. A good tag match brings all kinds of unpredictability and chances for innovation. I don’t know why we don’t see more dynamic tag matches on the weekly TV product, building toward hot matches like this on the PPVs. In fact, it was when the WWE dismantled its tag division in early 2014 that the whole operation took a nosedive. Hopefully Cesaro/Kidd vs. the Usii marks a step toward getting the tag ranks back to where they were in late 2013 when the rebirth of the WWE tag scene had fans legitimately stoked. It’s too easy to do not to do it.

7. Let the Rhodeses Speak

 photo Fastlane7_zps2u1odcqg.jpg

In the 411Mania Fast Lane preview I mentioned that it would be tough for the Dusts to go from months of throwaway segments to a feud that might register with fans. However, they once again proved that they know how to sell a match and build a feud. Before the match, Goldust nailed a promo about how he needed to beat the Stardust out of Cody. He didn’t yell or stomp around, but he put some serious intensity into it. He didn’t like that he was about to fight his baby brother, but he sold anyone listening on why he had to fight his baby brother. In the backstage segment after the match, Stardust did something kind of brilliant. He lumped the Dust Brothers gimmick in with all the other bizarre gimmicks he’s been handed during his time in the WWE, making it clear his fight is about cutting free from the shackles Creative has placed on him. Yes, that’s meta, but it works on both levels – as Cody breaking free from his family and as Cody standing up against his booking. However, for me, the biggest thing here is keep giving mic time to both of these guys, because, given the chance, they’ll turn this into a sleeper hit. Just the little bit they got at Fast Lane served as a reminder of how talented they are.

6. Confuse the People

 photo Fastlane6_zpsak7ldecd.png

Sure, Memphis crowds suck, but that was practically a mortician’s convention at Fast Lane. The WWE seems to be eliciting two separate crowd reactions. One is anger, which it got at the Royal Rumble in Philly. The other is awkward silence, which it got at Fast Lane. I think fans are baffled. They’re watching poorly drawn characters engaging in crudely built feuds. Nonsensical shit keeps happening. Dolph Ziggler was white-hot at the end of 2014 and in 2015 he’s become a chew toy for Big Show and Kane. Dean Ambrose keeps losing matches because he’s apparently a moron. Wade Barrett becomes the worst wrestler in the world every time he wins the Intercontinental title. We’ve been conditioned over the years to believe that tag matches don’t matter much and divas matches don’t matter at all. On top of that, what’s the point of reacting to a wrestling product that doesn’t react to you? The biggest pops in recent months have gone to Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler and Damien Mizdow. At the conclusion of Fast Lane, all three of those guys had jack all to do at WrestleMania. The WWE is practically trolling its core audience. Paying attention will only leave you bewildered. No wonder the audience offers up a minimal reaction. The show doesn’t make sense and the audience isn’t sure it’s part of the show anymore.

5. The Future is Now

 photo Fastlane5_zps6fhnlu2q.png

The cool thing about Rusev beating John Cena was that it was the absolute right thing to do. The product is stale and the next generation needs to take over. That said, I have no confidence the E will continue to do the right thing with this feud. A Cena victory at WrestleMania seems all but assured even though a WM victory for Rusev would establish him as the baddest bad guy to come along in ages, which ought to be the priority. Working parallel to this feud are Cena’s WrestleMania XXX victim, Bray Wyatt, and the Undertaker. I happen to think Bray Wyatt is the next big thing waiting to happen. I’m talking face of the company, beloved by millions. He’s got too much charisma and we’re ready as a society to go down a twisted path. However, I have a hard time believing Vince McMahon will bite the bullet on 21-2. Thing is, youth must be served. Vince has starved it for too long. The WWE cannot afford to sacrifice its up-and-coming generation on the altar of its aging icons. No longer can it pretend the honor of working with Cena and Undertaker confers a rub that pushes its younger guys to new heights. It only means the WWE thinks the young guys aren’t good enough to carry the company forward. When that happens, we stop caring … like with Kofi Kingston or Jack Swagger.

4. Fuck You Sting

 photo Fastlane4_zps6o5uqcao.png

I get that Sting’s Crow gig is that he doesn’t speak and he’s oh so mysterious. Yet he owes us an explanation as to why he’s in the WWE now and why he’s got a hard-on for HHH. His silent treatment this time around is trolling us more than it’s tormenting HHH. We know he can speak. We’ve heard him do it thousands of times. Is this really about WCW revenge? That seems so weak. Fourteen years of butthurt is just pathetic. On top of that, Sting vs. HHH isn’t the supposed WWE vs. WCW dream match. That’s Sting vs. Undertaker. I mean, I know why Sting is here now. Vince McMahon offered him a better deal than Dixie Carter. However, I’m assuming that’s not his storyline motivation. It’s starting to remind me of the build to last year’s Undertaker vs. Brock match. We never found out why Undertaker wanted Brock and Brock’s rationale for being all right after getting passed over for a WWE title match (supposedly the only reason he was back in the company) was flimsy at best. Why they’d replicate the creative disaster that was the end of the Streak, I don’t know, but here we go again. They need to find some way to explain to us exactly why Sting is doing what he’s doing. I already knew he and HHH were going to fight at WrestleMania. What I don’t understand is why we’re supposed to care about a 55-year-old man in facepaint. Also, remember when Chris Jericho came back in 2012 and refused to say a word? That wasn’t a face move.

3. Sunday Night Raw

 photo Fastlane3_zpsv76bzxgi.jpg

Starting with Money in the Bank last June, the WWE has put together an epically dull run of pay-per-views. Fast Lane’s crime was that it was instantly disposable. The entire event was a set up for next month’s WrestleMania. It was a Raw episode, nothing more. If you skipped Fast Lane and just read a recap somewhere, you didn’t really miss anything. Monday’s Raw told you all you really needed to know. I understand February is the death slot for WWE PPVs as it invariably serves as a teaser for WrestleMania, but Fast Lane was a punt. Last year’s Elimination Chamber featured the Shield vs. the Wyatt Family in what I felt was the Match of the Year. The EC match itself was entertaining (as EC matches always are). You also had other beefs – Big E vs. Swagger, Titus O’Neill vs. Darren Young, New Age Outlaws vs. Usos – that weren’t working toward WrestleMania. I’m not saying that other stuff was outstanding wrestling, but at least it made Elimination Chamber a standalone event. During the past year, the WWE has been producing throwaway PPVs on a regular basis. The big monthly events have been reduced to cards you could see on any given Monday night. Fast Lane was more of the same. And why pay $9.99 for that?

2. Wrestling in a Vacuum

 photo Fastlane2_zpsirm60hyg.jpg

From a snowflake perspective, the matches at Fast Lane were fine. The WWE unquestionably puts talent in the ring and if you let them do their thing you at least get well-worked matches. Fast Lane easily bested the abominations that were TLC and the Survivor Series undercard. To no one’s surprise, Daniel Bryan carried Roman Reigns to the best singles match of his career. Rusev and Cena had a solid outing. The tag championship match and the six-man opener both did fine in the ring. In fact, if you eliminated all the booking, storyline and tortured logic concerns from the opener, the way Show and Kane knocked Ziggler cold was pretty inventive. The E can produce good wrestling matches even while piling on the nonsense. Yet allow me to go back to items #6 and #3 on this week’s list. Fans don’t know how to react to good matches that don’t matter. Are you supposed to be happy they did a better than average job of wasting your time? I don’t have an answer to that. I like watching good wrestling matches, but I don’t want to watch a meaningless wrestling card. The story here was “Tune in for Wrestlemania!” Fast Lane encourages me that we could see a repeat of WrestleMania XXX where the ringwork saved the event from the morass of stupidity we slogged through during the build. Yet Fast Lane also serves a warning that good wrestling alone may not be enough to save WrestleMania XXXI.

1. Reigns Wins, No One Cares

 photo Fastlane1_zpsemqifz49.jpg

In the wrestling business, hatred is way better than apathy. You can sell a match that involves a wrestler the crowd hates. A wrestler the crowd doesn’t care about? That’s the kiss of death. I feel bad for Roman Reigns. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He just happens to work for a boss who’s completely lost touch. Reigns was on the launch pad last summer. We could have gotten a taste of Reigns at the top without the grandaddy-of-them-all gorilla that is WrestleMania on his back. But Vince had a plan. Then Reigns got injured before he won anything and people moved on. But Vince had a plan. Now Reigns is headed to WrestleMania as an unloved babyface. But Vince has a plan. Clearly, Vince is going to do as he pleases, but precious few people are along for the ride. I guarantee you one thing that will not happen: fans will not cheer if Reigns beats Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania. You’ll either get the furious Philly reaction or the blasé Memphis reaction. Seth Rollins won’t be able to step on his head quick enough. In fact, if they do the right thing and have Rollins cash-in on Reigns to end WrestleMania it will work like a Bret-Austin WM13 double turn. The crowd will go crazy for Rollins and Reigns will be the heel who thought he was a face. Whether Vince adjusts his plans accordingly is anyone’s guess, but Sunday night was yet more evidence that Vince sucks at planning things these days.

I take requests.. The purpose of this column is to look forward. What could be? What should be? What is and what should never be? What would make more sense? 411 has plenty of columns that count down and rank things that happened in the past. This is not one of those columns. The Magic 8-Ball is here to gaze into the future. If there’s someone or something you think should be given the 8-Ball treatment, mention it in the comments section. I might pick it up for future weeks.