The Furious Flashbacks – The Worst of RD Reynolds
The Furious Flashbacks – The Worst of RD Reynolds
“It’s so incredibly awful that I can’t believe I came up with the idea of making fun of anyone else” – RD Reynolds
I hope everyone knows who RD Reynolds is but in case you don’t here’s the 411. RD Reynolds is a pro-wrestler (well, manager mostly) and writer. His website Wrestlecrap (the worst of pro-wrestling) is one of the best and most innovative wrestling sites on the ‘net. Its lead to three books, one co-written with Bryan Alvarez; the Death of WCW. It’s one of my favourite wrestling books along with Sex, Lies and Headlocks and Gary Cappetta’s book. As a wrestler RD had a less than distinguished career. He mostly worked in Indianapolis and had runs with CWA and PWI where he developed a reputation as a prankster and a dork. He actually came close to the big time and worked for OVW as Mark Henry’s manager although this run resulted in him being quite badly injured by the Big Show. This DVD wasn’t released by a bunch of people RD had pissed off over the years. No. It was released by RD Reynolds for his own amusement. Well aware he’s not had the most glittering of careers it’s entitled “The Worst of RD Reynolds” although he could have also gone with the Type O Negative approach and called it the Least Worst of RD Reynolds. Let’s see how it holds up compared to his work online.
The DVD is divided into three sections. The first one deals with CWA; Championship Wrestling of America.
Their initial promise is “rock ‘em, sock ‘em wrestling” the way it used to be. Which appears to be in front of about 30 people. We kick off with the announce duo, one of them being RD himself, shilling the local pizza joint who sponsor the show. This is mentioned by RD later as he refers to himself as a “pizza shilling babyface dork”. They seem to have booked a show where the main event is a battle royal where 12 guys battle with boards. Mike Samples introduces how stupid the concept is by bashing another guy, which at least means his promo is short. We cut to another interview with a guy who has about as much charisma as the board that just got snapped. “I’m not no steppin’ stone” he tells the announcer. That segues to a match between that guy, the Barroom Brawler, and some jobber who he beats easily with a sleeper. The venue is a gym and there’s about 20 fans in there. The Barroom Brawler cuts a promo on how he doesn’t like Mike Samples. He even hates the ground he walks on. He rambles incoherently without any kind of focus or anything. The fans prepare to sing Happy Birthday to one of the ring crew but the Brawler takes exception and blasts him with the cake. Then he goes nuts on the other guy in the ring with another board (HARDCORE). TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!
Jim Florence v Mike Samples
RD joins the commentary and points out that NO ONE is a match for Mike Samples. He’s just that damn good. RD flat out insults Mike’s “I like Mike” t-shirts claiming, totally deadpan, that whoever designed those t-shirts was a genius and they’re the best t-shirt ever made. This match is horrible. It’s at a quarter speed. It looks like two guys who’ve never had a match before. RD starts messing with the co-announcer by screwing up his plugs of local places that sell various ring gear by continually butting in. The guys in the ring start blowing stuff like lock up’s and scoop slams. I think we’re not dealing with the best of workers here. Thankfully we clip ahead to RD continuing to mess with the other commentator by picking at everything he says. Samples continues to make a total mess of this one by fucking up a headlock. Jim Florence is even worse. He just walks into one move after another. Samples makes a total hash of a single crab drawing comparisons from RD to Pedro Morales before he starts complementing the quality of the boots (as the other commentator was shilling the guy who makes the boots) and how shiny they are. “He may lose his arm if he doesn’t give up” claims RD as Florence quits to a hammerlock. Jesus Christ. -**. Truly horrendous wrestling.
POST MATCH a blown up Mike Samples flubs his promo about the Barroom Brawler. Crowd shouts about something. Nothing happens. There’s a car in the arena. The commentator complains that his keys have been stolen. I smell a setup. Samples then gets run over by a car moving at all of 3mph. Somehow he can’t dodge that. And shock of shocks the Barroom Brawler is driving. The commentator tries to sell this but I notice RD has walked off so you don’t see him laughing on camera. “Please help Mike, he saved my life” screams commentator Jim. HAHAHAHA. This is SO terrible it’s all the way back around to good again. Jim continues to make excuses about how the Barroom Brawler got his keys. “He saved my life” he repeats ad nauseum. Oh good gravy. Mike Samples is now the “world’s most popular wrestler” despite not being able to draw more people than his immediate family.
The second section sees RD catch on with Pro Wrestling International. He turned heel and, somehow, got the book as well.
RD’s co-host in PWI is Eugene Donaldson. He really can’t be any worse than Jim Cohen of CWA. RD comes out for a promo referring to “Uncle Burt” (Reynolds, yanno, the actor) who apparently wants to take over PWI. RD brings out “Trash Losagain” his wrestling protégé. They proceed to dance around the ring to the goofiest imaginable music. Trash has something down the front his trunks to make his manhood look larger. Turns out that’s a hidden weapon. Good lord, what were they thinking? Trash also has a chain in his kneepad and brass knucks in the other one. He also has a rope in his trunks.
Trash Loosagin v Bobo Brazil Jr
Trash is completely hopeless. He charges around, slowly, and misses everything. When he does his something it’s a horrible rolling neck snap. Mr Perfect is rolling around in his grave. Trash hits the Earthquake splash twice. John Tenta is rolling around in his grave. This kid is about 120lbs. Bob whiffs on his headbutt finish and that’s the match. -*1/2. Horrible. I can understand RD’s obsession with crap now.
POST MATCH We cut straight to what appears to be a re-match. RD rambles on commentary about how ugly the fans are and how they pay to get in using food stamps. We clip to RD running down some other wrestlers and the fans on commentary. RD puts a blurb about how he had legitimate heat with Sgt Nelson for stealing his hat. He mentions how much he liked working with Madman Pondo. RD starts ribbing Bobo Brazil Jr saying our TV set isn’t broken Bobo really is moving that slowly. We clip to bits of Bobby Heenan theft. He sneaks in a line about how someone only beat Quicksilver because Quicksilver was a wuss at the time. So it didn’t count. RD goes on to talk about the PWI Arena smells like a urinal. We get a story about how Ian Rotten harassed a waitress for not knowing who he was. RD says he didn’t say a single nice word about him afterwards.
Trash Loosagin w/RD Reynolds v Sgt Nelson
RD thinks this was a good idea and it’d get over; stealing Nelson’s hat. Nelson gets a brutal beatdown from Loosagin and some other jobber called Heartthrob. RD goofs around at ringside with the ref and they both try on Nelson’s hat. Some other military type runs in for the save. Nelson looks genuinely irate about Loosagin running off wearing his hat. OH, YOU BASTARD! During the course of that shambolic segment they managed to turn the ref heel although I’m not certain the audience noticed. RD did mention something about running the promotion into the ground.
Dallas James v Austin James
RD is on commentary and is also the referee. He’s also a heel. Both of the wrestlers are babyfaces. They throw some crappy armdrags and RD complains of a pull of the tights, which didn’t happen. They talk about TJ Powers and how he did weird things with the title belt when he took it home. “Does TJ’s wife look like Ric Flair?” That’s about the level. RD talks about how long this match is. He claims it was 3 hours 17 minutes. Dallas got a trial as enhancement in WCW where he got slapped around by Sid Vicious. RD slaps Austin and claims Dallas did it. The guys with RD on commentary run the match down claiming it’s terrible, which it is. RD is wearing clown shoes, which has to be a metaphor for something. Austin hits a brutal powerbomb and the commentators point out how it looked like All Japan. RD is too busy talking to the fans to count 3. The match starts getting really sloppy after that spot. RD puts the boots in with the clown shoes. RD stops off to berate a huge fat woman at ringside. “There’s a fine, fit female fan”. The dangers of loaded clown shoes is next for discussion. RD talks about how original the ideas were in PWI but there’s a reason for that. One of the other guys makes fun of it and says not even Dusty Rhodes would have booked a heel ref in clown shoes. RD’s wrestlers run out to make the save as the James boys consider kicking RD’s ass. And that’s the match. DUD. Horrendous.
PROMO TIME – Hey, fans! There are actual people in this building. Even RD has heat. He talks about how fat and ugly everyone in this town is. If he loses RD has to kiss the feet of everyone in the building.
RD Reynolds v Scott Michaels
RD comes out to ‘I Touch Myself’ by Belinda Carlisle, which immediately endears himself to me. This is a blindfold match. RD predicts a ***** classic. It’s good to be able to poke fun of your own abilities. This is why I don’t want to be on film ever again. Hopefully my only acting appearance is now lost to the mists of time. RD beats up the referee. There shouldn’t be that much confusion as both guys have managers. RD falls over and starts attacking his own corner man. RD says he has no business being in the ring but the crowd hated him so it made money. RD has now taken to punching the ring post. So far he’s beaten up the ref, his client and the ring. Scott starts crawling around and RD falls over him and gets pinned. Oh lordy.
POST MATCH RD runs backstage to avoid the stipulation. He’s pulled back out and forced to kiss Scott Michaels’ feet.
Hope Radio Promo
This is RD calling in to the local radio show to be a complete jerk. He pretends to be a farmer called “Enos” who’s about to sheer some cattle. This is the setup for the blindfold match that they just showed. He runs it Jim Cornette style and uses words like “hillbilly” and “redneck” at every available opportunity. “You kinda remind me of Bobby Knight. Because he’s a big fat idiot too”. RD digs himself a bit hole saying he’ll kiss everyone’s foot in the building including any animals present.
The third segment on the disc is for the other Indiana Indy shows. We kick things off with NWA Indianapolis.
Trash Loosagin/Top Rope Troy v 2 Tuff Tony/”Someone I don’t remember”
Match listings courtesy of RD himself. This was apparently the only show ever booked under the NWA Indianapolis banner courtesy of Merle Vincent. 2 Tuff Tony is the best wrestler in the match, which horrifies me. His tag partner has some nice stuff and has a Russian legsweep with a floatover. Trash gets beaten up throughout. Trash is on commentary himself calling himself “the Mikey Whipwreck of PWI…who can’t work”. Trash does some lousy wrestling, which at least gets heat. I guess that’s something. Tony does his groin headbutt thing in the corner. Tony goes after the mask causing Trash to miss on a dropkick…by half the ring. That would be a comedy miss btw. Troy gets hung up on the ropes and Tony hits a flipping leg jam across the back of his head. That was pretty cool. Shame Tony doesn’t wrestle more often. Tony then sets up a table spot on the floor and hits a corkscrew plancha through it causing an “E-C-Dub” chant. Tony hits a moonsault for the pin. *3/4. That had some cool spots in it. No thanks to Trash & Troy who were clearly there as jobbers. Trash says it was his last match before retiring. I wish Tony had actually dedicated himself to wrestling instead of the horrible hardcore spotfest shit I’ve seen him work since this.
New Jack v Madman Pondo v “Someone else I don’t remember”
RD is out at ringside presumably managing Pondo looking ghetto fabulous. New Jack doesn’t come out at the start of the match thus allowing RD the chance to not get killed. RD spends some time goofing around and irritating the fans. Some guy breaks out the high spots early and hits the chairsault. Not content with one he heads up and misses a second one. They make a mess of a spot through a pair of crutches on chairs. The other guy calls out New Jack and RD runs for it. Everyone in the crowd is throwing the X’s up. New Jack takes nothing. He just walks in and starts bashing Pondo and the other guy with crap. Pondo gets a guitar in the head and that’s your pinfall. DUD. Not sure why they bothered putting this on here because the camera work is awful and you can barely see RD anyway.
Tiny Tim v “Hot Body” Rob Williams
Williams’ manager is RD Reynolds. This is in an elementary school and the entire audience is kids. RD blows the high five with his guy pre-match. Jeez, you never see Shawn Michaels & Diesel? Williams used to team with “Wildcat” Chris Harris. Tim comes out to “Footloose” and the screaming of children. Sounds like my personal hell. Williams’ mocks Tim’s lack of height. The kids pop all the girly stuff like leapfrogs and armdrags and shit like that. This is clipped up thankfully. Tim manages a few moves off the top before he gets caught in the Stroke. This little kid at ringside is yelling abuse at RD, which is fun. The match is pretty basic. Williams uses RD to cheat on the Shades of Wilbur Snyder. Tim hip tosses out. Williams misses a few charges and gets clipped with a spin kick. Tim with a rana off the top and the squealing of children is cutting right through me. RD jumps on the apron thus providing enough distraction for Williams to roll him up using the ropes for the cheap win. *. Very basic stuff here. Perhaps unclipped it might have been more.
Prince Justice v ?
Prince Justice is dressed entirely in blue, which allows the cheap heat of the crowd chanting “blueberry” at him. Justice now wrestles as Abyss for TNA. Everyone has to start somewhere, huh? Prince Justice is about the most old school gimmick, ever and Abyss is unrecognisable. Regardless the match isn’t even on here just the entrance to show what a goofball Abyss was in the Indies.
Diamond Dan v Trash Loosagin
This is from a lucha show with Spanish commentary. The crowd must be all of 30 people. RD is managing a now unmasked Trash and RD is at his goofiest with a fur coat, wifebeater, white tie, shades, cut off denim shorts, flip flops and a daft hat. Trash blows his ring entrance, intentionally I might add, for comedy kicks. Trash looks about as focused as I’ve seen him on offence with a hammerlock Russian legsweep. Trash complains of a hair pull and bails to hug his manager. Trash maintains the competence with a decent headlock, which goes to shit when they back into the corner for some chops. The set up is AWFUL. The chops are pretty good. Dan works a chinlock with some elbows to the face. Every time Dan goes for a pin RD pulls him off the cover or puts Trash’s foot on the ropes. Trash makes a hash of the Broncobuster so RD chokes Dan a little more for added effect. Dan with an inverted DDT and that gets the win. *1/2. It was ok. After the bell a lucha guy comes in and they have a beatdown, which is horrible and is described on commentary as “International crap”.
Disc 2 is much the same as disc 1 only with RD Reynolds doing commentary on all the stuff on disc 1. Quite why they couldn’t just record that over the commentary on Disc 1 is anyone’s guess. There’s an Easter Egg on the CWA coverage where RD cuts his first promo on the radio, which is absolutely terrible. If you want to hear it then go into the CWA bit and move right selecting the area to the right side of the screen. There’s also a bonus match.
Otto Bauhn w/RD Reynolds v “Gentleman” Johnnie Walker
Otto Bauhn would be a name gag pronounced Autobahn. RD & Trash are on commentary and they talk about booking PWI and how Otto was in the last two of a battle royal and the guy they booked to win wasn’t strong enough to put him out because he’s huge. Walker is somewhat outmatched. RD talks about how the commentary never got anyone over and most of it just was done for their own amusement. People in Indiana must be starved for entertainment to actually turn up and watch this show. RD adds in a story about how one of the regular fans threatened to shoot him. Another fan was RD’s waitress at a restaurant. She wasn’t friendly because of his antics so he heeled on her. “Get the order, Toots”. Trash talks about marks and how the one guy was obsessed with wrestlers and thought RD wasn’t a gimmick. Oh, the match btw; terrible. Walker works more chinlock than anything else. Bauhn is highly immobile but very large. He hits a powerslam but on his way to a big splash RD trips him up. Erm. That doesn’t make sense. Walker hits a splash off the top for the win. Apparently RD thought it was Walker he was tripping. Right. Walker had been dominated and was lying on the mat. It’s not like it was an Irish whip reversal or something. DUD. Horrible booking. But then I’m coming to expect that now.
PWI Roll Call
RD and Trash talk us through the guys in PWI. First is Trash himself. RD points out whenever Trash was dancing it was to fill in for when he got lost. Kamala Junior is next. He was a mini version of Kamala (“about 5’2”, 550lbs”). RD turned him heel, put a mask on him and changed his name to Brother Kahuna. The idea being he was a bad comedian from Hawaii. Just…WOW. His sample promo; “I just flew in from Hawaii and boy is my arms tired”. Lordy. Bobo Brazil Jr is up next. They talk about how tough he was and how he told tall stories. Johnny Walker was a nice guy from Indianapolis but RD focused on how he looked like a Chia Pet. Walker, the babyface, ended up with the crowd on his case chanting “chia” at him. “We’re not the best bookers” – RD. Ian Rotten was also there. RD calls him the biggest jackass he’d ever met. RD repeats the story about how Ian hassled a waitress for not knowing who he was. Their next wrestler is Pool Star whose gimmick is the “world’s greatest pool cleaner”. He had a rubber ducky around his waist. They think he may have gone on to become Christopher Daniels, which is perhaps the most blatant lie on the DVD. Next is Lightning Rod who was the champion and was built. The other star there was Madman Pondo who started in PWI and went on to greater success. Damien Anderson was a heel who didn’t like RD. Bill Haltom was the ref. He’d worked for Dick the Bruiser and reffed for GLOW and WOW. They liked Bill because he had no place in the business like themselves. They turned Bill heel despite him being the ref. Drill Sgt Nelson is another guy RD didn’t get along with because of the hat angle where they stole his hat. He rang up the hotline to bitch at RD for stealing his hat. RD was unimpressed that he cut the promo on the Hotline instead of on TV. Nelson was still calling the Hotline four years later to complain about it. Diamond Dan Garza got them both into the business…so blame him for this DVD. RD was happy Dan let him be heel. Trash points out that Dan was the only guy in the company who could actually wrestle. They ran an angle where he got blinded by green food colouring. The James Boys (Pappy, Dallas & Austin) were also there. RD gives Dallas credit for letting him say what he liked on commentary. Don Basher aka Big Ron was a rival promoter. Ron left a message on Trash’s mom’s answer phone telling her he was going to kick his ass if he didn’t shut up. “Diceman” Ronnie Vegas. “He was a big dude, kind of a jackass”. His catchphrase was “the money’s in the boot”. Next is Apollo who supposedly went to Larry Sharpe’s Monster Factory. Trash says he shot on people at random and wouldn’t follow scripts because he thought it’d get him over. So he got fired. TJ Powers was a veteran. Trash though he was a jackass too. He always wanted to take his title belt home. Trash talks about how lousy and handmade the belt was. “We’re not mocking someone’s effort but the belt looked like crap” – RD.
RD Reynolds on RD Reynolds
He talks about his own career. “It’s so incredibly awful that I can’t believe I came up with the idea of making fun of anyone else”. He talks about Jeff Cohen thinking that RD and Trash were funny, in the crowd, so he brought them in. RD started out as a dork babyface commentator. That gave him the chance to work for Dan Garza. That allowed RD to turn heel and become RD Reynolds. RD talks about how they won the PWI tag titles as the Cannon Ballers. They had some wacky deathmatches like the “Roselyn Bakery Deathmatch”. There’s another match where he ended up wearing a diaper like a giant baby. He talks about not videotaping a show in front of 30 people hence the lack of footage for his stupider ideas. We see shots from OVW in Hope, Indiana. He says he had no training and couldn’t bump right. Big Show chokeslammed him and he suffered a serious hip injury thus started Wrestlecrap.com. He plugs the Death of WCW, which is a GREAT book. He thanks everyone for buying the DVD and visiting the website and that’s the end of the disc.
The 411: To be honest there’s no real need for anyone to own this. I can see why it exists and that’s because RD probably felt a little guilty about how his fame is based on him disliking crap in wrestling but had been responsible for a fair share of it himself. Some of it’s quite amusing; the slow hit n’ run, some of the stories, the blindfold match but it’s mostly just crap, which I guess is the point. Don’t bother with this but by all means head over to Amazon and get the Death of WCW. As for this DVD. Who cares? I mean really? I like RD Reynolds as a writer and I love his website but was there really any point releasing this? What was the audience? Read his books, check out the website but save your time on this DVD. It’s pitched as being bad but it’s just not bad enough to reach into parody completely. Especially not with WCW tapes knocking around. They did far worse. Well, maybe not the hit n’ run. Regardless it’s thumbs down here. Sorry, RD.
|Final Score: 4.0 [ Poor ] legend|