The Name on the Marquee: In Your House 3 (9.24.1995)
In Your House 3: Triple Header
-We’re in Saginaw, Michigan.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler.
SAVIO VEGA vs WAYLON MERCY
-Savio deliberately turns his back on Waylon at the bell because he knows Waylon likes sneak attacks, so he’s ready for it and takes advantage. Savio is automatically smarter than 90% of all faces. Savio works the arm, but Waylon manages to get the upper hand to a noticeable pop. Injuries suck; Waylon Mercy was such a brilliant character and Dan Spivey had to a call it quits before they even had a chance to do anything with it.
-Breaking news with Dok Hendrix! Owen Hart is not in the building!
-Sleeper by Waylon and the crowd goes crazy for it. Well, they popped for Doink too, so it’s probably a good thing they ditched the character quickly, or else he would have been turned face and become Waylon Mercy, the guy who brings ice cream cones for everybody in the front row.
-Savio makes the big comeback with a boot and a spinning pinwheel reverse thrust heel kick for two. Waylon makes his own comeback with a brainbuster for two, and they trade near-falls, but Savio comes off the ropes with another kick, and it puts Waylon away. 0 for 1. Not a bad match, but not a particularly engaging one either , and the finish was really out of nowhere.
-Backstage, Gorilla Monsoon yells at Jim Cornette and assures the fans that they aren’t going to get ripped off. Place your bets.
HENRY O. GODWINN vs SID (with Ted DiBiase)
-Henry Godwinn got passed over for membership in the Million Dollar Corporation and got revenge by dumping his bucket of slop on DiBiase, and another one on Sid.
-Lock-up to start and all I can think about is that I didn’t realize that Danny Davis was still a referee at this point. Godwinn knocks Sid out of the ring and suplexes him back inside, hurting his own back by doing so. Sid kicks him to “the outside area” where DiBiase stomps away on the mighty agriculturalist. JR whips out a surprising stat on commentary, noting that Sid has never won a match on a WWF pay-per-view.
-Sid keeps working the back and applies a camel clutch (psychology?!) but Godwinn won’t give. Sid misses a charge that allows Godwinn to mount a comeback, which the commentators call “hamming up.” Slop drop almost finishes, but DiBiase hooks Godwinn’s leg and pulls him to the floor to break the pin. Back in, DiBiase trips up Godwinn and Sid pounces with a powerbomb for the win and another big pop from this decidedly evil crowd. 1 for 2. As good a match as you could get from those involved. Post-match, a brawl erupts between Sid, Kama, and Bam-Bam Bigelow, and it ends with DiBiase getting slopped again.
-Owen still isn’t in the building, so Gorilla gives Jim Cornette a choice: Make it a handicap match, or find a substitution and allow that person to be a co-holder of the tag team title for one night.
BAM-BAM BIGELOW vs BRITISH BULLDOG
-Bam-Bam’s career is in the shitter and it’s the Bulldog’s big coming-out party as a heel.
-Shoulder tackle by Bam-Bam starts. They circle the ring and we go backstage to Jim Cornette making an offer to Sid.
-Back to the ring, where Bam-Bam is laying a beating on the Bulldog. Bulldog gets out of the way of an elbow and applies a chinlock. Bigelow gets free, but Bulldog suplexes him and sends him over the top rope. Bam-Bam crotches Davey Boy on the top rope and connects with the diving headbutt. Bulldog kicks out at two, so the sand is definitely running out on Bam-Bam’s employment.
-Bulldog clips the knee and works Bam-Bam’s leg. Enziguiri by Bam-Bam, which is called “a manuever” by Vince and then correctly by JR. JR did that with the brainbuster earlier in the night, too, which is pretty funny given that this is before his Vince-hating heel turn. Commentators also promote the upcoming one-hour Wrestlemania XI late night special on Fox, consisting of the watchable elements of the three-hour spectacular.
-Headbutts and forearms by Bam-Bam; he sits on Bulldog and tries for a moonsault, but it misses and Davey Boy gets two after the crash. Bulldog tries his own diving headbutt for two, and JR notes that he’s not going to pin anybody without hooking that leg. I bet JR thinks tag team matches should have two referees, too.
-Bam-Bam tries to mount a comeback, but Bulldog reverses an Irish whip and powerslams Bam-Bam for a clean three-count. 2 for 3. Pretty good little battle; match of the night so far.
-Bob Backlund heads to ringside for a loquacious dissertation on his run for the presidency. Backlund tells the plebians not to exacerbate him and inquires to the location of their lexicon. This veers into an introduction of Dean Douglas. Dean’s “hometown,” by the way, is The University of Knowledge. Creative went two days without sleep to come up with that one, but I think we can agree it was worth it. I myself had the University of Knowledge making it to the elite eight on my NCAA bracket and expected them to fall to the University of the United States.
RAZOR RAMON vs DEAN DOUGLAS
-Razor launches Douglas over the top rope with an impressive hiptoss while we head backstage to Corny making his pitch to King Mabel. Backlund stays at ringside to support Dean, with a wonderful added touch as he sits in a chair at one of the posts like an old-school manager, just to give himself more of an out-of-touch air.
-Back to the match, where the whole bout falls into a pretty apparent pattern. There’s a part of me that just dismisses anybody who talks about “politics” in wrestling as a whiner, but I’ve now seen two Ramon/Douglas matches and they’re both pretty much extended squash matches. Any advantage that Douglas gets never lasts. I mean, seriously, Razor is just fucking destroying him here, and any time that Douglas appears on the verge of getting ANY offense, Razor makes a big comeback without ever being in trouble to begin with.
-Douglas finally gets a discernable edge as Razor falls out to the floor and Dean gets a near-fall when he gets back into the ring. Dean “works the back” with really gentle love taps that don’t look like anything close to inflicting pain; he’s just blatantly pulling back on them before contact is made. And then after that, Razor gives him a HARD slap in a weird moment. Surfboard by Dean and again, he’s visibly not applying any kind of pressure. I mean, yes, I get it, wrestling is a work, they’re not supposed to be hurting each other for real, that’s not what I mean. What I mean is that in the surfboard, Razor’s arms are visibly limp and Dean is just laying his boot on Razor’s back instead of pressing. There’s just no effort by Dean to make any of his offense look painful.
-Rear chinlock by Dean and the camera gets an outstanding close-up of Razor completely no-selling it. Razor escapes with an electric chair. Ref gets bumped and Backlund works diligently to resucitate him. Razor’s edge looks to finish and 1-2-3 Kid runs in for no reason to count the pin for his buddy as the referee comes to. Razor, freaking out about Kid being in the ring as the referee wakes up, shoves Kid out to the floor, and Douglas sneaks up from being and rolls him up to get the win. 2 for 4. Not just bad; BIZARRELY bad, with these guys actively choosing not to be on the same page for most of the match.
-Bret says his upcoming match is the battle of Captain Crook vs. Captain Crunch, and he’s Captain Crunch. If anybody can find a shittier Bret Hart promo, I’d like to hear it.
BRET “Hit Man” HART vs JEAN PIERRE LAFITTE
-Bret basically called this the worst feud of his career; the issue is that LaFitte the wrestling pirate stole Bret’s prized leather jacket, which he was preparing to give away to a fan in a contest.
-Bret nearly kills himself with a plancha before the bell. In the ring, LaFitte gets the upper hand with clubbering but gets armdragged down by the Hit Man. Hit Man works the arm but gets clotheslined down. Lawler, on commentary, makes a pretty good point about how the whole feud is over a prized jacket, and Bret started the match by ripping the jacket right off LaFitte’s body…and then tossing it aside without even looking in the direction of where he was throwing it.
-Bret misses a charge and goes shoulder-first into the post. Irish whip by LaFitte and Bret crashes into it in his typical bad-ass way. It actually surprises me that Bret doesn’t have respiratory issues today because of the way he did that bump night in and night out. Kind-of-a-spinebuster by Lafitte gets two, and he clamps on a headlock.
-Lafitte connects with a legdrop from the top rope for two. He heads to the top for the cannonball, but Bret rolls out of the way. Bret fights back but misses a charge and crotches himself on the top rope. LaFitte goes to the top for a splash, but Bret rolls out of the way and clamps on the sharpshooter for the submission and, more importantly, for the jacket. 3 for 5. Good match to end a forgettable feud.
TRIPLE HEADER: DIESEL (WWF Champion) & SHAWN MICHAELS (Intercontinental Champion) vs. YOKOZUNA & BRITISH BULLDOG (Tag Team Champions Kinda, with Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji)
-So Corny found a substitute. The rules of this match: All three titles are on the line. If either of the heels scores the winning pin, they take the loser’s belt; if the faces win, they capture the tag team titles.
-Shawn starts with Bulldog and clears the ring without much trouble. Yoko wobbles in and Diesel takes care of him, too. Yoko tags in proper and Shawn taunts him, but pays for it. Yoko takes control but misses an elbow and in comes Diesel. Yoko gets booted out to the floor and Bulldog comes in without a tag and and has a surprising amount of trouble suplexing Diesel. Diesel counters the running powerslam and whips Bulldog to and fro. Splash by Shawn from Diesel’s shoulders gets two, and Bulldog crotches Shawn on the top rope to get the advantage back. I gotta be honest, I’ve typed the word “crotch” in this review a lot more than I expected to.
-Irish whip by Yoko and Shawn Flair-flips onto the apron and to the floor, where Bulldog gets some cheap shots in. Pier-sixer erupts and Yoko and Bulldog are Irish whipped into each other. Yoko gets superkicked out of the ring. Davey Boy tries to finish but Shawn breaks with an elbow off the top. Owen Hart suddenly appears and comes off the top rope, but Diesel catches him and jackknifes him for the three-count. 4 for 6. Pretty good little match to close the show and put the gold on the Two Dudes with Attitudes.
UntilthefollowingnightwhenGorillaMonsoonnegatedthetitlechange, good night everybody!
The 411: If storyline is as important as the quality of the matches, this'll drive you up a wall, so skip it. If you just want to watch wrestling for two hours without thinking about it, it's not a bad card, and you should watch it. Simple.
|Final Score: 6.7 [ Average ] legend|