The Name on the Marquee: NWA World Championship Wrestling (11.16.1985)

-Originally aired November 16, 1985.

-Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett. They’re immediately surrounded by menacing Russians, who are have been hearing a lot of talk about the Road Warriors and want to get a look at them just to verify that indeed, the Russians are just SLIGHTLY better than them. They also have a videotape for the Rock & Roll Express, “Funeral Home Regulations,” for them to look at after Starrcade.

“The Boogie Woogie Man” JIMMY VALIANT vs TONY ZANE
-Boot to the gut and a right hand by Boogie, and a big elbow finishes right away. Valiant’s “crowd pleasing dork” shtick seems so out of place here and so in-place with the competition that it amazes me that this is the path that his career took.

-Jim Cornette assures us that Jimmy Valiant and Miss Atlanta Lively aren’t gonna leave the Midnight Express naked at Starrcade ’85. Corny promises that the Midnight Express will rip off Miss Atlanta Lively’s clothes and find out what exactly she’s made of.

BILLY JACK HAYNES vs GERALD FINLEY
-Haynes has made the switch to short tights. Finley shakes his hand at the bell, which gets an appreciative round of applause from the fans; commentators speculate that he did it just because making nice with Billy Jack is a smart move in general.

-Haynes locks on a bearhug right away and Finley hangs on, just barely, until he’s able to back into the ropes and force a break. Suplex by Haynes, and he stays on the back with a backbreaker. That gets a two-count; timekeeper accidentally sounds the bell and a lone fan just says “No.” Small studio audiences for wrestling have their charm.

-Press slam by Haynes, followed by the full nelson. “Yes.”

KHRUSHER KHRUSHCHEV vs LARRY CLARK
-Clark charges and Khrusher just rams him into the ropes and chokes him. Neck vice is applied while David Crockett announces that, because of an injury inflicted by the Russians last year, Don Kernodle missed Starrcade ’84, so he’s going to be at ringside for the Russians’ match this year at Starrcade ’85. For those saying “Who?,” Don Kernodle got a bit of a push in Mid-Atlantic during the early 1980s as one-half of the tag team with the worst name in wrestling history, Sgt. Slaughter’s Privates.

-Clark gets press slammed onto the top rope, and a sickle finally puts him out of his misery.

-Tony Schiavone talks to Cowboy Ron Bass about the bullrope match at Starrcade. If you’re thinking that Ron Bass seems like an unnatural babyface, you would be 100% correct.

-Jimmy Valiant, freshly returned from Mars and Jupiter, where he spent a few nights with Miss Atlanta Lively & Big Mama, 10 PRINT presumably filming a sex tape that would produce exactly the same results as The Ring. He promises that at Starrcade, he’s going to leave Jim Cornette nekkid. 20 GOTO 10

COWBOY RON BASS vs RON GARNER
-Bass locks on a side headlock. Garner gets free but Bass just punches him down and puts it right back on. Bass is sucking wind already.

-Hiptosses by Bass. Garner backs into a corner to stall and Bass happily obliges. Side headlock by Bass. Garner makes it to the ropes, so Bass punches him down and applies a side headlock. Can we get a tank and mask standing by at ringside for this guy?

-Garner punches free, so Bass punches him down and applies a side headlock. Garner rakes the eyes to break free and throws a series of punches. He chokes out Bass, who is taking the beating and putting up no offense, because he can’t apply a side headlock and that leaves him fresh out of ideas. Garner finally gets distracted by the Fred Mertz-level waistline of Bass’ tights and falls victim to a right hand, and the claw finishes Garner off.

-Ric Flair is here, and his title belt is more expensive than David Crockett’s car, and don’t you forget it. Woo! NWA ratings are in the toilet because he’s gone too many weeks without wrestling, but someone needs to call Ted and tell him “Don’t worry” because the Nature Boy is here. Woo!

STARRCADE ’85 REPORT
-Watch Starrcade ’85.

THE BARBARIAN (with Paul Jones) vs GEORGE SOUTH
-Barbarian is wearing a plaster cast, which is like giving a tank driver a machine gun. He mows down South with a clothesline and drives a series of boots into him. Dropkick by Barbarian, which I’ve never seen him do before and it turns out there’s a reason for that.

-Barbarian press slams South on the top rope, and Jones takes a cheap shot at him. Barbarian throws South out to the floor and Jones takes more free shots in front of the referee. Barbarian brings him back in and powerslams him into position, and a headbutt from the top finishes.

CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE SERIES: TERRY TAYLOR, RON GARVIN, & PEZ WHATLEY vs RIC FLAIR, ARN & OLE ANDERSON (with Paul Jones for some reason)
-Ole and Pez lock up and presumably have a debate about which set of parents made poorer use of the nine months that they had to think of a name. Arn tags in and tries to do some amateur wrestling, but Pez just rolls over and the momentum causes Arn to fall out to the floor.

-Dropkicks by Pez send Arn back out to the floor. RIc and Arn both apply arm wringers to finally get something going, but Pez tags out right away. Garvin and Flair have a chop battle, foreshadowing their feud in two years, and a backdrop sends Flair retreating to the corner. Pez comes back in and Flair gets wishboned, but Flair tosses him out to the floor and stops his momentum cold.

-Back in, a pier sixer breaks out, and we get another chop battle. Garvin headbutt leaves Flair sprawled out on the mat. They trade more chops and it seems like these guys are having a lot of fun with that. Flair legtrips Garvin and Ole puts some boots to him. Andersons gang up on him in the corner and Flair suplexes him for two.

-Andersons gang up on Garvin again and Arn works his arm over. Back from commercial, Flair drops a knee. Ole actually has a valid complaint about Flair that’s rearing its head here. Andersons have been working Garvin’s arm the whole match Flair tags in and his whole offense is knees and another chop battle.

-Flair goes to the top rope and that ends predictably. Hot tag to Terry Taylor and Taylor cleans house. Arn ducks a dropkick and Ole capitalizes. Flair comes back in and they trade blows before Flair tags out. Another observation worth pointing out: The Four Horsemen were Flair and three midcarders. The reason everybody got elevated was because they were treated as equals. The champ and the midcard guys have done roughly an equal share of the work in this match, so they all look like they’re on the same level. And that’s how you get four main eventers where once you had one.

-Terry Taylor gets caught in the bad corner and Flair slams him on the concrete floor while the Andersons distract the other faces. Back in, Taylor throws right hands, but Ole blocks the tag and Flair goes right back to work, slamming him into position but missing a kneedrop, causing David Crockett to bust a nut. Taylor applies the figure four, Andersons break, and we have another pier sixer. Flair gets knocked over the top rope and out of the ring, but he uses that to his advantage by reaching in and tripping Pez, with Arn landing on top and getting the three-count while Flair holds Pez’s legs down. Super hot and breathtakingly fast match.

-Tully Blanchard is ready to hear Magnum scream “No more, Master Tully!”

-Dusty Rhodes is gonna break Ric Flair’s leg in color and send him home to his mama and leave him laid up, because Flair spends so much damn money that Dusty knows that Flair doesn’t have enough left to last him two weeks. Dusty Rhodes: Prophet.

ROAD WARRIORS vs MAC & JIM JEFFERS
-Warriors storm right in and clear the ring with clotheslines. Animal Irish whips Jim, and Hawk is waiting on the second rope with a clothesline, and Tony explains the way he sails when he does that move is why he got the name Hawk. Animal got his name because of his drumming skills.

-Powerslam by Animal. Hawk gutwrenches Jim, and Animal beheads him with a clothesline for three.

-Tony is with Ric Flair (wearing an “I DO IT WITH FLAIR” t-shirt that looks like something you’d get from Barber Shop Window) and the Andersons. A family like the Anderson/Flair bloodline comes along once in a lifetime, and what are you gonna do about it?

TULLY BLANCHARD (United States Champion, with Baby Doll) vs JIMMY BLACK
-Tully launches the bandaged-up Black to the floor, and Baby Doll helps him back in. Tully works over the leg and stays on it before finishing off the poor schlub with the slingshot suplex.

-Road Warriors ain’t got any friends in the NWA, but they respect Dusty Rhodes because he’s a man from the streets and that’s why they’re teaming up with him for a match in Philadelphia, and they promise Flair and the Andersons that Philadelphia will be the last city they ever visit. They call out the stinkin’ Russians and want to prove who’s the strongest team in the NWA.

MAGNUM T.A. vs JOE MALCOLM
-Bell. Belly-to-belly. Bell.

-Magnum promises that Tully will scream “I Quit” on Thanksgiving night.

-Paul Jones and the Barbarian assure us that by Thanksgiving night, the Barbarian’s cast will be off and he WILL be ready for arm wrestling. Look out Superstar Billy Graham.

IVAN & NIKITA KOLOFF (with Khrusher Khrushchev) vs ROCKY KING & ADRIAN BEVINS
-Khrusher wants to hang up the flag in the studio, but the referee won’t let him.

-Ivan pounds King. Nikita gutwrenches him and clotheslines him to the mat. Russian hammer (a chokehold). King avoids getting run over by Nikita ad tags in Bevins, a BIG mofo for a jobber. Ivan drives knees into him and tosses him to the floor. Nikita slams him down and Ivan drives more knees into him. Nikita comes back in, and the sickle finishes Bevins off.

-We get some final words from the Four Horsemen and their belt collection. It’s hard to be humble when you’re great. Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA show up and they want a fight right now, daddy! 4 on 2 sounds like an easy fight, so they head into the ring…and then the Road Warriors show up and the Horsemen get the hell outta Dodge.

7.3

The final score: review Good

The 411

Neat week, as you can see Crockett suddenly realizing that they might be onto something with this cluster of four heels that helps each other and giving them plenty of screen time to get them over. And the six-man tag match was fantastic, to boot.