The Name on the Marquee: NWA World Championship Wrestling (5.24.1986)

-Cold open; The Koloffs and Baron Von Raschke defend the six-man tag titles (gasp) against Dusty Rhodes and the Road Warriors in a steel cage. Dusty’s a bloody mess, but Nikita sickles the Baron by mistake, and Dusty gets the pin to capture the titles.

-Originally aired May 24, 1986.

-Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett. Ric Flair stands to the side, very patiently waiting for them to finish talking so he can model his new suit, $1,500 and available at Michael’s of Kansas City. Flair’s lip is bleeding really bad for some reason, by the way. He congratulates Dusty and the Road Warriors on their title win, but the World Heavyweight Champion is STILL the #1 wrestler in the world, and no tag team wrestler can get it done the way that a singles champion does! Woo! The inexplicable bloody lip is starting to get pretty funny, and Flair keeps trying to do subtle stuff with his finger and tongue to try to deal with it, but it’s just non-stop blood and he has to keep tending to it.

STEVE REGAL vs GEORGE SOUTH
-It’s “Mr. Electricity” from the AWA, and this couldn’t have been a long stay for him because by summer’s end, he was working televised house shows for the WWF and getting totally buried on commentary by Gorilla Monsoon.

-Regal slams South while JJ Dillon steps in to scout Regal, saying he sees a lot of qualities of Tully Blanchard and the Andersons in Regal. Adam pushes up the glasses and points out that Dillon specifically sold all of his other wrestlers’ contracts to deal exclusively with Tully Blanchard and therefore shouldn’t be scouting ANYBODY.

-South tries a side headlock, but gets jerked down by the hair and Regal clamps on a chinlock. South gets free and charges at Regal, but meets a boot to the head, and a big elbow finishes.

-Magnum TA is here and says he’s figured out what the deal is with Nikita. Two years of living in America, eating American food, living the American good life, and being able to train in top-notch American facilities totally screwed with Nikita’s perception of America and dulled his edge. Good theory, actually, and Magnum sounds like he’s in his enemy’s head.

-The Koloffs are here to complain about how the NWA plotted against them to take their six-man titles away from them, but they have a return match clause and they know that at the latest, they’re getting that trophy back in 30 days. Also, Magnum TA and Jim Crockett need to get their act together and organize the press conference they demanded. David Crockett gets super-ballsy here, telling the Koloffs that Magnum is right about them because Nikita has visibly gained weight and he whiffed in the six-man tag match to cost his team the title. He’s losing his fire and he’s looking for any excuse to avoid facing Magnum.

GORGEOUS JIMMY GARVIN (with Precious) vs LEE PEAK
-Observation about the flags on the set: the flag of Japan looks like somebody accidentally backed over it in a parking lot.

-Gorgeous Jimmy with a backdrop, and the brainbuster finishes so fast Jimmy must think it’s the WWF.

-Gorgeous Jimmy says that Wahoo McDaniel is like a roach. Sure, he’s nasty and gross-looking, but he’s not that hard to defeat. He threatens to get a strap and whip Wahoo. So set the Wahoo-Garvin feud knob to “ON AGAIN.”

NIKITA KOLOFF (with Uncle Ivan) vs BOB OWENS
-Owens shocks everybody by pouncing on Nikita and just hammering the crap out of him because Crockett’s right and Nikita’s head isn’t in the game. Nikita fights back with boots, and we get some great acting from Nikita, looking like he’s embarrassed and trying to get himself focused. He gives Owens a sickle right away, but he’s so upset about how stupid Owens made him look that he does it again just for good measure. Easy win, but there’s no getting past how bad Nikita suddenly looked this week.

GREAT AMERICAN BASH REPORT
-Plenty of parking is available at the venues and tailgating is strongly encouraged! It’s going to be the nation’s birthday party. Tickets are still available if you go to your local arena’s box office. End of report.

-Uh, yes, they did just try to encourage us to buy Great American Bash stadium tickets without mentioning any damn matches.

WAHOO MCDANIEL vs BUTCH COOPER
-Wahoo takes Cooper down but can’t hang onto him, and they do an awkward roll-around on the mat before giving up and just going back to their feet. Chops by the Chief. Really wobbly backbreaker by the Chief, and a double-underhook suplex gets three. You can tell the jobber wasn’t expecting that to be the finish and Wahoo is clearly making a little effort to hold him down. Weird match.

-Tully Blanchard Enterprises is here. Ron Garvin wants tape on his fist again and has agreed that his opponent may wear tape in any match where he wears tape. Tully Blanchard appreciates that offer, but it’s not necessary, of course, because he throws a good punch already.

ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs MULKEY BROTHERS
-Ricky Morton’s face still looks pretty banged up. Mulkeys screw up a double-team move and Randy winds up crashing to the floor. Robert Gibson takes Bill down to the mat for a side headlock and Ricky suplexes him. He takes Bill over to the corner and helps him tag his brother. Morton whoops Randy and gives him a GREAT lookin’ dropkick. Backslide—yes, a backslide—gets three to win for the Express.

SHASKA WHATLEY (with Paul Jones) vs DAVID DELLINGER
-Whatley slams Dellinger and spits on him. Whatley stops to comb his hair, bragging about all the hair he has. Dellinger fights back with headbutts to the belly-welly, but Shaska throws him out to the floor and Paul Jones gets his free shots in. Back inside, the superplex finishes.

-The Road Warriors are here with the Six Man Tag Title trophy, which is still a stupid way to symbolize a title for a three-man unit. Baby Doll shows up and says the victory party after the title match was the best party she’s ever been to. She kisses the Road Warriors and tells the fans that June is “Kiss a Road Warrior Month.” Hawk says he’s not allowed to say what Ric Flair can kiss, then turns it up a notch by saying the only reason Ric Flair chases girls wherever he goes is because “Boyfriend Brucie” kicked him out of the commune.

-Jim Cornette storms in and says that there ain’t no woman that can beat a man in a wrestling match, so Baby Doll better think about that challenge she issued. Also, Cornette’s Mama is putting up $50,000 for the James Gang’s masks.

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (World Tag Team Champions, with Jim Cornette) vs MIKE SIMANI & TONY ZANE
-Zane gets off to a good start, slamming Eaton down and dropping an elbow. Zane is significantly less jiggily than in previous weeks and spent some time in the sun. Zane tags out and Simani backs Eaton into the wrong corner, so Condrey attacks and throws him to the floor. He drags Simani over to the commentary so David Crockett can get a better look at the way his arm is getting worked over. Also, Jim Cornette is surprised that Tony Schiavone doesn’t have more muscles because somebody told him Tony works with a dumbbell for two hours every Saturday.

-Knee off the top rope by Eaton, and the stroke by Condrey finishes.

ROAD WARRIORS (with Paul Ellering) vs PAUL GARNER & LARRY CLARKE
-Warriors wait an extra long time before making their sprint to the ring and clearing Garner out. Flying clothesline on Clarke. Hawk follows with a press slam and in comes Animal. Animal mows him down, and Garner tags in. Real funny as Garner just stands there and stares at Animal for a few seconds, like, “Yep, I’m boned.”

-So Animal bones him properly and Garner gets the hell out. Clarke tags back in and runs into a body vice by Hawk, which Schiavone says is an effective counter to a figure four. Yes, if you’re calling some entirely different move the figure four, I guess it is. Anyway, that gets the win.

-America’s Team is here. I want to be more surprised that Dusty is celebrating winning the Six Man Tag Team Title in the same week that he’s doing an angle about challenging a different team to a match for another title. And he calls out RIc Flair and demands a title match for that belt too. He says Ric Flair is like a woman because when you rip off the clothes and get ‘em nekkid, they all look pretty much the same. Magnum and Baby Doll can’t hold their shit together after that line. He wraps up with a “Woo!” just to mess with Nature Boy.

RON GARVIN vs THUNDERFOOT
-Hey everybody! Thunderfoot is still here! Garvin doesn’t have his fist taped, so Thunderfoot doesn’t get to have his fist taped. Them’s the rules, now.

-Garvin pretzels Thunderfoot and gets him into something of a toehold while JJ Dillon is out here to scout him. Garvin rolls up Thunderfoot for two. Garvin chops and slaps away at Thunderfoot. Thunderfoot fights back with a snapmare and some knees to the back. Garvin gets fired up and throws chops, but Thunderfoot wrestles with a shirt on so it doesn’t have the usual impact.

-Cute finish sees Thunderfoot go for a monkeyflip, but Garvin just grabs his ankles and flips over to put himself on top to make it a pinning combo for three.

RIC FLAIR & ARN ANDERSON vs ITALIAN STALLION & ROCKY KERNODLE
-Stallion and AA trade arm wringers. Stallion gets him down on the mat for a hammerlock. AA gets out and Flair tags in. Kernodle hiptosses and backdrops the champ while Tony teases a major announcement from NWA President Bob Geigel next week regarding Ric Flair’s World Heavyweight Title.

-Arn gets armdragged by Kernodle. Ric finally gets things going by tossing Stallion out to the concrete and then bringing him back in for a kneedrop. Arn gives Stallion a boot and the Horsemen double team the Stallion in the corner. There’s something weirdly poetic about that.

-Flair jaws with the fans, and the commentators wonderfully shut up just so we can enjoy that. Flair tags back in and crashes on an elbow attempt. Kernodle tags back in and it turns into a fistfight. Kernodle wins that and quits while he’s ahead, tagging Stallion back in. Flair takes back control, suplexing Stallion and locking on the figure four to get the submission victory. You know what…I honestly can’t remember the last time I watched a match where Flair won with that.

-The Horsemen call out the Rock & Roll Express, not expecting them to show up…but they do, and they kick some Horse’s Ass.

-Back from commercial, Dusty is walking Morton back to the locker room while the rest of the faces are in the ring, trying to get some medical attention for Robert Gibson. So that was quite an eventful commercial break.

THE BARBARIAN (with Paul Jones, Teijo Khan, and Shaska Whatley) vs RON ROSSI
– Big boot by Barbarian while Shaska Whatley does guest commentary. Joy. Baron joins us like he just now remembered he’s part of this stable as Barbarian tosses Rossi to the floor and Paul Jones attacks with a right hand.

-Barbarian chokes out Rossi and drops a big leg on him. Side headlock followed by a running powerslam to put Rossi into position, and the diving headbutt finishes.

-Tony Schiavone is here with “Mr. Electricity” Steve Regal. It’s a pleasure to be here at Jim Crockett Promotions…not enough of a pleasure to stay longer than three months, I guess. He says he’s ready to beat any top contenders in the NWA, including Dusty Rhodes, Magnum TA, and Dennis Brown. He wraps up by apparently torching his bridges with the AWA, saying that up north, he’s dealt with a lot of pale-looking folks who don’t know how to talk or do business with people. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be with the NWA, but Regal says he’ll be gone a good long time from up north. Okay, then!

BARON VON RASCHKE (with all the same people as in the last match) vs ROCKY KING
-Baron claws and hammers away at Rocky. Rocky fights back as we’re reminded that Rocky King is a good friend of Jimmy Valiant, which is totally new information. He throws Rocky out to the floor and slams him down for two. Legdrop by Baron, and then an Irish whip. Corner charge misses and Rocky King comes to life with right hands. BRUTAL miscommunication sees Rocky whip Baron into the ropes and stand at a 45-degree angle until Baron walks over and nudges him down to the mat. Baron puts on a black glove and uses it to apply the clawhold to finish.

-Ric and Arn are back out here to talk about what they did to the Rock & Roll Express…but first, Dusty Rhodes had better realize that the Horsemen are holding all the cards and Dusty can’t beat them. Ric Flair says that Dusty is the toughest “studio wrestler” in wrestling history, but he’s gutter trash. Flair is just all over the map with this promo, but the gist of it is that he’s better at female orgasms that Dusty Rhodes is at exercising.

-Jim Cornette is here and apparently he had some of what Flair had. He regales us with a long story about the Midnight Express beating up a bull in Spain, and they’re gonna unmask the James Boys.

“Boogie Woogie Man” JIMMY VALIANT vs GENE LIGON
-Jimmy chokes out Ligon with Ligon’s own t-shirt, and an elbow to the jaw gets three. About 17 seconds long, so Best Jimmy Valiant Match Ever.

-Jimmy Valiant pulls out some electric clippers and promises that a haircut is coming soon.

6.9

The final score: review Average

The 411

Fun week, with everybody on a roll in the promos and the squash matches kept moving. Good show!