The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (11.20.1993)

-Originally aired November 20, 1993.

-Your hosts are Dirty Dutch and, uh, Besmirched Bob. Robbie Eagle gets drawn for Beat the Champ.

-Bobby Blaze interrupts. Worth noting is that as a goof, Dutch, put the baseball cap on Caudle’s head backward after drawing the Beat the Champ name, and Bob just leaves it there for the rest of the segment like he doesn’t know it’s there. Bobby has a pillowcase filled with turkey feathers, promising that Candido will be the biggest turkey at Thanksgiving Thunder. Blaze walks off…but leaves the bag at the commentary table instead of taking it with him…hmm…

CHRIS CANDIDO (WWA Champion & US Jr. Heavyweight Champion & 2nd Annual Winner of the Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence) vs JASON WEST
-Commentators talk about how the dander from the pillowcase is irritating their noses and they absolutely will not let us forget that they have a bunch of turkey feathers at the table, so yeah, this is going somewhere.

-Candido and West criss-cross until Candido catches him in a powerbomb for two. Slingshot splash gets two more. Really awkward spot where Candido lifts West like a baby and then just drops him down for two, looking annoyed about something. He sets him up for a suicideplex, with West having his legs in the wrong position. Candido looks REALLY annoyed about something as he finally suplexes West and pins him with a single finger on his chest.

-Candido walks over and grabs the pillowcase, promising to show us what Bobby Blaze will look like at Thanksgiving Thunder. He takes the case in the ring and crams them in West’s throat, which, uh, could actually kill him, but Bobby Blaze makes the save and clears the ring.

-A wonderful ad for “Khaki’s Lounge at the Ramada Inn” which looks like it took 30 seconds to produce and edit.

-We see the surprised arrival of the Dirty White Girl from last week.

DIRTY WHITE BOY (with Dirty White Girl) vs JOHN HITCHCOCK FROM PARTS UNKNOWN
-DWB slaps and bites Hitchcock while Dutch says he’d like to see White Girl and Tammy Fytch “go at it.” DDT by DWB. Funny visual, as the feathers are still in the ring and they sort of waft around on every bump.

-Brian Lee and Tammy Fytch run to ringside and clobber Dirty White Girl with the loaded purse. She’s out cold, and the match just STOPS while Dirty White Boy tends to her.

-Jim Cornette complains about WYNT Night, where children get in for 57 cents. It sounds like a bargain, but everybody in town has sixteen kids because it’s the only way you can collect a welfare check that’s worth anything. Tammy Fytch whines about having to stand too close to Dirty White Girl at Thanksgiving Thunder, and Brian Lee has to promise her that she won’t get a disease by coming to ringside with him. Imagine a time when a guy had to promise Tammy that SHE wouldn’t get the disease.

-Kevin Sullivan says that The Bullet has something to hide, but he’s going to play “peek-a-boo” with Bob Armstrong.

-The Bullet cuts a promo with a nice, funny touch, still denying he’s Bob Armstrong while standing in front of a wall covered with photos and a sign that says “ARMSTRONG.” Okay, now that’s just getting arrogant.

-DWB and DWG are recuperating at the commentary table. DWB can’t believe that a 6’8” tough guy would target a woman. DWB tells his girl that since it’s not safe for her, she doesn’t have to come to the ring with him anymore. DWG ain’t hearing it, promising to chase Fytch from one building to another.

-Jim Cornette and the Moondogs are here. They were fined $5,000 last week their heinous actions, but $5,000 ain’t nothin’ but a phone call to Mama. Bob Caudle says that a security force is prohibiting the Moondogs from getting into the ring until Thanksgiving Thunder, but Cornette’s like, “Nah” and sends the Moondogs to the ring. Two security guards come to the ring to get them out of the building, but the Moondogs knock them both out immediately and clear the ring. Some of the jobbers come in to provide help and they get wiped out too. Cornette dares every tough guy in town to leave the bars and come on down to the building to take their shots.

-Rock & Roll Express finally comes to the ring and beats the Moondogs at their own games, wailing on them with weapons, but Gibson gets distracted by Cornette and that turns the tide. Moondogs destroy them until the babyface locker room clears out and charges the ring.

-We recap the remarkable high school and college football career of SMW newcomer Mike Furnas. The white guy afro makes this segment so, so worth it. It’s like somebody put Slim Goodbody’s hair on top of Richard Simmons and then drew a moustache on his face.

-Tim Horner is out for an interview, but here’s Darryl Van Horne, offering him a chance to back out of the match with Prince Kharis, or else all the illegitimate children that Horner fathered in every town where he’s wrestled will have to grow up without a father.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: TIM HORNER (Champion) vs ROBBIE EAGLE
-Criss-cross leads into a drop toehold by Horner. Whip and a hiptoss by Horner as Darryl Van Horne is at ringside, scouting Horner. Eagle takes advantage of the distraction with a shot from behind. Belly-to-belly by Eagle gets two. Horner fights back and retains with the natural bridge.

BRUISE BROTHERS vs HEAVENLY BODIES (with Jim Cornette)
-Brothers charge the ring and attack right away as Bob Caudle proclaims the door to have been pre-emptively barred by young Miss Katherine. Brothers just treat it as a total jobber match, mauling the Bodies until the referee successfully talks them into following rules. One goes to the apron and they double team Dr. Tom from that position.

-Shoulderbreaker by a Bruise Brother and they’ve cut the ring in half really well, continuing to beat the crap out of Pritchard. Funny bit as Jimmy Del Ray keeps trying to sneak attack but every time a Bruise Brother makes eye contact, he runs the hell out of the ring. One brother gets distracted by Cornette and Del Ray finally connects with an axehandle off the top to turn the tide. Bodies gang up on him, but Del Ray misses a corner charge.

-Pier sixer breaks out again. Action goes on the floor and a Bruise Brother strangles Cornette. Chairshot stops that and Cornette pulls out a rope. He ties the Bruise Brother’s ankle to the ringpost while the Bodies double-team the other one in the ring. This turns into a slick little spot where the Bruise Brother tied to the post (1) crawls toward Cornette, (2) Cornette stomps on him without fear, (3) he crawls back to untie himself, (4) Cornette stomps on him without fear, (5) go back to step one.

-Bodies continue beating on the other Brother in the ring until the one tied up finally frees himself, grabs a wood plank, and breaks it over Del Ray’s head, and that stops the match as well as you can stop one.

-Dirty White Boy promises to see Brian Lee in Hazard, and he’s bringing the chain with him, dadgummit!

-Brian Lee and Tammy Fytch make fun of Dirty White Girl for standing by her man. It cost her, didn’t it?

5.4

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

It's probably for the best that we have a week's worth of supercards coming up, because they've stretched all of their storylines to the limit and Jim is really good at re-racking everything after doing a big show. I mean, they genuinely did stuff this week, but nothing that added anything new to a story, everybody is exactly where they were going into Thanksgiving Thunder.