The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (4.17.1993)

-Well, Hollywood now officially has Dunkin’ Donuts, and can I say, I now totally get the hype about this place. Sandwiches are reasonably priced and filling, hot chocolate is delicious, doughnuts are cooked to perfection. And since they have wi-fi and it’s across the street from my night job, I now officially have a new spot for typing these reviews. Welcome to the neighborhood, Dunkin’ Donuts!

-Originally aired April 17, 1993.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantell.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: BEAUTIFUL BOBBY EATON (Champion, with Jim Cornette) vs. ROBBIE EAGLE
-I like the attention to detail where jobbers occasionally get title shots. “Random draw” doesn’t mean a rotation of the same handful of guys who are getting pushed, “random draw” means ANYBODY. Great stuff on commentary, as Dutch Mantell continues to hate Cornette and his men with a passion, and he rattles off all sorts of details about Eagle’s amateur background to make him sound like a top contender, because Dutch WANTS him to be a top contender.

-Eaton does the “untied boot” bit and Eagle falls for it. Eaton cracks him with a few punches, but Eagle fights back with hiptosses before getting on his knees and challenging Eaton to an amateur exposition. Eaton actually backs off and refuses to take the bait, and suddenly Eagle looks like a star. It’s so easy to do sometimes.

-Eaton applies a top wristlock and gets Eagle down on his back. Eagle punches out but gets MOWED down with a clothesline. Neckbreaker by Eaton gets three.

-Bob Caudle talks to Eaton and Cornette, who beg the fans to brush their teeth twice a day. Since most of them only have two left, it shouldn’t take long. Bob Caudle has video from Commissioner Armstrong, who has a statement to make. Bobby Eaton is still under contract to WCW and never even gave notice that he was leaving. Armstrong says he called WCW and the office guys there basically said Eaton was such a pain in the ass to them that they didn’t even bother taking legal action about the breach of contract, they were just happy that he was gone. Armstrong also points out that he was in Japan the week that Eaton debuted (Continuity!) and he just assumed that the SMW office had taken care of the contract in his absence. Asking around, he can’t find ANYBODY in SMW who ever handled a contract for Bobby Eaton. And that means that Eaton is in SMW with no contract while breaching another company’s contract, but he also has a title belt. So, Armstrong announces, Bobby Eaton has to leave SMW as soon as he loses the TV Title.

-Cornette laughs off the threat, saying that he knows for sure his mom’s lawyer took care of the contracts, and he’s tired of Commissioner Armstrong carrying out a personal vendetta against him. He promises that Eaton will never go back to WCW.

-We look back at Bluegrass Brawl and the break-up of Kevin Sullivan and Night Stalker. This leads to a Night Stalker highlight reel.

“The Master” KEVIN SULLIVAN (with The Tazmaniac) vs ROGER “It Sucks to Be Me” ANDERSON
-Sullivan slaps Anderson around and sends him outside, posting him and ramming him into the barricade. Sullivan pulls out a pipe and the referee calls for the DQ before he’s even used it. Sullivan whips Anderson with the belt repeatedly before storming off.

-Bob Caudle tries to have some words with Sullivan, but Sullivan is insulted by the sight of EMTs taking Anderson out of the ring, so Sullivan goes back to the ring and beats THEM with the pipe too! This is the Kevin Sullivan that I like, not the Kevin Sullivan being fed by a sexy nurse and cheesing at the camera.

-Tim Horner is coming to Barberville tonight to show Dirty White Boy how a cow eats a cabbage! Uh…slowly, I guess. Ricky Morton mentions that later in the hour, viewers are going to see one of the most humiliating things he’s ever experienced in his life, but that’s okay because he’s going to get his revenge in Barberville.

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH
-Dutch talks to Night Stalker, who warns Kevin Sullivan that he lived by the spike, and he’s about to die by the spike.

-Tracy Smothers gloats for a bit about capturing the SMW Heavyweight Title.

DIRTY WHITE BOY (with Mr. Ron Wright) vs. MIKE SAMPSON
-White Boy is unusually reserved and quiet this week without the belt. He slams and suplexes Sampson. Chops and uppercuts follow. Update: Roger Anderson is in pain.

-Chokeslam finishes things.

-Bob Caudle talks to the Rock & Roll Express. They’re not going anywhere, no matter how hard Jim Cornette tries to get rid of them.

-Cornette and Tom Pritchard come out with a gift-wrapped box for Pritchard, saying that they have a going-away present, since Morton is going to be leaving SMW soon enough. Express refuses to go to the ring initially because they know it’s a trap, but they get so sick of Cornette’s goading that they go to the ring just to get the obviously impending ass-kicking over with.

-So the Express gets powder thrown in their faces, surprising nobody, and Cornette opens the box and covers Ricky Morton with glue before dumping feathers all over him.

-Corny and the Bodies cackle, and Corny fires off an impressive run of bird puns to taunt Ricky Morton. Big “Rock and Roll” chant goes up. Corny goes over the history of tarring and feathering (it was for “people who didn’t fit into the neighborhood”) and promises that some more of history’s old dirty tricks are coming to the Rock & Roll Express.

-Stud Stable emerges from the locker room and Golden gets bleeped a few times while challenging the Bodies to a tag team title match. Corny accepts, because dispatching of a couple of drunks shouldn’t be so hard.

TAG TEAM TITLE: HEAVENLY BODIES (Champions, with Jim Cornette) vs STUD STABLE (with Dutch Mantell)
-All four men brawl in the ring while Dutch gives Cornette the evil eye and shows him that he brought the whip to ringside.

-Lane and Fuller slug it out. Fuller gets caught in the bad corner and double-teamed. They do a nice bit where Pritchard blocks a tag while Fuller is fighting for his life to get out.

-Golden finally tags in and cleans house, but Bobby Eaton shows up and gets involved, so the referee calls for the DQ.

-Heavenly Bodies are coming to Barberville to beat everybody’s stinkin’ brains out.

-Ricky Morton, still covered in feathers, swears that one team or another is leaving SMW, either the Express or the Bodies. And by god, it AIN’T GONNA BE THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS. And Morton vows that Cornette is going to get his big fat ass kicked all over Kentucky and Tennessee.

6.5

The final score: review Average

The 411

As usual, the tag team division carries the company.