The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (9.11.1993)

-Originally aired September 11, 1993.

-We’re in Clintwood, VA.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dr. Dutch Mantell. Jobber Jason West gets drawn for Beat the Champ, so go ahead and fill out that $1,000 check for Jimmy Del Ray now.

ARMSTRONG BROTHERS vs DARK SECRET & MIKE SAMPSON
-A match that’s presumably happening just because Jim Cornette has a sense of humor. If Sampson gets the winning pinfall, I think the Armstrong family will adopt him.

-Armstrongs double-team Sampson to work his arm over. Secret tags in and Steve gives him a playful slap across the face. Secret hammers him down , but Steve fights back and splashes him. Secret gets slammed into position and Steve side suplexes Scott on top of Secret. Flying clothesline by Scott. Sampson gets cleared from the ring, Scott holds up Secret in a bearhug, and Steve gets the win with a missile dropkick.

-Bob Caudle talks to the Armstrong Brothers. They name their finisher the Tennessee Torpedo, and they promise that their dad is going to knock Terry Funk’s “Harry and the Hendersons-lookin’ head off.”

-The BIG APPLE GRAPPLE is coming to Paintsville! Tim Horner is gonna whip people and the Armstrong boys are gonna get some delicious apples!

-Bob Caudle talks to Tim Horner about the Country Whippin’ match. Horner pulls out a baby bonnet and says he’s heard Chris Candido is scheduled to wrestle this week. Bob Caudle confirms that Candido is scheduled to wrestle Robbie Eagle, and Horner gets himself involved in the match with a challenge: If Eagle wins, Chris Candido has to wear a baby bonnet until he wins another match. If Candido wins, Horner will wear the baby bonnet until he wins another match.

“Suicide Blonde” CHRIS CANDIDO (WWA Champion) vs ROBBIE EAGLE
-Candido grabs the mic and asks how many matches Robbie Eagle has won on SMW TV since he debuted. “None so far.” Candido laughs and says yeah, fine, he’ll accept Horner’s challenge. Horner comes to ringside to watch.

-Candido is such a dick that he actually bends over and allows Eagle to apply a side headlock. Eagle cinches it on incredibly tightly and Candido screams in pain while looking for every possible way to break the hold. He finally uses enough force to break it, but the momentum sends Eagle into the ropes and Eagle just crashes into him with a shoulderblock.

-Eagle goes for a backdrop. Candido counters it with a front facelock, but Eagle just snaps straight up and gets the backdrop that he wanted to begin with. Candido is getting really frustrated and connects with a hard clothesline and desperately goes for the pin right after that with a series of two-counts.

-Candido plants Eagle on the top rope and sets him up for the suicideplex. Candido does the move, which means he’s a lock to win. Suddenly, Horner comes into the ring and surprises the fans by dropping a big elbow on Robbie Eagle…

-…Which means Candido loses by disqualification. Candido has to wear the baby bonnet until he wins another match. That is AWESOME, and the crowd goes nuts when they hear the ring announcement just because it’s such a clever way to screw with Candido.

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH
-We get pre-taped words to start from Tracy Smothers, who promises to make life hell for Brian Lee, Tammy Fytch, AND Dirty White Boy when he comes back.
-This leads directly to Dutch holding “Wrestlers’ Court,” with Brian Lee, Tammy Fytch, Dirty White Boy, and Mr. Ron Wright all present. The bounty is back to $20,000 this week, but fine, I won’t question it…DWB wants the $20,000 returned to Mr. Wright immediately. Brian Lee again indicates that the money is already gone, until Tammy corrects him and says the money might as well be gone. Tammy Fytch says she’d give the $20,000 back, but she saw a real pretty dress on Rodeo Drive during her last visit to California. She promises another neckrub for “Ronnie” if he can just forget about the money for one week. Mr. Wright nods in agreement and says that he’s willing to wait an extra week for his money.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: “Gigalo” JIMMY DEL RAY (Champion, with Dr. Tom Pritchard) vs JASON WEST
-Clothesline by Del Ray. He tosses West out to the floor and Pritchard backs off because his partner has this well in hand. Somersault by Del Ray onto West out on the floor. Back in, Del Ray faceplants West and powerbombs him. Del Ray comes off the second rope but misses a diving headbutt. West throws rapid fire punches at Del Ray and sends him into the ropes, but Del Ray swings his way around West and DDTs him. Moonsault gets the three-count and Del Ray retains easily.

-Bob Caudle talks to the Heavenly Bodies, who issue an open challenge to the Steiner Brothers to bring the WWF Tag Team Titles down to Smoky Mountain Wrestling and try their luck when they don’t have home field advantage.

-We go to Jim Cornette’s big frilly bed, where Tom Pritchard brings him a glass of water but gets scolded for forgetting to put a lemon wedge in it. He’s also mad at Jimmy Del Ray for coloring all the pictures in his Little Mermaid coloring book, but Del Ray promises that Corny can finish all the pictures in the Bambi one if he wants. Corny finally gets focused and promises to fire the Armstrong Boys once he’s left Bullet Bob laying in the middle of the ring this weekend. How is that ugly wife of his going to be able to pay for the not-very-helpful appointments at the beauty salon now? Corny’s closing line: “No more coloring books? Okay, fine, give me an Observer.”

-Terry Funk cuts a really trippy promo with his skin tone totally missing and a jolly roger flag filling him in. Funk gets bleeped about a dozen times as he speculates about, shall we say, the sexual proclivities of assorted members of the Armstrong family.

-Bob Armstrong offers a rebuttal, calling Terry Funk the only cowboy in Texas ever to marry his own horse.

-Chris Candido is dismayed that a show called the Big Apple Grapple isn’t being held in The Garden, which is a perfectly valid point. Tammy Fytch cuts an incredibly funny promo about the show. It’s going to sound lame if I transcribe it here, it’s really her face that’s selling the whole thing. She just cannot fathom that a wrestling match for a title is being held in the middle of an apple festival. “Don’t you people have lives?!”

ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs KEVIN SULLIVAN & DIRTY WHITE BOY (with Mr. Ron Wright)
-Bruise Brothers show up before the bell sounds, with chairs and title belts flying everywhere. One of the Bruise Brothers says something to Mr. Wright, and suddenly Dirty White Boy and Mr. Wright are leaving.

ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs BRUISE BROTHERS (Tag Team Champions, with Kevin Sullivan)
-Robert Gibson gets an early edge with speed, getting three near-falls in the space of about a minute. Morton tags in and immediately gets dumped to the floor and beaten down. Back in, Morton has a slight cut and the Bruise Brothers stomp and punch away to make it less slight.

-Morton fights back , but, let’s just say, Don…Don Bruise beats him down again and drops a fist right to the ol’ noggin. Corner charge misses. Another corner charge misses. Hot tag to Gibson. Gibson cleans house with right hands. Double dropkick looks to finish, but Kevin Sullivan comes in and attacks with the spike, drawing the DQ. Sullivan and Bruise Brothers get a hold of Ricky Morton and look to do some REAL damage with the spike, but the Armstrong boys come to the rescue with chairs, and WE ARE OUTTA TIME!

6.8

The final score: review Average

The 411

Good week for comedy. The Horner/Candido angle and Jim Cornette's segment were great!