wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: Starrcade ’85: The Gathering (11.28.1985)
-I wrote this review wayyyyy back during my first year, 2009, from a home video release. Decided to watch the full show on the Network, because why wouldn’t I?
-This is interesting because after reviewing so many WWF releases and events from 1985, it’s easy to forget that 1985 was a pretty damn good year for Jim Crockett promotions, too. A ton of new talent came into the fold, including one guy who looked to be the future of the company, the biggest & scariest pseudo-Russian who ever walked the earth, and two tag teams who suffered from a rare disorder that made them physically incapable of having a bad match.
-And hovering over all of them was the American Dream and head booker, Dusty Rhodes, who was driven to do great things in the wrestling ring because he was outraged that auto-workers were fired after receiving gold watches, or something. On the opposite side of the ring, NWA Champion and longtime ‘tweener Ric Flair finally became a full-blown heel by spearheading a 5-on-1 assault on Dusty during a cage match, destroying the Dream’s ankle. Such big things were happening in the NWA that one arena wasn’t enough to hold it…Here we go…
-“Starrcade ’85: The Gathering” (Conventional wisdom at the time was that Dusty would win the title by casting a Force of Nature card to do 8 damage to Flair.)
-Live from the Greensboro Coliseum and the Atlanta Omni.
-Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Bob Caudle in Atlanta, but calling the commentary for both arenas. Johnny Weaver is in Greensboro. Al Michaels Face has nothing on this guy. Al Michaels Face has NOTHING on this guy. As Tony is talking, the camera cuts to Johnny for ten seconds and he’s staring at the ceiling with his mouth open.
-Your theme music is a song called “Far From Over,” written by…you guessed it, Frank Stallone.
-Not on the Network of course. Damn it.
VACANT NWA MID-ATLANTIC HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: SAM HOUSTON vs. KHRUSHER KHRUSHCHEV
-I think “Khrushchev” was one of those names that they never could make up their mind about, so I’m just going with the spelling on their chyron. To give you an idea of how important the Mid-Atlantic Title was at this point, the belt was vacated in July 1985 when reigning champion Buzz Tyler quit over a matter of Dusty owing him $100, and they’re just now getting around to filling the vacancy.
-Khrushchev overpowers Houston. Houston ducks on another lock-up and Khrushchev falls out of the ring. Fists are exchanged and Khrushchev backs off. Houston lands on his feet after a backdrop and throws punches, catching Khrushchev off-guard. The time in the arena is 8:11 p.m.
– Khrushchev goes for another backdrop but Houston turns it into flying headscissors and takes him down to the mat. Houston has the move applied REALLY loose, which makes Khrushchev’s struggle to free himself look a little silly. Khrushchev finally gets to his feet and plants Houston on the top rope, but Houston just comes off and applies an armbar. Press slams by Khrushchev finally turn things around for Mother Russia. Bearhug is clamped on and Houston punches out after 10 seconds, making him the smartest babyface ever to get trapped in a bearhug.
-Houston comes back with lots of fists. Irish whip and a bulldog by Houston, and he goes for a pin, but Khrushchev gets a foot on the ropes to break it. Houston doesn’t see it and thinks he’s the winner. Khrushchev interrupts the premature celebration with a sickle to win the title (even though Houston’s foot is on the ropes this time). 0 for 1. Turned out I didn’t really miss much with all the clipping in the home video version.
MEXICAN DEATH MATCH: “Ragin’ Bull” MANNY FERNANDEZ vs. ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER (with Paul Jones)
-Mexican death match means, quite simply, that the winner is the one who retrieves a sombrero hanging a pole. Just so you know, wrestling didn’t become stupid recently or anything. Abdullah has an AWESOME entrance for all the wrong reasons. A fan snatches the kefiyyah off his head. Abdullah turns around to get it back but just gets frustrated and gives up, then trips.
-Abdullah gets the early advantage with a headbutt and the deadly fork, giving us blood in what has to be record time. Timekeeper’s hammer comes into play. Fernandez comes back with kicks and a monkey flip(!) Fernandez comes off the top rope with a cowboy boot and uses it as a weapon to bust up the Butcher…moreso. Somehow, Butcher was already bleeding before that spot.
-Fernandez goes happy-go-jacky on Abdullah with the boot, but Abdullah boots him down and goes for the sombrero. Nut shot makes Abdullah fall off. Fernandez goes back to work with the boot and goes for the sombrero, but now Abdullah gets some justice with the boot and Fernandez falls off. Manny takes off his belt and whips Abdullah with it to knock him off. Headbutts by Abdullah, and he tries to finish Manny off with an elbow, but Manny gets out of the way.
-Fernandez goes work on Abdullah’s head with the buckle on the belt, then SUPLEXES Abdullah, which shocks the arena. He goes for the sombrero, but falls victim to the ol’ Fork-in-the-Prostate maneuver, which is just a miserable spot to watch. Bearhug by Abdullah, but again, a face is smart enough to punch out immediately. Flying burrito doesn’t take Abdullah off his feet, so Manny does it off the second rope to take Abdullah down.
-Fernandez should probably finish, but he gets greedy and goes to the top rope. Abdullah gets out of the way and Manny crashes. Irish whip by Butcher, but he misses a splash and falls through the ropes, and that gives Fernandez enough of an opening to sprint to the top rope and grab the sombrero. 1 for 2. This was a fantastic gorefest with neither guy slowing down from bell to bell. GREAT stuff.
-Johnny Weaver congratulates the new Mid-Atlantic Champion, Khrusher Khrushchev. Johnny’s mouth is hanging open through nearly the entire promo. He looks like Mr. Anderson from “Beavis and Butthead.”
TEXAS BULLROPE MATCH: COWBOY RON BASS vs. BLACK BART (with JJ Dillon)
-Ron Bass as a face is one of the more egregious errors in judgment that I can think of from the NWA in 1985, although they’ll certainly top it later in the night. Stipulation here is that if Bass wins, Dillon has to get in the ring immediately and wrestle him for the next match. Dillon comes to the ring in a tuxedo t-shirt in place of the gawdy 70s tuxedos that he normally wore at this point. It’s funny how JJ jumped from being a manager of jobbers and midcard goofs to THE main event manager of the company within a matter of months after this.
-The bullrope has a huge cowbell in the middle of it, and Bass gets it and busts Bart open immediately. Bass just beats him with it repeatedly, including turnbuckle shots with the cowbell on top of the turnbuckle. Bart tries to fight back but Bass chokes him out and takes him out with a forearm and goes back to punching.
-Shot to the breadbasket takes Bass off his feet and now Bart goes to work with the cowbell and Bass is good ‘n bloody. They drop the bell and just punch each other. Observation: Tony Schiavone and Bob Caudle have NO chemistry. There are points in this show where they literally go an entire minute without either guy talking.
-Bass fights back, dragging the rope back and forth on Bart’s forehead to give him a nice burn to go with all the blood. Bass flips Bart over the top rope. Back in the ring, Bart seems to be out on his feet and Bass punches and punches. Bart is a gross goddamn mess at this point.
-Double shoulderblock KO’s both men as JJ Dillon freaks out at ringside. Bass calls a spot right on camera. Bart gets the rope between his legs and Bass tugs his end of the rope, which causes Bart to flip over. One more shot with the cowbell from the top rope finishes off Bart for the win. 2 for 3. Thumbs up. I liked this one a lot more without all the clipping of the home video release, even though, honestly, there wasn’t much to it.
TEXAS BULLROPE MATCH: COWBOY RON BASS vs. JJ DILLON
-Dillon jumps right into the ring and stops on Bass before he’s even stood up. Dillon gets a hold of the cowbell and takes advantage. He chokes Bass with the rope, but Bass Outlaws up and JJ begins begging for his life. Bass grabs the rope and busts him open, and a wayward punch takes out the referee. Black Bart re-enters the ring and wipes out Bass with a piledriver and drags Dillon’s corpse on top for the huge upset. 2 for 4.
ARM WRESTLING: SUPERSTAR BILLY GRAHAM vs. BARBARIAN (with Paul Jones)
-In the most surprising, unexpected twist in the history of booking, Graham appears to be close to winning, but then Jones attacks him with a cane and it turns into a two-on-one attack, busting Graham open. Welcome to the NWA, where wrestlers blade during arm-wrestling. 2 for 5.
JUST A REGULAR MATCH NOW: SUPERSTAR BILLY GRAHAM vs. BARBARIAN (with Paul Jones)
-Barbarian keeps the advantage until Graham rolls out of the way of a diving headbutt. Bearhug by Graham looks to finish things until Jones runs in again for the DQ. 2 for 6. This did not belong on the biggest card of the year. It felt more like a weekend TV angle than an “event.”
NWA NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP: TERRY TAYLOR (champion) vs. “Nature Boy” BUDDY LANDEL (with JJ Dillon)
-The National Title was the last remaining vestige from Georgia Championship Wrestling. The fact that this card has a match for a National Title and a United States Title is exactly the kind of thing that my grandfather considered stupid about wrestling (“Everybody has a belt! Who cares?!”)
-Landell eludes a lock-up and struts. Another lock-up goes to a shove by Landell and a slap by Taylor. Landell tries a side headlock. Taylor turns it into a top wristlock while the commentary team makes a rare cameo appearance to mention that the Bunkhouse Stampede will be happening soon. Were they thinking that fans in closed circuit venues weren’t listening anyway, I wonder?
-Arm wringers are traded, but Buddy connects with a HARD punch and clamps on a chinlock. Taylor comes back with chops but gets clotheslined down for two. Landell goes for a slam but gets cradled for two. Rear chinlock by Buddy. Taylor gets out by doing a sudden push-up, which causes Buddy to fall forward into a turnbuckle. Nice.
-Taylor gets shoved into the referee. Taylor shoves Landell into Dillon to knock him off the apron. Taylor goes for a superplex, but JJ Dillon hooks his leg and Landell lands on top of Taylor for the pin and the title. 3 for 7. Not spectacular but technically fine.
NATIONAL TAG TEAM TITLES: MINNESOTA WRECKING CREW (champions) vs. WAHOO MCDANIEL & BILLY JACK HAYNES
-Arn starts off against The Man with Oregon on His Ass. Haynes wins two lock-ups by shoving Arn into the corner. Side headlock by Haynes, who looks absolutely JACKED here, by the way. BILLYJACKED, as a matter of fact. Shoulderblock and a press slam by Haynes and Arn’s had enough. Ole tags in, presumably to chastise Haynes for doing an unrealistic-looking move like a press slam and exposing the business.
-Series of punches by Haynes and Ole briefly gets pinballed by the faces. Wahoo tags in and drops an elbow. Ole gets the hell out and Arn tries his luck again with a test of strength. Side headlock by Wahoo grounds Arn, and the referee blocks a save by Ole. Arn escapes with headscissors.
-Arn gets a standing side headlock and tags in Ole for some quick double-teaming. Armbar by Ole, but Wahoo fights back with a chop and Arn gets back in with a step-over wristlock. He stomps the arm and works it some more with a hammerlock. Ole re-enters and keeps working the arm. Bodyslam and an elbow get two. More double-teaming by the Wrecking Crew, and Billy Jack runs in for the save, but the referee forces him out and Arn keeps punishing Wahoo. Wahoo breaks away with chops, but Ole comes right back.
-Wahoo fights back with more chops and gets the hot tag, and Haynes cleans house. Donnybrook erupts, but now Billy Jack is the one getting double-teamed and Wahoo re-enters and chops away for a two count. He goes off the ropes but gets tripped by Ole, and Arn gets a two-count. Billy Jack runs in to complain. Wahoo takes Arn into the corner, but Ole hooks Wahoo’s leg and Arn falls on top for the pin. Are you kidding?! 4 for 8. Good match, but the same finish in back-to-back matches is absolutely embarrassing.
STEEL CAGE “I QUIT” MATCH FOR THE UNITED STATES TITLE: TULLY BLANCHARD (champion, with Baby Doll) vs. MAGNUM T.A.
-You may have heard of this one. Lock-up and Magnum floors Tully with one punch. Tully sweeps the leg, Magnum fights back, and they roll around against the wall of the cage battling for the advantage. Tully wins that one and a fistfight erupts. Forearm by Magnum sends Tully through the ropes and against the wall. Tully fights back and comes off the top rope to ground Magnum.
-Elbow by Tully and he sends Magnum flying into the cage. Chinlock by Tully. Magnum breaks it and catches Tully off the ropes with a press slam, dropping him throat-first over the top rope. Another slugfest dazes Tully, but he grabs the tights and throws Magnum into the cage. He grabs the microphone and begins screaming for Magnum to “Say it!” Magnum refuses, naturally, and we get one of those spots that only I notice that amuses me, as Earl Hebner takes a time-out from officiating to tap the microphone and blow into it to make sure it’s working properly.
-Magnum gets Tully into a hammerlock and sends him into the cage. He starts working the arm as the commentators virtually stop talking altogether and just let the pictures tell the story. Tully, now with blood all over his upper left arm, fights back with kicks. He grabs the microphone, tells Magnum to quit, and hits him with the microphone when Magnum refuses.
TULLY: Say it!
MAGNUM: No!
TULLY: Say it!!
MAGNUM: No!!!
(Thump)
TULLY: Say it! Say it!
MAGNUM: No!
TULLY: Come on!
MAGNUM: No!
Tully tries to punch him out and goes for the irrelevant pin. He grabs Magnum by the legs, stands him up, and falls backwards to send him into the cage. Tully goes back to the microphone.
TULLY: Say it!
MAGNUM: Uggghhh…
TULLY: Say it!
MAGNUM: No…
(Thump)
-Elbow connects but another one misses and Tully is kissing the mat. Magnum grabs the microphone.
MAGNUM: Come on!
TULLY: Noooooooooooooooooooo!
MAGNUM: Say it!
TULLY: Aaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!
Another punch, but Tully still won’t give. Both men are busted open and yanking on each other’s faces to coax a submission. Magnum goes for the microphone, but Tully kicks it out of his hand. Magnum punches Tully in the corner, but Tully comes back with an inverted atomic drop to ground Magnum.
TULLY: Say iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt!
MAGNUM: Nooooooooooooooo!
Tully gets frustrated and takes out Earl Hebner, and JJ Dillon runs to ringside (off-camera) to launch a wooden chair into the ring. Tully shatters the leg to make a sharp wooden stake and tries to shove it into Magnum’s forehead wound, and Magnum fights back and gets his hand on the stake and shoves it into Tully’s forehead.
MAGNUM: Say it! Say it!
TULLY: Yeeeeesssss! Yesssss!!! Yessss! Oh…Ohhhh…
-Magnum captures the title on his way to a fairly obvious bid for the World Title the following year. 5 for 9. Hard to believe that only a year later, it was already over for Magnum.
ATLANTA STREET FIGHT: “Boogie Woogie Man” JIMMY VALIANT & MISS ATLANTA LIVELY (with Big Mama) vs. MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (with Jim Cornette)
-Miss Atlanta Lively was Ronnie Garvin in drag for…some…reason. MX is decked in tuxedos.
-Bobby Eaton gets a faceful of baby powder from Lively, and she chokes him out with a string of pearls to follow. Dennis Condrey, already bleeding on the floor (was some kind of bet made in the locker room at this show?), takes a chair to the stomach from Valiant. Back in the ring, Eaton is already bleeding and he gets sent to the floor, where Valiant beel throws him on the concrete. Damn. MX gets rammed into each other and Valiant begins using the string of pearls and a set of brass knuckles. Sleeper on Dennis Condrey by Valiant, but Eaton breaks it and Condrey throws more powder to blind him. Valiant is now bleeding and MX is whipping him. They attempt to yank Lively’s pants off in an attempt to “expose something fishy” about her.
-The faces fight fire with fire by undressing MX. Valiant gets knocked to the floor and Cornette comes in with the tennis racquet for a 3-on-1 attack and now the drag queen is bleeding. Valiant keeps trying to make the same and getting sent to the floor. It amazes me that Garvin is having absolutely no trouble keeping his wig on during this. Valiant is out cold and Eaton goes for a splash off the ropes, but Lively gets a spectacularly well-timed uppercut and gets the pin immediately. 6 for 10. Fun match! Corny gets stripped down to his underwear post-match.
STEEL CAGE, WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: IVAN & NIKITA KOLOFF (champions, with Khrusher Khruschev) vs. ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS (with Don Kernodle)
-It amazes me watching the intros for this match how far in front of the WWF the NWA was with entrances. Everything is a glowing, eerie shade of red as the Russians come to the ring, switching to a blue effect surrounded by police lights and strobe effects as the Rock & Roll Express makes their entrances. It’s so weird looking at the reputations of the two promotions. Wouldn’t you think the showbiz-minded folks up north would be all over those things?
-Nikita shoves Morton onto his back immediately. Hard shoulderblock grounds him again. Another offensive move misses and Morton dropkicks him into the corner. Nikita kicks him in the stomach over and over again, and Uncle Ivan tags in and falls victim to a bodypress in short order for two. Ivan fights back and tries to send Morton into the cage, but Morton resists and makes the tag. Double dropkick by the Express and a slam & kneedrop by Gibson get two.
-Morton tags in and goes for a quick pin for two. Gibson re-enters and schoolboys Ivan for two. Morton tags in and it’s more double-teaming on the Russian. Gibson tags back in and comes off the turnbuckle with an elbow for two. Side headlock but Ivan goes to the eyes to break it. Ivan misses a clothesline and gets shoved into the cage. Morton tags in and hits a double-axehandle off the top rope. Another one for good measure gets two. Gibson decides that it looks fun and does one himself for two.
-Nikita re-enters but falls into a drop toehold. That just pisses him off and he bearhugs Gibson and falls backwards to send him into the cage. He fires him HARD into one of the walls. He does it again and tags in the now-bloody Ivan. Khruschev, at ringside, begins screaming for Ivan to ram Gibson into the cage. Ivan agrees that this is a good idea and does so for a two count, and now Gibson is bleeding. Nikita tags in and bites the forehead, and somehow I’m now bleeding while typing this.
-Ivan tags back in with his own top rope attack for a two-count. Elbow sends Gibson against the wall, but he moves out of the way of a kneelift and Ivan blows out his leg. Snapmare by Ivan and a legdrop gets two. Nikita tags in and snapmares Gibson into a headlock as a confused Ricky Morton looks on and wonders “Isn’t that usually me?”
-Ivan tags in with a headbutt and goes for a pin, but a foot on the rope stops it. Nikita re-enters and sends Gibson into the cage, then chokes the life out of him as Khrusher waves his chain at ringside. Don Kernodle, the wrestler with the least wrestlery name I’ve ever heard in my life, starts a “USA!” chant to rally the troops. It works as Gibson fights back with a dropkick. Earl Hebner gets wiped out and Nikita attacks from behind, then drapes Ivan on top for two. Robert tags when nobody is looking and Ricky Morton rolls up Ivan out of nowhere to win the titles. The Russians destroy everybody post-match and Ricky is a gory mess, but he’s the champ now, so he’ll get over it, I’m sure. Kernodle, despite not even being in the match, is now bleeding. Great stuff. 7 for 11.
WORLD TITLE: RIC FLAIR (champion) vs. DUSTY RHODES
-Dusty had been chasing the title for over a year at this point, the crowd loved him and hated Flair, oh, and by the way, Flair broke Dusty’s ankle and got away with it a while back. So the outcome here seems cut and dry.
-Flair gets a side headlock right off but Dusty reverses a hammerlock and takes Flair to the mat. Flair writhes for a moment but goes for Dusty’s ankle and Dusty backs off immediately. Flair starts throwing chops and backs Dusty into the corner. Snapmare and a kneedrop by Flair, and he’s so pleased that he offers a “Woooo!” to himself. Arm-wringer and a kick to the ankle and Dusty retreats to the floor to walk off the pain.
-Dusty catches Flair with elbows on his way back into the ring, then stomps on his ankle for some poetic justice. He works the leg and Flair fights back with a headlock. Both men break their holds, but Dusty holds onto the leg and drops an elbow on it. Flair gouges the eye and slips away. Flair goes for a suplex, but the pain in his leg gets to him and Dusty reverses. He drops the elbow on the leg again. Chinlock by Flair, but Dusty fights out and gets a shoulderblock. Sleeperhold by Flair is countered with a little help from the turnbuckle, and Dusty goes outside to work Flair’s leg some more using the post.
-Chops are exchanged and Flair briefly recaptures the advantage, but a journey to the top rope goes as well as you’d expect and Dusty goes for the figure four. Flair kicks him away to re-injure the ankle, but now Dusty blocks a figure four. Flair tries again and gets blocked again. Flair takes Dusty into the corner but Dusty fights back with a headbutt and whips Flair across, over, and out of the ring. Dusty follows him out and rams him into the post and guard rail.
-Dusty keeps hammering Flair back in the ring, but Flair fights back and sends him over the top rope while Tommy Young tends to something in his eye. Really? That’s the best distraction they could think of? Dusty comes back and hammers away at Flair. He batters the Nature Boy in the corner.
-Flair tries begging off, but Dusty launches him out of the ring. Flair goes to the top and gets caught again. Going back to what worked in the past, Flair kicks the ankle. Figure four is FINALLY locked in and Dusty fights it and fights it until finally reversing it, but Flair makes the ropes and the hold is broken. Flair goes back on the offensive with chops & punches, but Dusty starts to Bulk up and hammers away at Flair for a two count. Flair is thrown forward and falls into Tommy Young, who falls to the floor as Rhodes and Flair keep going. Rhodes locks in the figure four, but here come the Andersons to help out the cousin. Dusty takes care of Arn but gets wiped out by Ole. Another referee arrives just in time for Dusty to roll up Flair and win the NWA Title…
-UntilthefollowingweekwhenTommyYoungreversedthedecisionandrenderedthematchcompletelymeaningless, AND THAT’S STARRCADE, EVERYBODY! 8 for 12 but a shit finish that signaled all the stuff that would soon go horribly wrong in JCP.
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