The Name on the Marquee: WWF at Boston Garden (4.26.1986)

-This is the abridged version from WWE Old School on the Network.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Lord Alfred Hayes.

DANNY SPIVEY vs. MAGNIFICENT MURACO (with Mr. Fuji)
-Great bit to start, with Fuji doing the weapons check on Muraco and assuring the referee that he didn’t find anything. Lord Alfred Hayes notes that Don Muraco was responsible for more hospitalizations in 1985 than any other active wrestler.

-Lots of stalling. So much, in fact, that thanks to the progress bar on the Network, I can tell you with certainty that a full 1/2 of this match is Don Muraco trying not to do anything.

-They finally lock up and Muraco goes off the ropes and gets scoop slammed. We need WD-40 in that ring tonight. Any movement is causing a really annoying squeak.

-Muraco throws Spivey to the floor and rams him into the barricade, toppling it. That was quite a popular spot in Boston. Security guards rush to put the barricade back up and while they’re dealing with that, Muraco uses Spivey to knock over another one. Give him credit, Muraco’s getting some impressive heat for this.

-Back inside, Muraco puts the boots to Spivey and drives his face into the mat. Suplex gets two. They trade punches and that goes Spivey’s way. Clothesline by Spivey gets two. Muraco gets knocked over the top and accidentally kicks audio guy Nelson Sweglar out of his chair. Spivey suplexes Muraco back in, but Muraco holds on during the impact and turns it into the cradle for three. 0 for 1. The action was good, but the match was literally half-stalling and it ended when it was really starting to get traction.

DAVEY BOY SMITH & PEDRO MORALES vs. GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE & BRUTUS BEEFCAKE (with Luscious Johnny Valiant)
-Well…okay. Gorilla announces that Dynamite has a serious family emergency and was actually in Boston that morning before departing on the first flight he could find.

-Smith sunset flips Valentine instantly for two. Clothesline gets another two. Valentine dives over for the tag, and Gorilla suspects that Valentine really doesn’t want to be in there with Davey Boy because Davey Boy pinned Valentine to capture the belts in the first place. Good storytelling.

-Beefcake connects with knees to take control. Pedro tags in and gets caught in the wrong corner, but a kneelift goes wrong and Beefcake knocks Valentine down to the concrete. Random note: the distinctive yellow flooring isn’t laid out tonight, they’re on the bare floor.

-Crescent kick by Beefcake gets a two-count on Morales. Axehandle from Valentine gets two. Beefcake goes to work while Johnny Valiant cuts a promo on commentary and FINALLY calls his men “The Dream Team” for the first time. I had no idea it took that long.

-Pedro makes the tag behind the referee’s back and Davey Boy argues while Pedro gets a beatdown in the opposite corner. Valentine & Beefcake keep going for pins but can’t do better than a two-count. Valentine starts going to work on the leg. He tries for the figure four, but Morales kicks him away and tags out.

-Davey Boy cleans house and suplexes Valentine for two. Cradle gets another two. Running powerslam gets another two. Donnybrook erupts over on pier six. Valentine & Beefcake are rammed into each other, but Valiant knocks Davey Boy off the top rope behind the referee’s back and Valentine immediately pins him. 1 for 2. Pretty good little match.

JUNKYARD DOG, RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT, & HAITI KID vs. FUNK BROTHERS & JIMMY HART
-It’s the debuting Jimmy Jack Funk, who gets no reaction from the Boston crowd. Well, you had to figure something was up when only Hoss and Jimmy Hart were cutting the promos. Monsoon & Hayes mention that Jimmy Jack, a cousin of Terry & Hoss, is rarely seen because they try not to let him leave the ranch very often. Probably because he always loses. The very with-it Lord Alfred Hayes wonders if Dog and Steamboat have brought Haiti Kid to the ring to act as a mascot or rooting section, and is just now learning that Haiti is in the match.

-JJ backs Steamboat into the corner of evil, but Steamboat fights off everyone. Funks get cleared out of the ring, leaving Jimmy alone with all three opponents, they whip him into the ropes, and the Funks trip and drag their own manager to get him out of there.

-JJ gets chopped down by Steamboat, who press slams Haiti on top and they nearly win the match right there, which gets the crowd’s attention. Hoss tags in and gets bitten on the ass by the midget, like you do. Steamboat clears the ring with a series of dropkicks. Hoss tries to tag in Jimmy Hart, and the crowd actually chants “We want Hart!” but Jimmy talks him into tagging JJ.

-Steamboat works the arm, and then tags in JYD, who clamps JJ in a full nelson and walks him over to the corner so Haiti can chop him. They do the spot where they start a criss-cross and then Hoss realizes that the other guy isn’t running. Gorilla is surprised that Jimmy Hart hasn’t tagged in because in the weeks leading up to this match, “he promised to do a job here tonight.”

-Funks get Irish whipped into each other while Jimmy chases the midget around ringside. Your next surprise according to the progress bar: We’ve got ten more goddamn minutes of this.

-Heels FINALLY come to life and JYD gets caught in a chinlock by JJ. Uppercuts by Hoss. JYD fights back with headbutts. Double tags bring in Steamboat and JJ, and JJ gets chopped all over the place. Hoss has to clean up the mess again with more uppercuts, and he manages to get a two-count for all that. It turns into a slugfest.

-Another pair of tags and JYD takes JJ’s head off with a clothesline for two. Russian legsweep leaves both men laying, which makes sense from a physics standpoint but why are we trying it NOW? Clothesline by JYD and he’s totally exhausted for no adequately explored reason after having 100% of the offense in this battle.

-Jimmy Hart finally tags in and he’s such a pansy that every move he does actually revives JYD a little more and a little more. JYD atomic drops him and tags in Haiti. Haiti does “karate” and gets a two-count with it. Haiti chases Jimmy all over the ring and during the donnybrook, Hoss gets the megaphone and KOs JYD, then bodyslams Haiti, allowing Jimmy Hart to pin him immediately. Is this feud dead yet? 1 for 3. Dory and Ricky were good together, but they couldn’t work a miracle tonight.

 

3.3

The final score: review Bad

The 411

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