wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (2.15.1986)
Loading...-Originally aired February 15, 1986.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino.
SUPERFLY SIVI AFI vs. THE GLADIATOR
-Another one of Vince McMahon’s classic attempts to replace a departed wrestler. We’re told that Sivi is Jimmy Snuka’s cousin. He comes to the ring to the theme from Shaft for some reason, decked out in a very Snuka-like outfit. And it DIES. Here’s the funny bit: The Fink tries to pop the crowd by starting the intro before Afi is visible to them and saying “From the FIJI ISLANDS…” and pausing for dramatic effect. But the hilarious thing is that gets no reaction at all from the crowd, like they already smell a rat here. And in walks Sivi Afi and before he’s even made it all the way down the aisle, the crowd has solidly rejected him and will not be swayed.
-Afi circles the ring to lock up and the crowd BOOS just for the lock-up. Headscissors by the Gladiator. Afi slides out easily and the crowd boos. Gladiator applies a top wristlock and the crowd has already had enough and starts a “boring” chant. This is amazing, the crowd isn’t even booing the entire match. They literally boo any physical movement made by Afi, as if to say “We are specifically rejecting YOU.”
-Afi has no idea how to react, but for future reference, “colorless holds” is completely the wrong approach. Howard Finkel jumps in with a house show promo, hilariously mentioning Afi as one of the true greats in the world of professional wrestling right at the moment that the “boring” chant starts again. Headbutt (“Boooooo!”) and another headbutt (“Booooooooooooo!”), and then Afi slams him into place for the Superfly splash, and the crowd doesn’t even get out of their seats for it. Splash connects for the best reaction of the entire match, polite applause from a few fans in the front row, and Afi gets three. DEAD GIMMICK WALKING.
-Oh my god, it actually gets funnier! Afi leaves the ring and a fan sticks his hand out to slap him five. Afi tries to give him five and the fan SNATCHES HIS HAND AWAY, and Afi pushes him and walks away, looking pissed.
UPDATE
-Lord Alfred Hayes takes a look at the British Bulldogs squashing the Tag Team Champions into a rich creamy sauce of defeat in a non-title bout. He suspects the Bulldogs are future titleholders.
-We get a commercial for The Wrestling Album, with the announcer rattling off the song titles and very quickly blurting out “HULKHOGAN’STHEMEREAL AMERICAN” as if they’re the same track.
-Vote for the Slammys. Yes, you’ve had two months to vote for the Slammys. Yes, we realize that you’re probably kind of over it now and wondering if the Slammys will ever happen. Here, here’s a chyron that says “March 1.” Happy now? Good. Vote for the Slammys.
KING TONGA & RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs. RUSTY BROOKS & STEVE LOMBARDI
-Pure balls: They come to the ring to Ric Flair’s theme! I mean, I know it’s not literally Flair’s theme and there’s nothing stopping the WWF at the time from using it, but you should see the way this crowd immediately came to their feet with all eyes on the entrance door as soon as the music started playing.
-Steamboat starts with Lombardi and it appears that the music choice here has pissed off some of the fans because there is a “We want Flair!” chant erupting. Wow, this week is just punching Vince in the face with reminders that he doesn’t have a Midas touch. Cute finish sees Tonga go for the pin on Lombardi and Brooks tries to break it with a diving headbutt, and Tonga doesn’t even notice it, and Brooks knocks himself out while the referee finishes counting three.
-Gene Okerlund talks to Tito Santana about the next sensational Boston Garden card, which features a return match for the Intercontinental Title. Tito complains that he wanted footage of last week’s match and they weren’t able to secure it. Tito holds up the weapon that cost him the gold—a “32-ounce” piece of steel, which Gene bangs against the microphone to show us how heavy it is. Tito wants revenge and he wants his belt back.
-Fact: Writing reviews of 80s wrestling causes you to instinctively spell “Steel” with an extra E at the end.
HART FOUNDATION (with Jimmy Hart) vs. LEAPING LANNY POFFO & TONY STETSON
-Poffo rides a thin line with his poem, saying that Jimmy Hart “has lipstick on his collar and Adonis on his breath.”
-Stetson gets rammed into Anvil’s boot and Vince immediately calls for the referee to stop the match. Neidhart keeps putting the boots to him, and the Hart Attack finishes. They attack Poffo after the bell.
-Wrestlemania 2: What the world is coming to.
-Gene Okerlund talks to Junkyard Dog about his big bout at Boston Garden, a tag team bout against Terry Funk and the newest addition to the WWF, his brother Dory Funk, Jr. Dog says his ace in the hole is his partner, Hulk Hogan.
KILLER BEES vs. JOE MIRTO & IRON MIKE SHARPE
-Hey, Iron Mike’s back, everyone!
-Blair welcomes him back with flying headscissors and an armdrag. Blair singlehandedly clears the ring and Sharpe goes for a walk. Sharpe heads back in, and the Bees work his arm. Sharpe backs Blair into the corner for double-teaming, but Mirto immediately eats elbows when he tags in, and a dropkick finishes.
-Vince uncharacteristically gives Saturday Night’s Main Event some advance hype, saying we’ll be seeing the premiere of the “Real American” music video in two weeks.
PIPER’S PIT
-Piper’s guest is Jose Luis Rivera, who strolls in wearing boxing gloves and he says he’s ready to knock out Boxing Bob Orton. Jose cuts a promo that sums up why he didn’t pushed harder. Piper tells Jose to get into the ring, and Jose says “Ladies first.”
BOXING MATCH: BOXING BOB ORTON (with Rowdy Roddy Piper) vs. JOSE LUIS RIVERA
-Finkel announces this as scheduled for five rounds, with the time limit for each round being two minutes.
ROUND ONE: They trade jabs and have a pretty even match until Orton gets a decisive upper hand. Orton keeps hammering away even when Jose is against the ropes. Rivera throws a few more jabs, but Orton drops him with one final punch and Rivera is gone.
-Wrestlemania 2 is coming.
-Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
Voting for the Slammys makes Jack a dull boy.
JUNKYARD DOG vs. TERRY FUNK (with Jimmy Hart)
-Hey, JYD! All right, before we get started, a few weeks ago on Jim Ross’ podcast, his guest was Bill Watts, who told a tremendous story about getting a phone call from his booker, Ernie Ladd, shortly after Dog came into the territory. According to Watts, the call went like this.
LADD: Hey, I’m worried about the new guy, Dog. I don’t think he’s gonna cut it for us.
WATTS: Why not?
LADD: At the house show last night, I booked him to work a twenty-minute match and by the time it was over, his tongue was hanging out, he was so blown up.
WATTS: Wait, wait, wait…you did what?
LADD: I booked Junkyard Dog to work a twenty-minute match, and—
WATTS: YOU’RE FIRED! (Click)
-Funk attacks the moment that JYD is within attacking distance. They brawl around the ring and back in, and JYD headbutts him out to the floor. Back in, JYD rams Funk into the turnbuckles enough that I think Terry might actually be generating electricity with his neck movement. Jimmy Hart tries to do something about it and Dog takes a time-out to chase him around the ring. Funk tries to take advantage but just gets clotheslined down for two.
-Jimmy tries again with the branding iron, but Dog grabs the iron (which Jimmy is still holding, and swings it so Jimmy flies all over the ring and hits the corner. Terry gets tied in the ropes and JYD gets the branding iron ready for vengeance, and in comes Dory Funk, Jr. for a sneak attack. The Funks lay a beating on JYD and Jimmy comes in to add some cheap shots until the Justice League of the Mid-Card runs in and chases them off. Vince & Bruno are shocked by this development, presumably because they don’t live in Boston.
-Gene Okerlund talks to Terry Funk, who introduces “the John Wayne of professional wrestling,” his brother Dory. He says the only difference between him and John Wayne is that John Wayne loved his country and Dory only cares about his family. Terry regales us with the story of getting bitten by a stray dog when he was a kid and Dory retaliated by killing the dog.
-Wait, there’s more. Terry says that they were doing great until Hulk Hogan came along, “buried the NWA, and kicked dirt on top of us,” but the Funks have climbed up from the dirt of the NWA and they’re ready to take over wrestling again. WOW!
-Vince reminds us to tune in next week to see “Randy Savage try to take the Intercontinental Championship away from Tito Santana.”
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