wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (5.24.1986)
Loading...Okay, we need to talk. I’d really like to review more WWE Network content, but that damn service does more locking up than a corrupt sheriff whenever I try to watch something for an extended period. It took me three days to watch that last episode of “Prime Time,” for example. I just had to watch 30 minutes at a time, which ultimately took about an hour at a time. I use AT&T Uverse, and I’m watching on laptop and iPhone. iPhone freezes up slightly less frequently, but still often enough to piss me off. What can this luddite do to fix it?
Originally aired May 24, 1986.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino.
MIKE ROTUNDO & “Golden Boy” DANNY SPIVEY vs. STEVE LOMBARDI & PAUL CHRISTIE
-The faces come to the ring to “Born in the USA,” so you know the specific magic they’re trying to recapture here.
-Spivey and Lombardi start. Spivey leapfrogs and hiptosses Lombardi. Rotundo tags in and goes to work on the arm. Vince says Lombardi may be the most deserving of an award for the most improved competitor in the WWF. We spent eight and a half months reminding people to vote for Slammys and somehow forgot the Most Improved category?
-Lombardi expertly avoids an elbow drop and tags out, and in a rare display of specific rule enforcement, the referee makes Christie hang onto the tag rope and make the tag again so it will count. Rotundo Irish whips Spivey into Christie, and then they reverse roles and do the spot again. Bodypress by Spivey. Christie has had enough, so Lombardi tags in and misses a corner charge. Rotundo comes back in and airplane spins Lombardi, and a slingshot splash by Spivey wraps things up.
UPDATE
-Gene Okerlund takes over the segment and it instantly improves one million percent because of his superior proficiency with cue cards. We look at highlights of Wrestlemania 2. Gene, for some reason, is surprised by the finish of the cage match and breaks his pencil in shock at the footage, and then a janitor trips and stumbles around behind him. What the hell was this?
HANDSOME HARLEY RACE (with Bobby Heenan) vs. JOBBINGTON LOSERY
-Ain’t my fault if they don’t show the opponent’s name. This is the eight-time NWA champ’s WWF debut, 2 ½ years after rejecting Vince’s offer to jump ship and sabotage the first Starrcade. It’s rumored that the original plan was to make him Hangman Harley Race and join him with the Funks, basically doing the Jimmy Jack role. That idea was rejected, and Race was able to wrestle without any sort of silly gimmick. For two months. Harley was actually a big enough “get” that the WWF made the rare move of acknowledging his career accomplishments in “other areas” although they kept it very vague.
-Race suplexes the jobber, apparently named Centeña, and tosses him out to the floor. Centeña tries to throw a few punches, but Harley fires back with headbutts and a neckbreaker. Commentators can’t understand why he insists on calling himself “Handsome,” although Bruno gives him his props for having nice hair. Slingshot suplex finishes, although Race doesn’t do it nearly as well as Tully Blanchard.
-Ken Resnick rattles off the card for tonight’s spectacular at Boston Garden. He says that American patriotism is a hoax. Sure, the fans chant “USA,” but when they leave Boston Garden, every one of them will drive away in a Japanese car.
RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs. RON SHAW
-Steamboat has an ill-advised crewcut and wears a headband throughout the match in an apparent attempt to draw attention away from it.
-Powerslam by Steamboat, and then he throws Shaw right out to the floor. Back in, hard kicks and chops by Steamboat as he is wrestling an unusually aggressive style this week. Chinlock by Steamboat and he cinches on tightly while Vince gives a PSA about not trying these maneuvers at home.
-Neckbreaker by Steamboat and Shaw is pretty much out, and Steamboat just keeps beating and beating and beating on him because he’s so angry. Bodypress from the top finally puts Shaw out of his misery. After Vince’s talk on Steve Austin’s podcast about not liking “wrestling for the sake of wrestling,” here is a perfect example of how a jobber match can actually mean something. Steamboat got embarrassed and is taking out his rage on his opponents until he can get his hands on the opponent that he really wants.
-Ken Resnick talks to Hulk Hogan, who does a weird promo about how he’s not crazy about these pre-taped interviews, but he assures us that whether he was talking a month ago or an hour ago, he still feels the same way about Randy Savage that he felt before. So…I’m guessing the fans in 1986 noticed what I noticed about the months-old promo being shoveled out a few weeks ago to hype this match in Boston.
DREAM TEAM (with Luscious Johnny Valiant) vs. GEORGE WELLS & MICHAEL SAXON
–Valiant is wearing a “Soul Train” jacket. Not a jacket with the logo for Soul Train, but just a homemade sweatshirt to which the words “Soul Train” have been ironed on.
-Valentine drops elbows on wells as Bobby Heenan excitedly strolls in and says he had his hearing with Jack Tunney and it’s a done deal. Andre the Giant is suspended. Vince is stunned speechless and Heenan says he’ll make a more formal announcement later on. Heenan rips into Andre for not only no-showing a match, but no-showing the hearing regarding his own fate. Vince emphasizes that this is an unconfirmed report and Bruno says he won’t believe it until Jack Tunney says it himself.
-Back to the ring, where Valentine suplexes Saxon and applies the figure four for an easy night.
FLOWER SHOP
-Adorable Adrian welcomes Mr. Fuji & Don Muraco. Muraco delivers a basket of roses as a token of appreciation for the invitation, and Adrian gratefully gives him a hug, which Muraco doesn’t return. Muraco draws attention to the stylish suit he’s wearing and says he looks more like a champion than a cartoon character in a ripped t-shirt.
–We go back to Gene Okerlund’s empty arena interview with Hulk Hogan from “Saturday Night’s Main Event,” followed by a replay of the “Real American” music video.
KILLER BEES vs. IRON SHEIK & NIKOLAI VOLKOFF (with Classy Freddy Blassie)
-Bees wear their masks when they enter but remove them before the bell.
-Volkoff hammers Brunzell but misses a corner charge. Bees go to work on Volkoff’s arm and elbow him down. Volkoff decides it’s time to start fighting dirty and Brunzell gets trapped in the wrong corner and beaten down. Sheik distracts the referee during a tag and the referee forces Blair out while Sheik & Volkoff continue murdering Brunzell.
-Bees go out to the floor and put on their masks, and then Blair heads back into the ring. Bees switch off and apply various holds on Sheik, and every time Volkoff protests to the referee, the Bees switch places. Sheik and Volkoff get so frustrated that they just leave the ring and let the Bees take the match by count-out.
-Corporal Kirchner says that Sheik and Volkoff can’t play baseball with his head and Blassie’s cane tonight. Randy Savage promises that tonight is THE night that history will remember.
