wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: WWF Championship Wrestling (7.5.1986)
Loading...-Originally aired July 5, 1986.
-Your hosts are Vino Samcmahono. Vince announces that Hulk Hogan & Paul Orndorff did not respond to Bobby Heenan’s challenge in time, therefore, the tag team match will not be taking place this week. However, Hogan & Orndorff will be the guests of The Flower Shop.
GEORGE “The Animal” STEELE & JUNKYARD DOG (with Captain Lou Albano) vs. STEVE LOMBARDI & GINO CARABELLO
-JYD hiptosses Lombardi all over the place. Rolling headbutts send Lombardi out to the floor, and then JYD lays a beating on Carabello and knocks him out to the floor to create a matched set. Carabello comes back in and Steele tosses him right back over the top and onto the floor. Carabello comes back in and Steele tosses him over the top rope and onto the floor. Carabello comes back in and Steele tosses him right back over the top rope. You’d think Carabello might be injured from all that, but he’s safe, thanks to the debuting protective blue padding around ringside. And it’s funny how it seems to be screwing with everybody the first time around, because Carabello doesn’t seem sure of how to sell it when he lands each time.
-Faceful of turnbuckle stuffing blinds Carabello. JYD tags back in and puts him out of his misery with the Thump. Awesome moment post-match antics with the Dog bringing a bunch of fans into the ring to dance; George grabs one of the kids by the neck, brings him over to the corner, and has him eat a turnbuckle. Vince, on commentary, lets out a big awkward laugh and blurts out “NO!” and they cut away before the kid finishes ripping it apart.
UPDATE
-Gene Okerlund profiles Randy Savage and recaps the rather unethical way that he won the Intercontinental Title. Savage says that “If the match had been differently done, it would have been the same.” A stagehand drops something in Gene’s coffee as we fade to black.
COWBOY BOB ORTON & THE FUNKS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. MARIO MANCINI, SPECIAL DELIVERY JONES, & DON DRIGGERS
-Hoss starts hot with knees and forearms on SD. SD comes to life, clearing the Funks from the ring, and Orton backs off, a little concerned. Mancini tags in to bring an end to the competitive portion of the event. Orton and Jimmy Jack take turns wailing on him. Hoss tosses Mancini to the floor as we continue breaking in the padding this week.
-Big “JYD” chant erupts because this crowd inexplicably isn’t done with this feud forever. JJ powerslams Driggers to finish things, and they celebrate by hogtying Driggers while Orton stops SD Jones from making the save.
-Ken Resnick hypes the upcoming King of the Ring 2 at Sullivan Stadium. He mentions that Bruno Sammartino has had a long-standing feud with Eddie Andelman (a local sports radio personality) and Andelman is bringing a mystery wrestler, identified only as “The D.H.,” to wrestle Bruno. Bruno says that Eddie looks like a handicapped character in a cartoon and says he doesn’t want to know who The DH is because he wants to spend the match pretending he’s beating up Eddie.
BILLY JACK HAYNES vs. RUSTY BROOKS
–Haynes kneelifts Brooks right out of the ring, and we get words from Don Muraco. Unintelligible, poorly-miked words.
-Haynes snapmares Brooks. Inverted atomic drop by Haynes gets a collective “WOAH!” from the fans. Full nelson gets the win.
-Ken Resnick shows off the trophy that will go to the big winner of the King of the Ring tournament. Don Muraco, wearing an inside-out t-shirt and wearing it backwards, talks about how upset he is that he has to wrestle Roddy Piper in the first round. He says he and Piper are friends and that they even travel together sometimes, and that they’re kindred spirits; neither one of them uses glitter or flash, and both of them are “what you see is what you get” guys, but at King of the Ring, there is no friendship.
-There’s a huge disco ball hanging over the ring for some reason.
JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. ERIC COOPER
–Cooper slams Jake, and Jake backs off, surprised that his opponent got some offense. Cooper applies a hammerlock while the fans taunt Jake with a “Steamboat” chant. Jake finally fights back and knocks the wind out of Cooper with a stomachbreaker. Lanny Poffo recites a poem about Jake. Weird note: All of the head-in-a-box promos this week are being taped in front of a yellow curtain. Now, a yellow curtain is a yellow curtain, but every time you see one of these promos, you can’t help thinking of Memphis wrestling. It’s a surprisingly pervasive image.
-Jake wraps things up with the DDT. After the match, he drapes Damien across Cooper and the crowd reacts to it like Jake just set the arena on fire. Funny moment as Cooper genuinely can’t bear having the snake across him and tries to subtly shove it away while selling being unconscious.
FLOWER SHOP
-Adonis welcomes Hulk Hogan & Paul Orndorff. Give Adonis credit, Hogan looks completely ridiculous cutting a promo into a bouquet of flowers. Hulk announces that he and Orndorff are accepting the challenge and will wrestle Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy next week. Orndorff surprises him with a correction, saying that the match will happen in two weeks, but next week, he and Hulk will wrestle the Moondogs as a warm-up. Hogan goes along with it, and he’s looking forward to the match.
A REPORT FROM GENE OKERLUND
-Vince McMahon is with Bobby Heenan, who says that getting Andre the Giant out of wrestling forever is the greatest accomplishment of his career. Captain Lou Albano is threatening to take this all the way to the Supreme Court, and Heenan says to let him, because the legal system moves so slowly that by the time it gets through state courts, and then federal court appeals, and then the Supreme Court, eight years will have passed, and Andre will be too washed up to be worth anything as a wrestler in 1994. Touche, Bobby. With that, Vince asks Bobby to stick around and watch a report from Japan filed by The Mean One.
-Gene Okerlund meets the Super Machine and the Giant Machine, from “the island of Fu You Too.” Super Machine says that they are both graduates of the University of Tokyo, where they double-majored in the English language and business administration. Super Machine clarifies that they are ranked #1 in Japan, but a professional wrestler can’t obtain #1 ranking for the world until they’ve competed in the WWF. They say they’ve studied managers carefully and have chosen to be represented by Captain Lou Albano.
-Gene mentions that Giant Machine as a very familiar build and voice and he’s sure he recognizes him from somewhere, and Giant Machine says it’s probably just because of how famous he is in Japan.
-Back to Vince & Bobby, and Bobby’s face is bright red, throwing the Conniption Fit of 1986 and storming off to take action about what he just saw.
KILLER BEES vs. JACK KRUGER & ROGER KIRBY
-Bees have entrance music this week, but I can’t recognize it. Vince says the Bees should be the role models for any fan thinking of going into amateur wrestling.
-Brunzell scientifically hiptosses Kruger and clamps an armbar on him. Blair tags in and treats Kirby the same way. Vince speculates…and brace yourself for this…that the Giant Machine MIGHT be Andre the Giant. Vince then puts out his cigar, takes off his trenchcoat, and goes back to calling the match.
-Blair and Kirby get into a scientific fistfight and Blair gives Kirby a boot to the gut for two. Kirby & Blair back into the ropes and Blair tumbles out to the floor. Brunzell goes to check on them and they disappear under the ring apron for a moment. They emerge wearing the masks and the crowd goes nuts to see them finally doing this. Bees totally negate the function of the masks by going back into the ring together and brawling. Dropkick gives the Bees the win.
-Ken Resnick hypes the big steel cage match at Sullivan Stadium. Johnny Valiant actually cuts a decent promo about how hearing the door click shut and lock in prison can drive an inmate insane, and the Dream Team is going to go insane at King of the Ring II. Valiant says the Bulldogs will feel like “the devil is biting you right in the ass!” Beefcake steps in with a FANTASTIC visual aid, putting a head of lettuce against the wall of the cage and totally shredding it in just a few seconds as he threatens the Bulldogs. For a team that stayed together WAY longer than their lack of chemistry would dictate reasonable, this was some great work selling tickets.
