wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (7.7.1986)
Loading...-Originally aired July 7, 1986.
-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan. Heenan brags about having his name in the opening now and Gorilla warns him not to buy too much make-up for future months.
KING KONG BUNDY & BIG JOHN STUDD (with Bobby Heenan) vs. JIM POWERS & MICHAEL SAXON
-From Poughkeepsie, NY.
-Powers tries to match powers with Big John Studd and just keeps getting tossed on the mat. Bundy slams Saxon while Vince McMahon mentions Bundy’s open challenge to Refrigerator Perry for an arm wrestling and 40-yard dash competition. Bruno says that in a wrestling match with Bundy, the 305-pound Perry wouldn’t look very big, he would “just look like a heavyweight.”
-“Andre” chant goes up while Studd & Bundy take turns dropping elbows on Saxon. Studd Irish whips Bundy into Saxon and Bundy hits him with the hardest impact I’ve ever seen from him. Elbow finishes and gets the five-count.
-Bobby Heenan complains that one of the Machines is obviously Andre the Giant. Gorilla replies, “Andre’s been barred. How can it be him?”
-We look at Gene Okerlund’s first interview with The Machines.
-Gorilla says it’s unlikely that it’s Andre the Giant because of the pronounced Japanese accent.
CRUSH GIRLS vs. LELANI KAI & BLACK VENUS
–From Poughkeepsie.
-Kai gets pinballed in the corner. Chigusa tags in Lioness , as Gorilla has clearly made an effort to learn their names this time around and is completely on top of everything this time around, as opposed to the Boston Garden match where he was literally telling Danny Davis to go find out their names.
-Venus tags in. She gets Agusa down to the mat with a test of strength and then just kicks her in the stomach to rub it in. Monkeyflip, and then she ties up Lioness’ arms so that she’s bearhugging herself. Slam and a diving headbutt by Venus for two. Venus is GOOD, why haven’t I seen more of her?
Chigusa tags back in and throws a series of kicks. Venus ducks almost every one of them and traps Chigusa in the corner. Kai tags in and gets atomic dropped, and she tags out right away to avoid trouble. Chigusa slams Venus for two. Lioness gets slingshotted and reacts the same way, tagging out immediately before Venus can capitalize. And fuck the guy who just tried to get a “boring” chant started.
-Chigusa gets double-teamed in the corner. Lioness tags in and gets suckered into the corner for exactly the same punishment. Kai is dazed by a spinkick, and the Crush Girls double-team Venus until Lioness finishes her off with a German suplex. Interesting finish, it wasn’t a melee or anything like that. It was simply a matter of the better team winning.
-Ken Resnick talks to Randy Savage, wearing an “I’m the Champ” t-shirt. Savage says he whopped George Steele at Wrestlemania I (Ken: “I believe it was Wrestlemania 2, actually”) and Savage says he’ll whoop him every year until Wrestlemania 5,342 (or as it’ll presumably be known, Wrestlemania Mouse Arrow).
TNT: RANDY “Macho Man” SAVAGE
-Gene Okerlund brings in Dr. Alfred R. Kissenbaum from the Numblinger Institute for a psychiatric exam, because TNT fans everywhere want to know what makes Randy Savage so macho.
-We go to Savage getting a psychiatric exam (wearing the “Hulk who?” shirt), and they do word association. Dr. Kissenbaum explains how word association works and Randy can’t get it out of his head that it’s not a game, and he promises that he’s going to play to win. Savage manages to turn every word into a promo against Hulk Hogan. The psychiatrist says that someone with Savage’s attitude normally suffers from sexual repression. Savage starts to complain and Mean Gene barks “SHUT UP!” which genuinely seems to catch Randy off-guard. He says Savage’s big problem is an insecurity complex.
BILLY JACK HAYNES vs. FRANK MARCONI
-Joined in progress from the Maple Leaf Gardens.
-We start with a reverse chinlock by Haynes, which Gorilla and The Brain are enjoying so much that they have a lengthy conversation about Fabulous Moolah, and Gorilla basically says he’s ready for this one to wrap up.
-“Boring” chant gives way to straight booing as Toronto just totally turns on Billy Jack. He keeps switching from resthold to resthold until Marconi starts throwing chops and forearms, and the crowd cheers for Marconi just because he’s doing stuff. Clothesline by Haynes and he finishes with the full nelson. Haynes wins the match and loses 10,000 fans in Canada.
-Bobby Heenan thumbs through the new WWF Magazine with King Kong Bundy on the cover.
-Ken Resnick talks to Jake “The Snake” Roberts, wearing a Hawaiian shirt over a mesh tank top. He looks like the one guy holding up a lighter during a tribute band’s finale. Jake makes his own rules in the ring because it’s just easier that way.
-Heenan casually calls Harley Race “the king of wrestling,” which puzzles Gorilla. Heenan says he’s accomplished everything there is to accomplish in wrestling, therefore, he’s the king.
HARLEY RACE vs. SPECIAL DELIVERY JONES
-From Toronto. We’re going back a couple months for this one and this is apparently Race’s first match of his WWF run. Toronto actually gives him some applause during the intro.
-Jones gets off to a nice start with a hiptoss and a side headlock. He goes off the ropes and Race catches him with a kneelift. Piledriver looks like it’s going to be a short night, but Jones miraculously kicks out at two. Race drops a series of knees and applies a neckbreaker for two. Gutwrench gets two, as SD won’t stay down. Suplex gets two. Elbow gets two.
-SD tries to fight back, even going for the eyes, to the disgust of Bobby Heenan. Series of headbutts by Jones, but Harley shows he can actually match Jones for headbutt strength. Powerslam is the move that finally does the trick, and Race gets the win.
PEDRO MORALES vs. BARRY O
-From MSG. Commentators make fun of Howard Finkel for getting super-ethnic with his pronunciations during the introductions. Meanwhile, I’m moving heaven & earth trying to find a way to shoehorn in a joke about how they have a Hispanic guy wrestling a guy whose name is pronounced “Barrio.”
-Morales has an easy time with O while Gorilla says that Pedro deserves respect for taking care of his family. It’s a good thing that Chris Rock isn’t joining Gorilla on commentary.
-Chinlock and a few punches by Barry O. He tosses Pedro over the top and onto the concrete, and Barry prematurely celebrates his victory. Morales forces himself back to the apron and O goes super-aggressive, ramming him into the post and going nuts on Pedro with stomps. Crowd chants “Pedro” and O mocks them by waving his fingers like a conductor.
-Pedro comes back to life with left hands. Backdrop and a backbreaker put Barry away. Pretty good squash.
-Bobby quotes Pedro Morales as saying “Wrestling been beddy beddy good to me,” and Gorilla breaks up.
LEAPING LANNY POFFO & GEORGE WELLS vs. RUSTY BROOKS & JOHNNY K-9
-From Poughkeepsie.
-Lanny comes to the ring with a duffel bag stuffed with Frisbees. I think this is actually the first time I’ve seen the Frisbees from him.
-Lanny starts with Rusty, who honest-to-God appears to have taped the straps of his tights together. K-9 comes in and tries to capitalize with legdrops, but he misses and Lanny tosses him to the floor. Lanny slingshots himself onto the top rope and then connects in the floor with an axehandle like his brother.
-Wells tags in and gets caught in the bad part of the ring. They go after George’s bad eye (first I’ve heard about that) and Lanny tags in and absolutely wails on K-9 for doing that. Lanny fights off both opponents, and Wells finishes K-9 off with a flying tackle.
KILLER BEES vs. HART FOUNDATION
-From Maple Leaf Gardens.
-Brett & Blair start off while Jimmy goes over to the commentary table and irritates the hell out of Gorilla with the siren function on his megaphone.
-Blair bodypresses the Anvil for a quick two-count. Brunzell works the leg and the Bees stay on top of things that way. Bees just trade off and take turns working the leg. Anvil is finally able to make the tag, and the Bees manage to do exactly the same thing to him. Figure four is applied and Anvil breaks that. Harts finally take control. Blair goes off the ropes and Brett gives him a knee to the back, which the Canadian crowd appreciates.
-Foundation stays on Blair and keeps him trapped in the corner as we pause for commercial. Anvil clamps on the front facelock while Blair struggles to get to his corner. Brett rams Anvil into Blair, getting a nice “oooooo” from the crowd. Blair, with his last once of breath, reverses an Irish whip and leaves Brett laying. Brunzell gets antsy with waiting and comes in without tagging. Referee deals with him while Anvil drapes Brett’s lifeless body over Blair’s lifeless body for two.
-Bearhug by the Anvil, but Blair breaks it with punches. Brett stops him from tagging out by going for the eyes, then traps him in a front facelock. Harts attempt a double team, but Anvil tackles his own partner and leaves him laying. Blair finally tags out and the crowd blows the roof off the Gardens.
-Anvil winds up on the floor and Brunzell is all over Brett with dropkicks, while Blair beats up the Anvil on the floor. It turns into a pier-sixer and the Harts get Irish whipped into each other. Anvil winds up on the floor again. Brett sends Brunzell into the ropes and Anvil jumps up onto the apron just in time to hit him with a hard forearm to the back of the head, and the Foundation gets the win. Good but nothing special for these guys.
-Gorilla feels that tag team matches should have two referees. Notice Gorilla never did anything about it when he became president. All talk, no action.
-Gorilla announces that The Machines haven’t wrestled in the WWF because of immigration problems, which proves that it can’t be Andre.
And here’s the 1985 ebook if you’re interested.
