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The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (9.22.1986)

September 29, 2015 | Posted by Adam Nedeff
2.7
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The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (9.22.1986)  

-Originally aired September 22, 1986.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan. Gorilla is wearing possibly the ONE outfit he owns that could possibly out-tacky Bobby’s glittering red ensemble.

KAMALA (with Classy Freddy Blassie & Friday) vs. PAT PATTERSON
-From MSG. This is an odd match for a couple of reasons. #1, it’s two years old. Kamala had actually ended one run in the company, worked for Jim Crockett, and come back by now, and Patterson is totally retired. #2, Kamala is, by this point, being pushed with manager Theeeeeeeee Wizarrrrrrrrrd and handler Kimchee, so newer fans are just totally lost watching this.

-Kamala attacks before the bell. Patterson makes a comeback and attempts a slam, but Kamala’s too big. Patterson tries speed , making Kamala chase him, but Kamala is just smart enough to be too smart for that, and he stays in the ring and waits for Patterson. Kamala wants a test of strength, but Patterson stomps on his bare feet instead. Kamala fights him off with chops, and a big splash finishes. Total squash.

-Back at the studio, Gene Okerlund wanders into the studio to make a phone call. Gene reads the official accounting of all the Big John Studd bodyslams that Heenan is on the hook for. All told, Heenan owes $120,000 to various wrestlers.

MOONDOG REX vs. TERRY GIBBS
-Joined in progress from MSG. Gibbs is working babyface for this match. Roommate’s reaction: “Is it possible for both of them to get pinned?”

-Rex clamps on a headlock and then “asserts himself” with a knee to the back. Backbreaker gets two. They trade missed elbows and a right hand by Gibbs has Rex begging off. Fistfight braks out and Gibbs comes out on the winning end. Hard kneelift follows. “Half-side suplex” (they hold onto each other while falling over, basically) by Gibbs. He goes for a backdrop, but Rex counters with an elbow to the back of the head, and a neckbreaker gets three. That was an ordeal.

-Bobby Heenan laughs at Okerlund for stupidly making a goof with his math and leaving out one slam…which means Bobby owes $135,000. Oops.

-Ken Resnick interviews George “The Animal” Steele. No new insights here.

WWF LADIES’ TAG TEAM TITLES: VELVET MCINTYRE & DESIREE PETERSON (Champions) vs. PENNY MITCHELL & PEGGY PATTERSON
-From the Meadowlands. Another oldie, with Gary Michael Capetta doing the ring announcing and Howard Finkel on commentary. Holy SHIT, Penny Mitchell is a babe.

-Velvet and Peggy (who, confirmed by Gorilla, is NOT related to Pat) start off. Champs make quick tags and work the arm. Penny tags in and gets the same treatment. She fights back by going to the eyes and applies a side headlock on Desiree. Peggy applies a side headlock of their own. Crowd has totally checked out of this one.

-And what do you do when the crowd stops giving a shit about your match? Why, a front facelock of course. And we pause for a commercial, because you’re adopted and nobody loves you.

-Rear chinlock by Penny, and Velvet finally wakes the crowd up by attacking her from behind. Referee gets distracted and the challengers switch off without tagging. Tag is finally made to Velvet and the challengers just lay a beating on her now instead of Velvet cleaning house. Velvet connects with an enziguiri on Penny out of nowhere and tags out, and now Desiree is the one cleaning house. Peggy puts a stop to that with more lethargic offense. With Desiree on the mat, Penny tags in and does an awesome heel spot , grinding her foot on top of Desiree’s fingers, with a smile on her face.

-Velvet makes it back in for another hot tag and cleans house, and a victory roll…gets two, confusing Gorilla. Sunset flip on Patterson finally gets three and the champs retain, and the crowd wakes up. Jesus.

-Bobby explains that he doesn’t manage women because the ring isn’t a place for them.

BRITISH BULLDOGS (Tag Team Champions, with Captain Lou Albano) vs. LES THORNTON & JACK FOLEY
-From “Superstars of Wrestling.” The future Hardcore Legend is a lowly jobber here, hailing from “Bloomington, Indiana” and wearing what appears to be a bathroom floor mat as a vest.

-Thornton starts with Davey Boy and grounds him with forearms for two. We get words from Jimmy Hart, who says that the Funk Brothers are gonna put a leash around the Bulldogs and take those belts away. Well, Hoss has left the company by this point, so I guess he means Jimmy Jack and long-lost brother Shmoikel Funk.

-Foley takes a running powerslam and a suplex from Davey Boy. Foley is BARELY 200 pounds here, by the way. Davey Boy plans him on the top rope and Dynamite brings him off with back suplex for three.

TNT: NIKOLAI VOLKOFF AND A BEAR
-An era quietly comes to an end here, with a segment from the final episode of “TNT.” Volkoff is wearing his famous red pinstripe suit and brings out a bear that “had the good sense to be born black,” according to Slick. We get a helpful chyron identifying the bear as “Bear.” Anyway, they discuss bear-related subjects for several minutes.

MOONDOG SPOT vs. JOSE LUIS RIVERA
-From Boston Garden, joined in progress. This is from a card available elsewhere on the Network and which I’ve already reviewed, but this match isn’t on the Network version. So I guess I can’t skip it.

-Rivera works the arm while the crowd gets warmed up with the “boring” chant. So Rivera keeps the armbar clamped on for about three days until Spot suddenly gives him a backbreaker to a huge pop. Fistdrop gets two and we pause for commercial.

-WE PAUSE FOR COMMERCIAL. FOR THIS MATCH.

-Chinlock by Spot. Rivera whips him into the corner but misses a charge. Reverse atomic drop by Spot gets two. Rivera punches Spot hard enough to get him tangled in the ropes. Weird spot where the Rivera does the sportsmanlike thing and walks away, but then the referee can’t get Spot free and Rivera has to help untangle him.

-Dropkick by Rivera gets two. He goes off the ropes, but Spot catches him in mid-run and finishes him off with a shoulderbreaker. Good God.

-Programming reminder: Next week’s program will be on Tuesday night.

-Ken Resnick interviews Randy Savage. Women are his plaything, and so are WWF wrestlers. Uh…okay. He says thinking about George Steele “makes me feel intense.” Okay, that makes it worse.

TAG TEAM TITLE: DREAM TEAM (Champions) vs. KILLER BEES
-Okay, it’s not like the entire roster took the summer off. We’re getting a 10-month-old feature match with outdated stakes.

-Bees clear the ring early on. Blair gets two from a back suplex on Valentine. Double elbow allows Valentine to do his mandated splat. We pause for commercial, with Heenan ignoring the match while reading WWF Magazine, and Gorilla’s not even on the set.

-Back to action, Valentine has taken control of the match, as I’m starting to really notice that Dream “Team” matches consisted largely of Valentine doing Brutus’ science project for him while Brutus plays video games on the apron.

-Case in point, Brutus finally tags in and takes a hard shot to the gut, and then Brunzell immediately dashes in and cleans house. Pier sixer breaks out and Brunzell clamps a sleeper on Brutus, funnily enough, but Valentine comes off the second rope with an elbow to knock him out, and Brutus gets the win to retain. Good little match.

-They discuss Danny Davis’ officiating in the previous match, and Heenan says he’s no worse than any others.

2.7
The final score: review Very Bad
The 411
Well, this episode was just...you know...but hey, they're six months away from Wrestlemania III. Wrestlemania III was a great show, wasn't it, everyone?
legend

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WWF, Adam Nedeff