The Undertaker Is No Better Than Goldberg

Goldberg or The Undertaker will headline WrestleMania 33. The final decision depends on which side of the bed Vince McMahon wakes up on on Sunday.

Going with Goldberg will lead to outrage. He’s a part-time wrestler who shouldn’t be champion. He’s over 50-years-old. He can only do two moves. His match with Brock Lesnar will be short at best, painfully unnecessary at worst.

Going with The Undertaker will bring excitement. He’s a part-time wrestler who has earned his spot in the main event. He’s over 50, but who cares? He can do just over two moves. His match with Roman Reigns will be the carry job of a lifetime at best, slow and plodding at worst.

How come Goldberg leads to fans saying, “I can’t believe WWE is putting this undeserving part-timer in the main event” while Undertaker has fans saying, “I can’t wait for The Undertaker at WrestleMania”?

The Undertaker is no better than Goldberg.

They’re both past their prime guys who can barely move. They’re physically incapable of having a good match at this point in their career. The difference is, Goldberg knows this. He knows that he’s got two moves and doesn’t care to do more. He barely did more in his prime, why should he extend himself now? The Undertaker, or maybe WWE, believes he’s still capable of having a classic, even though his last great WrestleMania match was four years ago against CM Punk.

Every time Undertaker takes a bump, there’s a report the next day with the headline, “Undertaker hurt badly following bump at (Show).” He doesn’t even walk to the ring anymore, because shows are only five hours long and they don’t want everyone to see just how poorly he moves when tasked with something as simple as walking. He’s also clearly out of shape.

Maybe fans are upset that Goldberg comes back and wins the Universal Title while The Undertaker just appears every WrestleMania, but there’s not much of a difference. First off, the title don’t mean anything. It’s not Goldberg’s fault that it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe they shouldn’t have booked it as a mid-card comedy title for six months if they wanted it to mean something. Goldberg having the belt actually boosted the prestige because he’s been put over as a badass who runs through people.

Both guys are taking away main event slots from full-time roster guys. We’re just so used to The Undertaker doing it, that we’ve accepted it. “It’s WrestleMania season, that means it’s time for The Undertaker to return.” Except that, Undertaker at WrestleMania hasn’t felt special since The Streak ended at WrestleMania 30.

His return match against Bray Wyatt lacked any emotion or drama. It was built around, “does the gunslinger have one more bullet left in the chamber?” and it turns out that, he didn’t. Where fans would typically buy a near fall because The Streak was on the line, no one bought anything Wyatt did because he was never made out to be a threat, and there was no chance Undertaker was losing. Last year’s match with Shane McMahon was a smoke and mirrors sleeper. It moved at a pace that a sloth would laugh at and the big sell was Undertaker returning to big Vince McMahon’s bitch.

With no Streak, there’s no hook. There’s certainly no hook against Roman Reigns. After showing up on Smackdown ahead of Survivor Series and threatening the Smackdown roster, and then doing nothing when they all turned on each other, he shows up on Raw because Reigns eliminated him from the Royal Rumble. And, I guess Taker really wanted that World/Universal title shot even though he hasn’t shown an interest in holding a title in over five years.

Undertaker is simply another part-time guy brought back to fill time at WrestleMania.

And, he’s a big reason as to why WWE continues to bring back part-time guys. If the fans didn’t go crazy every time the lights go down and the gong hits, chances are Vince and company wouldn’t feel the need to bring back guys like Goldberg in order to boost ratings and ticket sales.

Whether it’s Goldberg or The Undertaker going on last at WrestleMania, it makes no difference. They’re one in the same.

Let’s chat during WrestleMania on Twitter @jeremylambert88