wrestling / Columns

Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 10.25.12

October 25, 2012 | Posted by Sean Kelly

I could care less if CM Punk is a dick in real life or not. In fact, there’s a part of me that appreciates the fact that he’s not all nicey-nice whenever he’s out of character. Kinda reminds me of the old school days when the Horsemen were “living their gimmick”. Although nobody can condone getting physical with fans like he did, the fact is he’s a heel. He doesn’t want you cheering for him. He openly mocks people on live television who do. He’s not trying to be a “cool heel” who gets cheered even though he’s positioned as the bad guy (aka the nWo). If, in his mind, that means he has to insult people on Twitter or come across as a douche, then by all means, I say more power to him. If he actually IS a douche …. again, I could care less so long as he entertains me while watching Raw, which he does as much as anyone out there.
– Vegasdonk

I agree 100%. If people find him entertaining on and off screen, that’s great. I happen to think he’s a helluva performer that has a massive, real-life chip on his shoulder. Sometimes that attitude spills over into the “real world” where Punk has some questionable interactions with fans. In the last year, he’s, among other things, told fans to kill themselves, called one a homophobic slur and punched an innocent fan in the face. All while WWE champion of a PG product. If some people don’t have an issue with that, then that’s cool. As for me, I do have an issue with it.

Ok, I get that you have your opinion on Punk and that is fine.
To heap praise on Chris Jerrico, who was guilty of a similar incident of either “attacking fans” or “defending himself from fans” in the same column suggests that you either don’t do your research or that you have a double standard.
Take your pick.
– TripleH’s Quad

It’s not an either/or situation, Mr. Triple H’s Quad (nice name, btw). Want to know the major difference? Punk hit the wrong guy! He swung wildly and injured an innocent person. Jericho was defending himself from someone that was clearly coming at him. Also, Jericho was cornered and tried to get security involved. Punk wasn’t cornered – he could have easily walked down a few steps to avoid any more violence and beckoned for security. Instead, he swung recklessly and hurt an innocent fan.

P.S. I don’t do my research.

Wow, you’re whining about Punk is getting out of hand. Consider this the last click you get from me pal, not because you’re opinion differs from mine, but because you’re a whiny bitch who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
– Sabotage

This is a great example of what’s wrong with many comments on the internet. I’m ok if you insult me, but at least back it up with some examples, like Mr. TripleH’s Quad did. Calling someone a “whiny bitch” and running away does not constitute an intelligent argument. Tell me how I’m a whiny bitch and use examples of how I don’t know what I’m talking about. You whiny bitch.

Hey, it’s ok. He’s not reading this, right?

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! Man, there are a lot of passionate Punk defenders out there. And that’s great! I’m glad he has such a loyal following. Just because I think he’s a jerk doesn’t mean you have to. This is a news & opinion & stupid column, and I’m just giving my opinion folks. Odds are, my opinions won’t be the same as all of yours, and that’s what makes it fun!

Let’s get to the news, shall we?

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WORLD (WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT) NEWS TONIGHT

-Potential Spoilers – WWE writers are reportedly having a rough time putting together a finish for the CM Punk/Ryback match at Hell in a Cell. WWE officials including Vince McMahon are high on Ryback but don’t want him to lose clean at the PPV. There is also talk of keeping the title on CM Punk until the Royal Rumble where the Rock is expected to wrestle for the gold.

– The end of the event will likely be Ryback/Punk, but they don’t want the PPV to end in a DQ or screw job as it would take away from both guys. Official also do not want to end the show with Sheamus vs. Big Show since it’s not as big of a draw.

– One idea that’s been rumored to have been tossed around is having Brock Lesnar come out and cost Ryback the match. The issue there is that it would possibly waste a date with Lesnar and the revenge Triple H is expected to put on Lesnar as well. WWE is probably going to come up with multiple ideas for the finish in the coming week.

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Well, they’ve almost booked themselves into a corner with this one. On one hand, you can’t have your unstoppable monster lose cleanly, but on the other, you can’t have Punk drop the belt before the money match with the Rock. So what’s a gal to do?

Most speculation revolves around having Lesnar interfere in some way. Probably because it’s the most interesting path to take. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see two big hosses like Lesnar and Ryback go at it in the ring? Also, Heyman’s affiliation with both Punk and Lesnar would explain Brock’s appearance.

While I try to avoid fantasy booking in general, the challenge of booking a satisfying ending to this match is too much to resist. Here’s how I would do it:

You start the match as normal. Ryback constantly gets the upper hand on Punk. Punk gives Ryback his biggest challenge yet, but it’s not enough. About 20 minutes in, it’s obvious that Punk’s going to lose, and he knows it.

Punk ties up Ryback in the ropes. Cue Paul Heyman. Paul takes some bolt cutters out from under the ring and cuts the chain that’s keeping the door closed. Punk quickly escapes through the door, and Heyman replaces the chain with a brand new one, locking Ryback inside. Punk taunts an infuriated Ryback through the cell, bragging that while Ryback may be bigger, Punk is smarter.

Ryback’s had enough. He gets the crowd chanting “Feed me more!” Once the crowd is in a frenzy, Ryback PICKS UP THE CELL to get out. Obviously, the cell is gimmicked with cables on one side, but we’re going for spectacle here, folks. Punk and Heyman take off up the ramp, while Ryback slowly stalks them. Paul Heyman screams “Plan B! Cue Plan B!” And with that, Lesnar’s music hits.

Out comes Lesnar and it’s 2-on-1. In the meantime, officials have unlocked the door, and the action spills back into the ring. Ryback fends them off for a while, but soon the numbers game takes over. Lesnar and Punk simultaneously apply submission holds, and after a mightly struggle, Ryback passes out a la Steve Austin at WrestleMania 13. The ref calls the match, and Punk wins.

Here’s why I like this approach:

-Punk keeps the title
– Ryback loses, but if your first loss is at the hands of both the current WWE Champion and a former UFC champion, no one’s gonna hold that against you
– It kicks off a Ryback/Lesnar feud
– It creates an “OMG” moment when Ryback picks up the cell
– Both men come out of it better: Punk as the smart, conniving heel, and Ryback as a legit bad ass
– It sets up Survivor Series nicely, with Heyman’s guys in one corner, and anti-Heyman guys (Ryback, Triple H, etc.) in the other

Do you folks like my idea? Have a better one? Sound off below!

WWE is currently planning out their WWE films schedule over the next two years. At this time, they would like to have CM Punk star in a movie, but also do not want to have him miss time from his normal schedule. While Randy Orton has worked TV and missed live events while working on his film, WWE wants to keep Punk on live events to help sell tickets.

WWE is also considering a fourth Marine movie, but going in a different direction, with Eve Torres starring in the film.

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Einstein is often quoted as coining the popular definition of insanity as “doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.” So, is WWE insane? They keep bleeding money making these generic action movies. HELLO! YOU’RE A PG COMPANY! YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE ISN’T ALLOWED TO WATCH VIOLENT MOVIES!

Time for a different approach, WWE. Why not make family-friendly movies instead? I’m not saying they should make after-school specials, but something with content that, y’know, both kids and grown-ups can watch?

I think it’s time that WWE tried making a different kind of movie. Their action and dramatic pics have flopped. Here’s some suggestions! And they’re not even original ideas!

1) A Kane & Daniel Bryan buddy comedy. They can be anything – cops, janitors, whatever. Give them 85 minutes of well-scripted antics and I’m watching.

2) John Cena’s Game Plan: Take the plot of the Game Plan but reswizzle it for the wrestling world. John Cena gets custody of an 8 year old boy, as he’s the boy’s only known kin. What 8 year old wouldn’t want John Cena to be their new daddy? What young WWE fan wouldn’t want to travel with their favorite Superstars? Bonus points if the kid interacts with Kane and Daniel Bryan.

3) Wrestling Freaky Friday: A 15 year old rebellious girl switches bodies with her estranged wrestler father, played by Triple H.

How about you, readers? Got any ideas for a killer WWE movie?

WWE is currently talking with Charlie Sheen about being involved in some type of non-wrestling role for WrestleMania 29. Sheen was rumored for a Summerslam appearance this year, but they never got a deal done. WWE is looking to work with Sheen and possibly have him start appearing on WWE television in a few months to being a build to WrestleMania.

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WWE is also looking to work with Alana Thompson, the star of the popular TV show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

You can’t have WrestleMania without involving celebrities. Charlie Sheen has a ready-made feud with Daniel Bryan, and even though he’s not in the media as much these days, the Warlock is sure to bring much-needed press coverage to the event. If done correctly, the two can potentially make some memorable moments revolving around Anger Management, giving Sheen’s show a cheap plug in the process. What I’d really like to see is the living personification of celebrity excess go toe-to-toe with Mr. Straight Edge himself, but I don’t think Sheen’s ego could take the verbal beating that Punk would be sure to deliver.

As for Honey Boo Boo, what can I tell you? She’ll join WrestleMania’s illustrious alumni of “15 minutes of fame” celebrities such as Sy Sperling, Gennifer Flowers, Morton Downey Jr. & Snooki. The real question is whether anyone will still care about this brat once April rolls around.

Brodus Clay recently did an interview with CT.com. Here are some of the highlights:

I told the announcer to call me the Funkasaurus. He looked at me like I was crazy. I’m like, ‘I don’t know why I want to be the Funkasaurus.’ So I got lucky that the swamped writer had other things going on. Luckily, it stuck.

I was bodyguarding. At the same time, I was working with kids during the day. I worked at Five Acres, where I was a recreation therapist during the day. I worked with 6-, 7- and 8-year-olds on motor development, trying to teach ’em how to be kids again.

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How about that, eh? A lot of people seem sour on the Funkasaurus gimmick these days, but I for one love it. It’s harmless fun for the kids and it gives Clay a distinctive, memorable personality. Wrestling needs a little bit of fun, ya dig? I was also surprised that Clay used to work with kids on their fine motor skills. The man fascinates me even more after this interview. On one hand, he’s a huge, tough bouncer, but on the other, he’s a caring guy trying to help kids. It’s too bad that Brodus seems to be another victim of the notorious WWE “start-stop” push. If his character weren’t so directionless he could make valuable contributions to the product. Quick poll: Who out there thinks the Funkasaurus gimmick is past its prime, and who thinks that it’s a ton o’ fun?

It’s amazing how some last minute, unplanned moments go on to become long-lasting pieces of wrestling lore. It’s also interesting to note that many of the biggest names in modern WWE history were developed by the Superstars themselves. It’s like WWE has a gift for creating horrible names. Let’s take a look at some of the names that the WWE has chosen for their Superstars, and how the Superstar has improved upon it:

Mick Foley
WWE Creative Name: Mason the Mutilator
Foley’s Name: Mankind

Dwayne Johnson
WWE Creative Name: Rocky Maivia
Rock’s Name: The Rock

Steve Austin
WWE Creative Names: The Ringmaster, Chilly McFreeze, Ice Dagger, Baron Von Ruthless
Austin’s Name: Stone Cold Steve Austin

My personal favorites are Chilly McFreeze, which sounds like a McDonald’s ice cream product, and Ice Dagger, which sounds like Homer Simpson had to come up with a gangster nickname on the spot. Those are just some examples. Can you think of others?

The decision to reveal Devon as a member of the Aces & Eights was not something that had been planned for a long time. Word is that the decision was made in recent weeks. Devon’s contract with TNA did expire, and similar to Matt Morgan, the company has been looking for ways to bring him back in.

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Here’s another example of a last minute, unplanned decision that worked out really well. Maybe you like having Devon as part of the group, maybe you don’t, but NO ONE saw it coming. Kudos to TNA for taking a real-life mistake and turning it into a well-executed payoff on screen. There’s a column in here somewhere. Maybe a “Top Lemons to Lemonade” wrestling moments – where real life mistakes/screw ups are turned into on-screen gold. I’m no wrestling historian, but off the top of my head I can think of:

Montreal Screwjob – Bret had to be handled and thus Mr. McMahon was born

WWE’s Summer of Punk – Punk’s contract was really expiring, and thus the first true, new main eventer in recent years was made

Edge steals Lita from Matt Hardy – Real life love shenanigans between the three propelled all three to a new level on-screen

I know there’s a lot more. Readers – get on it! Tell me more in the comments section, stat!

Booker T recently spoke about Dolph Ziggler, and what is holding his back from main event status. Here is what he had to say…

“One thing I tell him is he has to be more selfish (in the ring). He needs to start thinking about himself a whole lot more. He thinks about the other guy he’s in the ring with way too much.

Until he starts doing that, he’s not going to get over like he should.”

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I kind of disagree with Booger T’s take on Shake-A-Butt Guy here. True, Ziggler needs to be a little more selfish in the ring, but in-ring work is only part of the equation. Ziggler needs a solid, sustained, interesting push in order to click with the mainstream fans. CM Punk was a superb wrestler for years and a two time World Champion to boot. It still didn’t help him. He only rocketed to the top after the Summer of Punk angle started, and he was given a long, sustained, interesting push. So yeah, being a little more selfish will help, but it’s not enough. He needs to ask for the ball and get the opportunity to run with it.

Oh, Dolph, if only you were more selfish in the ring and less selfish in the bedroom, you’d have everything you want right now.

YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TWEET

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SIGNING OFF

Thank you for making Thursday Sports Entertainment your destination for wrestling news, opinions, etc. Next week I’ll try to get in an Awesome Ladybug Girl review of Saturday Morning Slam, but no promises. It’s her birthday this weekend and we’ll be busy with all sorts of birthday goodness. I’ll let you know how her reaction to getting tickets to TLC goes.

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.

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Sean Kelly

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