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The Wrestling 5&1 2.2.13: Stacy Keibler vs Candice Michelle!!

February 2, 2013 | Posted by Tony Acero

The Wrestling 5&1 is chock full of bad-assery. Nuff said.

BRING ON THE GIRLS!

The Versus Royal Rumble
With Tony Acero

The results are in and we have crowned an official Divas Royal Rumble Champion! What does this mean? Aside from totally being your guys’ votes that allowed her to win, it also means that Stacy Keibler is officially in the Hall of Bang!!

There has been a bit of confusion, so let me be clear. For the last 11 weeks, we have been voting for the girl we want to ELIMINATE! Ergo, last week, people voted on who would be ELIMINATED, giving Stacy the win. The poll below shows that EVE was ELIMINATED.

That’s right, Stacy has officially entered the Hall of Bang, and as any fighting champion would say, she’s not ready to chill. We’re bringing back the Battle of the Bang! Stacy is going head to head with #8 of the Hall of Bang to see if she can move up the ranks. To remind you of who is in the current Hall of Bang…

With Stacy spending just a week in the HOB, will she settle in for a long run, or will Candice Michelle send her out of the HOB before she even places down her thong?

VOTE NOW!


The poll expires Tuesday night, and you can vote once every 12 hours. Now get voting!

Last week in The Wrestling 5&1…

How could you leave off Undertaker and Kane when talking about wrestling brothers (since you brought fake brothers into the equation)?

Also, I’m calling for Punk to retain, Ziggler to cash in on Del Rio (though that might be too obvious), Ziggler to also iron man, but Ryback to have both most eliminations and win the whole thing. Yeah, most of my picks have about a snowball’s chance in Hell, but if I’m right, awesome. – G-Walla

Although I’m not Greg, I’m almost positive that Kane and The Undertaker were left off due to not actually being brothers, as opposed to the Harts and the Hardys. As for your prediction, it appears that you were only just wrong, as Dolph was pretty much the iron man, and Ryback had some sort of significant presence.

Fix the divas division? It’s simple. Eliminate it. Women DO NOT draw. Trish and Lita had ONE match that drew as a main event of Raw when Raw was doing well. In TNA, Kong v Gail had good ratings.. in a time when TNA didnt even get over the 1.0 mark. Its a waste of time. Turn them into valets and eye candy. Win win. – Drew

Although your thoughts on the ratings may be true, I don’t think that eliminating it is the right answer. An answer, for sure – but the right one; no. They have assets here, they just aren’t using them to the best of their capabilities and treat them as unimportant. Wrestling is a beast in which if they make it important, we may very well invest in said importance, but when was the last time the Divas mattered?

I thought the point of Cena’s promo was no matter what you usually do on a Sunday; be lazy, play videogames, wake up from a crazy Saturday night(with bodily fluids all around you), etc.; this Sunday would be different due to The Rumble. – KipSmithers

That most definitely was the point of it, but the trip Cena took us on to get there was a horrible one. I totally get what he was trying to do, but the execution is a glaring example of why John Cena doesn’t work.

I pretty much voted Eve off just based on Stacy’s nostalgia.
How to fix the divas division? By actually developing the wrestling skills of them, along with developing true personalities for them. Hell, you could even make sure they are consistently seen as valets or managers or something. We know exactly who AJ and Kaitlyn are at characters. Layla could use a heel turn, but as a face, as much as I’m a fan of hers, she’s probably in the Tara/Victoria role of putting over other divas. Nattie could easily be pushed, and even though she’s involved with the Khali/Hornswoggle thing, it’s awful, and she should have a serious contending run. Alicia Fox switches alignment more than Kane & Big Show, and though she’s a bubbly peppy chick, she has no direction what so ever. Remember that story-line about her giving JTG a makeover? Yea, I vaguely do, and that’s the type of stuff that writes itself. Tamina is sort of a wildcard, but her family lineage would be easy to use. Aksana & Rosa are decent (or at least WERE decent in FCW), but they should be valets until they get better in the ring, or remember how to wrestle. That’s 7 divas…SEVEN, a pitiful excuse for a roster. Bring Paige & Audrey up, bring Rosita in, and find a way to get Velvet Sky in, even though she resigned to TNA for 2 years. - SS87

My man! I totes agree on the development of wrestling skills, but I also feel that there may very well be some talented women on the roster – we just never get the opportunity to see it. With 1-2 minute matches in which they focus on chin locks and arm drags, there’s hardly a chance to see IF they have any type of actual talent in the ring. The examples that you gave are just more evidence towards the waning interests within the creative division. It’s like they start something and drop it simply because they get bored.

I tend to think John Cena’s a better wrestler than he is sometimes given credit for, but the kinds of promos they try to give him (for want of a better term, Rock promos) don’t do it for him. I for one wouldn’t mind seeing fewer Cena promos (Not none, the guy can talk. Just less of them).

Re: the Divas division, Kharma would be a great long term re-sign if they can get her to commit down the road (say, at the end of the year). I’d similarly look to try to lure back Beth Phoenix.

In the meantime, AJ Lee is growing as an antagonist. Why not have her feud with Kaitlyn for the belt at Wrestlemania? In the meantime, Tamina would be a solid contender. – Jonathan Foye

I like that you point out that these promos are essentially Rock promos, as I don’t completely disagree. The difference is that The Rock can seemingly handle the transition from funny to serious, and it doesn’t come off as hokey, it comes off as The Rock. This isn’t a defense, exactly, for The Rock, but it’s very obvious that Cena is at his best when he is serious but not over the top. AJ in anything is ok by me.

Oh, and the John Cena promo can’t have been scripted. I refuse to believe the writers put this on paper and thought “Yes, YES….THIS IS MY GREATEST WORK YET!”

The script probably just read: “John Cena promo: 10 minutes”

“During the Attitude Era, would The Rock or Triple H have caught on during their star-making
Intercontinental Title reigns if they had frequently lost non-title
matches?”

I thought the Rock did lose the majority of his non-title matches as IC champ? I remember reading somewhere that it wasn’t until 4-5 months into his reign that he got his first win. - Mrwishart

I feel that someone wrote this promo, and someone else thought it was funny – which was enough for Cena to go off of. There’s something really out of touch with the WWE and comedy. I do recall The Rock losing much more than he won, although I don’t know specifics.

RE: Cena’s Promo
Let me preface this by saying, I don’t know how creative really works. Are the writers given a direction, an outline, bullet points from Vince/HHH/Stephanie and then are they tasked with writing a script? Do they pitch ideas to Vince/HHH/Stephanie? Are they so well versed in their bosses tastes that they really aren’t being “creative”, rather they’re selling shitty stories they know the bosses will love, thereby ensuring the security of their job?

I’ve never been in the room, so I don’t know how much/little blame can be placed on the writers, rather than Vince/HHH/Stepahnie.

Which brings us to John Cena. We know he was either handed a script, which he recited verbatim, or bullet points with which he crafted his own promo and either way, the buck stops with him. Cena has been the top guy for 8 years….8YEARS. For an historical perspective, he’s Hulk Hogan in 1993. The same Hulk Hogan who strolled back into WWE after a year away, took the WWE title at Wrestlemania, and left when he and Vince couldn’t see eye to eye. My point is that even if Cena was given a script, he has the power to say no and force changes. The fact that he didn’t means he either thought it was well written or maybe, the promo was all his..

I think so many are quick to blame the writers for everything we don’t like about wrestling. I call it “The Vince Russo Hangover” since so many see all the writers through the Russo prism; know-nothing, know-it-alls, who don’t just not “get” wrestling, but actually hate it, preferring to turn it into just another scripted TV show. But I think many miss the true lesson of Vince Russo. Despite all his claims to having been instrumental in the Attitude Era, without Vince McMahon, Pat Patterson, Steve Austin, The Rock, HHH, and Mick Foley, Vince Russo has been a monumental failure. Even he acknowledges he had a ton of help in WWE from Vince as the big picture guy, Pat putting together the mechanics of the matches, and the wrestlers with the talent, drive, and initiative to be partners in making the show as great as it could be..

At the end of the day, the wrestlers have to take some responsibility, especially John Cena- the biggest star in WWE- who is in the position to set an example for all the guys. If creative hands you shit, you throw it back until they give you something that isn’t.

You’re far too kind. I have all the admiration for the guys who write a columns. To show up every week, with a list of stuff that inspires an opinion, and enough thoughts to fill a whole column is far from easy.
Me? I’m a one trick pony. If something strikes me as interesting, I’ve got an opinion, but I’m nowhere near good enough to do it week in and week out, coming up with material even in weeks where nothing of note happens. Invariably, I would be horribly repetitive.

I’m much better suited to “the no deadline, no pressure, show up when I want” comment section. – bobsky

First off, your comments are always welcomed and well thought out. I think you’re spot on with Cena being the ultimate decider, and it is one point I just forgot to mention. Although Vinnie is up top, Cena can easily say “No, I ain’t doing this” and that’ll be that. It’s these little things that makes me feel there’s a part of Cena that just doesn’t care. Sure, this helps him when he needs to be a company man, and is willing to do what he deems correct for the company, but in terms of promos and their content, he’s just got to realize that this isn’t funny. Or – maybe – he just has a bad sense of humor. I’d definitely be throwing back stuff to the creative team, which makes me wonder how often it actually happens. What if, hypothetically, this promo was worse, and this was the compromise that Cena allowed? Wouldn’t that be horrible?! Haha.

As for you writing a column, you’re more than welcome to draw up a point and we’ll include it if it’s strong enough. You’ve got the simple things down, such as grammar and spelling (and really, that’s like 80% of the job ;) ) haha. Thanks again.

This Monday Night saw the return of the Vegas themed RAW, and I have to admit that I wasn’t impressed. There was quite a bit going on during the show that didn’t work for me, and yet nothing could trump a particular one-liner that probably shouldn’t be given the severity of importance that I did. What it did do, however, is create a jump-off point of something that has been bugging me for some time now. I’ve spoken numerous times before about the commentary team, and the issues that they possess, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never brought this particular aspect up. There are times when a promo is being cut in the middle of the ring, and the air is thick with importance. Whether it’s John Cena, The Rock, or even Santino, they have a job – and that’s to put over whatever it is they’re selling. These three occasionally use humor to get their point across, in hopes that the audience both at home and in the audience chuckle a bit. While that’s all well and good, there are a few voices that I do NOT need to be hearing during these moments, and that’s Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

On more than one occasion, these two idiots sound like blubbering dumb asses more than commentators, and they – numerous times – have detracted from moments in the ring that are to be shared between the wrestler and the fans. Yes, The Rock calling CM Punk a cookie-puss has some humoristic qualities, but having Cole and King laugh on the sidelines does absolutely nothing for anyone, and comes off as annoying. It seems that ever since the incarnation of the “evil Michael Cole,” there is more of a leniency towards allowing these guys to essentially break character and say such snide remarks as the one on Monday Night:

“It’s going to get better, folks, I promise.”

In The Rs, I wrote this:

THIS! THIS is why NXT Season 3 was the worst television experience in my entire life. THIS! THIS is why Michael Cole is the man that was hated for over a year! THIS! THIS is why the announce team is universally eye-roll inducing. You NEVER say stupid shit like this about your product on LIVE television. And if you do; if for some DAMN reason you feel the need to spurt out that ‘yes, my product sucks major unshaved ball sack,” then that should be a sign to CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PRODUCT! This has happened far too many times in the past with the WWE and I can’t tell you how much I hate it – actually, yes I can.

And now, I’m telling you. These guys have one job…to ENHANCE the story that’s going on in the ring, and more often than not, they simply laugh at idiotic moments or actually side with the IWC when something is going wrong. We all saw the clusterfuck that was the divas match on RAW, and I am sure not one of us enjoyed it in the least. Instead of opting to alter the product, the WWE instead decides to say, “Yeah, you guys are totally right about this shit sucking balls, but we don’t care, we’re still going to do it AND point it out.” I’m sure there is a very simple way to just a) mute the mics when someone is cutting a promo and b) only say something when it helps what you’re attempting to sell…

You Decide: Is Tony overreacting about the commentary team?

World Heavyweight Championship – Last Man Standing
Alberto Del Rio (champion) vs. The Big Show

I highly enjoyed this match from start to (almost) finish. The intensity was there, and the crowd was hot for everything. I expected the hot start from Big Show, since he was the former champion trying to prove Del Rio as a fluke champion.

Del Rio as a face is working, and the table spot was perfect for him. He took it like a champ, and he got up from it—exactly what a face should do. Del Rio’s assault on Show’s arm was great as well, and it appeared as this would be a great win for the champ.

But then we got to the finish.

I have no problem with Ricardo Rodriguez helping Alberto Del Rio win—but duct taping Big Show to the ropes? It makes Del Rio look like what Big Show called him—a fluke. This “win” was anything but for Del Rio, and it makes Show look like he got screwed. A heel shouldn’t get screwed.

Knee Jerk Reaction: Great match, bad finish. The match itself made Del Rio look like a true champ, the finish undermined his title reign. And despite my calling it a great match, outside of the table spot it doesn’t feel anything different than what we’ve seen on
television.

The promo that followed this match (Dolph Ziggler, AJ and Big E. Langston) was entertaining, and even showed some more personality from Big E. But it offered one big disappointment—the confirmation that we would see a new WWE Superstar enter the rumble every 90 seconds. Boo on that shit.

WWE Tag Team Championship
Team Hell No – Kane & Daniel Bryan (champions) vs. Team Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes & Damian Sandow)

I expected this match to open the show, but it did fine in the second spot. The crowd, once again, was hot for the match.

But what we got was a match we’ve seen countless times before. It was entertaining, but it was just a match. A match we’ve seen on RAW and Main Event before. I enjoyed that Daniel Bryan got the submission win.

Knee Jerk Reaction: Another good match that we’ve seen before. Still entertaining, and it was great for all parties involved.

After this match we got a great promo package of what the WWE has done in Phoenix this week. Lots of WWE Superstars doing great things in their community. Outside of all that, one thing stood out—big time. No John Cena. Not saying he didn’t do anything, but he didn’t get any time in this video package. Could that heel turn we’ve all been wanting really happen?

Following the promo came the most surprising moment of the night so far—the Royal Rumble is on third? WTF?

The Royal Rumble Match

Dolph Ziggler in at number one, which lead to the first big surprise of the match—Chris Jericho in at #2! His 2013 return? Already going better than his 2012 return. Welcome back, Chris! I’d love to see them as the final two, too.

Random thoughts:
• Titus O’Neil has big star potential. The crowd was following along with Titus as soon as he entered the ring.
• Goldust? Cody Rhodes? Could Dustin get his WrestleMania wish one year later? Or was this done to provide Dustin with the moment that he’ll never get at WrestleMania.
• David Otunga entering makes me hope Chris Masters makes a surprise appearance.
• 10 guys in, only 2 eliminated. We’re on pace to have 24 in the ring after #30 enters. I know this won’t happen, but it sure sounds fun!
• It took almost ten people to eliminate Brodus Clay. One of the smaller guys in the match eliminated Tensai—by himself.
• Kofi Kingston had a great play on what happened last year, but why didn’t someone simply go outside and knock him over?
• The Godfather! Loved seeing him, and he offered some great laughs with his entrance. But I have to vouch for my city—Phoenix has MUCH better strippers than those two.
• After 26 years of “danglers,” we need a dangler to have his feet touch the floor while dangling.
• Interesting way to lay the foundation for what I believe will be a WrestleMania match-up for Kane & Daniel Bryan.
• Randy Orton in at #26, good position for The Apex Predator.
• Jinder Mahal at Lucky #27? Not so lucky this year.
• Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio apparently ate at the same restaurants during their rehab.
• Feed Me #30…
• Sheamus, Orton, Cena, Ryback & Ziggler? Must suck to be the heel in this equation.
• Orton needed this type of a performance against the WWE’s best—he had a bad 2012. Although that was a hell of a rub for Ryback.
• NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• The above point was my comment on Ziggler’s elimination.
• Ryback and Cena staring each other down was a great Royal Rumble moment.

Knee Jerk Reaction: After tons of possibilities in what was a great Royal Rumble match, John Cena emerged victorious. With Rock-Punk going on last? Either we get the also expected Cena-Rock rematch at WrestleMania or the WWE pulls off a huge surprise.

I’m betting in the former.

Rock-Punk is next? So is Kaitlyn-Tamina the main event?

WWE Championship
CM Punk (champion) vs. The Rock

Masterful performance by both men in the match. The lights going out at The People’s Elbow was the right moment—despite not being his finisher (or is it?), it’s his signature.

Here’s what I don’t get…once the match was restarted, why didn’t The Shield come back out? What about Heyman? After they pulled out the stops with the blackout and The Shield, there’s no reason that, in a logical world, that this has a legitimate outcome.

But that’s what suspension of disbelief is for, eh?

Knee Jerk Reaction: So after ten years, The Rock is WWE Champion once again—and we have Rock vs. Cena as our obvious main event for WrestleMania 29. I don’t like that. But at least it seems to set-up an Undertaker-CM Punk match for WrestleMania as well, which should be one hell of a build.

Or does it?

World Heavyweight Championship: The Big Show vs Alberto Del Rio (champion)
A surprisingly solid match from these two that both topped their previous Last Man Standing Match. I thought the chokeslam into the table was rather weak, but if this isn’t proof that the face turn is working for Del Rio, then I don’t know what is. Big Show was so good here that he was sweating 2 minutes in! The duct tape method of winning was rather heelish, though, which confuses me a bit. Still, it helps that Del Rio didn’t go all Miz on his face turn. Bret Hart’s little nod to Del Rio was Flair-Miz-esque and seemed rather forced, but I liked Del Rio’s response “You’re like the Canadian Del Rio.” I know people were calling for a Dolph cash in but I don’t think it’s time for that. All in due time. Anyways, the match was pretty solid and a nice way to start the 2013 WWE Royal Rumble.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Rating: **1/2

WWE Tag Team Championship: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Team Hell No (champions)
This was a pretty solid match, but that was an expectation going in. I didn’t think they were going to give Rhodes Scholars the titles quite yet, and I’m not sure why, but I think they need a bit more time with them. Unless, of course, they’re ready to give those two a single’s run – which seems to be the route their going with Bryan and Kane. Not a bad tag team match on this year’s Royal Rumble card.

Winners: Team Hell No
Rating: ***

Royal Rumble Match
Jericho! Goldust! Godfather! The Rumble is always exciting, and tonight was no different…until the last few seconds. Look, I predicted John Cena to win, but I just knew how badly it would all turn out. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be surprised because we all knew it was going to go down this way, but there was some sort of hope inside of me that the WWE would surprise me and make me feel like a kid again. Alas, they didn’t and Cena won. I wanted to be a dick and rate this Royal Rumble match like No Stars, but that’s just unfair to Kofi’s chair stunt, Dolph’s performance, and the Jericho surprise.

Winner: John Fucking Cena
Rating: ***

WWE Championship: CM Punk (champion) vs The Rock
This match was as great as I wanted it to be, save for the ending. The Rock – no matter who believes it – is seriously in top notch shape, and this match had the intensity that I wanted. My only issue is the ending, with a People’s Elbow to end the reign that lasted over 400 days. I know it’s nit-picking but still….Again, the result wasn’t in question, and when Punk won with 20 minutes left in the match, I kinda knew where this was going. The Shield being involved was expected, as well, but the darkness was a nice touch. I suppose this is the beginning of the “Heyman Guy” stable of some sort.

Winner: The Rock (New WWE Champion)
Rating: ****

You Decide: Was the Royal Rumble what you wanted it to be?

One of the most shocking returns of the Royal Rumble was that of Chris Jericho, who showed up as #2 and made me jump out of my seat. Sure, he wasn’t going to win, but he was a legit surprise and showed that he really is one of the few that really know how to work the internet. Homeboy just knows we’ll bite. Anyways, his return got me thinking as to what his role would be in the WWE with his return, and apparently the wheels began turning on RAW when we saw him interact with Dolph Ziggler.

For a while, I was questioning just what they were going to do with Dolph. It’s obvious they weren’t going with a win over Cena, and he most likely can’t cash in on his briefcase quite yet, with the Mania moments all but set in…so what the hell was he going to do? Insert: Jericho. I’m pretty happy about this entire thing because at the very least, we’re going to get some solid wrestling. At most, we’re going to get some good mic work and Jericho using his uncanny ability of putting people over to help keep Dolph interesting and in the upper echelon of the card. For that, I can only say thank you Jericho.

You Decide: Is Jericho’s return going to help Dolph Ziggler?

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And 1 Model of the Week
with Tony Acero

She is the runner up of the Divas Royal Rumble and former Divas Champion, EVE!!!

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Randle’s Wrestling News Experience!
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Tony Acero presents The Low End Theory!

Plenty to talk about in the comments!
What did you think of the Royal Rumble?
What’s wrong with the commentary team?
And don’t forget about the Versus—Candice Michelle vs Stacy Keibler!!

Until next time…

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