The Wrestling News Experience: 04.14.08

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, travelling along the sixth circle of Hell that is my job, with only my wit and a small pocket knife for protection. I’d put more faith in the wit, actually.

The Jays have swept two series and been swept once, which means we’re still ahead. Speaking of being ahead, a certain Ottawa-based franchise is not, down two games and not looking to resurface any time soon. It’s so karma-riffic that I just can’t help but gloat a little bit.

Okay, I’m done. Wrestling!

PPV In Review – TNA Lockdown 2008

Here’s Larry’s live coverage.

Black Machismo won the Xscape Match to retain the X Division Title.
1. Johnny Devine pinned Sonjay Dutt (rollup)
2. Consequences Creed pinned Shark Boy (CreedDT)
3. Curry Man pinned Consequences Creed (Spice Rack)
4. Johnny Devine pinned Curry Man (Devine Intervention)
5. Black Machismo escaped the cage for the win.

I’m shocked, shocked that they didn’t immediately transition the title to either Creed, as he’s the hot new thing, or Shark Boy, as he’s the hot new imitation of another more popular wrestler.

Roxxi Laveaux won the Queen of the Cage Match to become #1 Contender to the TNA Knockouts Title (Laveaux pinned Angelina Love, Voodoo Crusher)

It couldn’t have been that bad, the entire thing was less than five minutes. But doesn’t that kind of ruin the concept of cages as being, you know, hard to get into? I thought the purpose of a cage match was to discourage outside interference getting into the ring and affecting a match. But then, that pretty much went out the window in the era of people ripping the door off its hinges and such. Whatever.

BG James defeated Kip James (pinfall, rollup)

I’m not sure why people are shocked that this was a short, bad match. It was a bad match eight years ago when both of them were much younger and in relatively better shape.

Super Eric won the Cuffed in the Cage Match by being the last man not handcuffed

A cluster so bad that no recap I’ve checked out yet has actually managed to figure out the order everyone got handcuffed to the cage. But then, the entire thing was a vehicle to push Super Eric anyway, no matter what popular tag teams get in the way, so mission accomplished, I guess. Does the winner of this actually get anything, or did Eric Young just win another meaningless “gauntlet” match, like that time he won #1 seed in the Fight for Your Right tournament that didn’t really end up being an advantage at all?

Gail Kim and ODB defeated Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed (ODB pinned Saeed, top rope splash

In the great tradition of wrestling managers of big, unstoppable heels everywhere, of course Saeed must be the weak link in the team, to eat pins and such. I can feel Byers crying for his beloved Cheerleader Melissa from here.

Booker T and Sharmell defeated Robert Roode and Peyton Banks (Sharmell pinned Banks, rollup)

Seriously, why would anyone want to be Roode’s manager at this point? He always blames you for the losses, threatens to slap you around, and eventually fires you in favour of someone who looks almost exactly like you.

Team Cage defeated Team Tomko in the Lethal Lockdown match (Rhino pinned Storm, Gore)

Can’t ask for much more than this, although I’d start asking for less before someone dies. Seriously, they’re already putting a table and ladder on top of the cage to start the Lethal Lockdown portion, so you just know there’s going to be a massive stunt eventually. Which reminds me, why does this cage even have a roof? It’s like every Hell in the Cell match for the first few years, where everyone just waited for a chance to get out and climb up on the roof.

Samoa Joe defeated Kurt Angle to win the TNA World Title (pinfall, Muscle Buster)

Well, I’ll be damned, they finally pulled the trigger. Granted, it would have meant more many, many months ago, but the important thing is that they did it, and time will tell if they missed the boat or not.

Overall, it’s hard for me to rate TNA PPV’s, because I don’t watch them, but I’d say it’s fair to judge this based on the two main event matches, since most of the undercard seemed either silly (Super Eric) or rushed. Give them points for the Xscape Match and the Knockouts tag, but take a few away for the “second or third time’s the charm” New Age Outlaws breakup yawner, and you still get a decent PPV that finally had the right ending.

What’s On Tap – WWE Raw for April 14th

Tonight, Raw is live (on tape) from London, England. And what better way to celebrate William Regal’s return to his home country than to feed him to the Legend Killer, Randy Orton? If you said “lots of ways”, well, that’s too bad, because you’re getting this.

Also, Shawn Michaels and Batista will be in the arena, and one can only think that another in-ring confrontation won’t be far behind.

All this, plus rumblings of a tag team renaissance and all the action of the Women’s Division, and maybe Santino will mispronounce someone’s name in a hilarious manner. It could happen.

Around The Horn

Word is going around that both WWE and TNA recently met with Christopher Nowinski, the former Tough Enough grad/WWE Superstar who now works with a foundation studying concussions, about instituting new policies related to managing and treating concussions in pro wrestlers. While this is surely mostly a PR move from both companies related to the Chris Benoit tragedy and the theories that arose from it, the truth is that neither company wants their employees to suffer career-ending concussions (one of the few injuries that can be truly career-ending after only suffering it once), if only because it means they can’t use that wrestler to make money. I mean, just imagine what Chris Nowinski could have become in WWE, with his smarmy, well-educated character. Why, he could have been Big Daddy V’s manager.

Apparently the soon-to-debut WWE Kids Magazine is already undergoing massive re-writes, and the Senior Editor, who used to work for DC Comics, has already given up and gone home. Rumour has it someone brought up the whole “black-and-white energy construct Superman” travesty and it was all downhill from there.

South Africa is calling for WWE to be banned from the country after another one of those “wrestling death” tragedies involving young children allegedly imitating wrestling moves. I’d point out that at four years old, I was barely aware enough to climb a flight of stairs on my own, let alone perform a wrestling maneuver, but I guess that just feeds the fire, and also points out that I was a startlingly inept child. I suppose after South Africa finally embraced de-segregation of blacks and whites, someone was feeling the urge to oppress something, and now they have a chance.

Former WWE Creative member Seth Mates recently started answering big, secret backstage-related questions on his blog, and notably his recent topic was a big, controversial one: the kiss between Stephanie McMahon and Eric Bischoff on an episode of Smackdown five years ago. Apparently it wasn’t actually supposed to happen, was never scripted prior to taping, and after it happened, the Creative team was told to forget it ever happened and never mention again. And before we make the obvious joke about dropped storylines and such, keep in mind that you’d probably entirely forgotten about that kiss until I mentioned it just now. So, maybe the whole “pretending it never happened” thing really does work. But you don’t care about that, because now you’ve remembered it again, and are slightly nauseous. So let’s move on and talk about less disgusting things.

Okay, I was lying, we’re going to talk about Big Daddy V. For the three people who were waiting, impatiently, for the news on my personal investigation of the missing V, while initial reports said that he’d be sent home with pneumonia, a new rumour has surfaced that the man who was being pushed for being a big fat guy has been sent home for, well, being a big fat guy. I’m mostly upset that this new report denies me the chance to create disturbing mental images for my readers about how much phlegm would come out of a sick Big Daddy V, but seriously, when you spend ten years pushing a guy solely based on his massive size, why do you get to be shocked that he’s getting heavier as the years go by?

And before I leave this segment, WWE.com is apparently running a video where Deuce and Domino talk down to Cherry (whom it seems fans have come to like), and hit on Maryse instead (whom nobody really cares about). If you can’t figure out where this is going, then I apologize for the vague spoiler and welcome you to your first week of watching pro wrestling. Also, how long before we’re expected to forget that Cherry is Deuce’s (or is it Domino’s, don’t tell me, I don’t really care) sister?

In Case You Missed It

WWE Raw – April 7th

Match Results

– Umaga defeated Val Venis (pinfall, Samoan Spike)
– Mickie James and Ashley defeated Melina and Jillian Hall (Mickie pinned Melina, Screaming DDT)
– Kendrick and London defeated Cade and Murdoch (Kendrick pinned Murdoch, small package)
– Triple H defeated Randy Orton and JBL in a handicap match to earn a spot in the WWE Title match at Backlash (Trip pinned JBL, Pedigree)
– Santino and Carlito defeated Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes (Santino pinned Rhodes, top rope fistdrop)
– Beth Phoenix defeated Maria (pinfall, Fisherman’s Buster)
– John Cena defeated Triple H and JBL in a handicap match to earn a spot in the WWE Title match at Backlash (Cena pinned JBL, RKO)

Notes

– Batista and Shawn Michaels had another confrontation, resulting in Batista challenging Shawn Michaels to a match at Backlash

– William Regal vs Randy Orton was announced for this week’s Raw from London, England

– Later in the week, WWE extended an invitation for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to have a match on Raw next week.

ECW on Sci Fi – April 8th

Match Results

– CM Punk defeated The Miz (pinfall, Go2Sleep)
– Elijah Burke defeated Nunzio (pinfall, legsweep/STO)
– Kofi Kingston defeated Domino (pinfall, Jamaican Buzzsaw)
– Tommy Dreamer defeated Colin Delaney (pinfall, DDT)

Notes

– Chavo Guerrero, Ryder and Hawkins, and a mysterious fourth man attacked Kane during an interview segment.

– Kane and The Undertaker will be teaming up on this week’s ECW.

TNA Impact! – April 10th

Match Results

– Consequences Creed defeated Jimmy Rave to earn a spot in the Xscape Match at Lockdown (pinfall, CreedDT)
– Scott Steiner and Petey Williams defeated The Motor City Machine Guns (Petey pinned Shelley, Canadian Destroyer)
– Roxxi Laveaux defeated Angelina Love (pinfall, Voodoo Crusher)
– Super Eric defeated Black Reign (pinfall, DVD)
– Sting and Kevin Nash defeated Team 3D (DQ, everyone runs in)

Notes

– A 12-man “Cuffed In The Cage” Match was announced for Lockdown. The mind boggles.

– Samoa Joe signed a “legally binding agreement” that he would leave TNA if he lost at Lockdown

– Matt Morgan is no longer part of Cornette’s administration.

– Scott Steiner shaved Petey Williams bald as the final part of his initiation.

WWE Smackdown – April 11th

Match Results

– John Morrison and The Miz defeated Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore (Miz pinned Yang, Reality Check)
– Finlay defeated Matt Striker (pinfall, Hit With Stick)
– Victoria defeated Michelle McCool (pinfall, rollup following Neidhart distraction)
– Vladimir Kozlov defeated Matt Logan (pinfall, reverse DDT)
– Matt Hardy defeated Chuck Palumbo (pinfall, Twist of Fate)
– The Undertaker defeated Festus (ref stoppage, gogoplata)

Notes

– The Great Khali offered The Big Show many gifts as a truce. Show declined by knocking Khali out with a right hand.

– Batista and Shawn Michaels had yet another confrontation.

– Throughout the show, vignettes aired of Edge and Vicki having a romantic getaway. Teddy Long walked away in disgust at the end.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 04.07.08

WWE Raw

– Candice Michelle, out indefinitely as of March 24th (shoulder surgery)
– Jeff Hardy, out 60 days as of March 4th (Wellness suspension)
– Robbie McAllister, out indefinitely as of March 29th (sent home)
– Rory McAllister, out indefinitely as of February 12th (torn pectoral)

WWE Smackdown

– Gregory Helms, out one year as of May 17th, 2007 (neck surgery)
– Kenny Dykstra, out indefinitely as of January 18th (knee)
– Rey Mysterio, out 6-9 months (or maybe weeks) as of February 21 (torn bicep)
– Torrie Wilson, out indefinitely as of December 1st (back)

ECW

– The Boogeyman, out indefinitely (calf)

TNA

– Abyss, out indefinitely (kayfabe)

Transactions

– Consequences Creed, TNA, made TNA return on April 10th Impact

– Big Daddy V, ECW, out indefinitely (weight problem)

Who’s Holding Gold

Hey, there’s a shock, Samoa Joe won the TNA World title. I’m serious.

WWE

WWE Champion: Randy Orton
– 190 day reign, defeated Triple H in a Last Man Standing match on October 7th (No Mercy PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Triple H, John Cena, and JBL, Backlash PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker
– 15 day reign, defeated Edge on March 30th (WrestleMania 24)
– Next title defense: vs Edge, Backlash PPV

ECW Champion: Kane
– 15 day reign, defeated Chavo Guerrero on March 30th (WrestleMania 24)
– Next title defense: vs Chavo Guerrero, Backlash PPV

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho
– 35 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy on March 10th (Raw)

WWE United States Champion: MVP
– 330 day reign, defeated Chris Benoit in a 2/3 Falls match on May 20th (Judgment Day PPV)

World Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly
– 127 day title reign, defeated Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch on December 10th (Raw XV special)

WWE Tag Team Champions: John Morrison and The Miz
– 149 day reign, defeated MVP and Matt Hardy on November 16th (Smackdown)

WWE Women’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 190 day reign, defeated Candice Michelle on October 7th (No Mercy PPV)

TNA

**NEW** TNA Heavyweight Champion: Samoa Joe
– 1 day reign, defeated Kurt Angle on April 13th (Lockdown PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles and Tomko
– 184 day reign, defeated Team Pacman on October 14th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal
– 64 day reign, defeated Johnny Devine in a Hardcore Street Fight match on February 10th (Against All Odds PPV), also involving Team 3-D and the Motor City Machine Guns

TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong
– 95 day reign, defeated Gail Kim on January 10th (Impact)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Larry’s live coverage of Lockdown.

Byers (who will NEVER retire!) and Prag have the weekend news reports.

From the glowing box, Slimmer (better than Small) has Heat, Michael O and Borchardt have Smackdown, and Byers and Larry have Impact.

Bond has Please Don’t Hate.

The Triple Threat previews Lockdown.

Minotti has Can They Be Champ?

Sforcina finally has another Evolution Schematic.

Chin has The Importance Of…

Short has The Navigation Log.

Ari has Column of Honor.

Traverson has Are We Having Fun Yet?

Hubbard has The Wrestling Bard.

And Corke has The Seventh Dimension. I’m still waiting for that pun, Corke.

The Gab Bag

In response to someone asking to why The Score runs the NCAA Tournament, I’d imagine that, despite Canada being a hockey nation first, March Madness is probably still pretty good for ratings, and The Score really doesn’t get much original live sports programming outside of Woodbine harness racing and…um…yeah. Granted, they just piggyback off American network feeds anyway, but I suspect that’s actually better from a financial perspective anyway. I have a larger question: why did WWE abandon TSN, over tape delaying Raw during Monday Night Football, to sign with The Score, which has tape delayed Raw not only for March Madness, but also the occasional NBA game that doesn’t even involve the one Canadian franchise in the league. I know, I know, there’s larger issues I don’t know about, but when did that ever stop a wrestling journalist from ranting?

And Da fan, the Leafs may suck, but if you can’t support a franchise when it’s losing, you don’t deserve to call yourself a fan when they win. That’s how the Blue Jays keep getting my money every year.

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT. That’s our show, Larry refused to appear this week, because he thinks he’s better than all of you. Not like me, I’m your buddy. Anyway, he’s in tomorrow, I’ll be back next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.