Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 11.29.12
Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! There was lots of discussion on who’s going into the Hall of Fame and who isn’t. Here’s the thing about the Hall of Fame – it’s bullshit. It’s a marketing tool. They play it up like it’s this big important thing, but it isn’t. The WWE Hall of Fame is nothing more than another gimmick to get people talking about wrestling. And it’s working.
Also, if the Hall of Fame is going to last in perpetuity, then you’re going to have a LOT of people inducted. Every HoF “class” is just like a wrestling card: you have 1 or 2 main eventers, a celebrity, a few midcarders, and perhaps a manager, promoter, or someone who advanced the industry in some way. You’re never going to see a year where they induct the Undertaker, Randy Savage, The Rock, Brock Lesnar and the Ultimate Warrior all together – that’s going to be spread out over several years. So yes, guys like Christian, Mark Henry, etc. will all be inducted at some point. Basically, anyone who sticks around long enough and/or makes a huge impact will be inducted.
The two biggest omissions at this point are Randy Savage and Ultimate Warrior. There is no debate on this.
WORLD (WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT) NEWS TONIGHT
Good Lord, I’ve been doing this almost 10 months now and this is the slowest news week I can remember. I mean there is NOTHING. Slim pickings all around. Seriously, it’s not even worth digging into. Let’s do this quick-hit style:
– CM Punk acts like a dick again on Twitter. In other news, the sun is shiny and water is wet.
– CM Punk still has the title because, apparently, Vince McMahon wants to please the Rock? No, dipshits, he still has the title because Rock/Punk is where the money’s at, and hotshotting the title for the sake of hotshotting it doesn’t accomplish anything.
– Matt Hardy thinks that a future Hardy Boyz reunion in WWE is “very likely.” Whereas I think the prospect of Matt leeching off of his brother’s popularity in an attempt to stay relevant is “very likely.”
– Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns have called themselves “The Shield.” Between that name and Punk yelling “It’s clobberin time,” Michael Chiklis had better lawyer up toot sweet.
– John Cena is the worst kisser in the world. Seriously. The last time I saw a mouth open and close that much without any tongue action was when I was playing Pac Man.
– It occurred to me recently that Ryback is so over because he’s an ass-kicker. When’s the last time WWE had a straight up, fulltime ass-kicker on the roster? The heels are mainly booked as chickenshits and the faces try too hard to be funny. It’s good to see someone who just likes beating people up and is good at it.
– My wife and I purchased a digital smoker as a mutual Christmas gift. Anyone out there own a smoker? Got some tips for us? Some of you must be experts at smoking meat. Take that as you will.
– The WWE aims its product at kids while their flagship show ends at 11PM, well past the bedtimes of most kids. Anyone else see the problem here?
– And in other news, wrestlers posted shit on twitter, the Miz turned face for the same reasons as two weeks ago, creative plans have been changing a lot, and wrestlers had birthdays!!!!
AWESOME LADYBUG GIRL LEARNS SOME WWE HISTORY
For those of you new to the column, the Awesome Ladybug Girl is my 6-year old daughter Victoria. She loves to watch wrestling, and when she does, I document her reactions. Her favorites are Sheamus and Rey Mysterio, with her least favorite being Daniel Bryan. She has a huge crush on Dolph Ziggler (known affectionately as shake-a-butt guy) but refuses to admit it because he’s a bad guy.
Recently, she became interested in knowing which wrestlers I used to watch. “Daddy, which wrestlers did you watch when you were a little boy?” To answer her question, I downloaded the WWE app for the iPad and showed her some of the Superstars in the Alumni section. To make it a little more fun, I asked her the following questions for each superstar:
Is this a good guy or a bad guy?
Why do you think he/she is a good guy or bad guy?
If you had to give this wrestler a name, what would it be?
I wrote down her answers for each question to share with you. So, without further ado, The Awesome Ladybug Girl learns some WWE history!
Akeem: Akeem looks like a good guy because he is wearing good guy clothes. His name would be Rock Star.
Bam Bam Bigelow: Bam Bam looks like a bad guy because he has fire on his clothes. His name would be the Big Show. (She thought Bam Bam was the Big Show).
Batista: He is clearly a good guy because he has nice boots. His name would be Ron Solo. (Star Wars must have been on her mind, only she confused “Han” with “Ron”).
Beth Phoenix: She is a bad guy because Victoria remembered seeing her as a bad guy. She would be called Caitlin (her cousin’s name).
Big Bossman: This man is a bad buy because he has a mean face. His name would be Candy Cane.
Viscera: This man is a bad guy because he has a scary face. His name is Glove Man. (At this point, I told Awesome Ladybug Girl to stop naming the wrestlers after stuff she sees in the room, like candy canes and gloves. She laughed at me.)
Bill DeMott: DeMott is a good guy because he is wearing stripes. His name is Cuckoo.
Billy Gunn: At first, Victoria thought Billy Gunn was Shake-A-Butt Guy (aka Dolph Ziggler). Then she realized he wasn’t, and thought he was a bad guy because of his bad guy pose. She called him Eyelash Guy because his shorts looked like they had eyelashes on them.
Boogeyman: The Boogeyman got the biggest reaction out of Victoria. She was really creeped out by him. He must be a bad guy because of his mask. His name is “Mean Guy.”
Brock Lesnar: She remembers seeing him as a bad guy who has a mean face. For those of you who remember, this is the Brock Lobster we’re talking about. She dubbed him “Dancing Man” because his pose made him look like he was dancing. Not exactly what Brock intended, I’m sure. But it does look like he was caught mid-dance now that I look at it. Like one of those guys who dances without moving his legs.
Brutus Beefcake: He is a bad guy because he has snip snip things. His name is Snip Snip.
Doink: He is a good guy because he looks funny. His name is Clowny Guy.
Earthquake: This is a bad guy because he has a mean face with a beard. His name is The Beast.
Freebird Michael Hayes: She laughed so hard at this one. She thought Hayes looked hilarious. He’s clearly a good guy because he’s so funny. His name is Awesome Guy.
The Gobbledy Gooker: This one made her laugh harder than Michael Hayes. She couldn’t believe that a huge bird was ever a wrestler. He had to be a good guy because he’s so furry and funny. His name is Furry Face.
Goldberg: Goldberg is a bad guy because he has his hands on his hips and is making a mean face. His name is Jack Frost.
Golddust: He’s a bad guy because he is wearing black and black is scary. His name is Black Mask.
Honkey Tonk Man: Victoria loved his colorful outfit. He’s a good guy because he looks like a genie. He will be called Genie Man!
IRS: IRS is a bad guy because he’s making a mean face. His name is Mister Tie.
Ivory: Ivory is a good guy because she is wearing purple and purple is a good guy color. Her name is Sparkly Girl.
Jake the Snake Roberts: She got scared when she noticed he was holding a huge snake. He’s definitely a bad guy. “I’m scared of snakes. They freak me out.” His name is Snake Pet Guy.
To be continued…
YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TWEET
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Thank you for making Thursday Sports Entertainment your go-to destination for Wrestling News, Opinions, etc. Join us next week as Awesome Ladybug Girl learns more about WWE Alumni and we discuss Chris Jericho’s torrid affair with Bret Hart! (Card subject to change).
This is Sean.