411’s WWE SmackDown Report 06.22.12

Hi, hello & welcome to 411’s SmackDown Report! I’m Steve Cook, and I’m filling in for the distinguished Colin Reinhart tonight. With any luck he’ll return next week, because there’s few things that drain me as much as the ol’ show recap/411 on Wrestling doubleshot. It has to be done sometimes though for the good of the 411 Universe.

Enough about me, we’ve got a heck of a show tonight! Let’s get it started!

Teddy Long comes out to inform us that the former VP of Talent Relations & the former GM of Raw & SmackDown has been fired! Big pop. Your GM for tonight is the Hardcore Legend, Mick Foley! Before Teddy can continue, Big Show makes his way down to the ring. Michael Cole reminds us that Show can do whatever he wants thanks to his contract, including interrupting Teddy. Cole is joined at commentary by Josh Mathews & Booker T. Big Show can care less that Big Johnny got fired. He doesn’t care about anybody except himself. Show congratulates John Cena for winning on Sunday, but claims that in a one on one fair fight he’d crush Cena. We’re upset because he’s telling the truth. Show has moved on from Cena. Show announces that he’s throwing his hat into the Money in the Bank ladder match. When he becomes WWE Champion, he will be champion as long as he wants. He’s doing it all for one person: himself.

Brodus “Funkasaurus” Clay makes his way to the ring with Cameron & Naomi, and he is not in his dancing clothes or a dancing mood! He runs right into an attack from Show, but reverses an Irish whip and shoulderblocks Show down! He wails away on Show in the corner, but David Otunga comes up from behind and clips Clay on his injured knee! Clay struggles to reach his feet, and Show repeatedly kicks him in the knee! Show pulls Clay up to one knee, pauses for a minute, then knocks him out with the WMD! Clay is out, Show & Otunga are quite pleased. Play Big Show’s music! Otunga tells Brodus that somebody should call his momma! He’ll tell Momma Clay that Brodus has fallen and can’t get up! He asks the Funkadactyls to join him in the ring. They don’t, but Otunga dances to the Funkasaurus music! He does the Dactyl arms!

Up next: Ryback in action!

Match 1 : Frank Venezia & Jared Wachtler vs. Ryback

I’ve heard through the grapevine that one of the jobbers this week is Black Jeez, also known as Sabian in various Northeast indies. I most remember him for grabbing Becky Bayless’s booty and Jimmy Jacobs getting all mad about it cause he was dating Becky at the time. It was still real to Jimmy. The jobbers cut a horrible promo. Ryback comes out looking all fierce & stuff. Venzia takes a bump on his butt, Wachtler runs into Ryback and gets tossed into Venzia.Wachtler powerbombed into the corner, big boot for Venzia. Spinebuster for Wachtler, Ryback holds on to him, picks him up and power bombs him onto Venzia. Double musclebuster finishes it!

Winner: Ryback (about 2 minutes) Throwing these little guys to the beast really isn’t fair, but it sure is fun to watch.

Ryback requests to be fed more. I do not, as I had a yummy Hot Head Burrito bowl for dinner tonight. Good stuff.

Backstage, Yoshi Tatsu & Mick Foley have a conversation that is interrupted by Vickie Guerrero. She tells Mick that she will be running Raw & SmackDown next week and she needs an assistant. Mick says he’s not up for it, but he introduces the Great Khali as a candidate for the job. Vickie runs off after Mick tries to dance with her to Khali’s theme, which follows him everywhere.

Daniel Bryan talks about his memorable Raw moment, the time Marty Jannetty beat Shawn Michaels for the Intercontinental Title. That was a pretty epic Raw, not only did Marty beat Shawn but you also got the yet to be named 1-2-3 Kid shocking the world and upsetting Razor Ramon. Good times.

Match 2: Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Christian

Tieup into the corner, ADR with a headlock, Christian sends him down with a shoulderblock & tries a sunset flip for an early two count. ADR gains the advantage with a kick to the left elbow and sends him into the corner, weakening Christian for his cross arm-breaker finisher. He works him over in the corner, but Christian backdrops ADR all the way to the floor! Christian climbs up top and delivers a cross-body block to the floor just before we go to commercial!

ADR gained the advantage during commercial and has Christian in a variation of the Crossface before settling on an armbar. Christian fights out and tries a sunset flip, but ADR sees it coming and drops his elbow on Christian’s arm. Did Arn Anderson book this match? Another elbow drop on Christian’s arm gets two. ADR just putting on a clinic on working the arm right now with repeated strikes to it, it’s really something to watch. He heads up to the middle turnbuckle though, and gives Christian the chance to rise up and hurricanrana him off! Christian rallies the crowd behind him and hits a few of his traditional offensive moves, but an attempted cross-body block off the top hits nothing but canvas! ADR misses his running enziguri in the corner! Christian hits the tornado DDT (using his injured arm) and gets a two count. ADR gets an advantage for a split second, but runs into Christian’s boots in the corner, a middle rope dropkick by Christian gets two! Christian goes for the Killswitch, ADR reverses into a back suplex position but Christian slips out only to get an arm Stunner from ADR! (Sure, I’ll call it that) Gets a two count. ADR misses a back senton off the middle rope, Christian motions for the spear…but runs into a crescent kick by ADR! ADR tries the cross arm breaker, reversed into a Killswitch attempt, Christian pushed into the corner, lands a couple of kicks on ADR before momentarily getting distracted by Ricardo Rodriguez…which kills enough time for ADR to deliver his flying enziguri to Christian while he’s on the top rope! ADR applies the cross arm-breaker on Christian’s good arm and it’s good enough to get the victory!

Winner: Alberto Del Rio (about 8 minutes) **1/2 I have to downgrade it a little bit because of the finish, which ignored all of the work on Christian’s left arm by having ADR apply the cross arm-breaker to the right arm. Did he forget which arm he was working the whole match? I’m also not a fan of the Intercontinental Champion losing a match to a non-champion when the title isn’t on the line & isn’t a factor. Yes, we know the belt is meaningless, but you don’t need to beat us over the head with it. There was some good action here and both of these guys are darn good wrestlers, but the booking & the finish drag it down for me.

Cody Rhodes runs down and attacks Christian from behind! He applies the Fujiwara armbar to Christian’s left arm and continues to work it over. At least he remembered which arm ADR targeted. He tells Christian he’s stealing his time, and he is SmackDown. He’ll get no argument from me.

Later on: A No Way Out rematch between Sheamus & Dolph Ziggler!

We get a video recap of the AJ/Punk/Bryan/Kane situation.

Match 3: Kane vs. Daniel Bryan (Special Guest Timekeeper: AJ)

Why is AJ the special guest time keeper for this match? Why wouldn’t she be the special guest time keeper for this match? Bryan attacks early with some kicks to Kane’s legs, but a running cross-body results in him getting slammed by Kane. Kane whips Bryan into the ropes, Bryan holds on, elbows Kane and pulls the ropes down so Kane goes flying over them! Bryan goes outside and runs into a clothesline from Kane. Bryan kicks Kane into the steel ring post and is very excited about it! AJ is AJ. Dropkick into the corner by Bryan gets 1. Kane regains the advantage and a seated dropkick gets a 2 count. Bryan tries the Yes Lock and gets sidewalk slammed for his trouble. Two count. Kane heads up top, but Bryan sees it coming and dropkicks Kane on the way down! Yes Kicks! Kane catches him on the last one, but gets drop toe held into the middle turnbuckle. Bryan goes up top…kind of lands right in front of Kane or something. Not sure what happened there, but Kane takes the advantage. He places Bryan up top on the other side, Bryan shoos him away and hits a flying dropkick! 2 count. Bryan flips out of Kane’s way in the corner, but runs into a clothesline from Kane. Kane motions for the chokeslam, but Bryan brings him down and kicks him in the back of the head! 2 count. Bryan heads up top…flying headbutt is met with a goozle! After a series of reversals teasing a chokeslam attempt Bryan locks in a guillotine choke! Kane powers out, Bryan rolls through, near fall and Bryan locks in the Yes Lock! Kane flails for the ropes with his hand hitting the mat twice, AJ seems to take that to mean a submission & she rings the bell! The referee rules that Kane did not tap and orders them to continue fighting! Bryan misses a running charge in the corner and Kane lands a chokeslam to get the three count!

Winner: Kane (7:30) *** The saga between AJ, Kane, Daniel Bryan & CM Punk continues with another bizarre performance from AJ. What were her intentions behind ringing the bell? Was she trying to help D-Bry win, or did she expect the referee to overturn it? Women are hard enough to figure out when they’re not even trying to be confusing. Bryan & Kane did some good work here, I think Kane gets a charge out of working with guys like Punk & Bryan that can bring it while making him look like millions of dollars.

AJ skips away while Kane looks at her with a Kane type of look. Those two deserve each other from where I sit.

Mick Foley is WALKING!

Mick Foley comes out to say it’s great to be here in Baltimore, Maryland. Heath Slater comes out to protest his treatment from Cyndi Lauper & Roddy Piper on Raw. Foley points out that Lauper is a formidable competitor and that getting beat by her is nothing to be embarrassed about. Tonight, Foley is going to give him something to be embarrassed about…

Match 4: Heath Slater vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder takes the early advantage with a shoulder block, off the ropes, flying clothesline by Ryder. Faceplant by Ryder! Cover gets 2. Slater begs off in the corner then lands a punch when Ryder comes back. Stomps by Slater, a neckbreaker gets two. Ryder hits the Rough Ryder and it’s all over!

Winner: Zack Ryder (1:03) N/A Was that their way of apologizing to Zack for not booking him on Raw in Long Island?

Ryder & Foley lead the crowd in a WOO WOO WOO.

Big Johnny got fired and it gets recapped.

Foley & Ryder chit-chat while walking the hall before being interrupted by Damien Sandow! Sandow declares their display of entertainment to be deplorable, contemptable & abhorrent. He declares Ryder to be the world’s leading miscreant! He promises to put an end to Ryder’s drivel.

Sandow: You’re welcome.
Foley: Have a nice day!

The WWE Rewind shows us AW siding with the Prime Time Players at the expense of Epico & Primo at No Way Out.

Match 5: The Usos vs. The Prime Time Players (w/AW)

I still enjoy the Uso war dance entrance. AW comes out to introduce his new charges & future tag team champions, Titus O’Neil & Darren Young. Jey & Darren start us off, a criss-cross leads to Jey taking Darren down. Double team by the Usos, Titus runs in and narrowly avoids a double super kick. Leaping forearm in the corner. Frequent tags by the Usos early, Jimmy covers for a two count. Darren with a chin buster, he powers Jimmy into the corner. Titus comes in, Jimmy with some brief fire but Titus powers him down. Chinlock by Titus. Millions of dollars, whatcha all gonna do? Jimmy gets out and backdrops Titus…Titus in the corner, and it’s the running butt smash! Cover gets two thanks to DY. Jey with the kick to the gut and they both tumble out of the ring after a clothesline. Samoan Drop on Titus by Jimmy, he goes up, but AW distracts the ref, & Jimmy gets crotched up top by DY! Sky High by Titus & it’s all over!

Winners: The Prime Time Players (just over 3:00) *½ Perfectly decent action here. I’m all for any tag team getting some sort of a push at this point, & DY & Titus fit the bill.

DY, Titus & AW talk about the millions of dollars they’re going to get backstage, but then Primo, Epico & Rosa show up! Primo decks AW and it’s on like Donkey Kong! Referees & agents show up to break up the scrum. Primo & Epico will continue to be a thorn in AW Productions’ side, methinks.

Santino Marella makes his way to the ring. He instructs the camera men to pick out the best signs. “People Power Over”, “CM Punk”, “The Big Sellout”. “John Chaina”, and “I Heart Santino” make the cut. Santino invites the woman that made the sign to the ring. She is very excited to see him, and now Santino isn’t so sure about this. “Cobra!” says the lady. The lady gives Santino a huge kiss and he passes out. SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK says Booker T. OK then. I have no idea if that’s leading to anything or not.

Jerry Lawler talks about his favorite Raw moment: Mr, McMahon’s hospital visit that featured the debut of Mr. Socko & Steve Austin hitting the owner with a bedpan. Good times indeed.

Match 6: Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. World Champion Sheamus

Dolph sure does show off, doesn’t he? Dolph with a headlock, Sheamus tosses him off and tells him to bring it. Sheamus with a headlock takeover on Dolph, off the ropes, shoulder block by Sheamus. Sheamus shruggs off an attempted dropkick, a Finlay Roll gets a 2 count. Dolph gets the upper hand and knocks Sheamus outside the ring…he dives, but Sheamus catches him and fall away slams him into the barricade!

As we return from commercial, Ziggler has regained his composure, but then he gets tossed out of the ring by Sheamus! Sheamus sends him into the ring steps, but gets distracted by Vickie…Ziggler takes advantage and delivers a Famouser on the floor! Back in the ring, a neck breaker gets a count of two! Big elbow drop by Ziggler gets a 1 count (“Almost got him” says Booker T). Sleeper! Fans seem split, with Cena fans cheering Sheamus and non-Cena fans cheering Ziggler. That’s the best way I can think of to describe it. Ziggler dropkicks Sheamus while on the apron! Another neck breaker by Ziggler barely gets a two count. Sheamus fights out of the chinlock and tosses him off. Series of Polish Hammers, then a huge knee lift! Ziggler with a big punch, fights out of White Noise and gets a two count. Big jumping DDT by Ziggler gets two! Sheamus heads up top…Ziggler jumps right into a right hand! Sheamus waits…flying shoulder block! Two count! Sheamus with a small cut on his nose, but that doesn’t bother him as he delivers the Fella Forearms! Ziggler gets pulled back into the ring, he fights out of Sheamus’s attempted move. Sheamus appears to tweak his knee after a shot from Ziggler, but still manages to Brogue Kick the man right out of his boots! Good night Irene!

Winner: Sheamus (10:00) ***½ It seems to me like Ziggler is adding some new stuff into his moveset for this recent main event run of his, and it adds even more to his matches. That dude is one of the best in the game today, and you could make an argument for him being the best. Sheamus always delivers in the ring, and he & Ziggler brought the lumber here. Much appreciated and it made for a fine SmackDown main event.

Yes, show that kick again! Nice! Sheamus continues to roll on as World Champion, but as Booker T notes about Dolph Ziggler: “You gotta love this kid.” So long & good night, everybody!