Views from the Hawke’s Nest: ISW Warped Tour 2014 – Hartford

 

July 13, 2015
Hartford, Connecticut

 

Lloyd Cthulowitz vs. Fluffy vs. Oni the Leopard King kicked off the second Warped Tour show. This was not notable in any way. Fluffy’s butt stomp on Oni to end the match was especially weak.  (*)

 

The GLAAD Boys (Glaad Badd & Craigslist Homo) vs. The Noodle King & Chili Kid was next. Chili Kid was so bad in this match that I was genuinely distracted by it. That rarely happens. This is the kind of match that would be served better by being in one of the regular ISW buildings with fans that know the characters. As it stands, it’s just a really below-average match with overly-loud commentary that made “no-homo” comments in 2014. (3/4*)

 

Izzie Deadyet defended the ISW Championship against Buxx Belmar. They were having a decent brawl until Buxx just ran into the festival. Izzie chased after him, and the show moved on to the next match. I’m not sure there is much value in running two angles on the Warped Tour shows to set up a match for a regular ISW show a few months later.

 

Lucky Sabiti vs. Benny Martinez  was the next match.  This was a rematch from the first Warped Tour show. This was an improvement on that below-average match. Sabiti does not impress me much with his work on top, but it was serviceable enough. Martinez made a strong comeback though to end the match on a nice sequence. Sabiti eventually won though with a fisherman buster. (**3/4)

 

Disc 1 finished with Aaron Epic vs. Shayne Hawke (no relation). Hawke was being a very over-the top heel here, and it worked well enough. Epic, despite his personal issues, has always been a solid hand in the ring and his comeback was sound as usual. He eventually won the match with the Fastball Punch. (**1/2)

 

Disc 2 kicked off with Chris Dickinson defending the ISW King of Crazy Championship against Kistune. This show DESPERATELY needed a match of this quality. It was worked exactly in the way you would expect with Dickinson dominating and Kitsune making great flippy/kicky comebacks. These two could have a much better match somewhere some day though. They have great potential together. Dickinson won clean with the Pazuzu Bomb (Border Toss). (***1/4)

 

Team Pazuzu (Jaka &  Pinkie Sanchez) vs. Le Tabarnak de Team (Mathieu St-Jacques & Thomas Dubois) vs. Team Tremendous (Dan Barry & Bill Carr) vs. EYFBO (Angel Ortiz & Mike Draztik) was the next match. This was non-stop action and there were lots of fun moments from each team. Team Tremendous won after hitting the Doomsday Shiranui Device on Ortiz. For their victory, Team Tremendous get a shot at the ISW tag titles. (***)

 

There was a weird segment with Pinkie Sanchez and Benny Martinez in the ring after the match. This probably should have been a Youtube video instead of something on the DVD. This eventually turned into a match. This was a short match that Pinkie won rather easily. I have no idea why this match existed. (3/4*)

After the match, Chris Dickinson came out and said he was going to sexually harass some poor woman. Pinkie said they would were going to “eat some pussy.” Christina Von Eerie came out for a match with Dickinson. This was the grimy side of intergender wrestling that insists upon sexualizing the characters and some of the spots. Pro wrestling can be the great equalizer for issues like this. When you’re in the squared circle, it does not matter what issues from outside you bring in. It’s all about who is better in that moment. This was not that. This was dumb. Dickinson won clean with a brutal Border Toss, and he then carried CVE to the back to presumably sexually assault her. (DUD)

 

Los Dumbfucks vs. Jeremy Leary & Tony Diaz was the main event. This is the same Tony Diaz from State Champs. I wrote that sentence as if that has some significance to me and not something I had to google around to figure out. Diaz did a serviceable job for a presumably untrained wrestler. He and Leary ended up winning the match and a band (presumably State Champs. The commentary was inaudible by this point) came out and clearing the ring of Los Dumbfucks. (It existed.)

 

Watch some ISW for free!

A panda vs. a zombie

El Generico vs. Player Uno

Kevin Steen vs. Player Uno

El Generico & Twiggy vs. zombies

El Generico vs. Twiggy

El Generico vs. a zombie

Mike Quackenbush, Skayde, & Lance Steel vs. Damian, Exess, & Kid Kamikaze

Kimber Lee vs. JT Dunn

Chris Dickinson vs. Jaka [Bit of a wild match]

Player Uno vs. Kitsune

AR Fox vs. Eric Corvis vs. Leon St. Giovanni

Addy Starr vs. Michael Von Payton

Gran Akuma, Icarus, & Jolly Roger vs. Hallowicked & 2.0

2.5

The final score: review Very Bad

The 411

Unfortunately, these Warped Tour shows just do not provide a great environment for pro wrestling in general and specifically  the ISW product. Short, action-heavy matches were the most interesting matches over the course of these two shows. ISW did not have enough of those kinds of matches to make these shows worth recommending.