Views from the Hawke’s Nest: Royal Rumble 2015

Well, it’s the time of the year where the WWE *usually* starts to put on PPVs that are usually good or at least important in terms of building to Wrestlemania. That means it’s time for me to watch the PPVs again! As most readers probably know by now, I actively avoid watching the majority of the WWE product. I’m pretty much down to six PPVs a year and none of the television (besides the awesome quarterly NXT specials). I don’t watch because I don’t enjoy the product, and I don’t see any reason why I should actively seek it out normally. I get excited for the Royal Rumble through Extreme Rules stretch of PPVs though, and I plan on checking all of them out this year as usual. So, that means this review will be rather unique by 411 standards as I don’t know much about the current storylines. Some readers find that annoying, but I think it’s a unique perspective worth sharing. If you don’t agree, click on the hundreds of other Royal Rumble reviews across the internet instead! Put your feedback in comments as always!

 

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
January 25, 2015

 

Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, & JBL

 

The Ascension (Viktor & Konnor) vs. The New Age Outlaws (“Road Dogg” Jesse James & Billy Gunn)

The New Age Outlaws are at least supposed to be babyfaces this time.

We saw footage of a bunch of old dudes beating up The Ascension on television. Impressive, cutting-edge booking.

Road Dogg got cut off fairly early and then worked over. Billy Gunn made a lukewarm tag. He missed the FameAsser on Viktor. The Ascension then finished Gunn with The Fall of Man for the victory.

I did not find this to be entertaining in any way. The right team won definitely at least. Hopefully they get better very quickly.

Match Rating: 1/2*

 

The Usos (Jay & Jimmy Uso)(c) vs. The Miz & Damien Mizdow [WWE Tag Team Championships]

I’ve yet to actually watch the Damien Mizdow act before. I am very, very excited to finally see it. It genuinely feels like the one part of the WWE that I’ve truly missed out on by not watching any PPVs since Summerslam.

Mizdow is in fact amazing. The match itself was kind of just there though. Jimmy hit a plancha on Mizdow. Jay nearly killed himself on a hilo on Miz. He tucked his head at the last second to save his life. The Miz sucks at catching people. Stop diving on him, boys. Mizdow hit a Skull Crushing Finale for a good nearfall. The Usos finished off the Miz with a superkick, powerbomb, and then a splash.

Mizdow’s antics are fantastic, but The Miz is not good enough to carry the rest of the match for his team. I’m glad the Usos won, and I hope the WWE tries to emphasize good wrestling again with the tag team title scene..

Match Rating: **1/4

 

They did a generic backstage segment with Seth Rollins, Joey Mercury, & Jamie Noble. I forgot to mention that there was a segment with Triple H, Stephanie, and Heyman earlier in the show where they teased a Brock Lesnar/Sting singles match. That sounds horrifying.

 

The Bellas (Nikki & Brie Bella) vs. Paige & Natalya

Paige and Natalya had the early advantage. Nattie eventually got cut off and then worked over. Everyone is trying hard, and the WWE is giving them enough time to have a good match. The crowd does not care about this at all though. Nattie looked close to making a tag, but Brie pulled Paige off the apron. Nikki then took Nattie’s head off with a forearm: 1…2…3?

They tried hard, but I don’t know. Ooof. The match definitely stood out at least for the Bellas winning before the babyfaces could even make a comeback. I’m not sure what’s really gained by that mind you.

I heard Nikki has gotten a lot better in the last five months, but I didn’t see any of that here. Hopefully she gets a singles match on the next PPV.

Match Rating: 1/2*

 

The Royal Rumble is a layup PPV for the WWE to do well. And the WWE is so far shooting on the wrong basket. Let’s hope the final two matches save it!

 

Brock Lesnar(c) (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Seth Rollins (w/ Joey Mercury & Jamie Noble) vs. John Cena [WWE World Heavyweight Championship]

I’m really curious to see the result of this match. I’ve read and heard about the distaste for how Brock’s WWE Championship has been booked, but it seems like they should just stick with it at this point.

Brock was dominating the wrestlers and the stooges right away. Brock went for the kimura on Cena. Cena was powering out of it, but Rollins hit a reckless springboard knee drop move to break it up. Brock was ever-so briefly taken out of the match, but he returned soon enough. Rollins caught him with a kneeling superkick though! Rollins sent him to the floor. Brock recovered quickly again and hit Rollins with an F5, but Cena made the save. Cena caught Brock with three straight AAs! Brock kicked out as Rollins made the save. CURB STOMP TO BROCK: 1…2…NO! Cena made the save as Brock kicked out again. Brock is kicking out on nearfalls where someone saves him. He’s clearly paranoid about a screwjob. Brock was recovering on the floor, but Cena tackled him through a barricade! Brock has been fucking awesome in this match. Cena then attacked him with steel steps and put him on a table. ROLLINS HIT A DIVING ELBOW THROUGH THE TABLE! This match has been so well-done so far. Brock dominated both men, and they had to resort to high-risk/destructive spots to take him out for a while. Cena and Rollins then went at it in the ring. It was delightful. Cena hit the pop-up Liger Bomb for a nearfall. That needs to be a regular move for him. RUNNING BUCKLE BOMB FROM ROLLINS: 1…2…NO! That did not get the reaction it deserved. Cena reversed a Curb Stomp attempt into an STF. Mercury and Noble saved Rollins. They did the Shield triple-team powerbomb on Cena: 1…2…NO! Cena then avoided a briefcase spot and gave the goons a double AA! AA to Rollins: 1…2…NO! Dayum. I bought that. Curb Stomp from Rollins: 1…2…NO! PHOENIX FUCKING SPLASH ON CENA! BROCK RECOVERS! GERMANS FOR EVERYONE! Rollins avoided one and hit Brock twice with a briefcase! Brock avoided the briefcase Curb Stomp onto the briefcase and hit Rollins with the F5: 1…2…3!!!!

This was better than anything I saw under the WWE banner in all of 2014. That was basically perfectly laid out from beginning to end and featured great dramatic action down the stretch. Brock dominated the match for a while in the typical (awesome) Brock fashion. Rollins and Cena used desperate measures to try to take Brock out of the match, but most of them didn’t even work for all that long. Rollins finally used the biggest spot in the match to seemingly take Brock out for good. Cena and Rollins then did a very good sequence with a number of believable nearfalls. Rollins, getting desperate again, busted out the Phoenix Splash and actually connected on it. In a perfect moment, Brock finally recovered and murdered both men with Germans. In yet another great twist, Rollins actually came close to defeating Brock right after that but Brock avoided what would have been the fatal curb stomp to save his title. Fantastic. I can see myself going the full five when I re-watch this match later in the year, but my instinct was that it was *just* short of that. Regardless, this was absolutely fantastic and should be seen by all.

Match Rating: ****3/4

 

The Royal Rumble Match

The Miz was #1. R-Truth was #2. This is the exact opposite of what we just watched. I hope The Rock is #3 to finally bring closure to their 2011 feud. It was actually Bubba Ray Dudley! Wow. Genuinely didn’t see that coming. Bubba and Truth did the Wassup spot and then the 3D. I wonder if the WWE actually decided they needed to use a black guy to play the role of D’Von. Bubba eliminated Miz and then Truth. Luke Harper #4. I want this as a singles. Bray Wyatt was #5. Harper and Bray worked together. Bray isn’t wearing white pants anymore, which was the best part of his character. Bray eliminated Bubba. Curtis Axel was #6. He was attacked by Erick Rowan and never made it to the ring. Rowan then entered the ring. Harper teased working with Rowan, but he and Bray ended up attacking Rowan. Rowan wasn’t in the match, but his battle with Harper allowed Bray to eliminate Harper. The Boogeyman was #7. Bray quickly eliminated him. Sin Cara was #8. Bray also quickly eliminated him. Bray then challenged everyone in the back and said this was his year. Setting up a big entrant here. And it’s…Zack Ryder ffs. Unreal. Bray quickly eliminated him as well. Huzzah, Daniel Bryan was #10! The crowd exploded. Fandango was #11. Bryan gave him the airplane spin. Tyson Kidd was #12. Apparently this is only the second Rumble match for Kidd, which is somewhat remarkable considering how long he’s been in the company. Stardust was #13. He and Fandango did dueling skin-the-cat spots. Bryan eliminated Kidd and then wiped out Bray with a tope suicida. Bryan came up holding his neck afterwards. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE was #14. I wonder he will find a way to plug something during this match. He should do Toru Yano’s DVD gimmick for years in the WWE. Diamond Cutters for Stardust and Fandango. AND BRAY! RUSEV was #15. YES! Rusev eliminated DDP and Fandango. Rusev the eliminated Bryan in one of the best troll moves in WWE history. The crowd did not like that. Goldust was #16. I guess this is their plan to save The Rock or Reigns from the Batista treatment. Kofi Kingston was #17. Adam Rose was #18. Kofi was tossed on the Rosebuds but never hit the floor. He was put back in the ring. Rose was then tossed but not caught. Kofi was then eliminated. Roman Reigns was #19. This dude has an uphill battle to win over the crowd to say the least. Good luck, sir. He got showered with boos as soon as he got into the ring. He eliminated the Rhodes brothers. Big E was #20. Damien Mizdow was #21. The Miz showed back up though and demanded that he get his spot. Mizdow entered the match though anyway. Rusev eliminated him. The Miz was throwing a tantrum, and Mizdow resumed his duties. More boos. Jack Swagger was #22. The Ryback was #23. At this point, it feels like they are trying to make this match as un-fun as possible. CM Punk chants, and the commentators got awkwardly silent. Kane was #24 because this match was not boring enough already. Dean Ambrose was #25. The crowd really seems into the idea of cheering on Ambrose. If he wins, that may save the match. Titus O’Neal was #26. I hear great things about his work on the WWE C-shows. He was immediately eliminated by Reigns and Ambrose (well, they botched it first). Bad News Barrett was next out in the formerly lucky #27 spot. Cesaro was #28. He stands no chance but hopefully he’s presented well. Wow, Dolph and The Big Show still to come. Roman Reigns is winning this. Amazing. The Big Show was #29. Big E, Ryback, and Swagger were eliminated by this point. Dolph Ziggler was #30. He got a pop. He eliminated Cesaro. Show gave Ziggler the knockout punch. Kane and Show then casually tossed him and Bray out. We’re counting on a Kane/Big Show texas tornado tag match to save the Rumble. Reigns got busted open. Ambrose was casually eliminated first. Someone on Twitter mentioned that Rusev had not been eliminated yet. That could save this match for me if he beats Reigns. Kane and Show worked on Reigns. They actually started hitting each other, which means Reigns couldn’t even overcome the odds on his own. Reigns then eliminated both of them in one of the biggest wet fart moments ever.

Kane and Show attacked Reigns after. The Rock made the save. Reigns recovered and got booed. The Rock then left the ring, and Reigns got booed again. YES RUSEV! NO, REIGNS HIT A SPEAR! WHAT THE FUCK! Reigns eliminated him to win again! The Rock originally tried to leave the ring to give Reigns his moment. Reigns got booed out of the building, and Rock then had to scramble back in to stop the booing.

I haven’t seen every single Royal Rumble, but this was the worst one that I’ve ever seen. Looking back now, you can see how determined they were to create a situation in which Roman Reigns would not get booed for winning the match. They took Daniel Bryan out early. They didn’t do anything exciting for a while after that to almost cool the crowd down or something of that nature. They made other potential fan favorites look like dorks (Ziggler, Ambrose, and Cesaro come immediately to mind) to make sure none of them seemed like a genuine threat to win. They had go-away heat-seekers Big Show and Kane dominate the final minutes of the match in what I presume was an attempt to make the crowd desperate for anyone else to win. They had The Rock show up to try give Reigns some goodwill. They even did the surprise final elimination spot with Rusev to try to shock the fans into cheering. And it all failed.

The crowd did not want Roman Reigns to win this match, and they are not behind him in the slightest. I assume they are going to try some major damage control until Wrestlemania. They will likely try many angles to make Reigns sympathetic and Brock more heelish. I don’t foresee it working though. Other than adding Daniel Bryan to the match again, I do not know what they can do to salvage this Wrestlemania main event. I feel bad for Reigns because he’s been put in positions to fail repeatedly, but he is no way ready for this spot. WWE needs to fix this as soon as possible.

Match Rating: DUD

A @TripleH quote from August 2013. pic.twitter.com/L7bOfjdrJL

— Tazz Suzuki (@TJHawke411) January 26, 2015

 

Watch some WWE matches for free!

CM Punk vs. John Cena

The Rock vs. Eddie Guerrero

Bruno Sammartino vs. Ernie Ladd

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Shawn Michaels vs. Shelton Benjamin

Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

 

Watch some NJPW for free!
Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Kazuchika Okada
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Hirooki Goto (G1 Climax)
Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Jun Akiyama (G1 Climax)
Katsuyori Shibata vs. Yuji Nagata (G1 Climax)
Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Prince Devitt (G1 Climax)
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Togi Makabe (Chain Match)
Hirooki Goto vs. Tomohiro Ishii
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Karl Anderson
Kota Ibushi vs. Ryusuke Taguchi [Fantastic Match]
Prince Devitt vs. Kenny Omega
Prince Devitt vs. Kota Ibushi (With thoughts from Prince Devitt)
Katsuyori Shibata &Wataru Inoue vs. Eddy Guerrero & Black Tiger

 

If you want to watch some ROH matches for free, check out:
CM Punk vs. AJ Styles
Eddie Guerrero vs. Super Crazy
Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins
Daniel Bryan vs. Nigel McGuinness [Great match]
The Young Bucks vs. Kevin Steen & El Generico
El Generico vs. Chris Hero
The Young Bucks vs. Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli
AJ Styles & Matt Sydal vs. Austin Aries & Roderick Strong
CM Punk vs. Brian Kendrick

5.0

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

This is the new standard for one match-shows. Everyone needs to watch the WWE title match as soon as possible, as it will be one of the very best matches of the year. Nothing else on this show was good. If you're a fan of trainwrecks, the Rumble is worth watching, but it wasn't even that fun of a trainwreck. It just felt sad. The WWE is so out of touch as usual, and they cannot get out of their own way. We shall see how they attempt to fix this. They have their work cut out for them. Overall, you would have to consider this show a disturbing failure in terms of booking.