Views from the Hawke’s Nest: Royal Rumble 2016

January 24, 2016
Orlando, Florida

Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, & JBL

 

Dean Ambrose(c) vs. Kevin Owens [Last Man Standing for Intercontinental Championship]

This was the match I’ve been waiting these two to have. They both absolutely busted their ass here while still resisting doing “too much” as both can be guilty of doing in big matches.

Owens was in great form in terms of dictating a fan-friendly pace, and he did a good job of controlling the match in a fun manner. Ambrose also teased comebacks sporadically throughout the heat to make sure things never got monotonous. On top of those crucial elements, they did a great job of progressively integrating bigger spots and weapons into the match without either of those feeling like overkill.

The last thing that really needs to be noted was how well they organically used the Last Man Standing stipulation to enhance the match. It basically forced both of these guys to make their biggest spots matter, as they used huge spot for a “nearfall.” The fact that they did this while making each spot, and thus each nearfall, bigger made it all the more impressive and important.

This was a great example of a WWE style weapons brawl. It’s nothing that will go down as an all-time great match or anything like that, but it’s a style that usually is a ton of fun in the moment. Big thumbs up for this one, and it’s a low-end MOTYC (that I probably won’t like *quite* as much when I re-watch it at the end of the year). Ambrose won after putting Owens through a pair of stacked tables. (****1/4)

 

The New Day(c) (Kofi Kingston & Big E) (w/ Xavier Woods) vs. The Usos (Jimmy & Jey Uso) [WWE Tag Team Championship]

This was a solid battle given that they have the face/heel alignment completely backwards. I’m not saying The New Day should ass-kissing babyfaces, but they shouldn’t be positioned in a match as straight heels. It just gives their traditional tag matches too low of a ceiling given how good they are. Regardless, this was fine, but you just know The New Day should achieving greater heights in the ring right now given how over they are. Big E won the match after catching Jey Uso on a dive an then hitting The Big Ending. (***)

 

Alberto del Rio(c) vs. Kalisto [United States Championship]

Alberto del Rio consistently getting good matches out of Kalisto of all people is objective proof that ADR is very fucking good.

They worked a very smart match here. ADR cut him off fairly quickly. He worked him over in a manner that made clear he saw Kalisto as a threat, but not so much that he wasn’t going to be a cocky dick about it. Kalisto only botched one thing badly (and a few things looked less than ideal down the stretch), and the timing of all his comeback teases/spots was executed very well. This was not the hot match that I was hoping for, but it delivered for the spot that it was in. Kalisto won with Diced Bread or whatever the fuck he calls it now. (***1/4)

 

Charlotte(c) (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Becky Lynch [WWE Divas Championship]

I was really getting into this match, and then Ric Flair sexually assaulted Becky out of nowhere for some cheap heat and to give Charlotte control of the match. I was completely taken out of the match when that happened, and it really made my insides crawl.  In a super controlled serialized television show, a story about sexual assault can be done very well and really show the awfulness of it. WWE does not have the product or medium that is conducive to that in the slightest. It does not matter that it’s a heel. It’s cheap and dumb, and the fact that this was one of the few women’s matches in WWE PPV history that was not desperate for heat makes it even worse.

I lost track of the match after that and will watch it back later. The finish looked terrible though, as Ric Flair threw his jacket in Becky’s face to save his daughter. (BLARFINGAR)

On the bright side, they did a fantastic post-match angle to set up Sasha Banks as the next challenger for Charlotte. It seems as though that the rumor that Sasha vs. Charlotte is being set up for Wrestlemania is true.

 

The Royal Rumble

Look elsewhere for match recaps and list of eliminations, folks. I’ve gotten too old for that malarkey.

Roman Reigns(c) vs. Rusev vs. AJ Styles vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Curtis Axel vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Goldust vs. Ryback vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Titus O’Neil vs. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper vs. Stardust vs. The Big Show vs. Neville vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Sami Zayn vs. Erick Rowan vs. Mark Henry vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Jack Swagger vs. The Miz vs. Alberto del Rio vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus vs. Triple H [WWE World Heavyweight Championship]

This was a WEIRD Royal Rumble. It basically highlighted that there are a handful of acts that fans are either very behind or willing to get behind. AJ Styles made his WWE debut, came off like a huge star, looked great, and it seemed like the WWE had a new main eventer. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn got to renew their rivalry (that has legit been going on for over a decade) on the second biggest stage possible. Brock Lesnar worked  a rare televised match and came off like a huge star in his feud with The Wyatt Family. Unfortunately, those wrestlers and their eliminations were a part of the micro stories within the Rumble.

The macro story of this particular Royal Rumble was Roman Reigns vs. Triple H, Vince McMahon, and The League of Nations. Despite the fact that Roman Reigns made clear in 2015 that he is one of the best wrestlers in the company, he was not pushed effectively in terms of getting over like a main eventer. As a result, this match basically had a black cloud cast over it as far more over talents like AJ, Owens, Zayn, and Brock got dispatched.

Thankfully, the WWE had an ace up their sleeve and actually had the final two be Triple H and Dean Ambrose. That prevented the match from ending with a huge backlash like the last two years. It’s interesting that they chose Ambrose for that role. He’s just over enough that the crowd obviously rallied behind him, but he’s not pushed hard enough for WWE to actually use this as a springboard for something more. Obviously, Triple H eventually got the better of this exchange and became WWE Champion for the first time since 2009.

Overall, this was one of the easiest Rumbles to watch in a good while. The closing stretch and biggest story of the match though were very pedestrian at best. You can’t really say “Let it play out” because of WWE’s history and because the likely destination (Roman vs. HHH) is a tough sell. I’ll take the fun match though for what it was in the moment. (***1/2)

 

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GRAVE Consequences [****1/4]

Chris Hero vs. KENTA/Hideo Itami [****1/2]

Vampiro vs. Pentagon Jr. [****1/2]

Austin Aries vs. Jeff Hardy

John Morrison vs. Ricochet

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Zack Sabre Jr.

Prince Devitt/Finn Balor vs. Zack Sabre Jr.

Cesaro vs. Mike Quackenbush [****}

8.0

The final score: review Very Good

The 411

Despite some really annoying moments in the final two matches, this was probably the best PPV from the WWE in terms of action in quite a while. Watch it.