Views from the Hawke’s Nest: WWE Fastlane

February 22, 2015
Memphis, Tennessee

 

Commentators: Michael Cole, JBL, & Jerry Lawler

 

Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan & Ryback vs. The Authority (Kane, Seth Rollins & The Big Show) (w/ Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)

Random trios matches on PPV? Fantastic. Kane and The Big Show still being on the WWE roster? Awful. Send them to the sun.

This took a very long time to get going. Dolph and Rollins started the match and worked for three minutes but did nothing of note. Ooof. Rowan got cut off and worked over for a while. The Ryback made the hot tag. Ryback and Rollins have surprisingly good chemistry. Dolph made a second hot tag after Ryback got cut off. Dolph was running wild, but Show caught him with the KO punch. Kane pinned him: 1…2…3

The Authority destroyed the babyface losers after the match. Randy Orton returned and destroyed The Authority by himself. Shades of Shane McMahon destroying Randy Orton and Legacy in 2009. It’s like poetry. It rhymes. Email me if you want a pizza roll.

I found the match to be very boring overall, but there were some silver linings. Ryback and Rollins did a great sequence, and they could have an awesome 5-6 minute match on TV. Dolph’s hot tag worked very well, and he clearly still has a chance of being an upper midcarder if the WWE ever decides to listen to the responses he gets.

Match Rating: **

 

Goldust vs. Stardust

Remember when Cody Rhodes and Goldust were a great tag team? That was nice.

There was a backstage segment with Goldust and Dusty Rhodes before the match. They got zero reaction from the crowd.

JBL: “It’s like Michael and Fredo.”

Cole: “You mean Frodo.”

**Awkward pause**

Cole: “If you are referring to hobbits.”

The crowd chanted, “Cody!”. They played homage to the feeling-out process early on. Stardust got control of the match by going after his brother’s left arm. Goldust got worked over for a while. No one cared. Goldust apparently caught him with a pinning combo out of nowhere to pick up the win. Can’t lie. I missed the finished because my attention waned. Replayed showed Goldust reversing a Cross Rhodes into a crucifix pin. The replay also showed that the referee forgot to count to three.

We saw Stardust attack Goldust after the match.

This was a failure. It seems that this feud MUST continue, and I assume they will have a blowoff at Wrestlemania. I can hardly wait.

Match Rating: DUD

 

The Usos (Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso) (c) vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd [WWE Tag Team Championships]

Jimmy got cut off early on. The challengers went after his left leg. Jey made the hot tag.  Jey got cut off, but he quickly tagged out. There was an Uso dive, and the other Uso gave Kidd a wild Samoan Drop into a barricade. Kidd applied a sharpshooter on one of Usos. The other Uso made the save, but he then brawled with Cesaro to the floor. Kidd caught one of the Usos with a swinging neckbreaker: 1…2…3

This was absolutely the right booking call, and I’m very interested in seeing what these teams can do on future PPVs. I won’t hold my breath for a prime spot on Wrestlemania’s main card, but I wouldn’t mind seeing them do a ten minute pre-show match.

The match itself was a solid first entry in what will likely be a lengthy feud that everyone will be sick of within a month or two (the tag division is desperately in need of six-seven permanent teams). They didn’t having great chemistry, but I can see them reaching the match quality level of the Usos/Wyatts before too long.

Match Rating: ***1/4

 

Triple H came out to the ring and called out Stinger. Between the video package before this and the promo that HHH cut, you would think HHH was a very honorable babyface. Sting came out. HHH cut a very good promo by his standards. He did a fairly decent job of trying to explain why these two would have an issue. He tried to cheap-shot Sting, but Sting blocked it. HHH had to use the microphone to get the advantage. HHH went for the sledgehammer. Sting pulled out his bat though. HHH actually dropped the sledgehammer to the floor. Sting then pointed to the Wrestlemania sign. HHH tried to cheapshot him again, but Sting dropped him with a bat shot. Scorpion Deathdrop. I thought this was a fine segment considering there is nothing that they could do to make me care about this match.

 

Nikki Bella (w/Brie Bella) (c) vs. Paige [WWE Divas Championship]

Nikki cut Paige off early on and worked her over. Paige made a comeback. Nikki came back with a sunset flip powerbomb. Paige went for her submission, but Nikki got to the ropes. Nikki sent her into a ringpost and rolled her up with what I think was supposed to be a handful of tights.

They tried very hard. No one cared. The finish sucked. Felt like every WWE Divas match on PPV ever.

Match Rating: *

 

Triple H vs. Sting was officially announced for Wrestlemania.

 

Bad News Barrett (c) vs. Dean Ambrose [Intercontinental Championship]

This has a chance to be good. Ambrose should go over since he never goes over.

Barrett cut off Ambrose after a few minutes and then worked him over. Ambrose fought back on the floor and then made a comeback in the ring. Barrett hit Wasteland, but Ambrose kicked out. Ambrose avoided the Bullhammer and hit a Jawbreaker Lariat. Barrett tried to run away, but Ambrose wiped him out with a tope suicida. Ambrose got disqualified in the ring for kicking too much ass. Classic WWE finish.

Ambrose attacked Barrett after the match and stole the belt.

Despite the crowd not really caring at the start of the match, they did a good job of getting people to care. The fans were rewarded with a shit finish and a belt-stealing angle. Battleground has come early, folks.

Match Rating: **1/2

 

In an unadvertised angle, The Undertaker’s music played. Druids. Casket. It’s Gonna Be Bray. It was in fact Bray Wyatt. He challenged The Undertaker to a match. It was a dumb promo, and it’s going to lead to a match of questionable quality. The Undertaker should take a year off and have one last great match with Bryan in Texas at Wrestlemania 32.

 

Rusev(c) (w/Lana) vs. John Cena [United States Championship]

No point in Cena winning this one. Rusev should not lose until Wrestlemania 32 when he drops the WWE Championship to some youngin’ who needs a star-making moment.

Rusev got control early. This match did not have the energy that I was hoping for. They’re working like it’s Raw main event with a bad finish. Cena started his comeback, but Rusev hit a superkick. Cena hit a DDT and then made his proper comeback. He applied the STF, but Rusev cleanly escaped. Cena got the STF again. Rusev got to the ropes and then avoided the AA. Cena avoided the superkick and hit the AA: 1…2…NO! Rusev reversed the diving FameAsser into a powerbomb. Accolade!!! Cena seemed close to escaping several times, but Rusev kept locking it back in. Cena stood up. Lana got into the ring. Ref distraction. Low blow, superkick, Accolade. Cena passed out to give Rusev the win.

On paper, this was a good idea. In fact, this was a theoretically great match. Rusev is generally a compelling wrestler when he’s dominating a match. Cena is great at timing his comebacks. Unfortunately, Rusev was not up to his usual standard while controlling the match, the crowd didn’t care at all for the first two thirds of the match, and the finish was yet another anti-climatic fuck finish on a show with too many of them.

A lot of people seemed to like this one more than I did, and I can’t really figure out why. It obviously stood out because it featured two of the best wrestlers in the company in a singles match for an extended period of time. I just don’t see what was compelling about a great majority of the match, and they did not do nearly enough to in the second half to save it.

Listen, I think these two are going to have a great match at Wrestlemania. I think Rusev cheating to beat Cena once before that show is fine. I’m just not going to sit here and pretend that this match entertained me much or that the finish was some brilliant way of getting this feud from point A to point B.

Match Rating: **1/2

 

Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns

The winner gets Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania. This will be a very interesting match regardless of the quality.

They went back and forth for a long time. This seemed to be all about trying to make Roman Reigns look like a good wrestler. Bryan hit two tope suicidas in a row. He went for a third, but Reigns gave him a belly-to-belly on the floor. Reigns then crashed into the steps. They both almost got counted out. Bryan dove off the top rope, but Reigns hit the Superman Punch: 1…2…NO! Reigns went for the spear, but Bryan caught him with a small package: 1…2…NO! Busaiku Knee: 1…2…NO! Oh gawd, are they turning Bryan heel? Bryan then delivered the kicks. Lots and lots of kicks. Reigns caught a buzzaw kick attempt, and they did a sloppy reversal into a cross armbreaker. They transitioned into a Yes Lock. Story at the moment is Reigns surviving everything Bryan is throwing at him. He escaped and then started punch Bryan in the face. Triangle by Bryan. Rampage Bomb from Reigns. Bryan won a strike exchange. Bryan called for the knee, but Reigns hit the spear.

This seemed like a good match on first watch. I was interested all the way through, and there was nothing about the match that I disliked. I’m not sure how it will hold up though, as there was not much substance to the match until the final minutes. In the end, this felt like a cynical attempt to prove that Roman Reigns could have a lengthy PPV main event that was good and use Bryan’s credibility with the fans to get Reigns over with a vocal demographic. The former at least seems to be accomplished but at what cost and to what end?

Before the Royal Rumble, Bryan was the clear choice to main event Wrestlemania with Brock Lesnar. The pieces of the story were all there. The booking of Bryan in the Rumble did some serious damage to that though, and they didn’t rehab Bryan enough after that to make it seem like he should main event (from what I understand, they even made Bryan seem like a bit of a prick on TV). There’s no doubt now though; Roman Reigns will get his Wrestlemania main event, and Daniel Bryan feels like damaged goods.

Will Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar be good? It does not seem likely based on the evidence that we have. For all of Brock’s talents, he’s never been accused of being a ring general. Reigns can be carried, but Brock does not strike me as a man capable of that.

How will the crowd respond? If it leaks that Brock is not re-signing, all hell could break loose in a Brock/Goldberg way. if that doesn’t happen, I suppose it’s possible that Brock gets cheered by a majority of the fans. I’m not convinced that will happen though, and my biggest fear is that the match gets no reaction at all.

Match Rating: ***1/2

 

Watch some random matches for free!

John Cena & The Undertaker vs. Jeri-Show vs. D-X

CM Punk vs. Masato Tanaka

Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles

Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Yuji Nagata

The Great Muta vs. Genichiro Tenryu

Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre (from before their time in the WWE)

The Young Bucks vs. Super Smash Bros.

Biff Busick vs. Timothy Thatcher

Drago vs. Pentagon Jr. vs. Fenix

Masahiro Chono & Minoru Suzuki vs. Keiji Mutoh & Masakatsu Funaki

Tetsuya Naito vs. KUSHIDA

Drew Gulak vs. AR Fox

The Throwbacks vs. The Devastation Corporation

Minoru Suzuki vs. Taiyo Kea

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon

4.5

The final score: review Poor

The 411

This PPV was no good, and it made the WWE product seem colder than ice. It genuinely feels like WWE is still in their post-Wrestlemania slump from last year. As the Wrestlemania card stands now, I have nothing to get excited about, and I'm not even sure what they can do to fix that since so much of the card seems set in stone. There are a few matches that could over-deliver, but that's not exactly a reason to care about the supposed biggest show of the year.