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Views from the Hawke’s Nest: WWE WrestleMania 31

March 29, 2015 | Posted by TJ Hawke
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Views from the Hawke’s Nest: WWE WrestleMania 31  

WM31Poster.png

 

March 29, 2015
Santa Clara, California

Commentators: Michael Cole, JBL, & Jerry Lawler

 

Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (c) vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/El Torito) vs. The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) (w/Xavier Woods) vs. The Usos (Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso) (w/ Naomi) [WWE Tag Team Title Fatal Four Way]

This could be one of the best matches of the show.

They took Jey out of the match early on. I assume he’s the injured one, right? After an obligatory heat segment on Kofi, Jimmy made a big comeback. Kofi hit a random dive. The commentators joked about not being able to tell the difference between Jimmy and Jey. That gives me permission to not know the difference as far as I am concerned. Cesaro hit the Fucking Machine Suplex on Big E. The teams started going back and forth. All the managers started getting involved. Naomi and Jimmy hit stereo dives. Naomi then killed Natalya with a Butt Bump. Lots of nearfalls were traded. Lots of movez. Eventually, Cesaro stole the pin on Big E from Jimmy to retain the titles.

They did an indie match. Was it the smoothest or most logical match  that I’ve seen? Obviously not. It was mindless fun though and a satisfying way to start the show. The biggest thing about this match to stand out to me was that Big E is clearly no longer a priority for the WWE. Considering his size, charisma, and talent, you would think he would be a heavily-pushed talent. He didn’t even get showcased in this pre-show match.

Match Rating: ***

 

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Adam Rose vs. Alex Riley vs. Big E vs. Bo Dallas vs. Cesaro vs. Curtis Axel vs. Damien Mizdow vs. Darren Young vs. Diego vs. Erick Rowan vs. Fandango vs. Fernando vs. Goldust vs. Heath Slater vs. Hideo Itami vs. Jack Swagger vs. Jimmy Uso vs. Kane vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Konnor vs. Mark Henry vs. Ryback vs. Sin Cara vs. The Big Show vs. The Miz vs. Titus O’Neil vs. Tyson Kidd vs. Viktor vs. Xavier Woods vs. Zack Ryder

I’m hoping Itami wins, but I’m going to predict that The Big Guy gets the dubya.

#AxelMania got eliminated first. Damn. Cesaro was too kind to take to take kicks from Itami in this match when you could barely see it. Big Show eliminated Itami. Dumb. The Ascension got to eliminate Mark Henry. Hideo Itami got to eliminate Bo Dallas after he already eliminated himself. The Big Show eliminated New Day by himself in some sort of apparent metaphor for WWE racism. Show seemingly got to eliminate a ton of people. Cesaro eliminated Kane the way he eliminated Big Show last year. He tried to eliminate Big Show like last year, but he failed this time and Show eliminated him. Show, Ryback, Miz, and Mizdow were left. Show eliminated Ryback. Mizdow did not want to help Miz. He dramatically shook his head at Miz. The Miz yelled at him. Mizdow finally just eliminated The Miz! That got a big pop. The Big Show was taking a snooze all throughout that sequence. Mizdow and Show went at it for the match. Sandow got Show on the apron. Biting him didn’t work. Goozle! Sandow tried to reversed into a guillotine. LOL. The Big Show managed to eliminate him.

This was fucking dumb. The Mizdow babyface turn got a giant babyface pop, and it was genuinely great. That was immediately tarnished though by The Big Show winning the match. Not only that, but he eliminated so many talented, young wrestlers on his way to the victory.

Match Rating: *

 

Bad News Barrett (c) vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper vs. R-Truth vs. Stardust [Intercontinental Title Ladder Match]

They had Pat Patterson in the ring before the match started.

Ambrose hit a tope suicida. Truth hit a tope con hello. Stardust did a very weird springboard dive. Harper tossed Dolph to the floor and then wiped out everyone with his great tope. Ambrose did his elbow drop off a ladder onto everyone on the floor. After some half-hearted climbing teases, Stardust took out his special ladder. BNB broke it. Harper got control of the match by himself. Harper and Ambrose have been the standouts so far. Truth, of all people, put a stop to Harper’s dominance. Geezus, BNB gave Stardust a superplex off a very tall ladder. That genuinely might be the coolest superplex that I’ve ever seen. Harper powerbombed Ambrose out of the ring and through a bridged ladder on the floor. Dolph took Harper down and then nearly grabbed the belt. BNB caught him and Stardust with elbow smashes. And Truth as well. Bryan and BNB both nearly got the belt. Busaiku Knee to BNB from Bryan!!! Bryan and Dolph battled on top. They traded punches. They traded headbutts. They traded lots of headbutts. Bryan won that battle and grabbed the belt!

Great opener. It was not quite as epic as some of the great MitB matches from past Wrestlemanias, but it would be in the top half of them for sure. All the big spots were pulled off well, and pretty much everyone came out of the match smelling like roses. I’m really hoping for a Harper/Bryan program going forward. It does seem like Bryan vs. Dolph is the direction though. The only odd part of the match was that Bryan basically did nothing of real note until he won the match. That’s odd for a babyface winner in a ladder match, but I don’t especially want to see Bryan doing stupid things in a (relatively) meaningless ladder match at this stage of his career.

Match Rating: ****

 

Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins (w/ Joey Mercury & Jamie Noble)

This could be a pleasant surprise. This finish has to be an “RKO OUTTA NOWHERE~!” The key is how entertaining the journey is to that inevitable end.

This is a blood feud, right? I could tell by those intense side headlocks that started the match. Rollins took an early bump on his neck for an Orton lariat. J&J tried to interfere. Orton gave them a tandem DDT from the apron to the floor. Rollins took out Orton with a tope suicida and then worked him over in the ring. Orton made a comeback after avoiding a springboard move. Rollins came back and hit an Asai Moonsault. Orton came back with a shitty diving crossbody that Rollins rolled through. Orton hit the elevated DDT and called for the RKO. Rollins avoided it and hit a kneeling superkick. Orton avoided a standing Sliced Bread #2 and hit the RKO: 1…2…NO! Surprising nearfall. Orton called for the punt. Noble came in the ring. RKO! Mercury then dived into an RKO! CURB STOMP: 1…2…NO! It’s almost cliche how much of a Wrestlemania match this is. Highspots we don’t normally do! Kicking out of finishers! Orton avoided the Phoenix Splash. Rollins then went for the Curb Stomp, but Orton popped him up and hit an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE for the victory.

The finish was predictable as I said, but the execution was, in fact, very fucking clever. The match was entertaining enough throughout to justify its existence. I think they could have stood to worker at a faster clip though, and it would have been much better for it.  They did some clever transitions and worked in some spots that made clear this match was much more important than your typical WWE match at least. I assume this feud is not over and that a blowoff will happen at the next PPV.

Match Rating: ***

 

Sting vs. Triple H

Sting got a special entrance and was not wearing a t-shirt. HHH got his Terminator entrance. Arnold even popped up on the screen for it.

The crowd really wants to like this one. Hopefully it can deliver something memorable. Sting was having success early on until he missed a Stinger Splash on the floor. HHH then worked him over. It was dull. Sting got the Scorpion Deathlock out of nowhere. The overbooking kicked in! Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, and X-Pac ran in! Sting killed them and dumped HHH onto them. Sting then did a plancha onto everyone. Back in the ring, HHH hit a pedigree: 1…2…NO! HHH got the sledgehammer. NWO’s music hit. Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, and Kevin Nash made their way to the ring. They genuinely did a great job of teasing a WCW vs. WWF angle without actually giving it away that it would happen. NWO and DX battled it out. HHH got distracted, and Sting hit the Scorpion Deathdrop: 1…2…NO!!! Scorpion Deathlock! HHH went for the sledgehammer, but Hogan pulled it away. NWO and DX took themselves out. HHH finally got to the ropes. Shawn Michaels showed up and superkicked Sting: 1…2…NO! This is like a great meta joke about how the Starrcade 1997 main event should have been booked. HHH had the hammer. Hall gave Sting his bat. Both men now have their metaphorical penises. Sting broke HHH’s penis in half with his own penis and then punched HHH repeatedly. Stinger Splash! HHH blocked a second one with a sledge hammer: 1…2…3

HHH and Sting shook hands after the match? Genuinely dumb for Sting’s character to shake HHH’s hand given his motivations for wanting the match and the manner in which HHH won. Like, what respect did HHH earn? That is just bad storytelling at best and a cynical attempt to bury WCW yet again at worst.

As for the match, this was everything you could have hoped for given the state of Sting in recent years. The opening portion of the match was done well enough, and the overbooking kicked in at a logical time. There were but a brief few moments when I was not entertained (HHH’s heat segment), but everything else about this was very entertaining.

Match Rating: ***3/4

 

Daniel Bryan was interviewed backstage. Pat Patterson, Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, Ric Flair, and Bret Hart all congratulated Bryan. They did the Yes chant. Ron Simmons did the Damn! spot. This was nice.

 

Someone did a concert. I took a bathroom break.

 

The show has been great so far.

 

AJ Lee & Paige vs. The Bella Twins (Brie Bella & Nikki Bella)

There is zero reason for this match not to get plenty of time.

They went straight to a heat segment on Paige. This will likely be over soon. The heat went on longer than I expected, but AJ made the hot tag soon enough. AJ did a DDT out of the Electric Chair. That was pulled off surprisingly well. Brie tripped up AJ, and Nikki hit a forearm smash: 1…2…NO! AJ then got Nikki in the Black Widow. Nikki tapped out.

That was sadly forgettable. I was hoping they would have a chance to do something on the level of the matches that the women put on at the NXT specials, but this was not anywhere close to those matches. It came off like every PPV women’s match ever: they worked hard, and no one cared.

Match Rating: *

 

They did a Hall of Fame recap segment. They all came out on stage afterwards.

 

Rusev (w/Lana) (c) vs. John Cena [WWE United States Championship]

Rusev should absolutely not lose here, but what can you do.

Rusev got an absurdly elaborate entrance full of Russian patriotism. Good for him! Rusev came out in a tank! ***** entrance. John Cena got a vomit-inducing “America” entrance video before he came out. They actually invoked 9/11 in the video.

Rusev got control with ease. He took a moment to show off the Russian flag, as you’re wont to do in a sport of physical dominance. Cena kicked Rusev in the shoulder and made a comeback. Rusev cut him off again with a back suplex and then went back to working him over. Cena came back after the diving FameAsser. Actually, Rusev then hit a superkick to cut him right off again. Cena hit a diving DDT for a nearfall. They traded punches. Alabama Slam from Rusev got a nearfall. STF from Cena. Lana threw a shoe into the ring, but it did not nothing. Rusev got the ropes. Fallaway slam from Rusev. He then went to the top rope and hit a great diving headbutt for a nearfall. He then started to cry. Lol. Rusev is the king of wrestling. Cena avoided the Accolade and hit a SPRINGBOARD STUNNER: 1…2…NO! Rusev hit a wheelbarrow facebuster and then applied the Accolade! Cena powered out of it and then got the STF. Rusev survived but then accidentally knocked Lana off the ropes! Attitude Adjustment: 1…2…3

Rusev yelled at Lana after the match. The idea of those two being split up is absolutely alarming.

Another really enjoyable match. I still think these two have a *great* match in them though, and it’s bit disappointing this was not that. This was a nice step-up from their last match, as Rusev was far more interesting during the heat. Cena’s victory was sadly predictable (no matter how unnecessary that it was); it was done much better than I expected though. Cena busting out the springboard stunner absolutely was picture-perfect timing, and it made the crowd much more agreeable with the result. GOOD stuff.

Match Rating: ***1/2

 

Stephanie McMahon and Triple H came out to put over the crowd and to let us know the attendance. Thankfully, they eventually started putting themselves over instead of soaking in the adulation. Ugh, HHH started running down the people. And The Rock came out. Listen, if The Rock wants to come back and do another match. Fine. Rock vs. Triple H is a terrible idea though. Stephanie slapped him. Rock then brought Ronda Rousey out of the front row into the ring. Steph then immediately began to kiss her ass. Rock then punched HHH around before Ronda gave him a hip toss to send him packing. Steph tried to slap her, but Ronda caught her arm and then mercifully let her go. They definitely teased a big tag match between these two pairs. I am okay with that for next year.

 

Bray Wyatt vs. The Undertaker

I hope this is good, but I’m not hopeful for it.

Taker came out in pants which does not bode well for his condition. Taker caught him with a big boot and immediately went to work on him. He looked really old, as he proceeded to squash Bray Wyatt. Bray ate the Snake Eyes but then took Taker down. He got the heat. This was all just sad to watch to be honest. Bray crashed into the steel steps and then got caught in Hell’s Gate. Taker struggled to his feet before eating a urinagi. Bray called for Sister Abigail, but Taker goozled him. Chokeslam. Taker called for the tombstone. And he hit it: 1…2…NO! Bray avoided the second tombstone attempt and then hit the Sister Abigail: 1…2…NO! The finishers have gotten a reaction at least. Bray then reversed a second Sister Abigail into another Tombstone: 1…2…3

This was sad. The Undertaker seemed to trying his hardest, but this match should not have existed at all. Taker couldn’t lose. Bray couldn’t lose. Taker could have used another year to recover. It would get Brock’s win over him in 2014 all the more impactful if it knocked Taker out for two years. Most importantly for interests, there was just no way that this was going to be good. And it was not. The crowd popped for the finishers, but they almost always do.

Match Rating: *1/2

 

The Big Show, Randy Orton, Triple H, John Cena, The Rock, and The Undertaker have all been put over huge tonight. That is alarming.

 

Brock Lesnar(c) (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Roman Reigns [WWE World Heavyweight Championship]

If this is a great match, it makes this show one of the best Wrestlemanias ever.

I like Brock as a part-time champion because I am a part-time WWE fan. Roman Reigns on top means that the quality of future PPV main events are not going to be reliably high. That is not ideal for me, as I would much prefer Cena or Bryan defending their respective belts in the main events of those shows. Let’s see what happens…

Brock quickly took him down and hit an F-5! Brock’s cheek was bloody, and he just stood there instead of pinning Reigns. Brock hit a release Perfect-plex and then his second German. This is great so far. Reigns was smiling. This was the greatest fucking match ever, as Brock just destroyed him. He finally hit the F-5 again: 1…2…NO! Brock was bemused. Brock just kept punching him in the face and then gave him another German. And again. F-5: 1…2…NO! Reigns managed to send Brock into a ringpost and that busted him open. Brock was bleeding quite a bit. Superman Punch. Brock used the ropes to stay on his feet. Another Superman Punch. He still sued the ropes to stay on his feet. He avoided the third one once. But he got the next time. Spear! Spear again: 1…2…NO!!!!!!!!!! Thank the fuck gawd. He called for the Superman Punch, but Brock caught him with an F-5! Seth Rollins ran in and cashed in. Its now a triple threat match.

Fuck, they ruined the greatest match ever. Rollins hit Brock with a Curb Stomp. They went for a second one, but Brock caught him. Reigns speared Brock. Rollins then hit Reigns with a Curb Stomp: 1…2…3

Take this rating with a giant grain of salt. I feel like I really need some time to decide how I feel about the finish.

Brock and Reigns were absolutely having the definitive Match of the Year. Better than the Royal Rumble WWE title match. Better than Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kota Ibushi. This match was why you have Brock Lesnar. This is why Brock should be champion. This why you overpay Brock. Because he’s capable of having the kind of great matches that no one else is capable of having.

This match was making Roman Reigns. It was completely justifying his push. For all the bad they were doing him, this was THE match he needed to have. Reigns was delivering the performance of his career here. Great selling. Great bumps. They had me and the crowd hook, line, and sinker. I was on the edge of my seat. I couldn’t get enough of it…

…and then Rollins cashed in. It kind of reminds me of the Brock/Cena match from 2012. The finish just absolutely tarnishes what was otherwise one of my very favorite matches ever.

It must seem hypocritical of me to be complaining about Rollins leaving with the belt when Brock is much older. Brock is just too special. He’s bigger than The Undertaker, Triple H, and all the others. He’s like Cena. He’s too special to monkey around with. You cannot find another one like him.

As I said, I need some more time to think about this one. Rest assured, it was a great match. One of the greatest Wrestlemania matches ever. I just cannot help but feel like it could have been a perfect match.

Match Rating: ****1/2

 

Watch some free matches!

Samoa Joe vs. Necro Butcher [Crazy match everyone needs to see.]

Sami Zayn vs. Adrian Neville

CM Punk vs. AJ Styles

The Young Bucks vs. The Dudley Boys

Biff Busick vs. Timothy Thatcher

Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Kazuchika Okada

CM Punk vs. Masato Tanaka

The Young Bucks vs. The Hardy Boyz

Daniel Bryan vs. AJ Styles

Mike Quackenbush vs. Eddie Kingston

Degeneration-X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) vs. Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. John Cena & The Undertaker

Sara Del Rey & Madison Eagles vs. Ayumi Kurihara & Ayako Hamada

The Briscoes & Naomichi Marufuji vs Matt Sydal, Atsushi Aoki, & Ricky Marvin

The Great Muta vs. Genichiro Tenryu

 

Check out these other sites:

Match of the Year

Old New Japan

All the All Japan

Best of Chikara

9.0
The final score: review Amazing
The 411
This show was both incredible and perturbing. The Undertaker, John Cena, The Rock, Triple H, The Big Show, and Randy Orton all being booked to look so strong at the same in 2015 is just not good at all. You can excuses for some of them (Orton is now an instantly credible challenger for Rollins, Rock is probably leading to a big money match), but for all those things to happen at the same just left me disappointed a bit. With that being said, this show was fucking awesome. The pre-show tag title match was fun. The ladder match was everything you want from that kind of match, and it absolutely had the right person win. Orton and Rollins delivered. HHH and Sting **really** over-delivered. Cena and Rusev was very good. The Rock and Ronda Rousey showed up for a very newsworthy segment that could lead to something very fun down the line. The main event was tremendous, and (if nothing else) ended on a very exciting way. Honestly, it's everything I want from a Wrestlemania, as the blips didn't bring down the show all that much. This was easily worth the cost of the Network. Watch it as soon as possible.
legend

article topics :

WrestleMania 31, WWE, TJ Hawke