Cook: What Has Kurt Angle Been Hiding?

Kurt Angle has a secret.

It’s troubled him ever since late May, when Corey Graves alerted him to a text message he recieved with some shocking accusations. Ever since, the Raw General Manager has been preoccupied with this situation and occasionally unable to do his job. Kurt has decided enough is enough and he will reveal the secret this Monday night on Raw, for better or worse. The phone conversation he engaged in at the end of this week’s show gave us that information, and we also learned that he was talking to somebody that he loved.

Given Kurt’s history in WWE, I don’t think most longterm fans are surprised that something like this happened. Angle has a tendency to fall in love with women on the show, and they’re usually married to somebody else. Kurt can’t help it. It’s his nature. Younger fans may be shocked and dismayed, but those of us watching back in the day knew it was just a matter of time before Kurt Angle started feeling frisky.

The only question is…who? Let’s take a look at some potential options.

Dixie Carter: Dixie did an interview with WWE Network for a recent documentary on Angle’s time between WWE stints. With next week’s Raw taking place in Nashville, Tennessee, it’d be an easy trip for the former President of TNA Wrestling. I was looking at Dixie’s Twitter and couldn’t help but notice what she tweeted after the documentary aired, and make a connection betwen it and the conversation Kurt had with the mystery person.

Loved being a part of WWE’s Kurt Angle: Homecoming tonight. So proud of Kurt.

She’s proud of him! Just like Kurt hoped, am I right? The main reason not to expect this is that Dixie is still listed as a member of the Advisory Board for Fight Media Group, the wing of Anthem behind Global Force/Impact Wrestling. Anthem might have been cool with a documentary but I’m not sure how they’d feel about her taking a role on WWE television.

Then again, maybe they’d like her to go on WWE television with the hopes that she’ll do the same type of job on camera as she did for TNA.

Charlotte Flair: The reason Charlotte got traded from Raw to SmackDown Live was that Kurt was having an affair with Charlotte but thought he was on the verge of getting caught, so he sent Charlotte over to SD to avert suspicion. Unfortunately, Charlotte’s dad found out about it, and he’s been sending drunken text messages to Kurt & Corey Graves ever since. Doesn’t that sound like something Ric would do?

Noelle Foley: Kurt took Mick Foley’s old job as Raw General Manager, so who’s to say he wouldn’t take his daughter too? This would be a way to bring Mick back into things and get Noelle some time on Raw, which would make most red-blooded males very happy. It’d also be a way to get that gross clown out of the picture. Kurt snapping Frank’s ankle would make for good TV if nothing else.

Stephanie McMahon: This is the most obvious choice, and the most logical since Kurt & Stephanie have history going back to their first days as WWE characters. Their love triangle with Triple H was a big hit with the female audience & doing a callback to it in 2017 would be appreciated by older fans. It’d also set up a Kurt Angle vs. Triple H match, which seems like something that would make sense for the two men involved.

The only real problem I have with it is that it’s too obvious. Sometimes the obvious choice is the best choice and I don’t doubt that the performers would make it work, but it’s more fun for people like me to be surprised by the outcome. It’d be a bit of a letdown as far as that aspect of the angle would go. But there’s another McMahon nobody else is thinking of here that could also make for some interesting fallout on WWE…

Marissa McMahon: Shane’s wife hasn’t been seen on WWE television since her days hosting the LiveWire show in the early 2000s, so she definitely wouldn’t be somebody people would expect to see. With Shane’s in-ring history with Kurt and his status as SmackDown’s Commissioner, a collision between Raw & SmackDown in this manner could be interesting times and add a little spice to the somewhat contrived rivalry between the brands.

Sable: We haven’t seen Brock Lesnar’s wife since 2004. Considering her character had an affair with Mr. McMahon in 2003, it’d certainly make sense that Sable would hook up with the Olympic Gold Medalist. Lesnar & Angle’s rivalry is well-documented, but I hope they don’t go back down that road in 2017. If Kurt is going to wrestle, that’s cool. Brock would probably kill the man though.

The Bella Twins: This is probably the least likely option of anything listed in this column, mostly because I can’t imagine Nikki or Brie agreeing to this kind of a storyline right now. Brie being a new mother & Nikki on her way to the altar probably means there’s no time to do a Kurt Angle interlude. The bright side of the idea, of course, is the Angle vs. John Cena match it would lead to. But with all of their other stuff going on and the fact they’d have to work it into their reality shows somehow, I just don’t see it happening.

Now, it’s not a 100% certainty that what Kurt’s hiding is an affair. He might have something else going on that we don’t know about with somebody that he loves. Perhaps it’s a child that we don’t know about. WWE doesn’t do well with illegitimate children stories, but maybe now that Mr. Kennedy isn’t around to screw the whole thing up by doing something stupid and Hornswoggle is nowhere to be seen, we can have one that leads to a satisfying conclusion. Here are some WWE Superstars whose lives may be changed by the outcome here:

American Alpha: Chad Gable & Jason Jordan haven’t had a lot going on lately. You could say that ever since their main roster debut, really. People have noted their in-ring similarities to Angle before, not to mention their penchant for wearing singlets. There’s been a rumor that Gable could end up being the illegitimate offspring of Angle & Stephanie, while Jordan is the subject of a meme conecting Angle with Queen Sharmell, who he unsuccessfully pursued on SmackDown in an angle that people that saw it wish they could forget. Maybe one of those could be true, or they could go full Team Angle and have both rumors be true.

The downside here is that their ages don’t really allow for any of these shenanigans to have taken place realistically, but it’s not like it would be the first time that people portrayed characters much younger than themselves in real life. The Dawson’s Creek kids were in their late 20s when they were in high school. These things happen. This could also explain why Booker T returned to commentary, so he could react to his Queen fooling around with Kurt behind his back. Not to mention how angry he would be with his broadcasting partner that hid the information from him…

Corey Graves: The fact that Graves has been prominently featured in this angle has people wondering why. Nothing against the guy, it’s just kind of random is all. He wasn’t running backstage and talking to people while he was supposed to be on commentary before now. Graves is a fellow native of Pittsburgh and conducted Kurt’s return interview, so there’s a connection there. How deep it runs might be the question that leads to the truth behind Kurt’s secret.

Bayley: I’ve seen this rumor floated out there but I can’t see it being what they go with. They already made a big deal of Bayley’s hometown being San Jose & her dad being there to watch her lose the Women’s Championship to Alexa Bliss. One thing that set folks off on this tangent was a hug that Bayley gave to Corey during an interview, which made people wonder if Corey & Bayley were in fact brother & sister. It could explain Corey’s hostility towards Bayley going back to their NXT days, as Bayley has always been the happy-go-lucky member of the family while Corey was the cranky stick in the mud.

Aurora Levesque: If they go the Kurt/Stephanie direction, it’s been suggested that one of the shocking revelations would involve Stephanie’s oldest daughter. Aurora was born in July 2006, just before Kurt left WWE. We could find out that one of the reasons Kurt left WWE at the time was that he was Aurora’s father. Maybe Stephanie got frustrated with Hunter’s inability to get her pregnant and turned to Kurt to get the job done. I think this would have been far more likely back in the Vince Russo days, or even in the mid-2000s when Eddie Guerrero was the father of Rey Mysterio’s son Dominick in storyline.

Dewey Foley: Hey, if I’m going to throw Foley kids out there as possibilities for Angle’s affair, I might as well mention one that could be his kid too. Dewey works with WWE as a writer’s assistant, so they wouldn’t even have to fly him in or anything. Pretty slim chance here, but they have used writers on television before playing characters such as Big Dick Johnson & Ranjin Singh. And let’s be honest, being Kurt Angle’s illegitimate kid would be a lot better than being a male stripper or Great Khali’s brother.

Now that we’ve gone through some of the main possibilities, I’ll put my thinking cap on and list the top five most likely options from where I sit.

5. Noelle Foley

4. Sable

3. Dixie Carter

2. One of American Alpha

1. Stephanie McMahon

It’s probably the most likely option. Fortunately it’s a most likely option that should also be entertaining.

For more of Steve Cook’s thoughts on pro wrestling, along with his thoughts on whatever happens to be going on at any random point in time, follow him on Twitter!