Wrestling’s 4Rs: The Right, The Wrong and The Ridiculous of WWE Monday Night Raw

How the 4Rs of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 4R’s. The column will run TWO times a week. We will group our feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, our goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. We will not apologize for our opinions, they are as they are, whether positive or negative.

By: Jack Stevenson
Raw 9.15.14:
QUICK MATCH RESULTS:

Chris Jericho d. Kane

Jack Swagger d. Bo Dallas

Paige & Nikki Bella d. AJ & Brie Bella

The Big Show d. Bray Wyatt via DQ

The Usos & Sheamus d. Cesaro & The Dusts

Naomi d. Cameron

Dolph Ziggler & R-Truth d. The Miz & Damian Mizdow

Roman Reigns d. Seth Rollins

THE RIGHT:
John Cena kidnaps Paul Heyman: Getting John Cena and Paul Heyman in the ring, on the microphone, and underneath each other’s skin seems to be a good recipe for some fun, lively promos. They sparred verbally again in the opening segment of this week’s Raw, and while by design it couldn’t have been as good as last week’s segment, there were some nice lines, and Heyman mocking Cena’s music and then trying to weasel out of defining exactly “where” Brock Lesnar was both made me laugh very much. After Heyman failed to deliver Lesnar to Cena at the show’s beginning, the uncrowned Champ took matters into his own hands, dragging Heyman to the back and imprisoning him in his locker room with the Great Khali guarding the door. If Heyman wanted to leave intact, he’d have to get Brock Lesnar in the ring with John Cena by halftime, that’s halftime, halftime halftime halftime, halftime, halftime, halftime. And of course frog-marching a helpless advocate into a room and then barricading him in there under threat of violence isn’t a particularly angelic or even rational act, but it makes sense in a fun, goofy pro wrestling way. An enjoyable start to the show.

Sheamus & The Usos vs. Cesaro & The Dusts: This was a splendid six man and something this episode of Raw vitally needed. The early stages of the bout were totally fine but the crowd seemed disinterested; happily, they came alive for the finishing stretch, which was lightning fast and filled with fluid and exciting sequences. Cesaro’s nearfall off the Neutralizer totally had me convinced the match was over. WWE six man tags are usually always good and the talent in this match is among WWE’s best, so there’s no surprise that this delivered, if only it had taken place this time last year it might have got more time and become a genuine thriller. Still, it was pretty darn good for what it was.

Cena and Lesnar FIGHT!: Following on from the opening segment of the show, John Cena dragged Paul Heyman out to the ring at half past time itself to deliver his final ultimatum- Brock Lesnar or a beat down. Heyman chose neither, seizing his chance on the microphone and using it to get back inside Cena’s head. He claimed that Cena would never attack a defenseless 49-year-old man like himself, that he was just too nice, and as long as he was he could never defeat Lesnar at Night of Champions. This was just terrific work by Heyman as usual, and Cena sold the doubt and frustration really well, especially as he quietly realized that no, he couldn’t bring himself to do much more than push Heyman around. Then Brock Lesnar randomly came out and he and Cena brawled. This was also excellently done. Lesnar established subtle dominance by winning the opening exchange and only getting caught out when he turned his back on Cena, but the perennial Champ showed enough fire to convince you that maybe he could take the title off Lesnar at Night of Champions (though obviously he won’t and I have no idea what the thought process is of people who think he will). It wasn’t perhaps quite as effective as previous segments involving a combination of these three men, Lesnar’s appearance was kind of clumsily out of the blue and the brawl itself felt a little too safe and in control, but it was still easily the best segment on the show and a strong attempt at selling Night of Champions. I’m convinced Cena-Lesnar III is going to be as good or perhaps even better than their previous two outings.

puRgatoRy:
The Big Show vs. Bray Wyatt: At just over four minutes long this match was never going to be a classic, and it wasted a substantial portion of its already meagre running time with Bray Wyatt targeting the Big Show’s leg only for the world’s largest athlete to just casually stroll back into the match as if no damage to his limb has been done. Buuuut it was still probably the most enjoyable on the show up to that point, if only for the Neanderthal thrill of seeing two very large humans crash into each other, and the post match shenanigans with Harper and Rowan hint at a further series of matches between Show, Bray, and Bray’s cronies, which I would be broadly in favor of. We’ll put this in purgatory.

Dolph Ziggler & R-Truth vs. The Miz & Damian Sandow: Again, the match itself wasn’t up to much, but things like R-Truth coming out as Ziggler’s stunt double wearing the exact same clothes and doing the same entrance routine, with Michael Cole insisting he can’t tell the difference, are what distinguish aimless midcard filler from light, breezy fun. A nice, inventive little touch that makes you think someone somewhere actually cares about what you’re watching, and maybe you should too. This has been an enjoyable rivalry over the last few weeks, and if Miz fails to regain his Intercontinental Championship on Sunday I hope another avenue for his A-Lister character can be found, it’s bags of fun. Also, the phrase “The Miz and Damian Mizdow” makes me chuckle a lot.

Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins: OK this was obviously the best match on the show, a tremendous first (I think) encounter between the two and one that bodes well for their match at Night of Champions. It was sparky and intense and thoroughly good fun. But what is with Reigns beating Rollins clean as a whistle? This is exactly the kind of booking that is going to make loud portions of the universe turn spectacularly on Roman at some point in early 2015. Wrestling fans don’t want their heroes to be entirely invulnerable. Even Hulk Hogan had the decency to make a sad face sometimes and get his behind kicked for large swathes of his matches. It’s impossible to identify with Superman. I hope this somehow indicates that Rollins is going to get revenge on the bigger stage of the PPV, I’m not expecting a clean win, but something that might make Reigns somewhat of a sympathetic character. An excellent match dragged down irrevocably by a silly silly finish.

Mark Henry rallies America: I kind of liked Henry and Rusev headlining the show, it freshened up the stale Raw format a little, even if that wasn’t it’s intention. This was a cool concept for a segment and it worked in patches but went too long, and I can’t be the only one who finds Lana’s promos just unbearably grating and samey, as if she’s terrified to stray more than five seconds from some Russian figure to belittle us with. Henry’s passionate promo was likeable and convincing but the “WHAT” section of the crowd didn’t agree, although to be fair that section of the crowd could be jettisoned into the sun and nobody would care. Still, hearing such apathy kind of undermined his stance a bit. This promo yoyoed up and down, so we’ll try to stabilize it in purgatory.

THE WRONG:
Chris Jericho vs. Kane: I didn’t enjoy this very much, I thought it was a very tired match between two very tired wrestlers. Chris Jericho’s reputation is so secure from well over a decade of continued brilliance that he could just have spent the whole summer performing two hour long Fozzy concerts in the middle of the ring and everyone would forgive him, and in fairness the best bits of the match were controlled by him, but it still wasn’t a performance that added anything of value to this lacklustre run. Kane should be retired and doing his zany libertarian things by now. These guys could have met on a Raw episode 15 years ago and you could just feel it with this match- a slow pace, half-hearted near falls, and a pervasive feeling that we’d seen all this before already.

Jack Swagger vs. Bo Dallas: On a better episode of Raw this kind of middling midcard match would probably have made it into purgatory, but this week’s episode was tedious and I’m grouchy because of it. This was at least more energetic and felt slightly fresher than the Jericho-Kane match that preceded it but it was still dishearteningly indifferent, and when you consider the vast majority of the show felt that way it’s hard not to feel especially down about these kind of segments. Swagger tapped Dallas out to the Patriot Lock, I don’t know if the feud will continue, on this evidence it has no reason to.

AJ & Brie Bella vs. Paige & Nikki Bella: There was a very brief moment in this match that was kind of cool, Paige blowing AJ a kiss with Brie Bella’s lifeless hand. See, I don’t ask for much. If she’d kept that kiss blowing for a couple more minutes maybe this would be in the right. Instead, this was just a wrestling match, a pointless wrestling match. What’s the point of trying to take AJ and Paige seriously as wrestlers when their feud is already uncomfortably sexualized and WWE only seem interested in making it more so? What’s the point in taking Brie and Nikki Bella seriously when they are, crushingly and inescapably, Brie and Nikki Bella? Blah.

Naomi vs. Cameron: Why do you expect me to have an opinion on this? Leave me alone. I’m tired.

THE RIDICULOUS:
NOTHING

THE RAW MATCH OF THE YEAR LIST:
No change.

1. 2.17.14- John Cena vs. Cesaro
2. 3.03.14- The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family
3. 5.5.14- The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family
4. 2.03.14- Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
5. 2.10.14- Sheamus & Christian vs. The Real Americans
6. 1.27.14- John Cena, Sheamus & Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield
7. 6.2.14- The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family
8. 8.18.14- Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins
9. 4.21.14- Sheamus vs. Bad News Barrett
10. 5.5.14- Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio

The 411:
I really try to be positive about Raw on a week-to-week basis, I couldn’t have written this column week after week for over a year without generally liking the show. But I didn’t like this show very much at all. I enjoyed the six man, the Cena-Lesnar/Heyman segments, and a decent amount of Reigns-Rollins, but it just wasn’t remotely enough to turn the tide of mediocrity and general nothingness that crashed over this week’s episode. It took me a good couple of attempts to get through the whole thing because I kept getting bored and zoning out and realizing I had no idea what happened to Jack Swagger this week. I think this was the worst Raw of the year so far, a mind-numbing three hours of middlingness that just failed to inspire in any way. Skip this week’s episode.

Show Rating: 4.0

As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale…

0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9:Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

The 923rd edition is over…

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