Wrestling’s 4Rs: The Right, The Wrong and The Ridiculous of WWE Monday Night Raw

How the 4Rs of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 4R’s. The column will run TWO times a week. We will group our feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, our goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. We will not apologize for our opinions, they are as they are, whether positive or negative.

By: Jack Stevenson
Raw 10.06.14:
QUICK MATCH RESULTS:

Dolph Ziggler & The Usos d. Cesaro, Stardust & Goldust

Bo Dallas d. Mark Henry

Brie Bella d. Summer Rae with one hand tied behind her back

Jack Swagger d. Tyson Kidd

El Torito d. Gator

Paige & Alicia Fox d. AJ & Emma

The Miz d. Sheamus

John Cena d. Randy Orton, Kane & Seth Rollins via DQ

THE RIGHT:
Seth Rollins is outnumbered: A fuming Seth Rollins opened the show in the middle of the ring without his coterie of Authority henchmen to back him up, which turned out to be a really, really terrible idea. John Cena came out and beat him up, Rollins fled through the crowd and thought he was safe but Dean Ambrose was lurking behind him, and then another beating ensued. Typically Ambrose stole the show, the way he just casually sauntered up behind Seth just as he was starting to celebrate escaping was really funny, and his wild dive off the barricade into both Cena and Rollins was exciting as well. This was an enjoyable chaotic start to the show and came across very well.

Dean Ambrose and John Cena are not best buds: At the end of the aforementioned segment, Triple H announced Ambrose and Cena would team up in the main event to take on Rollins, Kane and Orton in a handicap match. Dean Ambrose was not a big fan of that plan and turned up in the middle of the show to say so, reminding us all that Cena had ditched him in their tag match on Smackdown in order to pursue Rollins. The 15 time Champ answered Dean’s criticism by pointing out he’d have done the exact same thing, which Ambrose had to concede. The tension ratcheted up, and it all boiled over when Ambrose announced he was hungry and decided to go to Coney Island for a hot dog, leaving Cena on his own for the rest of the night. I really enjoy the interaction between Ambrose and Cena, I think they’re both great at conveying the polar oppositeness of their personalities and how they get under each others skin. It feels like a proper uneasy alliance, rather than two babyfaces who occasionally get on each other’s nerves. Also, what excites me about Dean Ambrose is that I feel like every single segment he features in has the potential to be a defining moment in his career, I feel that every promo could turn into, if not his Austin 3:16, then certainly his pipe bomb about Vince McMahon and his doofus son in law. He’s not quite delivered that yet, but everything he does is so wildly entertaining that I’m just so convinced that it’s going to happen for him someday. This segment created some intrigue for what otherwise could have been a stale main event.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!J}_”(H{ITH)UPOBGJNLVKD ?: The Rock! On Raw! Unannounced! Exciting stuff! Except, actually, I’m not a huge fan of the Rock? I find him kind of obnoxious, and I don’t like the way he can’t seem to make it through a promo without comparing a woman to a prostitute, and, let’s be honest, his jokes aren’t that funny are they? We all pretend they are because he’s the Rock but really we just want to hear the old catchphrases and can take or leave the barbs about Rusev’s nipples. Also, this promo did nothing for the wrestler and his manager, the people who will be here every week while The Rock is off not being here every week. Rusev and Lana were summarily embarrassed, verbally torn apart and then chased from the ring, and that’s another flaw with the Rock- far too often the only person that gets over in his promos is The Rock. Still… he’s ridiculously charismatic, obviously, and the segment provided a kind of mindless fun and enjoyment that no Rusev and Lana promo has ever come close to delivering. And the crowd were hot, and the sheer surprise of his appearance was refreshing (I’d read that he was in New York but it’s easy to dismiss that as mere coincidence), and it is nice to hear all the old catchphrases once in a while. That’s enough to get a right I think. Still, let’s not cast off all our cynicism here, we are wrestling fans on the internet after all.

John Cena vs. The Authority: There was plenty to like about this main event. We’ve seen these wrestlers face off in various combinations many, many times over the past few weeks, so I was pleased they kept the handicap match short and to the point. Not so pleased it ended in yet another DQ finish, but you can’t have everything. Post match, Cena looked set to receive a beatdown from the Authority, but Dean Ambrose returned with a hot dog cart of all things and fought back with mustard, ketchup and relish. It was puerile, but Ambrose makes these things work, and I liked the surreal image of Randy Orton brawling away with bright yellow mustard smeared across his face. Once the fan favourites had cleared the rule breakers from the ring, Ambrose seized Cena and spiked him into the mat, the first actual outbreak of violence between the two. It was a smart idea to do this in front of the Cena-getting-dropped-on-his-head friendly Brooklyn crowd, and their reaction made it feel like a significant moment. Meanwhile, HHH and Stephanie announced Ambrose and Cena would, as expected, fight at Hell in a Cell to get a shot at Seth Rollins inside the cage, which is not the worst way of filling a PPV that doesn’t feature your champion. So, all in all, a productive end to the show.

puRgatoRy:
The Usos & Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro, Goldust & Stardust: I have some concerns about this. Essentially, this is the third time in four weeks we’ve had this match- the previous two times Sheamus partnered the Usos instead of Dolph Ziggler, but it made very little difference to the structure and feel of the match so it’s not an important change. The consequence of doing the same match so frequently for no explicit reason is that we all start subconsciously looking for the implicit reason they’re doing it, and in this case, it’s because they don’t really care all that much about anyone involved and can’t think for anything else for them to do. The Usos were arguably the most worthwhile tag team champions since, uh, Los Guerreros? Dolph Ziggler is so energetic and exciting and lively. Cesaro’s one of the best wrestlers in the world and a powerhouse freak of nature. Goldust and Stardust are creepy, cool, walking talking ciphers. Yet none of these things are especially apparent when you just stick them in the same six man tag week after week and don’t give them any promo time or even the slightest bit of development. It’s lazy as fuck. Having said all of that, this was a pretty fun tag match, maybe the second best of the three. I like six man tags and I like everyone in the match and so, yeah, this delivered for me, there was plenty of action and a pacy finishing sequence. I hope that this is the last time we see this particular combination of people in the ring together though, they deserve much more than to be deposited on the barren desert island of the midcard tag match.

Mark Henry vs. Bo Dallas: This angle is going one of two ways- Mark Henry goes on a losing streak (BOOOOOOOOO) or Mark Henry gets really angry and reopens the Hall of Pain and splits wigs and bellows incoherently at his fallen victims (YAAAAAAAAAAAY!). Until we get a better idea of what we’re getting, this stays in purgatory. I did think the way Dallas won was pretty clever and suits his character well.

Tyson Kidd vs. Jack Swagger: The match was OK and the angle was OK and this is all OK. I like midcard storylines that go beyond “Human A beats Human B, then Human B beats Human A, then they wrestle nine weeks in a row, then they stop,” and the slow disintegration of Tyson Kidd and Natalya’s marriage definitely achieves that, although it is all a bit Total Divas. It’s not rich and compelling TV or anything but it serves its purpose.

The wRong:
Some Ladies Smash Wine Bottles Across Their Bottoms: Who were these people? I am from England and thus have no clue who they are. They could be absolutely anyone in the world to me, but I’m guessing they weren’t brain surgeons or rocket scientists because in this segment they smashed wine bottles over their bottoms while gurgling with joy like easily amused children. I would imagine they will never feature in my life again. It’s weird how these things work- I’m sure they are beloved mothers, sisters, aunts and daughters to some, or perhaps respected personalities in whatever the heck their field is to others, but to me, they will always be the strange, middle aged ladies, at a hen party they were desperately trying to convince themselves they were enjoying, smashing wine bottles across each others bottoms.

Brie Bella vs. Summer Rae: I’m genuinely impressed by the continuity here- they remembered that Nikki Bella had to wrestle with an arm tied behind her back while Brie was out, and then played on that here with Brie having to do the same against Summer Rae. Of course, there is an obvious problem with this- given the standard of wrestling in the Divas division, I don’t think arbitrarily banning them from using their limbs is a particularly smart move. Still, A+ for effort. Feud still sucks though and is dragging on and on without going anywhere, and the match was nothing at all.

El Torito vs. Hornswoggle dressed as an alligator: These segments live and die on how willing the crowd is to go along with the silliness, and the Brooklyn crowd were, uh, not so willing. They chanted “THIS IS STUPID!” very very loudly and the announcers, who began the match in their usual fits of defiant hysterics, just seemed vaguely embarrassed by the end of it. Still, if you want to see a crowd turn spectacularly on a segment not because it features wrestlers they don’t like or CM Punk isn’t in it but because it’s just genuinely very bad, here you go!

AJ & Emma vs. Paige & Alicia Fox: Someone on the announce team, I forget who, made both the most astute and damning comment on the Divas division I’ve heard in quite a while when he pointed out that everyone in this match has the exact same character- crazy. OK, Emma is more zany, but that’s just semantics. Evidence suggests that no one in WWE really cares about what the ladies are up to as long as they have literally no opportunity to upstage the men folk any time soon. The match wasn’t bad but this is meant to be the big serious feud in WWE and it’s just lame exploitative meandering nonsense. There was a minor positive! I liked AJ walking out on Emma, it was a welcome reminder than not all fan favourites have to be nice people and get along with all the other fan favourites unless they’re in a main event angle where it would be convenient for them not to.

Sheamus vs. The Miz: I really like the Damian Mizdow gimmick but I don’t need him copying EVERYTHING the Miz does like he started to do this week, that kind of takes the idea of a stunt double a bit too far. Sheamus and the Miz had a match which kind of fell apart because the crowd was more entertained by Sandow’s antics at ringside, and it wouldn’t have been so great anyway.

THE RIDICULOUS:
NOTHING

THE RAW MATCH OF THE YEAR LIST:
Since we haven’t had a genuine challenger at the top end of this list for quite a while now, I re-evaluated some of the matches on here recently to see if reflection would tell me to change the list up slightly. And it did, in one key area! I’ve switched the top two round- John Cena vs. Cesaro was a breathtaking exhibition of freakish power moves that doubled up as a really great, fulfilling match, but The Shield and the Wyatt Family’s 3rd March war was just remarkable. I think the only reason I didn’t put it top originally was because it was so different from any other match I’d seen then (or indeed since), so completely out of control and awesome. I didn’t quite know how to compare it to the other matches and how to rank it accordingly, but now I think I do, and I think its unmatchable craziness and spontaneity and incredible drama make it the number one on the list. I’d imagine it will stay there for the rest of the year.

1. 3.03.14- The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family
2. 2.17.14- John Cena vs. Cesaro
3. 5.5.14- The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family
4. 2.03.14- Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
5. 2.10.14- Sheamus & Christian vs. The Real Americans
6. 1.27.14- John Cena, Sheamus & Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield
7. 6.2.14- The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family
8. 8.18.14- Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins
9. 4.21.14- Sheamus vs. Bad News Barrett
10. 5.5.14- Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio

The 411:

Show Rating:

As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale…

0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9:Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

The 929th edition is over…