Wrestling’s 4Rs: The Right, Wrong and Ridiculous of WWE Raw

How the 4Rs of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 4R’s. The column will run TWO times a week. We will group our feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and needs discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, our goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. We will not apologize for our opinions, they are as they are, whether positive or negative.

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By: Jack Stevenson

Raw 3.02.15:
QUICK MATCH RESULTS:
* Dean Ambrose d. Bad News Barrett
* The Usos & Naomi d. Cesaro, Tyson Kidd & Natalya
* John Cena d. Curtis Axel
* Paige d. Nikki Bella via DQ
* Daniel Bryan d. Luke Harper
* Seth Rollins d. Roman Reigns

THE RIGHT:
Dean Ambrose vs. Bad News Barrett: I thought there was a lot to like about this- Ambrose and Barrett had probably their best match together so far, and I enjoyed the zany Intercontinental Title antics occurring around it. I think this sprawling crime spree that’s enveloped the championship is the best thing to happen to it in a while; it’s a bit silly, but it’s also original, much more so than the usual “two men have a match and one guy loses and then at the PPV they have another match and one guy loses” format WWE use to decide their midcard titles. It also puts the focus on the belt and how badly people want it, and the people trying to steal it are either crazy enough (Ambrose, Truth, Harper) or cocky enough (Ziggler) that I can accept they truly believe possessing the strap without actually having won it is a just and worthwhile aim. It’s a pity Bad News Barrett is still being booked so awfully, but it’s to be expected.

The Miz’s dysfunctional commercial: I found this pretty funny. Maybe I am a child. But, Damian Sandow was excited to star in his own commercial, The Miz stole his screen time, and in the end it turned out the commercial was for erectile dysfunction medicine, and footage was edited together to make Miz seem impotent and Sandow a suave ladies man with presumably a massive throbbing hard-on. The performances of both men were just great and made the whole faux commercial, with Miz seeming utterly livid to be suffering such a terrible affliction and Sandow wearing the cheesiest of grins. I feel like I’ve spent too much of my life already analyzing the comic effectiveness of a fake erectile dysfunction commercial, so we’ll move on now, but, in closing, I laughed, I can understand if you didn’t, but it was a darn sight better than Hornswoggle dressing up in an alligator costume, wasn’t it?

Raw is The Daily Show: I’d just like to reassure you all that Raw is not going to broadcast new episodes daily now. It refers to Jon Stewart’s Raw debut! It was a runaway success- he was witty, relevant, and genuinely enthusiastic and knowledgeable about wrestling, which is a combination no other recent celebrity guest has brought to the table, except for possibly Hugh Jackman. His promo on Seth Rollins was legitimately excellent, portraying Seth as a spoiled, insecure brat, but the way he cowered from Mr. Money in the Bank whenever the threat of a physical altercation came up ensured Rollins didn’t come out of the segment emasculated. Eventually, Randy Orton would provide an inadvertent distraction as Seth looked set to go on the attack, allowing Stewart to low blow him and flee to safety. It was a unique and thoroughly entertaining segment, and it was great to see both men looking right at home with each other, Stewart with the pro wrestler and Rollins with the genuinely famous, popular celebrity. Jon is welcome back any time!

Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper: At only five minutes this was much shorter than it deserved to be, but it was a heck of a battle while it lasted, really hard hitting with Bryan taking an entirely unnecessary beating considering his recent neck problems. Post match the Intercontinental Championship continued to be passed around like Shawn Stasiak among the Pretty Mean Sisters, and I have already documented that I enjoy that storyline! The IC Title one, not the Pretty Mean Sisters, that was a horrible angle.

puRgatoRy:
Bray Wyatt taunts the Undertaker: It’s hard to feel anything about this feud. It’s technically very competent, but I’m just not interested in where it’s going and I don’t know if anything can change that. Bray cut a pretty good promo on Taker and then set a coffin on fire, which is an impressive image but nothing we’ve not seen a hundred times before. They trundle along.

The Usos & Naomi vs. Cesaro, Tyson Kidd & Natalya: This was a nothing match that was on the show solely to facilitate a mildly interesting angle. Said angle involved Tyson Kidd tagging his wife Natalya into the match even though he knew she had an injury, and watching as she fell victim to Naomi and lost the match. Afterwards tensions flared, but Kidd cooled things down with a comforting hug. All the performances were fairly believable and Cesaro made me laugh, initially trying to calm Natalya down and then frantically throwing Tyson Kidd in the way when he knew he was unsuccessful. This feud has developed at a snail’s pace since the winter but everyone involved is talented enough to make it somewhat interesting anyway. Hopefully it’ll deliver a significant twist either before or during WrestleMania.

Triple H toys with Booker T: I generally enjoy Triple H’s promos and this week was no exception, as he pretended to fire Booker T for making pro-Sting comments on commentary, before informing him that actually he could keep his job, because the threat of being fired was just to remind him how much power the COO has. It was quite tense and interesting while it was happening, but its connection to the Sting feud was, at best, tenuous- because threatening to fire Booker demonstrated “control,” it also means he can “control” Sting? I mean, usually I can control the laptop I’m writing this on but I doubt I’d have much chance against the Stinger. I think this feud needs the presence of Sting to help flesh their issue out- obviously Sting’s cost HHH a couple of important matches and Hunter wants to get a symbolic win over WCW, but these feel strangely superficial, like excuses rather than genuine reason. It looks like we’re just going to get Triple H talking the bout up though, and he’ll do his absolute best with it, but I don’t think it will feel quite right when it comes to the actual match.

Paul Heyman’s promo: Again, I’ve no real right to question whether Paul Heyman knows what he’s doing on the microphone, and I definitely enjoyed this more than last week’s promo, but I just can’t see why he’s still trying to promote the idea that Roman Reigns is the greatest superstar in WWE history. He put more of a focus on how Lesnar would conquer him this time, and he handled the microphone breaking on him three times totally brilliantly, but as long as that bizarre Reigns trope continues to be a presence in his mic work, these won’t feel as effective as they usually do.

Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins: This was a decent match- it took a little while to find a beat, but it heated up nicely and once the near falls and interference from Rollins’ stooges kicked in it became pretty darn good. Reigns’ post dive over the top rope onto his assorted foes was also incredibly impressive. But, he lost this match off a roll-up after Randy Orton distracted him and that is one of the lamest ways to lose. It only could have been worse if he’d lost the match off a roll-up after The Ascension distracted him. Reigns absolutely needs to look more vulnerable and that’s going to involve losing more matches, but he shouldn’t look like an idiot who is so confused by Orton grabbing his leg that he forgets you have to kick out of roll-ups before the referee counts to three. Just a daft finish.

THE wRong:
John Cena is sad: Having taken a huge step in the right direction last week by presenting the Cena-Rusev rivalry into an exercise in flag waving, chest thumping patriotism, WWE shifted the focus this week to John Cena and his boring, boring feelings. Stephanie McMahon came out and taunted him, saying he wouldn’t be on the WrestleMania card if he couldn’t persuade Rusev to give him a match, and then Rusev said he wouldn’t give him one, and sandwiched in between those two promos Cena took some frustration out on Curtis Axel. The Axelmania thing is great, but what we have now is Cena fighting for his own cynical self interest, desperate to get on the WrestleMania card. That’s not what this feud should be about- there should be a scene where Rusev busts Cena open and red white and blue spills out, Rusev should burn the American flag and Cena should respond by going on a week long bus tour and proclaiming the superiority of Apple Pie to Zorpf or Mvnch or whatever the Russian national dish is. Cena should represent the whole American nation, not the CeNation. He’s the perfect man to end Rusev’s undefeated streak, yet WWE seem determined to make his eventual victory as far away from cathartic and heroic as possible.

Paige vs. Nikki Bella: Was this what Vince McMahon was referring to in that cryptic tweet about staying tuned to see Divas given a chance? Because a six minute match, much of which was obliterated by commercials, was not really what the doctor ordered for the WWE’s woman problem. AJ Lee’s return was genuinely exciting and received a huge reaction, although disappointingly that eventually dissolved somewhat into “CM Punk!” chants. But if she’s just going to return for a rehash of last summer’s “frenemies” storyline with Paige and to take some shots at the boring old Bella Twins, she might as well have stayed at home. It wasn’t the worst ever week for the Divas on Raw, but it was still largely a failure.

THE Ridiculous:
NOTHING

The 411:
Another inconsistent episode of Raw, but it feels as if the best things this week happened outside of the build to the big Mania matches. The highlights were the Intercontinental Championship charade, which will probably lead to an undercard match, and a Jon Stewart segment that is only tangentially related to the wider Orton-Rollins storyline. Meanwhile, Reigns stuttered in a weak defeat to Rollins, Cena-Rusev veered in entirely the wrong direction, and Undertaker-Wyatt and Triple H-Sting essentially killed time. It certainly wasn’t a boring episode, but in places it was alarmingly ineffective. We are three episodes from the biggest show of the year and very soon they’re going to have to knuckle down and put some real focus into these storylines, else they’ll be relying on name value alone not to fall flat.

Show Rating: 6.0

As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale…

0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9:Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

The 969th edition is over…