The Tuesday Small-For-All News Report: 10.12.10

Ode to a Vampire

With Halloween only a few weeks away, I have decided to spend the next few weeks talking about my favorite creepy characters that have graced WWE television. This week, I have decided to kick things off with a bang by speaking about one of my old favorites. This guy used to douse people with fake blood just for the hell of it. This guy had the best theme music in the Attitude Era. This guy was one of the few wrestlers copywritten by another company. Lastly, this guy was largely responsible for not getting over on his own AND failing to get over two of the most popular WWE tag teams of all time! Ladies and Gentlemen, Gangrel!!!

My God was that theme music awesome.

Anyway, it’s time we have a moment of reflection for Gangrel. Sure, he sucked as a wrestler. Sure, he failed to get over Edge & Christian and the Hardy Boyz. And sure after leaving the WWE, he signed a 12 picture deal with New Porn Order to direct adult movies with only one movie (Miami Rump Shakerz 2) ever making it to Wikipedia. But man, was that theme music awesome.

You know who else had great theme music? Mr. Ass. Too bad he’s not a Halloween character. But man, was he creepy.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Yes, yes…

I’m an ass man!

WHAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome back to the only news report that easily finished a Godzilla burger at the legendary Eagle’s Deli (check out Man vs. Food) over the weekend, the Small-For-All News Report. In today’s news report, we discuss Chris Jericho’s recent interview with the UK Sun, Daniel Bryan being ostracized from Smackdown vs. Raw 2011, TNA’s “They” stable, and Mickie James’s attitude adjustment.

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

Jericho’s Loyalty

In a recent interview with the UK Sun, Chris Jericho stated that he will never work for any other wrestling company. In addition, he stated that when he does finally retire, he will most likely walk away from the business entirely.

This is not much of a surprise as Jericho has been loyal to Vince McMahon since joining the WWE in 1999. If Jericho was going to join TNA or another company, he would have probably done so after his first hiatus. His comeback actually saw him a better place than his first run thanks to the six month feud with Shawn Michaels which led to another championship reign, having a championship match at the most recent WrestleMania, and being winning Wrestler of the Year on this very own website.

As for his retirement plans, selfishly, I would like for Jericho to teach his skills to a younger generation of wrestlers. Jericho is one of the few wrestlers that could be booed before the match, gain cheers due to his workrate, and then do something heinous to turn the fans back to booing him. Throw in his ability to alter his character after all of these years to keep him fresh and he’s definitely an asset you want hanging around backstage. That said, if Jericho would rather do VH1 specials and tour with his band, I guess such is life.

Daniel Bryan – Ostracized

From lordsofpain, “Bryan Williams, one of the SmackDown vs. RAW 2011 designers, told ESPN that Daniel Bryan was originally scheduled to be part of the NXT season 1 downloadable package for the game but won’t be in the game at all now. Williams said they got the word of Bryan’s WWE release earlier this year the same day that they motion-capped his moves. The designers had to take Bryan out of the game and replace him with Justin Gabriel.

Williams went on to say that it was too late to add Bryan to this year’s game, even as a downloadable character. Provided that Bryan is still with WWE next year, he will be in SmackDown vs. RAW 2012.”

Poor Michael Cole. You know he would have purchased the game and then jobbed Bryan out to everyone. Now he will have to do things the old fashioned way and create the character using overcomplicated number strategies, lots of layering, and a moveset that will never fully be accurate.

I do not understand how it is too late to add Bryan (or hell anyone) as a downloadable character at this stage. The whole strategy behind DLC is the fact that you can update and add to a game. Considering that they have already motion captured his moves, I do not see how difficult this can be. Then again, I sure as hell can’t do it.

Editor’s Note: I received info this afternoon from Jon Robinson, the author of the ESPN column, that it might be possible for Daniel Bryan to be a DLC in the upcoming SvR game. Here’s the quote I should have used from THQ: “We have been seeing if it’s feasible to include him in some DLC down the line, but if it doesn’t work out for this year’s title, he’ll definitely be in next year’s version.” And that’s what happens when you quote third parties.

Here’s hoping that Virgil is in the game. Because if he’s not, then it’s racist! And a hate crime.

Biten’ Newsbites

Stolen from all your favorite sources:

CM Punk’s attack on Evan Bourne after their match was done to write Bourne off television. Bourne will be undergoing shoulder surgery soon and will be out for a while.

I wouldn’t hold my breath anticipating a return match between these two. Sure it would be good, but by that time, Punk will be involved in a big storyline and Bourne will have nothing to do until Mania.

Justin Bieber might sign American the Beautiful at WrestleMania 27.

Now I am totally going to Mania! Baby, baby, baby, ooo…

The WWE does not care about JWOWW appearing on Thursday’s TNA Impact. They believe that the media only knows about their company and no one else.

Who does PR for the WWE now? Kanye West?

Okay decisions decisions – do I watch the MNF game featuring my beloved JETS and the Vikings or Monday Night Raw? Considering I have Fantasy implications on the MNF game and my decision is easy – I will watch both. Thanks to the power of the internet, I can stream tonight’s MNR and watch the MNF game. Genius.

Due to the rain delay, we kickoff with MNR. Raw begins with the latest member of the Nexus, John Cena. Sadly, unlike last week’s crowd, they don’t seem to love Cena as much. Cena babbles for a bit as I wait for MNF to begin.

And here’s the Miz to save the opening promo. Kudos to the Miz for using shotgun rules to explain why he should be a captain for Team Raw.

Cena vs. Miz tonight in our main event. Will the Miz finally beat John Cena in a one on one match? Or will Cena end his losing streak?

Man, who’s cornflakes did Ted DiBiase piss in to be stuck in a few with Goldust? The way DiBiase is headed, he will be lucky to be on the WrestleMania Access card.

Where’s DH Smith? Here’s hoping this is a storyline and not some personal issue.

Morrison with the C4! Albeit it’s always a silly move since the opponent needs to jump but it’s damn impressive.

So how long will it take for Nexus V2 to usurp Nexus V1? Because I’m craving Percy Watson!

Not only does Wade Barrett get to boss the NEXUS around, but he can book Randy Orton in matches? Impressive.

Totally missed the Santino vs. Zack Ryder “match.” How either man was considered for Team Raw is beyond comprehension.

Good matchup between Gabriel and Randy Orton even with the botched 450 splash (it still connected). I must say that Gabriel is clearly the #2 on the NEXUS unit. It’s a shame that he sucks on the mic.

Yikes, Daniel Bryan is going to die again tonight.

Note to Cole – Team WWE did win at Summerslam. They shouldn’t have but they did.

Even though Bryan has lost twice to Sheamus, am I the only one who would be interested in a long term feud between the two?

Did I not call CM Punk as a possible Jericho replacement on Raw back in Fact or Fiction a month ago? God, I’m awesome (and not the Miz).

Why couldn’t Punk and Bourne get five minutes? Fun two minute match with an even better beatdown afterwards. Not surprised to see Bourne’s “main event” push last only two weeks over the summer. Jericho did such a great job being the only person to put him over.

Nice job by WWE making CM Punk look badass. He’s going to need some love before jobbing to Cena and Orton.

Yes, Laycool. Thank God it’s halftime so I can enjoy Laycool in all its glory. And they are making fun of Natalya. How catty. Natalya vs. McCool again at Bragging Rights! Call your local service provider now!

The Miz is walking…

Now I am smart enough to know that the Miz won’t be getting a clean win here thanks to the No DQ stip. I am hoping he looks good here.

Fun match between Miz and Cena. Sure the Miz looks kind of weak since he needed Alex Riley, Husky Harris, and Michael McGuilly to assist in his victory, but then again, the Miz will never be booked like Triple H.

I wonder how the Miz feels about jabronis including Santino and R-Truth on his team. Perhaps he can trade both for Randy Moss.

Oh burn, John Cena can’t see Wade Barrett. Good storytelling with Barrett once again getting under Cena’s skin. When Cena finally does retaliate, it will be electric.

I can easily say that tonight’s Raw was good as it kept my attention while watching the MNF game. That’s really all I can ask for here.

NEWS FROM O-TOWN

They Live

Obviously, the big buzz coming out of Bound For Glory Sunday night was Orlando Jordan’s outfit. I mean seriously, even Lady GaGa wouldn’t wear that! Okay she would (and so would I).

But that’s not really the big news. Rather, it’s the emergence of the latest evil faction in TNA – “They.” Yeah, I know, not a great name. C’mon TNA, who would really buy a T-shirt with just the letter “T” on it? Anyway, “They” comprise of a who’s who of names in TNA – Person of Power Eric Bischoff, Person of Power on Crutches Hulk Hogan, Person of Power Jeff Jarrett, Evil Heel Champion Jeff Hardy, and Jobber Abyss. Clearly, other people have to be added to the stable as right now there’s not enough evil for a six man tag.

So who would you add to “They?” The stable already has enough talkers, a muscleman that looses too much, and the evil champion who wins via cheating (just wait and see). What’s left is a tag partner for the muscleman (preferably someone much smaller and someone jealous of the leader of the group), a token black, an evil referee, and a chick. The chick might be the most important part of the group since her wily ways will allow for someone to turn on the stable later on. So who will be these characters? Here are my guesses:

Tag Partner – MATTHEW hardy (if only he could get released)
Token Black – Virgil (he used his WWE manager gig to leverage a big TNA contract)
Chick – Taylor Wilde (I honestly would love her as a heel)

Now that’s an evil stable. First, I am convinced that if Hardy could get released, he would take on his Demonic Diablo MATTHEW persona in TNA. But since he’s under contract in the WWE, the best he can do is make more awkward YouTube videos. So if he cannot be in the stable, his OMEGA counterpart Gregory “Suga Shane” Helms would make a fine addition. Second, is there any better token black than Virgil? And if he can’t make it, TNA can definitely sign Big Daddy V. Lastly, I would totally be down with a Taylor Wilde heel turn. While she’s an alright face, she would rule as a stuck up heel bitch (ala Trish or Lita or any women that’s instantly better as a heel). Have her turn on her tag partner, denounce the women’s tag title, and start shacking up with Jeff Hardy. There’s your idea, TNA. You can thank me later.

Biten Newsbites

Stolen from all your favorite sources:

J-Woww on TNA Impact this Thursday!

Yawn. C’mon TNA, of all the Jersey Shore castmembers, you chose J-Woww. Just think, if you took the Situation, you would have gotten more press and he would have probably gotten a BJ. if you took Snooki, you would have gotten some butt cleavage and someone in the locker room would have gotten a BJ. If you picked Angelina, she would have been the #1 heel on the show and the entire locker room would have gotten a BJ. Your loss, TNA.

The reason why Kevin Nash has decided to leave TNA is due to money.

No fucking wai man!

Mickie James was reportedly upset before Bound For Glory because her logo was not on the back of the referee shirt she was given to wear. Mickie wouldn’t special referee the match until her logo was added and one of TNA’s designers reportedly rushed to get the logo on the shirt.

Can someone tell Mickie that she’s not a Diva anymore?

The plan is for Team 3D to become singles wrestlers again but only this time, Brother Ray will be a heel and Brother Devon will play a face.

And your next TNA Champion –

COMING ATTRACTIONS

Tune in next week as the Swayze Malebag will return after a brief hiatus. Until then…

For the Tuesday Small-For-All News Report, I’m Jeff Small… and you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!