games / Columns

The Top 5 Most Annoying NES Games

April 29, 2020 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Friday the 13th NES

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I’ve done a few video game centric Dumpster Fire of the Week columns and they were fun to write and think about, so I figured, for this particular Dumpster Fire of the Week Special Edition, why not take a look at the five Nintendo Entertainment System games that annoyed the hell out of me and, to this day, still annoy me to no end. I’ve been able to recently play a few of these games again as they are loaded onto my unofficial NES mini (or mini NES), and a few of them I haven’t played since I actually used my old NES. I did go to YouTube to see people playing those games, though, to sort of bring back the memories and relentless rage. How many of you watch YouTube videos of old NES games that you remember playing but, maybe, don’t quite remember all of the details of the game and then, after watching the videos, get all pissed off about the game just like you did back in the day? It’s happened to me too many times to count.

So here it is, the Top 5 Most Annoying NES Games.

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The Top 5 Most Annoying NES Games

CityConnectionNES

5- City Connection: I actually like this game but I can only play it for so long before I want to throw the controller at the TV and then Anderson stomp my Nintendo. I can usually get by the first stage without completely losing it, but the second stage and beyond? The jumps are harder, the police cars seem to move faster, and those fucking stationary babies become more and more impossible to anticipate the more you play. And those goddamn balloons you’re supposed to collect while also painting the road? Why even bother? The music in this game is pretty good, though. Catchy as hell.

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4- Spy Hunter: This is another game that I actually like but, at the same time, the more you play it, the more you get into it, the more annoying it gets. Sure, you could get good at managing your car’s speed as you attempt to race through each stage and navigate the road and whatnot, but then the obstacles and enemies you have to deal with suddenly become more difficult to deal with. The motorcycles? Fuck them. Those blue cars with the spiky wheels? Bastards. The blue armored tank vehicles that you can’t run off the road? Pain the fucking ass. The limos with the rifles that end up shooting you and never seem to miss? Pricks. And the helicopters? Those motherfuckers. And there were times where I got clobbered by the tractor trailer trucks that you drive into to get supplies and shit. And how about brushing the side of the road and blowing up? Goddamit.

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3- Any Ninja Gaiden game: I only owned the second Ninja Gaiden game, Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos, but I rented both the first one, Ninja Gaiden and the third one, Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom, and they were just impossible. Cool as hell? Oh, sure, up to a point. The cut scenes were innovative for the time, sure, but I don’t think I ever got past the fourth board on any of them. Any flying enemy was total bullshit, but the worst part of any of the games was the whole “jump from side to side in order to climb up shit” feature. It was always “easy” to do in the first level or so, but beyond that? Be prepared to sigh, scream, swear, punch the couch/pillow/floor, then ask yourself out loud “Why the fuck am I playing this?” and the continue playing. It happened to me every single time. I’ve tried to watch the full gameplay videos on YouTube for all three of these games and see how the games end and I just can’t do it. How the hell do you get frustrated watching someone else play a fucking video game?

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2- Friday the 13th: So how many of you bought this game simply because it was based on the Friday the 13th movies? That’s what I did. I just had to get the game because, holy shit, there was a Nintendo game with Jason fucking Voorhees in it. What self-respecting horror movie nerd and video game fan wouldn’t want that game? Of course, as soon as I started playing it I was disappointed. Why did Crystal Lake have zombies in it? And why am I throwing rocks at these zombies? And who are these fucking people you get to play as? And where the hell is Jason? And why am I not playing as Jason? Well, the music was cool (I still get goosebumps thinking of that music) and the gameplay was challenging. That first time you get the “Jason alert” and have to hightail it to the cabins by the lake to rescue the kids? Holy shit that was exhilarating. That shit got old fast, though, especially when you couldn’t figure out fucking direction you were supposed to go in. And if you were using one of the “slower” characters those poor kids were fucked.

Meeting Jason, either in one of the cabins or walking on the path, was always terrifying. Motherfucker would just jump out of nowhere and kick your ass. And don’t get me started on the whole getting stuck in the woods shit.

I think I might have managed to get Jason’s health down to like half gone one time. How the hell can you beat this game without some sort of cheat code? How?

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And the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: The Top 5 Most Annoying NES Games Edition top spot goes to:

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1- Days of Thunder: As a fan of racing games I was excited for this title when it came out. The movie was awesome and Nintendo needed a good stock car racing game. It already had a good open wheel game in Al Unser Jr.’s Turbo Racing, a good off-road game in Ivan “Ironman” Stewart’s Super Off Road, and a good just plain racing game in R.C. Pro-Am, so there was hope that Days of Thunder would be good.

Yeah, it wasn’t. The actual racing part of it wasn’t bad. It was way too hard to pass a car but you could do it. You couldn’t do a pit stop, though. Since you had to control every aspect of the pit stop (you had to move the Jackman to each side of the car, you had to operate the tire changers, you had to operate the gas man) it took forever to get anything done. If you managed to somehow get the lead right before having to do a pit stop, you were absolutely fucked when you had to do that pit stop. The whole thing was a nightmare.

And then there was that bullshit where you had to hit a certain time in order to keep your ride after you had several bad finishes in a row. I fucking hated that so much.

I never won a race in this game. I finished second twice. That was the best I could do.

Jesus Christ this game was annoying.

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