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Abnormal Attraction Review
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Bruce Davison– Dr. Stanley Cole
Leslie Easterbrook– Madam Hildie
Malcom McDowell– Boogeyman
Gilbert Gottfried– Pig Man
Tyler Mane– Bernie the Cyclops
Nathan Reid– Nick Lane
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Michael Leavy
Screenplay by Steven Della Salia, Jason Leavy, and Michael Leavy
Distributed by Random Media
Not Rated
Runtime– 107 minutes
Abnormal Attraction, directed and co-written by Michael Leavy (Jason Leavy and Steven Della Salla are also credited as writers) is a bizarre comedy about a world where monsters and creatures and whatnot knowingly co-exist alongside humanity. When it started I thought the movie, told in “chapters,” was going to be some sort of anthology thing. Instead, it’s a movie where the various “chapters” converge at the end to tell a story about love and acceptance. Well, at least I think that that’s what the movie is about.
To describe the actual plot of the movie in any sort of detail is, at best, difficult, as there’s so much going on with the various stories. At the same time, since the chapters are not exactly self-contained stories and they bleed into other chapters, it’s ultimately best to just go into the movie knowing ahead of time that what you’re going to watch is weird as hell. The movie starts with a man tied to a chair and an ominous woman named Madam Hildie (Leslie Easterbrook) talking. Just what the heck is going on? The scene then shifts to a montage of the world the movie exists in, where we see humans and mythological creatures existing at the same time, in full view of each other. There’s a garden gnome mowing someone’s lawn. A headless man rides a bike. There are creatures roaming around that look like aliens. There’s also a guy that resembles the “Fuck her right in the pussy” dude (he’s a mythological creature?). And then, after that, we move into an “AA” meeting led by Dr. Stanley Cole (the great Bruce Davison). “AA,” in this context, is not Alcoholics Anonymous. Instead, “AA” stands for “Abnormal Attraction.”
Now, this “AA” meeting is hilarious and sets the comedic tone for the rest of the movie. Davison’s Dr. Cole seems to think that he’s running an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting as he’s stupefied by the seemingly off-the-wall stories told by the group. A woman talks about wanting to have sex with a leprechaun. A man is a “peeping Tom” but it doesn’t turn out the way you expect it to for a peeper. There’s a tooth fairy story that will freak you the fuck out (Ron Jeremy shows up here). A man talks about wanting to have sex with a Bigfoot with gory results. Cole can’t believe what he’s hearing and ends the meeting short. He doesn’t want to hear any more stories and, at the same time, he’s got other shit going on with his life. And that “other stuff” is what the rest of the movie is about.
I can’t really say any more about the other chapters as that would ruin the surprises in the story. Also, again, because there’s just so much going on in this movie it’s too difficult to try to explain it all. You have to see it to understand it. Basically.
The look of the movie is fairly slick despite the movie’s obviously low budget. Some of the special effects makeup looks exceptionally good while other makeups look ridiculous (in a good way). It’s all part of the “humans and creatures/monsters living together openly” world the movie exists in. The Bigfoot creature manages to straddle the line between good and ridiculous. Bernie the Cyclops, played by Tyler Mane, looks terrible at times, but other times looks great. It’s completely random how that works out.
The Pig Man character played by Gilbert Gottfried is awesome looking. There’s also a mermaid character that would look good on a poster.
The one thing that you may notice is how, despite the presence of various creatures, the movie isn’t very whimsical. You would think there would be a hint of whimsy in the movie, but there really isn’t, not even as a joke. I’m assuming that happens because the fantastical elements are in the “real world” and are, therefore, not that fantastic. That strategy makes sense, sure, but, in retrospect, the lack of whimsy is a bit disappointing. It almost seems like a missed opportunity.
The stars assembled for this movie all do a good job. Bruce Davison’s intro scene shows you what kind of comedic timing he has and, in that sense, the man is a genius. Some of his reaction shots to the insane stories he’s told are funnier than the actual stories. I did wonder why his Dr. Cole didn’t know ahead of time that he wasn’t leading an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I forgot about that once he started reacting to the stories. Davison’s final sequence in the movie is pretty great, too.
Leslie Easterbrook does a great job as Madam Hildie. She’s totally unhinged but, at the same time, manages to keep herself somehow in check. She’s scary and intrinsically funny. Tyler Mane is excellent as Bernie the Cyclops. He doesn’t play a cyclops like you would expect him to.
Malcolm McDowell pops in as the Boogeyman and does his usual fine job (McDowell can do no wrong). And Gilbert Gottfried is as good as his Pig Man makeup.
Now, could Abnormal Attraction used some cutting? Absolutely. The movie drags quite a bit in the middle, which it just shouldn’t do. The movie doesn’t really need to be almost two hours long, despite all of the characters and bits in the movie. It could have used some tightening just to keep the slow parts from being, well, too slow. I’m also not too sure on the “chapters” structure. Why do a hard break at all?
Abnormal Attraction isn’t going to be for everyone. It may be a little too weird for some audiences. Still, if you like weird movies, Abnormal Attraction is a must see for you. I know I plan on checking it out again at some point in the future, just to see how weird it is on a second viewing. I have a feeling that it will maintain its weirdness. I bet I will laugh again, too.
Bruce Davison is awesome. I don’t think I can stress that enough.
See Abnormal Attraction if you’re into weird, bizarre movies. See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: Several.
Explosions: Yes.
Nudity?: Not really. There’s some very fine lacy black underwear, though. Truly exceptional.
Doobage: An ominous opening theme, chair bondage, lawn mowing, exercise, bike riding, a fish tank, sex with a leprechaun, peeping Tom hooey, some incredible looking lacey black underwear, a zombie chase, a tooth fairy story, sex with a bigfoot, bloody arm removal, leg removal, head removal, a dildo, a lack of gas, gross as fuck gum chewing, athletic support smelling, hilariously inappropriate towels, a creepy ice cream truck, sword fondling, a monster with eyes in its hands, a bad date, a tree marriage, a mean spirited prank, magic wand to the face, mild homophobia, a commando strike team, machine gun hooey, shotgun hooey, werewolf bullshit, exploding monster, bullet to the head, body melting, and a weird as hell ending.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous:Malcolm McDowell, Leslie Easterbrook, a gnome that mows the grass, President Shump, the “fuck her right in the pussy” guy, Bruce Davison, Bruce Davison using a flip phone, the ultimate fairy trap, Ron Jeremy, Ouija board sex, attempted sex with a bigfoot, hilariously inappropriate towels, snow cone eating, Camp Morning Wood, Gilbert Gottfried, Erie County sheriff, talk of testicles chafing, Bernie the cyclops, people saying chickenshit, werewolf bullshit, and a weird as hell ending.
Best lines: “What, did someone piss in your shoe?,” “Tim! His name’s Tim! Thanks, Dave,” “Always with the teeth, Bella,” “This might not be the right meeting for you to, uh, cover that,” “You wouldn’t believe the stiffy I had! Weren’t you, like, nine?,” “Ghosts give me goosebumps and I give them goosehumps,” “We are not meant to be with these creatures in this way!,” “Hey, fuckface! Excuse me? Fuckface?,” “Good meeting,” “Fuck you, God! Fuck you! Sonofabitch!,” “That’s not okay,” “We are gonna have so much fun together!,” “You found chains?,” “Monster masher? What are you talking about?,” “Sounds like you got a little sand in your vagina, buddy,” “You’re really fucking stupid, you know that?,” “Where the hell is everyone?,” “I hate humans because they won’t let me eat them,” “Snow cone?,” “Christ, my prisoners are escaping!,” “I know that cracker!,” “You’re a werewolf?,” “You know her?,” “Let me tell ya, you haven’t aged very well,” “You gave a great blow job,” and “Uh, can somebody please put me back in the fucking lake?”
