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Andrew Robinson’s Top 5 Douchebag Roles – Dirty Harry, Cobra, More

March 19, 2018 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Andrew Robinson Dirty Harry Scorpio

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

Every so often this particular internets feature takes a break from the pop culture world at large and focusses on something silly, like characters in movies or TV shows. In this particular “break,” I’m going to take a look at the top 5 Douchebags played by noted character actor Andrew Robinson.

AndrewRobinson

Robinson has been acting since the late 1960’s, both in television and movies (according to imdb his first acting job was on a TV called N.Y.P.D.).Robinson is also apparently an accomplished stage actor, appearing in various plays and theatre productions over the years and founding The Matrix Theatre Company in Los Angeles, and he was also an acting teacher at the University of Southern California for several years (I think he’s still involved with teaching in some form at the moment but I don’t think he runs the USC program anymore). Robinson is probably best known for appearing as the villain in the first Dirty Harry movie, as Larry in the first Hellraiser (“Jesus wept” is a brilliant moment in that movie), and as Garak on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Robinson has probably played good guy characters over his career, but for the life of me I can’t identify one (I never watched Deep Space Nine so I have no idea if Garak is a hero or a villain). And I can’t see him playing one, either. If I saw him in something where he actually was playing an understanding father or brother or husband I’d just wait for him to “go bad” because, goddamit, he’s Andrew Robinson. Who the hell would hire him to be something other than a sleazy asshole douchebag? It’s what he’s good at. And it’s why I think he’s a great actor. How many can make you loathe him/suspect he’s up to something bad the second you see him? Very few.

And now, without any further what have you, here are the top 5 Douchebag characters played by Andrew Robinson.

But first, here are this week’s honorable mentions…

DetectiveMonteCobra

Detective Monte: This is the character Robinson played in the classic Stallone action horror flick Cobra, Detective Monte is the cop that hates everything about Stallone’s Cobra and the Zombie Squad, the special team of LAPD cops that deal with the harshest shit in the city. In one sense, you can’t really blame Monte for his general disdain for Cobra. Cobra’s methods are pretty brutal, and with the media breathing down the necks of the police it has to be hard to do the damage control thing all of the time when Cobra shows up. At the same time, Monte isn’t blind. He can see what the cops in LA are up against when it comes to the Night Slasher and the other major crime the city deals with. The only reason Monte seems to be against Cobra’s “army of killers” idea is because Cobra is the one who came up with it. And that’s bad news for everyone. When Cobra punches him in the face at the end of the movie, right after the big car chase and small town massacre, Monte deserves it. Perhaps if he wasn’t such a douchebag he could have teamed up with Cobra and could have minimized the carnage. That’s what a smart person would have done.

Come on, Monte. You’re really not a bad guy. You just have to figure this shit out. Cobra isn’t the enemy. The criminals are the enemy. The criminals!

SgtBotnickAR

Sgt. Botnick: This is the character Robinson played in the second Child’s Play sequel, Child’s Play 3. Botnick is a barber at a military school, a job that he relishes because it allows him to bully children and teens who can’t fight back (which is all the people in authority do at this military school). Botnick also seems to get a weird, sick thrill out of walking around the cafeteria inspecting people’s heads. Why can’t this guy just let people eat in peace? Botnick gets the idea of shaving the demonic killer doll Chucky’s head when he finds Chucky “hiding” in his cabinet, which is a massive mistake as Chucky is a demonic killer doll and isn’t going to allow anyone to fuck with him. So Chucky cuts Botnick’s throat with a straight razor when Botnick gets close to him. And Botnick deserved it.

Look, Chucky isn’t a nice guy (the movies establish pretty concretely that he isn’t a “good guy,” either). He’s actually pretty sadistic. But it’s always satisfying to watch a sadist take out another sadist. It’s nice to see them get a taste of their own medicine. I just wish Chucky cut Botnick across the face, too, maybe slice his mustache off. That would have been cool. “Presto! You’re dead” indeed.

FrankHayesMatlock

Frank Hayes: Frank Hayes is the character Robinson played in “The Defense,” the ninth episode of season six of Matlock, the classic lawyer show starring Andy Griffith. Hayes is an abusive father and husband who ends up getting shot after threatening both his wife and son (his son is the one who shoots him). There isn’t much nuance to Hayes. He isn’t a generally good/nice guy with a temper and a few issues that he needs to work on. Frank Hayes is just a terrible person who thrives on the idea that he has power over his loved ones. So when he gets shot dead no one sheds a tear for him (well, his best friend is upset, but who gives a shit about him? His best friend was an abuser!). And that’s how it should be. It’s too bad that someone was even tried for his death. That’s how awful Frank Hayes is.

ARobinsonColMuthuh

Colonel Daddy Muthuh: Colonel Muthuh is the villain of the classic low budget sci-fi sequel Trancers III: Deth Lives, the guy who creates the Trancer phenomena in 2005 (which was the future when the movie was made in 1992). On one hand, it almost seems like Colonel Muthuh isn’t that bad of a guy. He’s a combat doctor who saw some nasty stuff in the war zone and just wants to give his soldiers an edge, which is why he claims he created the Trancer program in the first place. How can you criticize that? But then, as the movie goes on, you realize that Colonel Muthuh is a fucking psycho. He allows a soldier under his command to kill his own brother in hand-to-hand combat in order to impress a visiting U.S. Senator (he needs all the government funding he can get). He tries to turn Tim Thomerson’s Jack Deth into a trancer (that’s just messed up). And, for the love of God, he has sex with Jana, one of his top female trancers, right in the middle of his training facility. There’s no nudity or anything in the scene, but watching Muthuh’s pre-sex sex face is something that you can’t unsee.

If you’re going to bang one of your soldiers, Colonel, do it out of view of everyone. That’s what you have quarters for, isn’t it? Jesus Christ.

Douchebag

Scorpio2

And now, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to Scorpio, or “The Killer,” the character Robinson played in 1971’s Dirty Harry. Scorpio is a terrifying psychopath who gets off on killing anyone. And he will target anyone. Through the course of Dirty Harry he kills women and children in various ways (he uses a sniper rifle on several and he buries a young girl alive for ransom) and he enjoys it. He also enjoys playing with people’s fears and anxieties, especially the police. And think about the bus full of kids he kidnaps towards the end of the movie. He freaks out on all of them and smacks that one kid when no one sings “Row Row Row Your Boat” to his satisfaction. What kind of person does that?

Everyone cheers when Dirty Harry blasts him in the chest at the end of the movie. It’s too bad that Harry didn’t shoot him in the fucking head. Who wouldn’t want to watch this douchebag piece of shit’s head explode?

It’s something everyone in the world would love to see. Everyone.

Fucking Scorpio.

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