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Ask 411 Movies for 12.31.12: Leonard Hayhurst’s Rockin’ Eve

December 31, 2012 | Posted by Leonard Hayhurst

Now, our usual new year tradition of seeing what movie titles from the past year can be altered into terrible porno film names.

1) The Dark Knight Rises…In His Pants
2) The Ho-bbit: An Unexpected Gangbang
3) Skyballs
4) Pussy Wrecker Ralph
5) Trouble with a Curved Dick
6) The Panty Liner Playbook
7) This is 40 DD
8) 21 Hump Street
9) The Boner Legacy
10) The Best Erotic Marigold Hotel
I was going to do something for Jack Reacher, but thought it best not to go there.

Ask 411 Remembers
Actor Jack Klugman, 90, died Christmas Eve quietly at his home with his wife by his side. He starred in the television shows Quincy, M.E. and The Odd Couple and was one of the most featured guest stars on The Twilight Zone. His film roles included 12 Angry Men, Days of Wine and Roses, Goodbye Columbus, Two-Minute Warning and Dear God. He underwent successful surgery for cancer of the larynx in 1989 and learned how to talk again, although always raspy, when many doctors said he wouldn’t speak, at least to a level where he could act and give interviews.

Actor Charles Durning, 89, also died Christmas Eve of undisclosed causes. His movies included The Sting, Dog Day Afternoon, Starting Over, Tootsie, Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, To Be or Not To Be, O Brother Where Art Thou, Dick Tracy, The Hudsucker Proxy and The Man With One Red Shoe, along with supporting parts on Evening Shade and Rescue Me. He earned Oscar nominations for his roles in To Be Or Not To Be and Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

Actor Cliff Osmond, 75, died of pancreatic cancer Dec. 22. He was an acting coach who taught an estimated more than 10,000 actors. He was in many Billy Wilder films such as The Fortune Cookie, Irma La Duce, The Front Page and Kiss Me, Stupid.

Western character actor Harry Carey Jr., 91, died Dec. 28. His father was a silent film star and Junior, called Dobie, made 11 movies with John Wayne. In later years, Carey became a favorite of directors making modern westerns, appearing in Tombstone and Back to the Future III. His other movies included Red River, 3 Godfathers, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon, Rio Grande, Mister Roberts, The Searchers, Two Rod Together, Cheyenne Autumn, The Rare Breed, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, The Undefeated, Cahill U.S. Marshal, The Long Riders and Gremlins. Below, Carey talks about his friend, John Wayne.

Obscure Television Series of the Week
Title: Cutter to Houston
Air Dates: Oct. 1 to Dec. 31, 1983
Network: CBS
Cast: Jim Metzler as Dr. Andy Fenton, Shelley Hack as Dr. Beth Gilbert, Alec Baldwin as Dr. Hal Wexler, K Callan as Nurse Connie Buford, Noble Willingham as Mayor Warren Jarvis, Susan Styles as Nurse Patty Alvarez
Premise: Alec Baldwin cut his acting teeth on the soap opera The Doctors, but his first prime time series was Cutter to Houston. Baldwin’s Hal was a young doctor and native of small Cutter, Texas. He was happy to be back home to serve his apprenticeship. Beth didn’t like to be in such a rural setting and Andy was happy to be anywhere after being busted for writing illegal subscriptions. Cutter had just opened a new clinic and was only 60 miles from Houston Medical Center, which could be reached by computer, radio or helicopter when needed. Hence the call and show title, Cutter to Houston.

What Leonard Recently Watched
I’m not as big of a fan as The Lord of the Rings franchise are as some. I hope not to draw flames in the comments, keep in mind this is my opinion only on The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. The original trilogy was three films for three books, more or less. This is going to be three movies for one novel. Considering that, this film seemed slowly paced and drawn out to me. It ended abruptly, not that there weren’t false cliffhangers throughout. Most were solved by Gandalf in deus ex machina fashion. However, I did think the movie was visually amazing and engaging and the acting was solid. Martin Freeman was a strong young Bilbo and Richard Armitage had the right mix of rough and regal for Thorin. I’d give it 7 out of 10 and don’t think it’s as good, dynamic and epic as the original trilogy, but still entertaining. Fans of the first three movies should like this well enough, but might be a bit disappointed.

Director Quentin Tarantino seems to be in a groove now of making A-list art pictures out of B-movie genres. With Django Unchained he brilliantly marries the spaghetti western and blaxploitation. At points I think it’s a bit too Tarantino-y with the over the top violence and swearing. It’s so excessive as to be hilarious, but that’s the point. I also don’t think Django’s character arc from submissive slave to badass black champion is completely fleshed out and communicated. However, overall the movie was really entertaining and engrossing. Christoph Waltz and Leonardo DiCaprio give Oscar worthy performances and they play well off of each other. It’s always fun in a Tarantino picture to see actors you haven’t in awhile. Here we have James Remar, Tom Wopat and Don Johnson to name a few. The soundtrack is also killer. I’d give it 9 out of 10.

Q: Dear Sir,

I have one of those can you help me find the movie (or perhaps TV
episode) based on a quote questions. In this case an older black man
attempts to pass a Literacy Test several times throughout and fails
each time, normally by a slim margin. The test is administered by a
older white female playing a Nurse Ratched type character. Towards the
end of the show,  the black man finally passes and is asked by the
woman why he wants to vote so badly, to which he replies, “To vote
people like you out of office.”

Good sir, can you help?


A: I didn’t have an idea and a Google search using certain keywords didn’t result in anything. My friend Barb on Facebook thinks it could be a Quantum Leap episode called “Justice” and my friend Paul suggested Roots: The Next Generation.

“Justice” is from season four, which is the only Quantum Leap season I don’t have on DVD, so I wasn’t able to watch the episode. In it, Sam leaps into the body of a new inductee into the Ku Klux Klan. His mission is to save the life of a young civil rights activist who will be instrumental in getting local blacks signed up to vote in the next election.

Roots: The Next Generations is the 1979 sequel to the groundbreaking 1977 original miniseries. It adapts the last seven chapters of Alex Haley’s book along with additional material from him. It traces his family from 1882 to the 1960s. Haley becomes a main character, played by Damon Evans as a young man and James Earl Jones older. The entire miniseries can be watched online.

That’s the only question I got last week in and it was from an email. I got a bunch of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes in the comments last week, but no questions. SEND QUESTIONS! It’s a question and answer column. You send questions, I answer them, or at least try to, it’s simple. So email or post comments, even send by carrier pigeon. It all works for me.

Happy new year!

Don’t die.
“You’re about to enter the fascinating sphere of police work, the world of forensic medicine.”


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Leonard Hayhurst

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