Man Movie Encyclopedia: Sicario

Greetings, all.

How are you, the beautiful people, doing today? Well, I hope.

Not much to say here in the ol’ preamble. I do have a new article series going, it’s called The Mount Rushmore Of…. and each week I choose a category from pro-wrestling, and set up what I believe should be on the Mount Rushmore for said topic. You can find the first issue in the wrestling section, so, if you haven’t already, hop on the good foot!

Alright, final article before we head into October, and the Man Movie Encyclopedia turns into the Slasher Movie Encyclopedia. Come October, we’re gonna hang on a certain street, with the man of your dreams….

Until then, let’s head south of the border….

We open up with a SWAT team converging on a suburban house in Texas. They come busting through the wall in a truck, and immediately start wrangling and shooting out with the cats inside. One dude blasts a shotgun, but misses, and blows a hole in the drywall before catching a few slugs himself.

However, they discover that hostages that they were coming for are here, but they’re dead and sealed inside the walls. Looks to be over 50. Which, I can tell you, if that happened in my apartment complex, the terrible people who run it would have reacted as such:

Apartment Manager: So, what’s the news on the Winfield apartment?
Apartment Asst Manager: Well, they found a huge burial site, with about 50 bodies sealed up in the walls.
Apartment Manager: There were over 50 bodies?!
Apartment AM: I know, it’s terrible.
Apartment Manager: Goddamn right it is! His lease says 2 are allowed to live there! Get those penalties out to his extended family!

They start getting shit cleared up, and the entire house is barren. If I’m on the FBI team, it goes like this:

FBI Caliber: It’s just unreal in here…
Fellow FBI’er: I know, man. It’s gruesome.
FBI C: Huh? Oh, yeah, the bodies. Sure, that’s bad…but, I mean, look at this place! There’s nothing on the walls! This wall over here is HUGE! You could legit put all the Rocky posters, framed, over here! Then over here, I could put a bunch of my action figures, man, that’d be awesome. They don’t even have any DVD/blu-rays! And their fridge doesn’t have anything on it either! Not even one of those cool, mini-dry erase boards so you can write “Hello, eat a dick!” for your buddy to read when he gets up. Man, it really must have blown living here. Now I really wanna get these bastards.

Well, else where, a couple stupid cops who’ve never seen a movie involving drug-traffickers decide to fuck with a locked, secret room that was covered up by a tool shed. They get a bomb going off in their face for their troubles. Later, the female officer, Kate, is given an offer to go with a task force and deal with these cartel cats, a mission she quickly accepts. She boards a private jet, and they head to Juarez, Mexico. It’s here she meets Alejandro, a bad-ass extraordinaire. He’s the silent type, who doesn’t say much, but speaks loudly by just standing there. They touch down in Juarez, and get a briefing of the mission. They’re going to snag a high ranking cartel member who’s been arrested and is waiting at a court house. Kate instantly turns into a wet-blanket by crying about everything and wanting to know what’s going on, and who’s who. All that matters is who’s good, who’s bad, and then killing the bad. She seems the type who’d want you to wear a condom for phone sex.

As they drive in, they see 4 naked, mutilated bodies hanging from a freeway. They get to their destination and pick up the target. Once they get to the border crossing, they’re stuck due to a broken down car. However, just sitting there is a death sentence, especially as they see two fully loaded cars with cartel members, all armed. They prove to be pretty damn dumb, as they’re surrounded by soldiers, who ALL have the drop on them, and they STILL try to shoot it out. These dudes ceased being cartel members, and instead became Christmas trees, cause they all got lit up. Dudes were dead before the first guy’s gun could even be pointed. It’s an awesome scene.

They get back to their HQ, and IMMEDIATELY Kate starts bitching about everything. Saying what they’re doing is illegal, and how dare they open fire near civilians. I’m shocked she didn’t ask if these guys have ever just tried going over to Mexico, and asking the cartel men to please stop murdering. They get the info they need, via the method of water boarding, I believe. Good. After that, they head to Tuscon. There, Kate’s partner, demands to know what’s going on. Matt & Alejandro tell them that they learned of a tunnel some where in Texas, a tunnel that goes from there to Mexico and is used, obviously, for drugs. So, that’s what they’re hunting for. I’m shocked Kate didn’t object, saying that it’s wrong, because they’ll probably destroy the tunnel, and that’s not fair to the people who had to dig it!

The next day they show up to a bank to bust a woman who’s laundering money for the cartel, in order to be able to freeze & seize the account. Doing whatever they can to get this cat called back to Mexico. She wants to go into the bank to start building the case, and Matt tells her not to. She, of course, doesn’t listen and goes in.

Later that night, Kate and her partner head to a hole in the wall bar, and end up running into a guy named Tad, a cat who’s part of Phoenix, PD, and use to hang with Kate’s partner. They drink, flirt, and eventually end up back at her place. Naturally, he’s on the cartel payroll, and tries to choke her out, however, Matt & Alejandro knew their shit, and used her as bait, knew that someone would come for her. They beat the shit out of him and get the info they need.

They found the tunnel, AND the lead guy of the cartel got called back to Mexico. It’s at this time, Matt tells Kate that really, the only reason she’s here is because the CIA can’t operate outside of the US without someone like her tagging along. She appears shocked, as if they didn’t bring her along for her black belt in bitching to no fucking end about EVERYTHING. Hey, I’m gonna go out and have a good time, I need it ruined. I want to feel like an uppercut up the dick. Not an uppercut TO the dick, but like, right up my urethra. You got anyone like that? And they’d give me Kate.

Heading into the tunnels with thermal night vision, they bad-ass all over that motherfucker, taking our dudes left and right. The tunnel is cleared, and Alejandro goes upside to the other end where a cop and a cartel soldier are clearing out a car of coke. Alejandro smokes the soldier, and forces the cop into the car, to serve as his driver. As they take off, Kate, big shock, whines and bitches to Matt about what she saw. Turns out they’re trying to take out cartels, so that there’s only one major cartel, like when Pablo and the Medellin cartel. Back then, the chaos was easier to maintain. He then explains that Alejandro use to have a wife & daughter, back when he was a a lawyer working in Juarez. A cartel had his wife’s head cut off, and his daughter thrown in a vat of acid. Now he hunts them. And Kate STILL FUCKING BITCHES! She’s absolutely unstoppable.

We pop over to Al and the cop. They find a top cartel soldier, Manuel Diaz, and has him pulled over. The cop gets smoked, and Al uses Manuel as cover to get inside the compound of the top boss. He does, where he comes across him sitting with his family having dinner. Al speaks with the boss for a second, BEFORE HE SMOKES THE DUDE’S WIFE AND 2 SONS! He then let’s the guy live with the misery of that for a few, before shooting him in his mouth, so he chokes on his teeth and tongue for a sec before dying. It’s so unbelievably bad-ass.

Finally, Al shows up to Kate’s house to get her to sign a piece of paper that says everything she saw, she did, that they did, was by the book. She, OF. FUCKING. COURSE. Is an absolute bitch about it first, but eventually signs. Al leaves, and that’s that.

MAN MOVIE TALLY:
1-Liners: 0
Guys Beat Up: 1
Guys Killed: 18
Swear Words: 41
Boobies: 0
Explosions: 1
Chase: 0
Broken Bones: 0
Fight/Shoot-Out At Motel?: No
Guy Get Girl? No
Guy/Girl Smoke?: Yes

MAN FACTS:
Originally Del Toro’s character spoke a lot more. But after signing on, and living with the character for a little while, he thought it best if Alejandro was much more silent, something the director agreed with whole heartedly.

When Kate is in the tunnel, you see her bump her head, and as a result take off the helmet. This was actually an accident, but they left the take in because of the realism.

C’MON BENNETT, LET’S PARTY!:
Sicario is just a brilliant fucking movie. It’s not a constant thrill ride type of action movie, it’s a slower pace, but moves with a constant menace to it, if that makes sense. Everyone brings it in terms of acting, and you’re left wanting to see more of these characters, except for Kate. God no. But watching Del Toro, Brolin, and the rest of the gang hunt down cartel members? All day, baby. The action, when we do get it, is visceral, real, blunt, and exciting. From the very beginning you have a constant sense of dread, as if the worst of the worst could pop off at any minute, as they brilliantly use atmosphere in this movie. I can’t say enough good things, a damn fine piece of business.
****1/2 Head-Butts out of 5

Any questions, comments, drunk-ramblings, feel free to send them my way, I always dig hearing from you, the beautiful people.
Twitter: @CaliberWinfield
Instagram: @CaliberWinfield
I post almost daily with workout related stuff to help you cats out, along with what’s coming down the pike via the MME, and general pop culture from the 80s and 90s that I can’t seem to let go of.
[email protected]
If you just can’t wait until next week, you can also find me at these fine places:
Only A Ninja Can Review A Ninja: The Man Movie Encyclopedia
The deadly arts contained inside these movies can only be viewed and reviewed by one man, Caliber Winfield. For only a ninja, can review a ninja. I cover all the classics, from Enter The Ninja, American Ninja, to the modern films such as Ninja Assassin and Ninja. I don’t want to say this book has both saved and changed lives, but this book has both saved and changed lives.
The Man Movie Encyclopedia: The Hall of Burly – Vol. 1 – A collection of the first 19 MME articles written for 411. You get all the classics like Commando, Robocop, and Die Hard, not to mention bad-assery such as Point Break and They Live. Beyond that, you also get two new articles. My Top 5 favorite action movies, and what I believe to be the Top 5 most over-the-top scenes in action movie history. I won’t lie, it’s the greatest self=help/martial arts instruction book of all time.
My Summer Vacation At Camp Crystal Lake – My brand new ebook that’s become so popular it’s charting on the album sales charts. I cover the Friday The 13th franchise in Man Movie Encyclopedia fashion, followed up by a few list-based articles, chronicling my favorite kills, moments from the franchise, and a few other subjects. $3 via amazon, or simply email me and get it for $2, either way, it’ll probably change your life.
Caliber Winfield On The Facebook –
Anything new that I do you guys can find here. How are we not at 100 likes? I mean, c’mon.
All Things Caliber –
I merged my wrestling website into my long standing website that’s been up for over 6 years. Anything under the sun, I’ve written about it.