The Man Movie Encyclopedia: Starship Troopers

Greetings, big homies.

Ain’t much to report here on this end. Just a reminder to look out for your boy’s Mt. Rushmore articles in the wrestling section. Heck yeah, frens.

Alright, enough of the shameless self promotions, let’s go kill some bugs…

We open up in classic Verhoeven style, as via news flashes we learn that we’re going to war against evil bugs. We get footage of troops touching down, and promptly getting their asses kicked before we head back a year in time.
It’s here we meet Rico and his gang. He’s got a girlfriend, Carmen, who’s a bright student that dreams of being a pilot in the military. He’s also got a friend who’s got some psychic gifts, Carl. He’s played by Doogie Howser, before he was cool again. Rico is a plucky guy who isn’t sure what he wants to do with his life, and decides his best bet is to follow his girlfriend into military service He also has a friend named Diz, a girl who’s as in love with Rico as he is with Carmen. However, he sees her as a friend, and that’s it. As everyone goes their separate ways, while at basic training, Diz shows up to Rico’s unit. He’s a bit pissed at first, saying she only showed up there to see him, but she says otherwise.
Once enlisted, we meet his Drill Sergeant, who also happens the toughest screw to ever walk the halls of Shashank, as well as the Kurgan. He makes quick friends, and while he pines for his woman, she’s off getting cozy with none other than Jeff from Saved By The Bell! Yeah, first he takes Kelly from Zack, now he’s scheming on Carmen. Just like that asshole from Fashionable Male, son of a bitch! Well, Rico actually has a knack for being infantry, and makes squad leader. That same day, he gets a John Deer letter from Carmen. She says that she wants to make it a career in the military, as she’s good at what she does. She does fail to mention dreamy Xander. The next day, while exercising with live ammo, a soldier gets his brains blown out due to Rico’s fuck up, as he had a soldier take his helmet off in order to fix it, as the soldier claimed it was bothersome. He isn’t kicked out, but takes 10 lashings with a whip as well as being removed as squad commander. After all this he feels like he isn’t cut out for this, especially since he only joined because Carmen did. However, just before he leaves he gets word that his home town is gone. The arachnid bugs hurled a meter towards Earth, and destroyed Buenos Aries. Given that he has no home to go back to, Rico decides to stick around.

Once they head into the epicenter of the bug planet, they aren’t prepared for what hits them, and get chewed to bits. Literally and figuratively. The battle is awesome though, as machine guns tear bugs apart, and bugs tear them apart. It’s frantic and high paced. Rico gets his leg fucked up, and ends up listed as KIA. They have a round 2 with the bugs, and this time things go a lot smoother. Using strategy, and having an understanding of their opponent, they win this round. Which includes one of the cooler and more bad-ass scenes, Rico does the full 8 seconds on top of this giant beetle bug that spits fire. He shoots a hole in his shell before dumping a grenade in and watching it explode in a gooey, glorious fashion. It’s one of the coolest deaths in film history. Ridiculously satisfying.

There’s an out-post of soldiers on the bug planet that sent a distress signal. The rescue squad shows up, only to find that everyone, save for one man, is dead. These bugs can apparently physically get into your brain, and make you do things,. Like send out fake distress signals. As they’re figuring this out, they get charged by an absolute army of bugs. We get another amazing battle scene, as bugs & humans alike are ripped apart, blown up, and straight up melted. His CO gets chewed up, giving Rico command, and then Diz buys it after blowing the head off a beetle with a grenade. Which, I have decided will be written on my tombstone “Here lies Caliber Winfield. He died right after he blew the head of a beetle up with a grenade” and everyone will have so many questions. What kind of beetle? Was it a massive beetle? Must have been, since he needed a grenade. Did he attack him? Like, did Caliber wake up in the middle of the night to find this beetle trying to steal his car?”
Well, Rico meets back up with his brainy-buddy Carl, and they discuss a Brain Beetle. Apparently a massive bug that likes to eat brains and control people. A massive leader of sorts. They figure they have an idea where one is located, and they’re sent there.
The invasion doesn’t go too well for the cats in the sky, as their ships get blown to pieces. Carmen and her flight-commander, Xander, the previously mentioned Jeff from SbtB fame, crash land in the lair of the brain beetle. It isn’t long before they meet him, and he properly sucks the brains out of Xander in a brutally awesome looking scene. After that, Carmen is about to get it, but Rico and his boys show up.

Once they’re free, they eventually catch up with the rest of the troops who’ve captured the giant brain bug, turning the tide of the war for them.

MAN MOVIE TALLY:
1-Liners: 0
Guys Beat Up: 1
Guys Killed: 12
Swear Words: 5
Boobies: 7
Explosions: 6
Chase: 0
Broken Bones: 1
Fight/Shoot-Out At Motel?: No
Guy Get Girl? Yes
Guy Smoke?: No

MAN FACTS:
Mark Wahlberg turned down the role of Rico. Honestly, I think he would have been damn good.

During the “media break” where we learn about the guy to be executed on TV, that’s actually the writer of the film: Ed Neumeier.

The woman who accidentally shoots the guy who removed his helmet, they actually met on this set, got married and have a kid.

Despite becoming a cult-hit later, it didn’t do well in theaters. With a budget of $105 million, the film ended up taking in a grand total of $121 mill. They later found out that a ton of teenagers under the age of 17 were buying tickets to G, PG, and PG13 movies in order to sneak into Starship.

C’MON BENNETT, LET’S PARTY!:
Who doesn’t love Starship Troopers? It’s a fantastic movie that I often consider Robocop for the 90s. It has social commentary, comedy, great action, incredible effects, worthwhile characters, great story & pacing. I mean, it makes sense since it’s the same duo that brought us Robocop. Best of all, it has that one quality that I look for out of an action movie more than anything: fun, and this movie is definitely fun,. It’s violent, over-the-top, and compete eye-candy. I can’t say enough good things.
****1/2 Head-Butts out of 5

Any questions, comments, drunk-ramblings, feel free to send them my way, I always dig hearing from you, the beautiful people.
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