Movies & TV / Columns

Movies/TV’s 3R’s 01.08.13: Justice League, Twin Peaks, Sin City 2, Texas Chainsaw 3D, More

January 8, 2013 | Posted by Porfirio Diaz

Welcome to Week 184 of The 3 R’s for the Movie/TV world.

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Without any further ado, here is…

  • The Justice League roster is classic Justice League, plus more!: After years of ineptitude – and watching Marvel rub themselves with a fist full of million dollar bills from afar – Warner Bros. are determined to make the Justice League movie happen. The debate of whether putting the team first before making the individual movies continues to be an ongoing saga between Internet armchair screenwriters (i.e. flame war-hungry trolls) and comic movie aficionados (i.e. that one guy who keeps calling Green Lantern gay). It’s a ship that should have sailed a while ago.

    Regardless if the studio has your best interests at heart, the long-awaited Justice League movie is moving forward with more than just a scribbled idea written on a napkin. A couple of newsworthy bits emerged from the rumor squad last week, and according to Cosmic Booknews, this is what is apparently being planned for the 2016 release:

    • Superman is essentially the same character from Man of Steel, and Zack Snyder is consulting regarding the writing of the character.

    • Batman: The strategist of the group. Batman doesn’t really want to be involved with these super powered beings he considers too powerful. Easily the most complex written.

    • Wonder Woman: She has only been in man’s world a few short months. The Wonder Woman script MichaelGoldenberg is developing will be set before the Justice League movie.

    • Green Lantern: Will be Ryan Reynold’s character from the Green Lantern movie, but will be freshly written with a more serious tone.

    • Flash: The most popular hero in civilian eyes who loves media attention, but when called upon is very serious.

    • Martian Manhunter: Alien who has lived on Earth in secret for over a hundred years who has knowledge of Darkseid and his reign.

    • Aquaman: Will be the King of Atlantis who has a key role in the film.

    • There will also be a heavy military presence in the film which in future rewrites could include characters featured in Man of Steel or even Amanda Waller (Angela Bassett) of which neither are included in the first draft.

    • Alfred Pennyworth is in the film in a minor appearance.

    • Lois Lane is also in the film in a cameo.

    • Darkseid’s Elite will be featured who go up against the Justice League early on in the film. – Cosmic Booknews

    Quick hits:

    – Essentially the Superman and Green Lantern characters will be the same versions as previously seen in their past solo movies, but it doesn’t mean Henry Cavill and Ryan Reynolds will return to reprise their respective roles. Sort of not confusing at all. Sort of.

    – Martian Manhunter is probably the least publicized of all the characters and one who would really benefit from a standalone release, followed by Aquaman and Flash.

    – I really want a Flash movie. How many times do I have to bang my keyboard for that to happen?

    – I loved the cartoon Justice League TV series and its cartoon sibling Justice League Unlimited. Any chance the movie could be as awesome as the show? Perhaps have it akin to the three-part pilot episode/movie “Secret Origins”?

    – Am I to assume Amy Adams and Michael Caine will be making an appearance as Lois Lane and Alfred?

    – I’m not too caught up into comics to know who is in Darkseid’s Elite. *Looks at the names involved* Oh boy. Granny Goodness cameo or no buys. (OK, not true. There will be significant buys regardless if Granny Goodness appears in the movie, although it couldn’t hurt.)

    Before we get too excited, these are still rumors and probably should be treated as such until such a time when Warner Bros decides to send out a press alert or little cutesy Easter eggs on their home website. For now, take with Darkseid-sized grains of salt. Until then, Warner Bros. will go back to their ultimate fantasy – rubbing themselves with makeover bills of presidents doodled as members of the Justice League.

    Would you like to buy some Justice League money?
    What’s that?
    Well it’s money that’s made just for the park. It works just like regular money, but it’s, er…”fun”.
    Well, OK, if it’s fun…let’s see, uh…I’ll take $1100 worth.
    [“No JL Money”, “We Don’t Take Justice League Money.”]

    Images Via

  • Rumorsville: NBC discussing Twin Peaks revival and Community making it past next season: Fact: Twin Peaks aired on ABC from 1990-1991. Fact: Twin Peaks make Michael Ornelas’ list on the top 10 TV shows cancelled too soon. Fact: both seasons of Twin Peaks was recently added to Hulu. FACT: NBC execs totally met with series creator David Lynch and might totally revive Twin Peaks you guys. MAYBE!

    You don’t need to be friends with a travel-ready log to know there’s some chatter about a “Twin Peaks” reprise at the moment. Just last week we ran a piece from Total Film in which co-creator Mark Frost suggests, rather excitedly, that the prematurely axed ’90s sensation may get its third season after all these years (the ’25 years later’ thing working in its favour, too). Frost’s quotes, hinting that both the creative’s and network brass may be talking, aren’t the first indication that there’s still life left in the sleepy supernatural-stricken town though. Apparently quite a few cast members, including Catherine E.Coulson (‘The Log Lady’), have been contacted about possibly reprising their roles from the spooky soap, should a revisit happen.

    David Lynch, the main stalwart behind the show – and director of the spin-off film, “Twin Peaks : Fire Walk With Me” – has said a couple of times in recent years that the book mightn’t be closed on the Diary of Laura Palmer. According to Lynch, there’s still a lot of untold stories about the inhabitants of Twin Peaks.

    (He, however, has also said he won’t be putting pen to paper until he finds an idea that grabs him. “Well, I always go by ideas. One night maybe I catch an idea and get all fired up about it and maybe call Mark Frost and write something. Who knows? It hasn’t happened yet.”)

    Robert Engels, the show’s EP and writer of “Fire Walk With Me”, told Moviehole that he’s taken a couple of calls in recent years from networks interested in possibly reigniting the Fire Walking-flame, bringing the show back in some shape or fashion. – Moviehole

    All I can say for now is: fantastic. Then we find out the rumors are not true and instead we get 13-episodes of Kate Gosselin in a frog suit and dancing chain-smoking leprechauns in dream sequences. It’ll be the most David Lynch thing ever.

    On the other side of the network coin, there are whispers that Community could get a fifth season and that the show could be the same show as before, in a statement made by NBC President Bob Greenblatt. I don’t know – that’s one too many “coulds” there Bob.

    After a lot of behind-the-scenes turmoil that resulted in the departures of creator/executive producer Dan Harmon and co-star Chevy Chase since Community ended its third season, the quirky comedy is finally returning on the air on Feb. 7 to kick off its 13-episode fourth season in its old Thursday 8 PM slot. Despite all the changes, “I think you’ll see relatively the same show that you did before, maybe with a little bit more heart built into it. But we didn’t fundamentally change it,” NBC boss Bob Greenblatt said after the NBC executive session at TCA. The abbreviated fourth season is not perceived as the show’s swan song. “We’re absolutely hopeful it will lead to a fifth season,” Greenblatt said. “I’d love nothing more than to see it continue.” – Deadline

    I like Community and I will support it no matter what happens. I just don’t want to be jerked around. I don’t want to be too hopeful only to find out it was all a lie – right before all the fans get thrown into a volcano. (He’s dead Jim.) I just want Community to be the best Community it can be, whether or not the show will survive after the conclusion of the season. Just give me an end date and a proper ending. Then all will be swell.

  • Playboy playmate Crystal McCahill had a fun day of shooting for Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For, with pics!: It started out with an enigmatic message from Crystal McCahill, “What a fun day shooting! Can’t wait to say what it was for! But I have too. The very next post: “Getting hair and make up done for my part with Micky Rourke in Sin City 2. :)”

    Here are those pictures:

    Her role is still unknown, but if I had to guess…prostitute. Or prostitute astronaut. Either one.

    Posts and images via.

  • Netflix adds more shows, gives you more reasons to cut the cable cord: Netflix is growing up into a suitable little troublemaker for Aunt Cable and Uncle Dish, isn’t it? No need to watch for the show to come on. With the way things are going, you can have the show come to you. We’re still a long way from Netflix ever becoming the ultimate television experience – add The Red Zone Channel, then we’ll talk – but look at this: the streaming media conglomerate has partnered with Warner Brothers to add eight new television shows to their roster. Also don’t forget about their recently announced deal with Walt Disney Animation, which will serve as the exclusive source for Disney, Marvel, and Pixar films come 2016. Probably not enough to get you to cancel your cable subscription, but you know you’re thinking about it a little more now.

    The biggest show out of the list is West Wing. You all may not remember, but before I was the Movies/TV 3Rs master, I was writing a little column titled Syndication Files. West Wing was one of the TV shows written and I can’t tell you how well it turned out considering it has been more than two years since I last laid eyes on it. I am a horrible judge of grading my own work. (Actually never mind, the column was super great.) Plus the spooky website monster ate all of the images and comments, so I can’t even tell you what other people thought about it. I bet it was all super great praises.

    As for the rest of the roster, they range from good (Fringe, Chuck) to decent (666 Park Avenue) to meh (Political Animals, Revolution, Longmire). The only unknown is Fox’s The Following, which is slated to premiere later this month. You may like it, you may hate it. Who knows! The important thing is that this show is on Netflix. Only then will you find out if the show makes for a good addition to the service.

    Either way, West Wing is on there now, and you can’t go wrong with West Wing. Unless you’re a monster.

  • Steve Carrell is NOT going to be in The Office finale: Say whhhhaaattttt.

    The Office will close its doors this May with a special one-hour farewell, but it’ll likely do so without Steve Carell’s original boss, Michael Scott.

    “I’m hopeful, but I don’t think [Steve] will be back,” NBC Chairman Robert Greenblatt told reporters Sunday the the Television Critics Association’s winter press tour in Pasadena. “He left in the way that he wanted that character to leave.”

    “There’s maybe a little hail mary pass on a cameo,” he added, “but I think the decision is that he [doesn’t want to compromise] his [original] exit.” – TV Line

    Ron Howard left Happy Days but came back for the series finale. Topher Grace left That ‘70s Show but came back for the series finale, even if it was ever so brief. That’s all the shows I can name off the top of my head that lost their lead star but eventually returned to give the series a proper sendoff. The closest show I could name where the star didn’t return was Cindy Williams from Laverne & Shirley, showing you my expert knowledge on all things Nick & Nite and just what an old man I am.

    Letter to Steve Carrell: Come back! Even if just for a cameo appearance. What do you have on your plate that’s more important than showing up for the show that made you famous? *looks up IMDB* “Foxcatcher. The story of John du Pont, who suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and killed Olympic wrestler David Schultz.” Well, can’t hologram Tupac do it for you? No? That’s that? No Office reunion?


  • Texas Chainsaw 3D is the #1 movie at the box office; meanwhile America learns nothing: This was your time, America. Your time to show Hollywood that you will not put up with their retread rehashes and rebaked remakes. Instead you gave them your cash and now they have more financial gains to invest in their “Yacht and Cocaine and Hookers” fund, which they know it as the “Yacoker” fund. Hmm… sounds like a sexy narcotic and the name of a high class hooker. Win-win.

    Texas Chainsaw 3D took first place this weekend with a better-than-expected $23 million, though Django Unchained wasn’t all that far behind. The Top 12 earned an estimated $126.3 million over the first weekend of 2013, which is nearly identical to the same weekend last year.

    Texas Chainsaw 3D’s $23 million was directly between the 2003 remake ($28.1 million) and the 2006 prequel ($18.5 million), though attendance was about in line with the 2006 movie. Compared to past January horror movies, it was well below last year’s The Devil Inside ($33.7 million) but was slightly up on past Lionsgate efforts My Bloody Valentine 3-D ($21.2 million) and Hostel ($19.6 million). – Box Office Mojo

    The only other notable movie of the weekend was Promised Land starring Matt Damon, which expanded out into a full release after a limited run in theaters. Lame. Now if we happened to combine both movies together…

    All in all it was a bad weekend for big screen movies, although that didn’t stop America from making Original Remake Horror Movie tops on the charts. I guess staying home and watching football or porn all day was too much to ask.

  • NFL Wildcard Weekend was not exactly wild: Woof. What was up with the unwatchable games last weekend, NFL? At least two of the games had the potential to be “Must-See TV” couch appointment viewing; instead I played Halo 4 with a friend on co-op mode for most of Saturday evening and snoozed through two Sunday games with perhaps one good quarter of actual football between them. As a football fan dealing with the grief of counting the games remaining in the season, it was not serious fun. Brief recap mode, so says noted 411mania sports fan writing a sports TV column!

    Cincinnati Bengals 13, Houston Texans 19: This one was the least marquee of all the games during the weekend, and no matter how hard they tried, it could never completely escape the hole of unwatchability. Not pretty football. While it was close throughout the whole contest, the only thing missing to make these close contests worthwhile was the drama. Where oh where was the drama? There were times when the Bengals looked primed for an upset win. There were times when the Texans had the game in hand and ready to put away. Missed opportunities spread the field from both sides until Houston got the sure win during the final minutes. If you love punts, shoddy offensives, and general ineptness, this game was for you! Not horrible: J.J. Watt.

    Minnesota Vikings 10, Green Bay Packers 24: Christian Ponder: out. Joe Webb (not had a snap under center all season): in. This…could still be a good game. *Halftime: Vikings 3, Packers 17* Hey let’s play some more Halo 4.

    Purple Jesus was just held to Purple – 22 carries, 99 rushing yards. An impressive number if he was a sixth round rookie or the 3rd back behind the depth chart, but this was Adriana Peterson darn it. The 2012 MVP! But this was before everyone realized that there is only so much he – and Minnesota’s defense – could do before the derpiness of their offense overtook their glorious progress from a week ago. Green Bay brought their swagger back and swagger Pack they did. Packers travel to San Francisco next week, and I can say (as a Niners fan) with much confidence (as a Niners fan) that I am afraid of this game. Very afraid.

    Indianapolis Colts 9, Baltimore Ravens 24: The only thing I could remember from this game was Ray Lewis dancing, Ray Lewis drooling all over himself, one of the referees referring to the Colts as “Indiana” on a ruling, and Ray Lewis dancing again. Raven fans – such as Jeremy Wilson, also known as the only Baltimore fan I know – obviously doesn’t care how the game was won just as long as they got to see Lewis celebrate on home field for the very last time. Still, it was a blah game for the rest watching around the country.

    Andrew Luck threw for 54 passes and mustered an acceptable 288 passing yards, but the game ball belonged to the Ravens D – holding the Colts to 3 made field goals, 1 missed field goal, and a whole lot of pointless yards in-between the 30-yard makers. Clearly there is a bright future for the horseshoes ahead; it just wasn’t evidence for that particular day.

    Seattle Seahawks 24, Washington Redskins 14: Has anyone made wanted posters of Mike Shanahan for trying to murder RG3’s legs yet? Can we get Dr. James Andrews as a witness?

    The first half was the most excitement to come out of the wildcard weekend, but even that surmounted into a pile of suck. (Excluding the play when Russell Wilson sprinted ahead of Beast Mode to clear a path for Lynch’s 27 go-ahead TD run.) The biggest news to come out was RG3’s leg injury and whether the culprit was Shanahan – who for some reason refused to take his star QB out of the game until it was too late when 1) it was quite obvious he was hurt and limping beyond the first quarter, and 2) he had a perfectly capable QB in Kirk Cousins pining on the bench – or the playing conditions of a dead patch field (So far, money’s on Shanny). There is no evidence to suggest Cousins would have gotten the victory, but you have to believe his chances would be an improvement over a hobbled RG1Knee. Far too many RG3 and outs after the first half for my liking. RGRe: Richard Sherman is a punk. OK, all out of puns now.

    Hopefully next week will provide better football entertainment, although I care more about the Niners advancing to the NFC Championship than anything else at this point. Should they lose, I will sulk; thus everything will be a wRong. Everything.

  • Looks like Tom Six and Dieter Laser will be making The Human Centipede 3 after all : At first they were like:

    Last March, it was reported that Dutch filmmaker Six, who wrote and directed both 2010′s Human Centipede (First Sequence) and the following year’s The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), was threatening to sue Laser for breach of contract. At the time, Ilona Six — Tom Six’s sister and the co-producer of the Human Centipede series — issued a statement claiming that Laser’s ego had “grown to laughably big proportions,” that the actor had demanded “unacceptable script changes,” and that he had backed out of the project “only seven weeks prior to shooting.”

    And then they were like:

    The producer has now confirmed to EW that the lawsuit has been dropped and Laser, who memorably portrayed a deranged surgeon in the first film, will play a lead role in the franchise’s third entry. Laser will not, however, play the same character he did in Human Centipede. According to the producer, Laser and Human Centipede 2 star Laurence R. Harvey are set to play a new, villainous duo “with a storyline no one will expect.” Ilona Six also announced that “a big American celebrity” is set to appear in the film, which will start shooting in the U.S. this May. Finally, the producer confirmed the third film will feature a human centipede of more than 500 people. – EW

    And now everyone can experience the joy of hearing about a human centipede of more than 500 people. BTW: that “big American celebrity” will turn out to be Leif Garrett. I just know it.

  • Samuel L. Jackson will refuse to answer all questions about the N-word unless you say the N-word, as one unfortunate interviewer found out: Sometimes I feel for actors and athletes when they have to put up with the same questions day in and day out. Then I look at their gold-plated checkbook and the feeling disappears (“Where can a fellow like me get that kind of scratch?” I say to no one in particular) but if we’re putting actors/athletes up against reporters in a game of “Who Do I Feel Sorrier For?” then the former wins. On an unrelated note, I watched an episode of TMZ the other day and it was at that point when I found the true downfall of Western Civilization.

    Samuel L. Jackson is a tough mofo who won’t put up with just anyone’s guff. He’ll sit down and tell you his thoughts to the ending of Lincoln – I’m paraphrasing here but he said it sucked donkey dung – before shouting something about snakes and Oscar Wilder. When he sat down for an interview with Fox Houston’s Jake Hamilton, Jackson refused to answer any of his questions involving the N-word unless Hamilton actually said the “N-word.” The real “N-word.” Not N dash word.

    HAMILTON: There’s been a lot of controversy surrounding the use of the N-Word in this movie and-

    JACKSON: No, nobody, none- The word would be…?

    HAMILTON: (*sigh*) Oh, I can’t say it.

    JACKSON: Why not?

    HAMILTON: I don’t like to say it.

    JACKSON: Have you ever said it?

    HAMILTON: No, sir.

    JACKSON: Try it.

    HAMILTON: I don’t like to say it.


    HAMILTON: Really? Seriously?

    JACKSON: We’re not gonna have this conversation unless you say it.


    JACKSON: You wanna move on to another question?

    HAMILTON: Okay. Awesome.

    JACKSON: (*laughs*)

    HAMILTON: I… I don’t like to say it.

    JACKSON: Oh come on!

    HAMILTON: Will you say it?

    JACKSON: [turning serious] No, f*ck no. That’s not the same thing.

    HAMILTON: Why do you want me–

    JACKSON: They’re gonna bleep it when you say it. On your show–

    HAMILTON: I know, but–


    HAMILTON: I can’t, I- If I say it, this portion won’t make it to air.

    JACKSON: Okay, forget it.

    HAMILTON: Okay, I’ll skip it. Sorry, guys. It was a good question.

    JACKSON: No it wasn’t.

    HAMILTON: It was a great question.

    JACKSON: It wasn’t a great question if you can’t say the word.

    Starts at 13:55

    Winner: Sam “Ain’t Care” Jackson. To be fair, I too would not have given in to his request. I wouldn’t even type it out. This is a motherf**king family website after all. Unless the N-word was naggers. Oooh naggers, of course.

    Transcript Credit: Filmdrunk.

  • Kathy Griffin pretends to give Anderson Cooper oral sex on CNN: 2012 was a subpar year for me. For one thing I never got to attend a live hockey game or drink a milkshake on the moon like I promised I would. However I did re-caulk my bathtub. Precious memories right there. Well 2013 is here, fully sanitized for your annual plans and for the record number of times “fiscal cliff” is mentioned. Ah, 2013 – already the home of Kim Kardashian’s baby and the time perky Kathy Griffin pretended to give horror-stricken Anderson Cooper a blowjob on CNN.


    Anderson Cooper is not someone above plowing a woman on live TV, but in the case of Kathy Griffin, he will wrap it two times for safety. He is a respected television journalist after all. If he wasn’t, he’ll also be eating a ham during the whole time.

    Update: OK, he IS above plowing woman on live TV because Anderson is openly gay, but not open enough for me to remember. Way to help me out there, ginkgo. #BadluckBrian

    GIFs via

  • Also home to 2013: man eats entire Denny’s Hobbit menu and lives to tell about it: Jamie McDonald is a professor eater and felt he was one of the few people out there who could tackle the entire 10-item Denny’s Hobbit menu without the fear of a heart attack or, you know, dying. It took him approximately 20 minutes to devour the whole entrée, all in one sitting. I can barely finish a Grand Slam in under 20 minutes, but it’s been a while since I last stepped foot into a Denny’s. Ironically it took Jamie the same amount of time to poop out a Hobbit because when you eat a menu made by Hobbits you’re going to create a Hobbit. Of dookie. As big as a real hobbit.

    I am a professional columnist.

    I can appreciate the fast pace footage. Not that I want to see someone down an entire Hobbit menu in regular speed. This is just the first time I’ve observed something Hobbit-related that wasn’t stretched out to its core. If we put The Hobbit under the same pace as the video above, it’ll finish just under 5.2 hours. Because the movie is long, you see.

    /didn’t see movie
    //felt compiled to tell joke anyway
    ///does not apologize for it (maybe a little)

  • Scene: a crow figures it can distract the human by untying her laces. As she drops a small pan to concentrate on her shoework, the bird tries to steal the pan away because it has a mean omelette recipe to try out and the pan is just the right size for it or something. So many questions – like what purpose does the pan serve for the bird and…well actually that’s pretty much it. Just the one question.

    Let’s go to the YouTube comments for the official word on the girl, the bird, and the pan:

    “I would use this bird at the beach to take off bikini tops:-)”

    “Totally looks like a boss fight.”

    “what is she doing with a pan out of the kitchen”


    “The two most common ways to die shoes is 1. The one that goes lace by lace and 2. the one that goes 2 bunny ears, then one around the other. If you’re calling the way the shoe wearer is doing it a childish way, you must not understand it’s much faster and people have their own ways of doing things. Shoe Rant.”

    Never change, YouTube.

    Last week: The Mortal Kombat Boogie (84.48%) dances its way to a victory over Thor and Captain America’s epic disco fever hop (15.52%). I mean, it wasn’t even close. I guess those guys from the Netherrealm are rewarded small amounts of time to practice on their moves between rounds. Batman circa Adam West would have handled them easily.

    This week: Japan! Ehhhh…




    What the I don’t even. Oh how very Japan of you, Japan. I’m voting for the people with in the blue balls. Yeah, Machine Girl looks cutthroat and cool, but look how happy those other people are. They’re blue balls. They’re enjoying it! What is going on!?

    This is weirder than the time a Chinese girl in knee-high boots kicked scissors out from the hands of a suicidal woman. (Please note the Google translation, especially this part, “Sprinkling banknotes into heaven.” I want to make love to that sentence and birth its babies.)

    Last word: Why is Alabama the only team who bothered showing up on the field? Yikes. Will Notre Dame complete the comeback and win back the hearts of all Rudy fans? (Short answer: No.)


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