Movies & TV / Columns

Movies/TV’s 3R’s 02.26.13: Oscars, Seth MacFarlane, Iron Man 3, Megan Fox, More

February 27, 2013 | Posted by Porfirio Diaz

Welcome to Week 190 of The 3 R’s for the Movie/TV world.

Welcome everyone. First of all, sorry for the late entry this week. The Oscars kept me from doing anything productive over the weekend. Not to mention other responsibilities, the typical 9 to 5, blah, blah, blah. I’m here and that’s all that matters.

I’m doing something a little different this week, since it was a special weekend and all. In addition to the regular newspeak I post every week, you’ll get bits and pieces of what I thought about the Oscars (headlines will be in red). They’re not too long of a read and are usually accompanied with images and GIFs. You might even confuse the blurbs for a standard Buzzfeed post.

This will be the worst thing you’ll read this week.


Make sure to click the Facebook “Like”, Tweet button, and Google +1 links over there to the right of the article! Support 411mania, your home for the best in pop culture entertainment news. Follow me at my Twitter page:

Without any further ado, here is…

  • So these new Iron Man 3 pictures look pretty nice: These stills come from the latest issue of Empire magazine, one which has Tony Stark wearing an A.I.M. shirt. Does that mean Stark in a huge supporter in the American Indian Movement and that the film will focus on the preservation and history of the great noble Native American culture? You bet your sweet bippy.

    Images via Superhero Hype.

  • Come see the Game of Thrones season 3 dragon(!) poster and trailer!!! (!!!!!): The moment you’ve been waiting for, the season 3 premiere of the violent and boobtacular Game of Thrones, won’t happen until March 31. That’s only 5 weeks or 840 hours or 50,400 minutes or 3,024,000 seconds away, more or less. You can handle it. In the meantime, HBO – after weeks and months of dangling teasers on a string as if we were race horses – has decided to throw us a bone and release the one-minute bonergasm known as the season three trailer. Never has Peter Dinklage opening through a door looked soooooooooooooooooooooooo exhilarating!

    That and flying dragons. FLYING DRAGONS!

    Via EW
  • Seth MacFarlane is not going to host the Oscars again: So says Seth MacFarlane on his Twitter account. It’s for the best. He already has enough people hate him for Family Guy/everything else.
  • Jennifer Lawrence won the award for most wonderful wonder of all wonderment: And she won “Best Best” (not a typo, more like fact) Actress for Silver Linings Playbook. And she won best person to ever fall down in an award show. I imagined I was there, gently helping her up, and driving away from that so-called hazardous hellhole and buying her a puppy before making a fort out of pillows – and it will become reality as soon as this restraining order is waived. How many words do I have to type in order to explain how awesome she is?

    Anyway yeah, Jennifer seems cool.

  • Flight with sock puppets > Flight: Hell the whole show should have been sock puppets. Either that or three hours of Channing Tatum breaking dance with disco lights.

  • “Quentin Tarantino won! COKE FOR EVERYONE!”: This quote is found in the 411 live thread, after QT won the award for Best Original Screenplay . It also came from me. I was quite happy you see.


    Other favorite quotes from me last Sunday:

    “So…about those cocaine trees… – Lindsay Lohan”
    “We just found out that Kristen Stewart’s crutches are better actors than Kristen Stewart. They sure do know how to hold up a pile of meh.”
    “Pssh, Argo won? Thanks Obama!”
    “Oh sweet heavens, Jamie Foxx’s daughter you guys!!!”

  • Christoph Waltz scores Best Supporting Actor for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: I have only two things to say regarding Waltz’s award win:

    1) YAY!

    2) This is Christoph Waltz skateboarding.

  • Snitch(es) (Don’t) Get Riches – The Rock fails to beat Melissa McCarthy’s Identity Thief: Dwayne Johnson has nearly 40 Hollywood credits to his name. Out of his entire filmography, I still maintain The Rundown is the best movie he’s ever filmed. It’s one of those movies that you’d throw away the remote for when it appears on cable. What a great 90 minutes.

    The point: Snitch is not like The Rundown.

    Melissa McCarthy’s Identity Thief reclaimed the top spot at the domestic box office in its third weekend, narrowly besting Dwayne Johnson’s new action-thriller Snitch with $14.1 million and pushing the Universal comedy’s total to $93.7 million.

    Snitch, produced and financed by Exclusive Media and Participant, opened to $13 million during an overall soft weekend for moviegoing. Sunday’s Oscar ceremony was only part of the reason as revenue tumbled more than 22 percent from the same weekend last year, when Act of Valor opened to north of $24 million. – THR

    To its credit, Snitch is beating out Identity Theif in Rotten Tomato’s rating 55% to 24%. Unfortunately that’s all it’s ever going to be – a credit, and a useless one at that. Even so, earning $13 million on opening weekend – and on Oscar weekend no less – is not what I would call a failure. Disappointment? Yes. Failure? No. Johnson has three more releases coming out in the next three months: G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Fast and Furious 6, and Pain & Gain, a main feature presentation anywhere in the country. So it’s not like Snitch’s box office numbers are going to stay in the radar for long.

  • Lindsay Lohan to guest star on Charlie Sheen’s Anger Management: We’ve seen them in bed together. Now see Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan once more on Anger Management. Not real anger management. Anger Management. It’s a make-believe show on TV. This has nothing to do with Lohan suing Pitbull because he said mention her in a song. Not in a nice way either. Who said anything about that? This is about Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen together again, in all their barfy glory.

    Lindsay Lohan should start calling “Scary Movie 5” the role of her career, because it brought her face-to-face with Charlie Sheen. (Author’s note: Yeah, thanks Scary Movie 5.) Though she reportedly refused to kiss him for the flick, the two ended up becoming friends and he even gave her the money to pay off her 2009 tax bill.

    Now Sheen has come to Lohan’s aid yet again. It is being reported that Lohan will appear in an upcoming episode of FX’s “Anger Management” opposite Sheen. She will reportedly play herself, and will develop “a romantic relationship with Sheen’s character after becoming his therapy patient.” – Zap2It

    To think, this is only the second worst reunion on today’s agenda.

  • Michael Bay & Megan Fox kiss and make up to ruin Ninja Turtles: Remember when excellent Ferrari washer Megan Fox compared Michael Bay to Hitler when the two worked together on the set of Transformers and Steven Spielberg demanded she be fired for those comments? That was fun. Then Bay wrote Fox out of the third Transformers amidst heavy speculation and bah bah drama. Those were the days, eh?

    About that: Megan Fox has reunited with Michael Bay for the movie Ninja Turtles. Variety reports she will be playing April O’Neil.

    Via Website

    This is your fantasy now.

    Anyway, you must be wondering why an item that includes Megan Fox in a skimpy yellow jumpsuit is in the wrong section? Well she beat out Anna Kendrick for the role. Jane Levy and Elizabeth Olsen as well, but mainly Anna Kendrick. Made me have a sad face.

    Look for Michael Bay to hire Shia LaBeouf for the role of Shredder any minute now.

  • Hated Oscar host Seth MacFarlane wasn’t extremely terrible, just predictably terrible: I thought asking Seth MacFarlane to host the Oscar was a cool idea. Turns out I may be the problem. It may be that I still look at him not as a guy who thinks he’s edgy and offensive – he’s hit or miss really – not to mention a person who likes to smirk a lot. Look up the world almanac for smirks under singing celebrity douchers and OH LOOK THERE HE IS. No, I look at him as the guy who created Family Guy, American Dad, and Ted. Like I said before, the problem is mine and I have to be accountable for it.

    Many people are not down with the way MacFarlane hosted the Oscars. His awful jokes were awful, some were a bit forced, he is a lazy hack who went into the offensive humor bin one too many times, his stand-up about racism and domestic abuse and musical numbers about boobs (extremely relevant: Jennifer Lawrence loved the boob song because Jennifer Lawrence loves boobs) have no relevance in today’s cultivated modern society. No sir!

    This is just me talking (me, the one with the problem) but I thought he did a not-so terrible job, which is about one of the better things you can say to someone in the industry mostly involved in voice work and hokey dance numbers. He wasn’t good enough to escape 3R’s dreaded section yet not terrible enough to join James Franco and Anne Hathaway in the pantheon of worst award hosts. We’re going to look back to his hosting duties in five years and say, “Yeah that happened all right.” Basically he did the best he could with the material he was given (and he wasn’t given a lot). Basically he was Ricky Gervais with a grin syndrome. Basically he wasn’t the worst host ever. Offensively predictable, but not terrible. So there you go MacFarlane – a little positivity (along with a 20% increase among viewers under 35) coming your way.

  • The James Bond tribute kinda sucked: Even a drunk Sean Connery walking on stage and air punching invisible baddies wouldn’t have saved this tribute. Well, maybe.

    You want a proper tribute? Watch Skyfall 23 straight times. Alternative: play the Facility level on Goldeneye on 00 Agent and attain the Invincibility code.

  • Anna Hathaway’s haircut and I just don’t agree with each other: Anna Hathaway is a national treasure. Anna Hathway’s haircut is not. Perfect for your 12-year-old boy though.

    You want short hair done right, stare at Charlize Theron. I would Charlize her Theron stupid sex pun mode activated.

  • Wreck-It Ralph definitely got screwed over by a hero once again: I stole that line from Jeremy Thomas, and it is the second perfectest sentence to describe Brave winning Best Animated Feature over Wreck-It Ralph. This is just the worst.

    This is the first perfectest sentence: it only won because the Academy though they were voting for Lena Dunham.

  • Paperman producer got kicked out of the Oscars for imitating Paperman: In what was, at the time, one of the better moments since MacFarlane got Tommy Lee Jones to be amused, Paperman director John Kahrs gave audiences a teary-eyed speech – along with heartfelt thanks for his wife – after the Disney film won the Academy Award for Best Animated Short. Paperman producer Kristina Reed wanted to join in on the celebration of the crew’s Oscar win and did so in her own special spin – by throwing kiss-stamped paper airplanes inside the auditorium. Yup, just like in the film. This time, it was the Oscars who were not amused.

    After Disney’s Paperman won the Academy Award for best animated short Sunday, producer Kristina Reed began throwing paper airplanes, about three or four — with kisses on them, like the ones seen in the film — from her seat in the mezzanine.

    The paper planes were nowhere near the stage, instead shooting straight down from the balcony. It went largely unnoticed by the crowd, but security didn’t think the act was very sweet, kicking her out of the Dolby Theatre auditorium.

    It would turn out to be temporary. After a short protest, security brought her back to her seat about five to 10 minutes later. – THR

    If you haven’t seen the short (posted below), the film tells a story of paper airplanes coming to life so they could bring a hopeless office drone together with a nicely-dressed lady looking for a life outside of commuted trains travels. Then the airplanes died? So this was a nicely done stunt on Reed’s part. If it was done for publicity stunt purposes, hey it worked. You can’t ask for anything more than that.

    Now back to what’s really important – how the #*(@ did Wreck-It Ralph lose?

  • Kristen Chenowith should not be allowed to go outside of her home or be near people anymore: “Who are you most excited to see tonight” “Who are you wearing?” “Does my skin make me look like a leather purse from Brazil?” UGH. The pre-show was terrible. 99.9% of the reason was because of her.
  • The description for the Arrested Development bootleg DVD in Afghanistan is inaccurate, delightful: Arrested Development is really going to happen, unlike Justice League, which is going to keep breaking our hearts until the end of time. As for AD, we know it exists. We know because apparently Afghanistan has seen season four and wanted to write the summary in their own words.

    And well, read for yourself:

    Via Reddit

    You know what? Sounds about right. Fun contest: post your own bootleg description stories below!

  • Right about now, you’re probably saying, “Porfirio, I’ve seen every animal video you could possibly post. You can’t show me anything new.” Well, you got some attitude, Mister.

    Besides, you’re wrong! Here is a pig adorably rescuing a baby goat.

    Not to let the cat out of the bag, but the whole thing was staged for a new Comedy Central documentary-style series. I don’t care. Adorable contrived scene is still adorable.

    Last week: in what amounted to a second straight record breaking week in the vote tally, CM Punk decapitating Big Show’s giant head (56.08%) scores the victory over Macho Man’s first person perspective elbow drop (37.84%) and Austin Aries’ infinite mindscrew (6.08%). At least Punk was able to win something this week. *honk*

    This week: OSCAR GIF SPLOOSH.





    I admit the Oscar GIF output isn’t as strong as the ones during the Golden Globes. You still have a magnificent bounty to choose from. Don’t let the complete lack of Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs sway your pick either. She is a national treasure and must remain clothed at all times. I support in her quest to take over Hollywood without even a little tease peep. TREAT HER AS SHE WANTS TO BE TREATED.

    Tommy Lee’s smile makes me smile. The same applies to the Hushpuppy pose and Sandra Bullock fighting over an envelope as if it was Ronda Rousey. Still, there is just something about that MacFarlane-JGL-Radcliffe dance. So elegant. So hypnotic…

    Images via, via, and via.

    Last word: One last note about the Oscars: it did get one thing right: Tina and Amy for Oscar hosts 2014. Tina and Amy for everything.


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