Movies & TV / Columns

Movies/TV’s 3R’s 04.03.12: Anchorman 2, Hunger Games, Man of Steel, Ashton Kutcher, More

April 3, 2012 | Posted by Porfirio Diaz

Welcome to Week 144 of The 3 R’s for the Movie/TV world.

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Without any further ado, here is…

  • The Official “Anchorman 2 Is Really Happening” Blurb: How many years has the rumor been floating around? 2 years? 20 years? (Actually since 2004) After the fever of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (one of more quotable movies I can remember) died down, everyone was anticipating the follow-up that was obviously going to happen because duh. It didn’t happen. We were enticed to believe it was but it just didn’t happen. Not classy at all Paramount.

    Worry no more San Diego. Just when it seemed the sequel was (dead/buried/returned to the toilet store for store credit), Will Ferrell appeared on Conan O’Brien (renowned American conquistador) as Anchorman personality Ron Burgundy (complete with flute and, uh, his “turgid” flute) to mock Conan about his looks, as only he can, and to confirm that an Anchorman sequel is officially happening.

    The comedy Anchorman 2 will be produced under mogul Judd Apatow’s banner with Will Ferrell’s and Adam MKay’s Gary Sanchez Productions. McKay will direct as well as write the script with Will Ferrell who will star again as Ron Burgundy along with the 2004 original’s castmembers Steve Carell and Paul Rudd and David Koechner. – Deadline

  • No word if Christina Applegate or Vince Vaughn (minor yet legendary character Wes Mantooth) will return but the big three of Ferrell, Rudd, and Carell should be enough to produce a number of big laughs on their own. The question now is whether Anchorman 2 will fall into the same group as The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear, Wayne’s World 2, and Hot Shots! Park Deux as one of the greatest comedy sequels of all time (IMO!!!). But while you’re here, I might as well get these celebratory Anchorman GIFS out of my system. Because it’s never a bad day when Anchorman GIFs run rampant.

    GIFS via Funny or Die.

    More column filler: my Top 10 list of favorite Anchorman quotes.

    10. “I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.” – Ron Burgundy, philosopher
    9. “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.” – Still waiting state approval to change San Diego to Whale’s Vagina
    8. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.” – Only Burgundy can make attempted female abuse funny.
    7. They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time. – “Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.”
    6. “Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you’re doing and listen. Cannonball!” – Sadly there was no follow-up story.
    5. “I’m in a glass case of emotion.” – Works much better in GIF form
    4. “Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?” – No explanation needed.
    3. “You stay classy, San Diego. I’m Ron Burgundy?” – An already classic quote with an added twist?
    2. “Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!” – Even more hilarious on the merit of the prior sentence, “I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.”
    1. “I don’t know how to put this but I’m kind of a big deal.” – So fantastic that I have a shirt with the quote on it. Automatically makes me the coolest person in the room. It does.

    This post concluded on Friday March 30th, 2:01pm. Afterwards I watched Anchorman on HD DVD, fantasized what I would do if I won the Million Mega Jackpot (hire Batman to fix the clog in my skin, buy two pairs of rocket boots (everyone loves rocket boots), and pay Kate Upton for a night of Carl’s Jr. followed by a lingerie dance session – need to do something to burn off all that fast food because lingerie Kate Upton!), rode an elephant on the highway, and celebrated National Cleavage Day with definitely non-arrestable offences. This all started because I talked about Anchorman. Coincidence? Overall it was a good day.

  • Avengers has a TV spot; LEGO poster: Marvel released a new Avengers TV spot last week. Besides the confrontation in which Stark triumphs Loki in classic comebacks and ends with an epic grin that says “y0u b33n Ir0n pwnzed,” it also shows us new footage of the Hulk and a first look at Loki’s army.

    Still awesome? Still awesome.

    And now, Avengers LEGO poster! Now this is what I call “Avengers… assemble!”

    Punishment will strike for those who unknowingly step on them; image via MTV

  • One more related note: The Avengers will close the 11th annual Tribeca Film Festival on Saturday, April 28. According to the press release, the festival “will allow the opportunity for Marvel’s The Avengers to celebrate everyday heroes from police agencies, fire departments, first responders, and various branches of the U.S. military. These local heroes will have an opportunity to attend the screening and meet the cast.” Tribeca is known for reaching out to the community and what better way to give back to everyday heroes than with getting the first look at one of the more anticipated films featuring fictional heroes. Jealous? Indeed, but the honor for these local heroes is well-deserved.

  • Fox 25th Anniversary Special to celebrate famous television shows that the network inexplicably cancelled: April 5, 1987. FOX Day. You know about the little network that could? It was born on that day. And they’re bringing everyone back for their 25th birthday spectacular… on April 22. But who cares about the date. Look who they have slated to appear:

    Fox’s first signal transmission took place on April 5, 1987. To celebrate the anniversary, the network is airing Fox’s 25th Anniversary Special, which is actually set for Sunday, April 22 at 8:00 p.m., taking over the Animation Domination time-slot for a night. In addition to bringing Married with Children’s Ed O’Neill, Christina Applegate, Katey Sagal, and David Faustino back together to salute the comedy series, other former Fox stars, including X-Files’ David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson & Chris Carter, Beverly Hills, 90210’s Shannen Doherty, Jason Priestly, Gabrielle Carteris & Ian Ziering, Ally McBeal’s Calista Flockhart, and The Tick’s Patrick Warburton (!!!) are also set to appear on the special. – Cinema Blend

    They sold me at Married with Children cast reunion – What? No Marcy or Jefferson? What kind of inhumane monster would leave them out from the show’s storied history? (On the plus side, two years later and I finally got that Twitter page. Did you see?!) – but holy cow David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Calista Flockhart AND The Tick’s Patrick Warburton? Awesome sauce. The reunion will take a look back at these shows, as well as look back on the network internships of Johnny Depp (21 Jump Street), Jennifer Lopez (Living Color), Jim Carrey (Living Color), and Jennifer Aniston (Molloy).

    Who else will join the reunion? What other shows will be celebrated? I don’t think Martin Lawrence is doing anything right now. Oh, and the cast from Titus and the show Titus. Seriously, Titus or I’ll troll on your message boards Fox.

  • Superman logo given DARK and GRITTY treatment: With all the news about Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, and the same two aforementioned flicks but LEGO-ized, we nearly forgotten about the Superman and his 2013 summer blockbuster. Last week Warner Bros released the official logo for the upcoming reboot starring Henry Cavill, Michael Shannon, Antje Traue, Amy Adams, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne, Diane Lane, and Russell Crowe.

    A much darker and grittier insignia than what we’re normally used to. Gone are the blight red, blue, and yellow in favor of what looks like a frozen coke tie-in poster. Freeze your Cola-Cola into the mold of an S-emblem and win points towards free stuff! The only way it could have been more awesome is if they had done it with the old school “S” – straight line style. You oldies know what I’m talking about.

  • Total Recall trailer is total fantastic: This was my immediate reaction upon watching the trailer for the first time:


    Yeah. Kind of like that.

    I take back everything bad I said about this Total Recall remake (I can’t remember if I did speak ill of it but for the sake of the last sentence, it sounded like a terrible idea) although I found the lack of three-breasted hookers to be somewhat disappointing. With all the action, special effects, hover cars, and Liam Neeson-esque fight sequences, maybe we can look past the fun bags for once and appreciate what we have now: a real life modern Mass Effect minus the disappointment of it being Mass Effect.

    Total Recall stars Colin Farrell, Bryan Cranston, Kate Beckinsale, and Jessical Biel, and directed by Len Wiseman.

  • Ted is what would happen when you combine Family Guy and BAWSTON ACCENTS : This is the official red band trailer for Ted, starring Mark Wahhhhhlburg and the adorable Mila Kunis. It should able be noted that this is Seth MacFarlane’s directorial debut. The same guy who brought you Family Guy brings you a simple story about a man and his bear – his alcoholic, crude, foul-mouthed talking bear.

    This is what Family Guy would be if Family Guy became a live action movie, which is scary enough as it is, except now we have the voice of Brian Griffin as Marky Mark’s teddy bear. No matter what MacFarlane does, I’m always going to hear the Brian in his voice. Parts of the trailer follow the Family Guy blueprint – an exaggerated premise (teddy bear accepted within normal society when teddy shouldn’t be) diced into equal parts laughter and recoil. Plus, skank jokes.


  • Leprechaun reboot? With Hornwoggle?! Sure!: I have seen the first four Leprechaun movies. Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997) wins the title for Best Unintentional Comedy out of the four. The recent announcement of a Leprechaun reboot, with WWE wrestler Hornswoggle as the lead, bought back fond memories of some of the cheesiest films this side of cheese town. I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it.

    I’m really the only one excited about this, am I?

  • For whatever reason, Ashton Kutcher will portray Steve Jobs in upcoming biopic: Let me set the stage: it’s Sunday April the 1st, the glorious day when people lie to your face and then tell you that they lied to your face. So when I read that Ashton Kutcher was set to play Apple founder Steve Jobs in an upcoming biopic, I assumed it was another one of the many April Fool’s jokes floating around. You would have thought so too when the variation of words “Ashton Kutcher,” “Steve Jobs,” and “Biopic” appeared on 411’s news section. The idea of using the same guy from Dude Where’s My Car? and 74 subpar romantic comedies to portray Steve Jobs about this life? Harf harf! Nice April Fool’s gag. I also loved the stuff Google Maps (in 8-bit adventure form), Warby Parker (eyeglass-wearing dogs wins best everything ever), and a host of others made. You were on fire that day, Internet.

    So of course it turns out to be real.

    The King of Twitter is now the King of Apple, as “Two and a Half Men” star Ashton Kutcher is attached to play Steve Jobs in the indie pic “Jobs,” which Joshua Michael Stern (“Swing Vote”) will direct from a script by Matt Whiteley.

    The film will chronicle Steve Jobs from wayward hippie to co-founder of Apple, where he became one of the most revered creative entrepreneurs of our time.
    Five Star Institute’s Mark Hulme (???) is financing and will produce the pic, which is skedded to start production in May while Kutcher is on hiatus from his hit CBS series. – Vareity

    Image via Hollywood Reporter

    That sound you heard was Steve Jobs, doing the Grave Roll Mash.

  • Team Chase vs. Team Harmon – which side are you on?: Folks, there’s a battle brewing behind the scenes of Community the likes which few have ever seen. Chevy Chase, however, has seen 87 of them, because he was directly involved in all of them. This time, it was with Community showrunner Dan Harmon and it escalated into a war of foul language.

    Chase vs. Harmon – told in scenes of three (source via Deadline):

    Scene 1: Final day of shooting for season three
    – Chase stormed off the set before filming was completed

    Scene 2: The Wrap Party
    – Harmon “got up and gave a ‘F*ck you, Chevy’ speech in front of Chase and his wife and daughter, and encouraged the crew to join him in saying ‘f*ck you’ to the actor.

    Scene 3: The Audio Tape
    – Chase later called Harmon and left him a voicemail of profane proportions. Very NSFW!

    People have this image of Chase as a notorious doucheturd who is very difficult to work with. Their notions are correct because he is. Oh man, is he ever. But Harmon’s actions were entirely inappropriate. No matter how dickish Chase acted, for Harmon to make that speech in front of his family AND persuade the rest to follow along is beyond dickish and highly unprofessional. Harmon knew what he had in his hands with Chase and his reputation but that was nawt the way to go.

    Chevy shouldn’t be foreseen with a halo on his head either. Both of them were awful. I just hope their childish antics don’t rub off on the cast and the show. Have the two hotheads battle each other through means of extreme paintball or a blindfold glow stick death duel. Whatever idea that can be used as inspiration for the next season.

  • Carson Daly tells homophonic joke; is massive tool (even before this incident): Did you know Carson Daly is the host of The Voice? OK, so that one is public knowledge. But did you know his late-night show Last Call with Carson Daly is still on the air? This is something I learned upon research for when he made homophobic comments last week on his L.A. radio show. I know! He has a radio show too! To think I now have all this useless information about Carson Daly. I blame him for it. If he had never said anything, then I would still be living a blissful life where I didn’t have to think about Carson Daly at this very moment.

    Daly sounded off on the JetBlue Airways pilot who was wrestled to the ground after having a meltdown on a flight on its way to Las Vegas.

    “On this particular flight, most of the people were on their way to some sort of security conference in Las Vegas…so it was a bunch of dudes, and well-trained dudes.”

    According to TMZ, Daly continued suggesting that gays would not be brave enough to handle the situation.

    “If that were me…with my luck, it would be like, ‘This is the flight going to the [gay] pride parade in San Francisco…I mean, that would be my colleagues.” – CBS News

    As the most famous soulless representative of any major company, Carson should just continue to do what he does best: read cue cards, fill in some down time, and smile.

  • Eddie Murphy in Twins sequel because that’s what we’ve been waiting for: Short debate: “Is the world ready for a sequel to Twins?”

    Universal and Montecito Picture Co. are hoping to develop a doozy of a follow-up to the 1988 hit comedy that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito that would reunite the two stars.

    But wait, there’s a twist: In the new scenario, Eddie Murphy would act as a third brother.

    Titled Triplets, the story would see Schwarzenegger and DeVito as brothers Julius and Vincent, conceived experimentally, who discover they have third sibling. – Hollywood Reporter

    Answer: no.

    Eddie Murphy is trolling us. That has to be the reason why he’s doing this, right? The reason why he would say YES to a Twins sequel but NO to a Beverly Hills Cop 4, right?

    *sigh* This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • Hunger Games was hungry for racist tweets, obviously: What is considered a surprise by no one, Hunger Games led the weekend with another box office victory – $61.1 million compared to 34.2 million made by second place winner Wrath of the Titans.

    That’s good.

    Previously fans of Hunger Games lamented the fact that two of the characters – Katniss battle partners Rue and Thresh – were portrayed by black actors, which resulted in a viral racist tweet warfare.

    That’s bad.

    Now as you may know, Katniss, the main character in the book and film, was described as having “straight black hair” and “olive skin.” It’s a post-apocalyptic world, so she could be a mix of things, but some pictured a Native American. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed Jennifer Lawrence won the part and dyed her hair dark.

    But when it came to the casting of Rue, Thresh, and Cinna, many audience members did not understand why there were black actors playing those parts. Cinna’s skin is not discussed in the book, so truthfully, though Lenny Kravitz was cast, a white, Asian or Latino actor could have played the part.

    The tumblr Hunger Games Tweets has collected a smattering of Twitter postings, with the goal of exposing “Hunger Games fans on Twitter who dare to call themselves fans yet don’t know a damn thing about the books.” What people are saying is disappointing, sad, stomach-churning, and just plain racist.- Jezebel

    Jezebel has some of those Tweets posted for your viewing pleasure. I’ve read them, along with a host of other ill-gotten Twitter postings on Hunger Games Tweets. First thought that came to mind: that’s raycess. Afterwards, I went into facepalm mode at the sight of society’s ill-advised passion.

    “Teens are killing each other in futuristic arenas, and they care about what color?” Spot on, George Takei. Spot on.

  • $50,000 to be on a reality show about yachting? How can you lose?!: Frequent 3R visitors know that I have a thing for reality shows, as this a “Boy I don’t think I can take much more than this” thing or a “There is no law that prohibits the producers and cast to be hunted on a secluded island, right?” thing. That’s not to say I hate all reality programming – I thoroughly enjoyed the early work of Real World/Road Rules Challenge and the first rich season of The Joe Schmo Show (a hidden gem of a program if there ever was one. I suggest you give this one a shot). As for the modern goods, The Amazing Race and Hell’s Kitchen fill my appetite aplenty.

    So no, I don’t necessarily hate reality shows. I hate reality shows that introduce us to the shallowest and fame whoreist people on Earth. Jersey Shore Season 1 is the exception, which I reviewed and savored. I don’t know why. I just did. Hey, we all have our secret shames.

    But this one adds a twist in comparison to the other generic reality clones on TV: a yacht party! Do you have “attend yacht party” and “be on reality show” on your bucket list? Now you can kill two birds with one stone and sign up for this new reality show about yachting. OK, that’s not really the twist. Paying $50K upfront to charter the boat sure is.

    Once in a lifetime casting opportunity for an upscale (about to film) docu-series for major cable network about “yachties”—the young, fun, hot crew that live and work aboard this 163′ superyacht (flyer attached). The boat is in St. Martin, and each episode will feature a different group of charter guests getting on the yacht and enjoying the ultimate vacation—it’s all 5-star service and private dinners on beaches that can be accessed only by private yacht and sunbathing on deserted beaches and shopping.

    Production company needs a few groups of awesome charter guests – fun people *who will actually pay $50K to go on this yacht for 3 days and be filmed* – they can bring up to 5 or 6 friends — $50K flat — the yacht normally charters for $200,000/week. Group will be flown down to St. Martin, put up for two days, then brought to yacht for a 3-day charter. – Gawker

    One look at the show’s casting website suggests the people who apply be fun-loving millionaires looking for a baller vacation. While I do enjoy the occasional balling, I’m afraid I don’t reach the qualifications of being a millionaire, much less a fun-loving one. But if you do have $50,000 in the bank and a desire to ball on reality TV, then go for it brah. Just be prepared to have your entire 15 minutes be nothing but jeers and sneers from us dry landers.

  • Alicia Silverstone feeds her baby the same way birds do: It’s been 17 years since Clueless, 15 years since Batman & Robin, and 10 years since the name Alicia Silverstone no longer carried movie cred. None of that stuff matters now since – as her lifestyle blog The Kind Life puts it – she spends most of her carefree days enjoying a healthy life and spreading the green word to as many people as possible. Nothing ridiculous there. Good for you, Alicia Silverstone. I’m glad you found a passion and are happier for it. Maybe I should also look into becoming a better me. And did I mention you’re a total babe?

    Then she posted the following video. I recommend you put down your vegetarian favored steak-umms or whatever it is you eat at 8:30pm before pressing play.

    I don’t agree with whoever YouTube carnivore Karkenou is when he/she said “Child molestation! Get that kid with another family immediately.” But I agree she should stop. Like right now. That’s just not me talking. The 1,625 dislikes agree with me too. The comments on Silverstone’s blog vastly support her actions, while the Huffington Post remains neutral: the health benefits exist just as much as the health risks.

    My opinion may be skewed since I have no child to spit food into but either way, this… this is not natural. Ugh, stomach… turning… queasy… must… type… like… this…

  • The ridiculousness that is Star Wars Kinect: This isn’t your usual “Movie/TV” entry since I’m obviously talking about a video game. But it uses actual elements and storylines from the Star Wars universe with such incredible accuracy, like the time Han Solo and Lando butted heads and competed in a cheesy dance-a-thon.

    Wait, what?

    Can’t tell if most epic Star Wars trolling ever or most bizarre scene in history. Star Wars nation is probably weeping and burning a George Lucas effigy made out of copies of this game right now.

    At the risk of betraying a large portion of my target audience, I found the song catchy. There, I said it. I heard it 6 10 14 times and I found it extremely catchy. *ducks tomatoes* I’m weak! I CAN’T HELP THAT I LIKE THIS ATROCIOUS THING!

  • Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week

    I don’t want to pronounce that this sea otter is achieving the American Dream – lazily eating food while floating and rolling over in water with minimum effort – but this sea otter is achieving the American Dream. All he needs is home ownership and a Twitter account, and he’s all set.

    Meh, I’ll still take my sons to see the new Turtles flick. I may die a little inside, but they will love it. – Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)

    Like I said last week, love for your kids > MICHAEL BAY ANGST!

    To be honest, “teenage” and “mutant” were always the least interesting words in the TMNT title. Whenever I mentioned them to somebody else, I would call them “ninja turtles”. “Did you go see Ninja Turtles?” “Who’s your favorite Ninja Turtle?” “My friends used to blow up old Ninja Turtles with fireworks.” I do think the whole title does sound better as a movie title, though. As long as Leo is the serious badass leader, Don is the inventive brain, Ralph has the attitude, and Mike is fun-loving, that should be the most important thing. Oh, and there must be pizza. – Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)

    I like the rationality you present. The Yang to my Yin.

    On the other hand:

    I couldn’t help it. I can’t contain my Yin very well. (Phrasing)

    Last word: Dear Kentucky: please don’t spread your awful riot fingers on the rest of us. Sincerely yours, the rest of America.


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    Porfirio Diaz