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The 411 2018 Douchebag of the Year: Donald Trump

January 7, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
TrumpMania Donald Trump President Trump

The 411mania Douchebag of the Year for 2018

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The 411 Douchebag of the Year for 2018. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

Well, here it is, Douchebag of the Year for 2018. Once again, it was a wild year of douchebaggery with plenty of people from all walks of life doing and saying incredibly stupid, terrible, and awful things, but, much like 2017, there was really only one choice for the ultimate douchebag of 2018. Just about everyone else came in, at best, a close second, although, truthfully, the last few weeks of the year it looked like, maybe, someone else would supplant the eventual winner. But then the winner showed why he’s the winner, two years in a row.

And so, without any further what have you, here is the 411mania Douchebag of the Year for 2018.

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The 411mania Douchebag of the Year for 2018 goes to Douchebag Hall of Famer, 2017 Douchebag of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United StatesDonald Trump, for pretty much everything he did or said in 2018.

Yes. Everything.

There was the whole “shithole countries” thing, which he denied but was confirmed by multiple people. There was the disastrous meeting with G-7 world leaders that gave the world that sad picture of then-German Chancellor Angela Merkel trying to explain something to him while Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe stood off to the side pissed off. There was his total inability to actually condemn the right-wing madman that sent pipe bombs to the “President’s enemies” (condemning that guy would have been incredibly easy, but then the President couldn’t condemn neo-Nazis so I guess that shouldn’t be that surprising). There was his disastrous immigration policy where families are broken up and children are placed in cages. The President also refused to completely condemn the grotesque murder of a Washington Post writer by the government of Saudi Arabia (or come up with a good enough reason not to condemn it). There was his poorly handled firing of various cabinet members, people he originally vouched for but then said they were terrible. His Brett Kavanaugh defense was also incredibly terrible.

And then there’s the “partial government shutdown,” which we are going through right now as I write this. The President couldn’t get funding for his southern border wall when the Republicans had control of both houses of Congress, so he shut it down in an attempt to blame the Democrats, even though the President said that the shutdown was his, he owned it, etc.

And then there’s everything he said on Twitter. Just go find his Twitter feed and check it out. It’s just endlessly appalling. From his outright lies to what he’s actually doing, what his government is doing, what’s happening in the world, it’s all so overwhelming.

And then there’s his lies about Stormy Daniels, his former lawyer and “fixer” Michael Cohen, and what the fuck was going on with potential Russian business dealings during the 2016 campaign and afterwards. Pretty much everything the President originally said about all of those things turned out to be total bullshit.

So what should we expect to see in 2019? More of the same, perhaps amplified by the potential end of the Mueller probe and whatever the congressional Democratic majority decides to look into and investigate. The President and his allies/followers/acolytes/whatever you want to call them will continue to lie their asses off and cover for him. And it will all be okay because he’s “making America great again.”

Jesus Christ.

Of course, the President might figure out in 2019 that actual message discipline is a good idea (don’t say anything off the cuff, let the communications staff figure out how to sell whatever it is, and stay the fuck away from Twitter) and then the world at large will suddenly seem like a less volatile place. That won’t happen, though. Why would it?

The disaster will continue. He will continue to learn nothing. And America will, ultimately, love it. I have no doubt that, even after everything, he will be re-elected by an even larger Electoral College margin. He won’t resign. He won’t be impeached. He won’t be removed from office.

The world is fucked.

**

And now for 2018’s honorable mentions…

-Actor and comedy legend Roseanne Barr, for losing her rebooted ABC show after making racially insensitive remarks and then flailing about trying to explain them away. Roseanne came up with lame excuse after lame excuse, none of them remotely sounding plausible, and she then had what amounts to a public meltdown over them. Had she simply apologized for what she said, took responsibility for it, and then disappeared for a little while, she might have been able to make a comeback at some point. Maybe. Instead, Roseanne thought it was best to keep talking, which is never the right way to handle these situations.

-Actor, writer, director, and comedian Louis C.K., for attempting a “comeback.” C.K. has been showing up at various comedy clubs in and around New York City the last few months, “working out new material” while continuing not to apologize in any meaningful way to the women he destroyed by masturbating in front of them. His “return” has sparked all sorts of pop culture discussion where some of his fellow comedians attempt to defend him and “his right to earn a living” and “say whatever he wants because it’s comedy” while others continue to condemn him and wonder why more people aren’t condemning him. Because, really, why aren’t more people condemning him? And why hasn’t C.K. shown to the world that he’s learned something and that he’s apologized, really, actually apologized, for what he admitted to doing? Because he’s a douchebag piece of shit? Yeah, that sounds about right.

-YouTube personality Logan Paul, for his suicide victim video and the ensuing aftermath. You can go ahead and read/re-read the Douchebag of the Week article at the link for all of the details. Everything I said then still stands. It’s also pretty goddamn galling that Paul is still a pop culture personality of some sort. Why is he still around after what he did?

-Douchebag Hall of Famer and professional conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, for continuing to peddle utter nonsense. You’d think that Jones would have disappeared after YouTube, Apple, and Facebook took his pages and content down, but Jones pushed on anyway and he’s still out there. It’s ridiculous.

**

And now the extra special honorable mentions…

Kanye West, for his ongoing public meltdown or whatever the hell it is. The man needs help. Serious goddamn help.

Kevin Spacey, for whatever the hell that YouTube video was.

Lena Dunham, for her “apology” regarding sexual assault victim Aurora Perrineau.

”The Left,”, for continuing not to get it. And with the recent “motherfucker” controversy, it looks like they will continue not to get it in 2019. Big fucking surprise there.

**

Thanks for reading. What a year. Agree? Disagree? Sign up with disqus and comment. You know you want to, so just go do it.

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