Movies & TV / Columns

The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Barbra Streisand

March 27, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Barbra Streisand

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

Okay, so does anyone understand what the hell is going on in this Lincoln car commercial with Mathew McConaughey?

If you’ve watched any commercial television for the last several months you’ve no doubt seen the commercial where McConaughey, apparently after having a dinner party with friends and whatnot, just as his guests are leaving, decides to perform a trick pool shot and then goes for a drive while his wife says “I’ve never seen that before” and then McConaughey says “I have.” I get the whole “the car is doing the same thing as the cue ball on the pool table” part of the commercial, but why did McConaughey break away from his wife and guests and not say goodbye? Why did he feel the need to do the trick shot? And then why does he go for a drive, alone, at night?

And is McConaughey playing himself in the commercial or is he playing a cool rich guy that likes to drive Lincoln SUV’s at night? That isn’t his real life wife in the commercial is it?

Jesus Christ, there’s way too much going on in this commercial. At the same time, it doesn’t make me want to go out and buy a Lincoln Nautilus. I just want the people at Lincoln to explain to me what the hell is going on and why does it seem like they’re openly funding Mathew McConaughey’s anti-social behavior for all the world to see.

I really have to stop trying to analyze these commercials. I should also make an effort to stop watching them.

And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.



This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to singer, writer, actor, director, and pop culture icon Barbra Streisand, for her recent comments regarding Michael Jackson’s victims. Streisand, in an interview with The Times of London, said that while she believed Jackson’s victims, she also said that they were “thrilled to be there” around Jackson and that, because his victims grew up to have families of their own, they couldn’t have been too traumatized (“it didn’t kill him” is what she apparently said). Streisand also said that, when it came to Jackson’s “sexual needs,” “they were his sexual needs.”

Yeah, molesting those children, and potentially others, was just an example of Jackson’s “sexual needs.” In the big scheme of things, it must not have been that big of a deal. Jesus Christ. Streisand apparently also implied that you can’t really call what likely happened “molested” because, again, those kids wanted to be there.

Again, Jesus Christ. And what the fuck?

I mean, sure, the kids probably wanted to be there because Michael Jackson was a big time, wealthy, international celebrity who, before he molested them, showed interest in them and their families and gave them money and whatnot. But then he molested them. Repeatedly. Those kids became his victims. And, for the love of Christ, let’s not forget that they were fucking kids at the time, people who are unable to consent to any sort of physical/sexual contact. They were traumatized by what happened to them. They are not at fault for anything. So why blame them?

As you would expect, once people around the world read and or heard of the interview, the condemnation was swift and relentless Streisand did eventually apologize and attempt to clarify what she said, but the damage had already been done. Even if she didn’t mean to, she ended up condoning child molestation, and that’s not cool at all. Ever.

Now, Streisand did bring up an important part of the story, mainly that the parents of Jackson’s victims either didn’t pick up on what was happening to their children or made themselves ignorant to what was happening, but that point, for her, was too little too late. She condoned child molestation, and that’s despicable.

Can she come back from this? Yeah, probably. She may have to “go away” for a little while, but I doubt this incident will haunt her and her career for very long. I mean, look at Michael Jackson. The allegations against him haven’t stopped people from buying his music or listening to it. Yes, some radio stations around the world have removed his songs from their rotations, but how long is that really going to last? A few months at most?

And, sure, it’s possible that Streisand was misquoted or her comments were taken out of context, but then has anyone from her side of the story come out and said anything like that? Not that I’ve found. It sure as heck looks like that she said what she said. And, again, that’s disgraceful.

When will people stop blaming the victims of sexual assault and molestation for the crimes committed against them? When?


And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Former UFC fighter Frank Shamrock, for allegedly leaving a dog tied to a truck at a Texas airport for five days. Shamrock, apparently in Texas to care for his sick mother, claims that he tried to find someone to take the dog since his mother can no longer care for the animal. Unable to find anyone willing to take the dog and having to, I guess, leave the state, Shamrock left the dog in the back of a truck (with food and water) and called security to come get it. Security never found the dog, and the dog had to stay in the back of the truck for five days. While I believe that Shamrock was distressed about not being able to find someone to take the dog (why didn’t he contact the Texas SPCA, who did take the dog after the incident), how did he not know that leaving the dog in the back of a truck was an all-around bad idea? I don’t get this at all.

-Actor, comedian, and Douchebag Hall of Famer Roseanne Barr, for now blaming Sara Gilbert for the cancellation of the Roseanne reboot. I’ve lost track now of how many entities were responsible for ABC firing Roseanne and cancelling her show, but then it is a new week so it was time for a new enemy (she blamed Michelle Obama a few weeks ago for cancelling the show). When will this bullshit end for her and for the world? And when will she finally accept the full blame for what happened to her and her show (because she is the one responsible and no one else?)?

-Douchebag Hall of Famer, 2018 Douchebag of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United StatesDonald Trump, for once again attacking the late Senator John McCain. I wish I understood why he feels the need to do this shit over and over again. It gets him nowhere and only leads to negative news coverage, yet he does it again and again. It’s only going to get worse, isn’t it?

-Douchebag Hall of Famer and professional ultra-right wing Christian psychopath Pat Robertson, for his recent commentary regarding the number of gay people in the world. Just go ahead and read the story at the link and wonder, like I did, how this guy still has an audience. People still give this guy and his minions money and continue to watch his TV shows. Why? It’s insane, depressing, and sad as fuck.


Thanks for reading. Agree? Disagree? Sign up with disqus and comment. You know you want to, so just go do it.

Please “like” The Gratuitous B-Movie Column on Facebook!

Oh, and B-movies rule. Always remember that.