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The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Bill Cosby

February 19, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Bill Cosby

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.


Before I get into the main part of this week’s edition, I just want you all to know that, yes, I am paying attention to the unfolding Jussie Smollett “he staged the attack against him” story, but I want to wait until we get official word from the Chicago authorities that he the actor did, in fact, stage the alleged hate crime against himself. As of Saturday night, when I’m writing this (I usually write this column on Sunday but, due to other commitments, I had to write it earlier than usual and if the story blew up on Sunday, that’s why it isn’t the main topic of this week’s column), there were rumors that because the two men arrested as potential perpetrators were set free and that the investigation “changed course,” likely meaning that the initial story of the attack wasn’t holding up to scrutiny. The police, however, haven’t said, officially, that that’s what happened. The police, as I understand it, are still investigating the case. So, until the world gets some sort of official, on the record “this is what we think happened” from the Chicago authorities, the Jussie Smollett story is a story that’s in progress. It doesn’t look good for the actor, but, at the same time, we don’t know what’s “really” going on. Yet. When we do, though, well, I’ll comment on it further.
I just wanted you all to know that, just in case you were wondering.

And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.



This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to Douchebag Hall of Famer, comedy legend, and convicted rapist Bill Cosby, for his recent claim that he’s a “political prisoner” like Martin Luther King, Jr. Well, Cosby’s spokesperson Andrew Wyatt told Philadelphia TV station NBC 10 that Cosby told him he think he’s a political prisoner, so there’s a slight chance that there’s some miscommunication here from prisoner to spokesperson, but, really, what are the odds of that? Wyatt’s remarks sound like something Cosby would say since it was revealed that the once beloved stand-up comedian and TV star was a sexual predator. Cosby and his followers/believers still want you to believe that there’s a conspiracy against him. It’s just bullshit. And Cosby did release a statement through Wyatt, so there’s that, too.

A conspiracy? Who is conspiring against him? And why? What entity or “power structure” wanted him imprisoned? Cosby seems to think that the district attorney that prosecuted the case and the judge were corrupt and “needed” him to go to jail, but that makes no sense. Did the district attorney and the judge pay off the women that accused Cosby of sexual assault before the trial? Did the district attorney and or the judge pay off Andrea Constand, the woman Cosby drugged and raped? And how far back does this conspiracy go? Did it start before Bill Cosby became mega famous the world over?

Jesus Christ. Who the hell believes this shit?

And what sort of political stand did Cosby take over the years that made him a target of the conspiracy machine? Did Cosby really “try to humanize all races, genders, and religions?” And even if he did, why would that make him a target of this conspiracy?

Again, this is all just nonsense. Who the fuck believes any of it?

Cosby is likely going to have to serve out his entire ten year sentence, as he apparently refuses to participate in court mandated therapy sessions for sexual predators. “It’s entrapment!” and Cosby is innocent because he did nothing wrong. Will he even survive those ten years? Wouldn’t it make more sense for Cosby to just accept his fate, admit to what he did (and I don’t see how anyone can say he didn’t do what he was convicted of. It’s just ludicrous), do his time and do his therapy and get out after three years? Does Cosby actually think that he can come out of this with some semblance of his old reputation?

It isn’t going to happen, Mr. Cosby. Your life is over. Your reputation is never coming back. You’re a convicted sexual predator. You’re a political prisoner only in your own mind. Be honest with the world and yourself.

That isn’t going to happen, though, is it? Bill Cosby is going to keep claiming that he did nothing wrong.

What a fucking disgrace.


And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

– Douchebag Hall of Famer, 2018 Douchebag of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United StatesDonald Trump, for for declaring a national emergency and then saying, in the press conference announcing the national emergency, that there really isn’t a national emergency. What kind of fucking bullshit is that? If there is no national emergency, why go through any of this shit beyond “fulfilling a major campaign promise?” And why aren’t more people outraged by this? This is fucking insane.

-WWE Superstar Jimmy Uso, for his recent DWI arrest. It’s bad enough that Uso was with this wife, fellow WWE Superstar and mega hot babe Naomi, both apparently drunk off their ass (Naomi was the driver and the police claim that she was driving the wrong way down a one-way street), but after the cops pulled them over and asked Naomi to get out of the car, Uso got out, too, took his shirt off, and then acted like he wanted to fight the cops. Even if you’re apparently drunker than shit, on what planet is any of that ever a good idea?

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the Oscars, for its recent Oscar show plans. When the Oscars announced that it planned to cut four categories from this year’s live broadcast and have those cut categories announced during the commercial breaks, people from inside and outside of “the industry” freaked out. After several days and weeks of complaints and whatnot, the Oscars eventually agreed to just announce everything live like usual. Perhaps this wouldn’t have been such a huge deal if the Academy had explained, in detail, what it wanted to do and why it wanted to do it, but the Academy didn’t really do that. What it planned to do just sort of “got out there” and the controversy ensued. You’d think, after the Kevin Hart controversy, the Academy would have done more to minimize any more potential damage to its reputation.

MTV, for for –doing that Lindsay Lohan beach show. I managed to get through about five minutes of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club before shutting it off and deleting it. For the love of God who the fuck at MTV thought this thing needed to be an ongoing show? Or a show at all? Are there really that many people out there wondering what Lohan is doing right now with her life?


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