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The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Corey Lewandowski

June 25, 2018 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Corey Lewandowski

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.


Can someone please explain to me what Mike Huckabee’s appeal is supposed to be? The former Arkansas governor, political commentator, radio show host, and current TV show host on the Trinity Broadcasting Network has been in the news the last few days defending his daughter Sarah Huckabee Sanders and saying offensive things on Twitter, and I don’t get it. How is Huckabee still a known commodity on TV or, really, in anything?

He isn’t funny. He doesn’t project a sparkling personality on television (he’s still pretty awkward on camera, even when he’s just doing a commentary spot). He doesn’t have a unique perspective on anything that I’m aware of. His old show on Fox was an excruciating bore (how did that fucking thing last for seven years? Seven years!). So what’s going on here? How is this guy still a thing on TV and in the media in general?


I’d also like to know what Jason Bateman’s appeal is, too. He keeps getting acting jobs in both movies and TV and yet he’s terrible at both. He isn’t funny and he isn’t much of a dramatic actor, either, so how is he still employable? Does he have blackmail material on all of the important and powerful people in Hollywood? I don’t get it.

So, please, people, if you have any insight on either one of these guys, tell me what I’m missing. I really want to know.

And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.



This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to political commentator, lobbyist, and former campaign manager for Donald Trump, Corey Lewandowski, for his “womp womp” incident during an appearance on Fox News. While appearing on the Fox News show The Show with Martha MacCallum with Democratic adviser Zac Pentkanas and discussing the ongoing controversy regarding family separation of migrant children from their parents at the southern U.S. border, Lewandowski attempted to belittle Pentkanas and his story of a 10 year old girl with Down syndrome being separated from her family by saying “Womp womp,” as in cry me a river, it’s no big deal, just another lie. Widespread public condemnation of Lewandowski quickly ensued.

Now, am I surprised that Lewandowski, or really anyone affiliated with the Trump administration, would go on TV and mock any story about children being removed from their parents’ custody at the southern border? Not really, no. Mocking people and their contrary positions is what the Trump machine does, sometimes brilliantly (politically speaking. The “Trump base” clearly loves that kind of thing and is one of the reasons the Trump base hasn’t abandoned him). The President has been doing it since he announced he was running for President and has continued to do so since winning the 2016 election. But the lack of shock in this case doesn’t make what Lewandowski said, and the total non-apology tour that came out of the incident, any less awful and appalling. Because that’s what it is, awful and appalling.

Did Lewandowski have to do the whole “womp womp” thing to make his point? No. He could have said something like “No, Zac, that isn’t true, that isn’t what the administration is doing” and let the conversation continue. Had he said something like that, something that a fair person could call a reasonable defense of the administration’s position and policy, Lewandowski wouldn’t have become a conversation point in all of this, and he wouldn’t have become yet another example of the administration’s seemingly callous attitude towards migrant families. But then the Trump machine can’t stop doing this kind of shit.

As a result of this incident and the subsequent public condemnation, Lewandowski has been losing work, but I’m sure it won’t hurt him in the long run. There are plenty of ultra-right wing outfits with deep pockets looking for speakers, so, as usual, Lewandowski will be fine. The President has no issue being seen with Lewandowski. But is this really a good thing for the President, the Presidency, the country, and the world? Is this level of supreme douchebag behavior really a good thing?

Lewandowski isn’t just some guy on the internets with a Twitter account. He isn’t some asshole on YouTube. He isn’t some anonymous voice in the wilderness. He’s a major public figure, a person who has a relationship with the President of the United States, and is someone who is likely going to continue to be on television for some time to come. Is he really a worthwhile spokesperson for, well, anything good and decent?

And please don’t attempt to defend Lewandowski with the lame as fuck defense he tried to come up with, the “I was really making fun of the liberal speaker” defense. No, Corey, you were not just mocking “the liberal.” You were mocking the girl’s story, too.

Is it wrong to call Lewandowski soulless?


And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Douchebag Hall of Famer and alleged human being Ann Coulter, for claiming that the crying children at the border are “actors.” Yes, Ann, it’s all just a massive conspiracy and the crying children are being coached by liberals before they get to the border. Makes total sense. Ann Coulter is just an awful person. Even if it’s all an act and she’s doing it to further her heartless brand, she’s still awful.

-Douchebag Hall of Famer and professional conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, for claiming that the Pentagon has weaponized perfumes that make men gay so they don’t have kids. Jones, as usual, doesn’t provide any actual proof of his claim (it’s apparently classified but he sure seems to know all about it), nor does he explain what the point of the claim is. Who is the Pentagon going to use these weaponized perfumes on? Is the Pentagon using these “gay bombs” on Americans right now? Why would the Pentagon do that?

-Current First Lady of the United States Melania Trump, for her “I really don’t care, do U?” jacket controversy. No one seems to know what message, exactly, the First Lady was trying to convey with the jacket, but she clearly shouldn’t have worn it for her trip to the U.S./Mexico border. All the jacket did was cause controversy, and in light of what’s happening at the border, does it make sense to “send a message” that no one seems to get exactly?

Those Star Wars fans who want to remake The Last Jedi, for wanting to remake The Last Jedi. If you have access to money and producers to make a movie, why not make your own original movie, one that does everything you wished The Last Jedi did but didn’t, instead of redoing a movie that plenty of people already saw and liked? Wouldn’t that make more sense? And why would Disney want to do it anyway? Because Solo is tanking? How would your “course correction” save the franchise? This whole thing makes no sense.


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