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The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Donald Trump

January 14, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
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The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.


So how many of you went to the movies this past weekend and saw the Keanu Reeves sci-fi flick Replicas? Well, based on this past weekend’s box office numbers, it doesn’t look like many of you did. The movie didn’t open in the top ten and barely made $2.5 million, which, according to Box Office Mojo, is one of the worst opening weekends ever for a movie that opened in over 2,000 locations. It seems like very few people knew that the movie was even out, and those that did hated it.

Well, I didn’t hate it. In fact, I liked it quite a bit. I’ll admit that the movie is weird and goes off the rails a bit towards the end, but that weirdness is what makes it cool. I mean, who the hell ends a movie the way Replicas did? I really thought that the movie was going to have a quieter ending, something definitely smaller than what we get. I figured the big moment in the movie would end up being the “tree branch through the guy followed by crashing into the water” scene. Instead, the last third of the movie turns into one big chase sequence and I just didn’t expect to see that.

I also didn’t think the movie would end up being as emotionally moving as it is. It didn’t make me want to cry or anything, but that last scene on the beach got to me.

Replicas will likely be gone from theaters by the end of next week, so if you’re thinking about seeing it and you like weird sci-fi movies, check it out before Glass opens on Friday. I think, if you give it a chance, you’ll like it.

Anyone out there who did see Replicas like it? Anyone at all?

And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.



This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to Douchebag Hall of Famer, 2018 Douchebag of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United StatesDonald Trump, for his claim that he never said “Mexico would pay for” the proposed southern border wall. The President, at a surprise question and answer session with the assembled White House media before heading to Texas this past Thursday actually said that he never said that he would get Mexico to pay for his proposed border wall. The President actually had the nerve to insist that he knew that Mexico would never cut a check for the wall and that claiming that he ever said Mexico would pay for the wall was just absurd.

You lying motherfucker.

I mean, I can’t say that I’m surprised that the President is now claiming that he never said what he definitely fucking said, multiple times, both during the 2016 Presidential campaign and at various points since assuming office. Remember what he said about paying Elizabeth Warren $1 million if she could prove that she had Native American ancestry? He claimed he didn’t say what he absolutely fucking said. So, again, I can’t say that I’m surprised that he’s saying now that he never said that “Mexico would pay for the wall.” And yet, there’s copious evidence that he did fucking say Mexico would pay for the wall.

It’s on video.

It was put into writing.

So what the hell is he talking about? And why are his acolytes in the “liberal” media allowing him to get away with it?

This isn’t some issue that’s open to interpretation. There’s no goddamn nuance here. The President lied and is continuing to lie. Why isn’t he paying a political price for it?

Nothing really matters, does it?


And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Actor and comedian Janeane Garofalo, for her recent attempt to defend disgraced stand-up comic Louis C.K. Garofalo recently appeared on a podcast and tried to defend her friend Louis claiming that he’s suffered enough and that we have to think about how what he did is affecting his children. Has he suffered enough, Janeane? Really? What has he done since admitting to masturbating in front of women besides try to stage a comeback? And please explain why the world of stand-up comedy doesn’t want to deal with this kind of shit in any real way?

Steve King, U.S. Congressperson from Iowa and racist, for for his recent New York Times interview where he questioned why the term “white supremacist” is wrong. Do I have to say any more about this? The man actually wanted to know why the term “white supremacist” is wrong. Jesus Christ, man. I’ve asked this before and I’ll ask it again: how the hell does this guy keep getting reelected? Why do the people of 4th Congressional district in Iowa continue to approve of him?

-Comedian, TV legend, and Douchebag Hall of Famer Roseanne Barr, for now claiming that she was fired from her ABC show because of anti-Semitism. I’ve lost count now on how many different reasons she’s come up with for her firing, but I think this may be the saddest. She was fired because she’s Jewish and supports Israel? How can she expect anyone believe that?

-Actor Tom Sizemore, for his recent arrest on potential drug possession. You know, for a guy who clearly doesn’t need any more bad shit happening in his life would try to stay on the straight and narrow and not get caught transporting drugs around in his car. You’d think that. He doesn’t think it, though. And that’s the problem, isn’t it?


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