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The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Jerry Lawler

October 8, 2018 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Jerry Lawler

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

So, where did the piece of toilet paper come from? Was it even toilet paper? And why didn’t anyone notice it before the President walked up the stairs to board Air Force One?

I’m sure we’ve all seen the video of President Trump with the piece of paper stuck to the bottom of his shoe. It’s hilarious. However, I am disappointed in the internets for not concocting an elaborate conspiracy to explain how the paper got onto the bottom of the President’s shoe. I get “liberal mastermind” George Soros was somehow behind it. Maybe Barbara Streisand was involved, too, along with big, fat Michael Moore. And where was Saul Alinsky when this happened? Isn’t it possible that Alinsky or some apparatchik of his did it, maybe put a thin piece of paper in the President’s walking path hoping that he would step on it, not notice it there, and then walk around with it still attached?

I think this is something that someone important needs to look into. Alex Jones? Professional weasel Tucker Carlson? Maybe Geraldo?

Where’s the outrage, goddamit?

And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.

Douchebag

JerryTheKingLawler

This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to WWE Hall of Famer and pro wrestling legend Jerry “The King” Lawler, for his explanation for attending a recent rally in Mississippi for President Trump. Lawler claims that he was at the now infamous rally simply because the President is a fellow WWE Hall of Famer and that he wasn’t there “necessarily” to support the President politically.

Oh, come on, King. I’d buy your explanation if the President was in town for some sort of “official” thing, like touring a factory or the opening of a community center or some bullshit like that. Just showing up there to “see a fellow WWE Hall of Famer” might make sense. But you didn’t know ahead of time that the President was staging a full on political campaign rally? Please.

King, if you’re a conservative Republican or some variation of that and you want to support the President, why hide it? Plenty of your fellow pro wrestlers have expressed support for right wing/conservative causes over the years, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with expressing a political view/supporting a candidate. Jesus Christ, man, Vince McMahon’s wife Linda actually works for the Trump administration and the complaints about that lasted like, what, five minutes? No one in pro wrestling gives a shit who you support politically, King. No one. So why try to hide it?

But didn’t Lawler get “hate mail” and “death threats” as a result of his appearance at the rally? Apparently, yes, he did. However, I’d imagine that, as an old school pro wrestler and a public figure, he gets all sorts of hate mail all of the time, so what would be new about any of that? Is anyone actually going to stop watching pro wrestling or coming to see him at various events around the country because of this rally appearance?

Doubtful.

So what the hell is going on here? Why is the King hesitant to say what he believes? I don’t get it.

And what in God’s name is Kevin Nash fucking talking about here? Is “Big Sexy” blaming women for allowing sexual assault to happen?

**

And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

The Democrats, for their total failure to see ahead of time that Senators Collins and Flake were never going to not support Brett Kavanaugh. The FBI “investigation” was never going to be an actual investigation, and even if it had been an actual investigation did they really think that any of the Republicans were going to flip and “do the right thing?” You people can’t be this fucking stupid or naïve, can you? You all work with these motherfuckers, you hear and read the same things from them that I do, and yet you actually thought you could convince any of them to not vote for Kavanaugh?

And, for Christ’s sake, you couldn’t even get the entire Democratic side to act as a united front. Is this really how the mythical “blue wave” is going to happen?

If the Democrats “run the mainstream media,” why weren’t they on TV every day and night calling the Republicans liars, thieves, and scumbags? Why were they on TV every night “waiting for the facts to come in” (essentially doing nothing)? Because they’re not a movement or a machine or something to contend with. They’re a perpetually disorganized grab bag of causes that can’t agree on jack shit and get fucking owned, over and over and over again. Even when they do somehow manage to ascend to power they fuck it up.

They will never, ever learn. Ever. A fucking disgrace.

-Some guy named Bryan Asrary, for impersonating Justin Bieber and getting a 9-year old girl to send him nude pictures. Asrary was recently sentenced to 44 months in state prison, which doesn’t seem long enough for what he did. Who the fuck would ever think about doing something like this? Jesus Christ.

-Rapper, musician, and celebrity Kanye West, for for whatever the hell he’s going through right now. Regardless of whether or not West is engaging in some sort of performance art thing in order to get people to talk about him or is in the middle of some sort of mental breakdown, this stuff really needs to stop. It’s ridiculous. And I seriously doubt that anyone at SNL was upset because West was doing “a pro-Trump rant” at the end of the show, they were probably upset because they had no idea he was doing period. How often does an episode of Saturday Night Live end the way the 2018 season premiere did?

-Comedian Katt Williams, for his recent arrest in Portland, Oregon. He apparently attacked a driver and he has a fugitive warrant out for his arrest in Atlanta, Georgia. How many times is Williams going to have to get in trouble before he figures out that he can’t keep getting arrested for stupid shit?

**

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