Movies & TV / Columns

The 411 Douchebag of the Week: President Donald Trump

February 19, 2018 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Donald Trump NFL Solar Eclipse Oprah President Trump

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.


So I saw Black Panther this past weekend, and I thought it was pretty good. I don’t think it’s quite the masterpiece that other people think it is, but it’s entertaining and a good way to get the Black Panther franchise going. It will be interesting to see how Wakanda figures into The Avengers: Infinity War. We know that something big happens there based on the Infinity War trailers we’ve seen, but what the heck is it? We’ll know in May.

Black Panther, to me, played like any of the other Marvel Cinematic Universe movies I’ve seen (still haven’t seen The Incredible Hulk or Doctor Strange). It’s well made, it’s basically an origin story, and it ties in with all of other movies in the MCU (it also looks like all of the other movies in the MCU). Chadwick Boseman did a good job as T’Challa, Lupita Nyong’o was amazing as Nakia the spy (maybe Marvel will team her up with Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow when they get around to making the Black Widow movie), and Michael B. Jordan did a great job being an assassin. Andy Serkis seemed to be having the most fun out of anyone in the movie. The only character I didn’t care for in the movie was Danai Gurira’s Okoye. Her action scenes were phenomenal, but the rest of the time I thought she was boring. The only time she had any personality was when she was complaining about the wig she had to wear as a disguise in the Korean casino. And is it me or did her make-up make her look like she was plastic?

And then there’s the Black Panther CGI. What the heck happened between Civil War and Black Panther? He looked great in Civil War. He looked too much like a CGI guy in Black Panther, especially in the opening action scene.

Those are just minor quibbles. Black Panther is a good time at the movies. Definitely worth seeing.

And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.



This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to Douchebag Hall of Famer, 2017 Douchebag of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United StatesDonald Trump, for claiming that the ongoing investigation into Russian meddling and potential Trump campaign collusion in the 2016 election somehow prevented the FBI from stopping Florida school shooter Nikolas Cruz. The President tweeted out his claim this past Saturday night. Not surprisingly, the tweet was roundly condemned by the families of the victims of the school shooter plus plenty of other people (you can probably go on Twitter and find that condemnation. TMZ covered some of the condemnation). Why did the President decide to make the aftermath of the Florida school massacre all about him?

Now, I think we’d all like to know why the FBI fucked up here. Why didn’t the agency act to prevent the shooter from doing what he did? What was missed? Why was it missed? And on top of that, how many tips does the FBI receive as a whole about potential shooters and murderers and terrorists? How many of those tips turn out to be nothing? Was there a sense of complacency at the FBI about this particular individual? Why? What needs to be changed at the FBI to make something like this less likely to happen again? You’d think this is what the President would like to know and would be talking about and have his people talking about on television. Did that happen?

Of course not. The President instead decided it was a good idea to link the FBI fuck up to the ongoing investigation into his campaign. Is the President aware that there are thousands of FBI agents, analysts, and investigators and they engage in multiple investigations into a myriad of things all at the same time and have been doing so since the creation of the FBI? Is the President aware that the FBI isn’t six guys who only work on one thing at a time?

But then the FBI did announce the indictment of 13 Russian nationals for interfering in the 2016 election this past Friday. What better way to lash out at the bureau and its deputy director, the guy you hired but want gone, than by… complaining about the bureau doing its job?

Haven’t we all heard, time and time again, that we, the United States and its allies, the good guys, have to be right every single time about everything, but terrorists only have to be right once to inflict maximum damage on the world? Isn’t that a warning that, even if we strive to do our due diligence, things are going to get missed, people are going to make mistakes, and bad shit is eventually going to happen? Isn’t this series of events an example of that?

So is it safe to say that the President really is worried that the FBI and the special counsel’s office are going to find something that the President doesn’t want anyone finding? Knowing what we know now, I don’t know how you can come to any other conclusion.

It would have been smarter for the President to have said something along the lines of “We don’t know why the FBI failed to connect the dots in regards to the Florida school shooter, but we’re going to find out” and then just leave it at that. He couldn’t do that, though.

This stupidity has to end. When is the President going to figure out that everything isn’t all about him?


And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Douchebag Hall of Famer and professional conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, for wasting absolutely no time in claiming that the Florida school massacre is part of some global conspiracy. You knew it was going to happen, that it was only a matter of time before Jones floated out the idea that the school shooting was a false flag, etc. He apparently waited a full day before getting into the full bullshit of his claim which, I guess, is kudos to him for showing a modicum of humanity. But then don’t be surprised if he Jones ends up claiming that the massacre never happened in another week. How does this guy stay in business? Why are people so inclined to believe in absolute bullshit?

-Right wing commentator and radio and TV show host Laura Ingraham, for telling LeBron James and other pro athletes criticizing President Trump to keep their political criticism to themselves and to “shut up and dribble.” Yes, because athletes and celebrities should just entertain us and keep their opinions to themselves. Right? I was unable to find any scathing Laura Ingraham commentary on James Woods, Dean Cain, Robert Davi, Kevin Sorbo, or any of the other right wing actors and celebrities out there. Must be a mistake.

Ingraham is aware that we can find this stuff out and that she looks really bad when it’s revealed that she’s nothing more than a political hack, right?

-Pro wrestler Randy Orton, for for claiming that kids can’t pray in school. When is this particular bit of bullshit going to end? Children are not prevented from praying in public schools. And wasn’t God everywhere in that church that was shot up in Texas?

-Comedian, singer, and award winning actor Jamie Foxx, for walking out on a live interview on ESPN when someone asked him about dating fellow actor Katie Holmes. What a great way to not make news on that, Jamie. Why not make a joke about the question?


Thanks for reading. Agree? Disagree? Sign up with disqus and comment. You know you want to, so just go do it.

Please “like” The Gratuitous B-Movie Column on Facebook!

Oh, and B-movies rule. Always remember that.