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The 411 Douchebag of the Week: The Internet Outrage Over Liam Neeson

February 11, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Liam Neeson

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

ColdPursuitPoster

You know, there’s nothing wrong with making a movie that defies expectations and is, in a sense, “unique.” At the same time, if you’re going to make a movie about a snowplow driver that’s out for revenge against the drug dealers that murdered his son and the snowplow driver is played by Liam Neeson, you should probably just go ahead and make that movie instead of whatever the hell the people involved in Cold Pursuit were trying to do. Because Cold Pursuit is a fucking disaster.

First off, it isn’t an action movie. It has action in it, but it isn’t an action movie. Instead, it plays as a dark comedy that just isn’t funny enough to warrant being a comedy. It also just drags along, taking its sweet fucking time going nowhere. The movie is a remake of Norwegian movie called In Order of Disappearance that came out in 2014 and stars Stellan Skarsgard, something I’m going to have to check out now, just to see how good or bad it is. Both Cold Pursuit and In Order of Disappearance are both directed by Hans Peter Moland. What did he do differently and what did he do the same with the story and the material? Is the original movie funny?

What should have Cold Pursuit been? An action movie. Liam Neeson, armed to the teeth and with a giant fucking snowplow, tracks down and kills every drug dealing piece of shit that was involved in destroying his family’s life. There could have been oodles of cold weather set action moments: gun fights in the snow, a guy getting decapitated with a snow shovel, a guy being thrown into a snow blower, etc. Yes, that all sounds familiar and “gross,” but so what? I bet it would have played better and would have been funnier than the actual Cold Pursuit that was made.

Did anyone out there like Cold Pursuit? What the heck am I missing in regards to the movie? Why did you like it if you did, in fact, like it? Tell me, I want to know.
And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.

Douchebag

LiamNeesonOutrage

This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to The Internets Outrage Machine, for losing its goddamn mind over Liam Neeson’s recent “racist revenge” story. As was reported damn near everywhere this past week, while promoting his terrible new “action” movie Cold Pursuit, star Liam Neeson admitted to a reporter for the British newspaper “The Independent” that, decades ago, he once had shockingly violent and racist thoughts when he found out that a female friend had been raped. As he told the story, when he found out that his friend had been raped by a “black person,” Neeson walked the streets of “black areas” for over a week with a “cosh” (some kind of club), hoping that some “black bastard” would come after him so he could then use the club and kill said “black bastard.” He eventually came to the realization that what he was doing was fucking stupid and insane and just plain wrong (and, thankfully, he didn’t use his cosh on anyone). In real life, revenge just leads to more revenge, killing leads to more killing, and that hatred just doesn’t lead to anything good.

Now, you would think that right minded people the world over would look at Neeson’s story, a story that he could have kept to himself for the rest of his life (and, from a public relations standpoint probably should have kept to himself), and use it as an example of what hatred, racism, tribalism, and fucking stupidity can lead to. Because, really, what would have killing a “black bastard” have accomplished had Neeson gone through with it? Nothing. Just more pointless hatred, racism, and revenge. That’s what Neeson’s story actually shows. So, of course, The Internets Outrage Machine, as soon as the story was revealed, lost its goddamn mind and shifted into overdrive with “Liam Neeson is a horrible racist now and he should be boycotted indefinitely.”

Boycotted indefinitely? Really? Did Neeson lament the fact that he didn’t get to kill any “black bastards” with his club? Did he publicly advocate for random killing on the streets? Did he hope that, one day, he would get to finally fulfill that “primal” need for revenge? He didn’t do any of those things. He said he once experienced horrible feelings decades ago, realized that what he thought was fucking stupid, and he figured out how to be a better person as a result. What am I supposed to be outraged about?

Damned if I know. But the outrage from the Outrage Machine continues.

Neeson should be digitally removed from the upcoming Men in Black sequel/reboot/whatever the hell it is. It’s just another example of “white privilege” run amok because a black actor couldn’t admit, in public, to wanting to kill a white person and still have a career, which would be true if that is what Neeson actually said. He didn’t, though. Neeson didn’t say he wanted to kill someone now, or very recently, and he’s feeling the need currently to do it. It was in the past.

The past. Not right now. Why are the people outraged ignoring that part of the story? I don’t get it. Where’s the scandal?

Please. Everyone. Read the goddamn story you’re outraged about before being outraged about it. See, for yourself, what was said. Why is that so hard to do?

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And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

The internets outrage machine, for losing its mind over Gordon Ramsay’s upcoming “authentic” Asian restaurant in the UK. While people have a point with the “what the hell is Asian here, Gordon?” part of the story (because what is he talking about?), why are “Asians” the only people allowed to “authentically make Asian food?” What the hell does “authentic” even mean here? Should I walk out of a McDonald’s that has an “Asian” guy making the hamburgers because it’s not “authentic?” When is something “authentic?” I think I need someone to explain this to me.

The Virginia Democratic Party, for its ongoing scandals. Governor Ralph Northam has decided not to resign, despite his inability to explain adequately what the hell that “guy in blackface and guy in KKK hood” picture is about in his medical school yearbook. The attorney general, Mark Herring, has admitted to donning blackface at a college party. And the Lt. Governor, Justin Fairfax, has been accused of sexual assault by at least two women. What the fuck is going on with the Virginia Democrats, and who is going to be the next one to go down? Because you know someone else is going to be outed for doing something horrible (it’s only a matter of time).

The Ultra-Right Wing Media Machine, for its continued, ongoing fascination with New York City Congressperson Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. If she’s so dumb and horrible and dangerous, why does the Machine continue to talk about her? Why doesn’t the Machine just ignore her? Wouldn’t that be the most prudent thing here? Well, yeah, but then the Machine would have to find someone else to be the “enemy of America,” and the Machine just doesn’t have the time to find that person.

And can someone explain to me why, for the most part, when AOC is featured in some “liberal media” internets article she’s either shown yelling, angry, and or bug eyed?

Gucci, for its own ongoing “blackface” controversy. Just go ahead and read the story at the link and … Jesus Christ. No one saw the inherent issue with the clothing in question? No one at all? What the fuck?

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