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The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Whoopi Goldberg and Jeanine Pirro

July 23, 2018 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Whoopi Goldberg Janine Pirro The View

The 411mania Douchebag of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.


I don’t really have an introduction for this particular Douchebag of the Week, so I’m going to ask you, the reading public, which cult TV show I should do next for my Cult TV column, once I finish with Kolchak: The Night Stalker (and I will get to the last five episodes soon. I promise): should I do Tremors: The Series or Street Hawk? At the moment I’m leaning towards Tremors, but Street Hawk might be fun, too.


I’m also wondering what I should devote September to with The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: a look at the three The Six Million Dollar Man TV pilot movies from the 1970’s and an explanation as to why I think Robocop 2 is awesome (I was thinking about calling the month “Cyborg September”) or a look at the Walking Tall franchise (the Joe Don Baker original, the two ones Bo Svenson made, and then the remake starring The Rock)? What do you guys think?


And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.



This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to both comedian and actress Whoopi Goldberg and right wing talk show host and former judge of some sort Jeanine Pirro, for their recent confrontation on The View (Go here and watch the video). Pirro was on The View to promote her latest book Liars, Leakers, and Liberals and, as tends to happen on TV shows that traffic in confrontational politics, the assembled co-hosts wanted to talk about current politics, mainly President Trump. It didn’t take long for Pirro and lead host Whoopi Goldberg to get into a shouting match. You could tell from the start of the segment that there was tension on the set and that, eventually, some shit was going to go down. Ana Navarro, a conservative anti-Trump personality and commentator on CNN was on the panel that day, but that expected confrontation didn’t happen (you know, rival cable channels and all that). Meghan McCain, who has had very public issues with the Trump administration, could have had a throw down with Pirro. That didn’t happen, either. Instead, the big hooha happened with Goldberg and Pirro.

It was loud. It was vicious. It was lively. And the arguing/accusations didn’t stop when Goldberg ended the segment. Days after the incident people were still talking about it and what did and didn’t happen (both Goldberg and Pirro have very different stories about the aftermath of the segment). While the segment and the confrontation may have made for “good TV,” it never should have happened.


On the Whoopi Goldberg side, she’s the lead host and shouldn’t allow any of the show’s guests to get under her skin. Even if she thinks the guest is awful or wrong or whatever, she should never lose her cool. It never looks good for her or the show she’s hosting. And, on top of that, Whoopi should know that everything she says is going to be used against her and the ideas and positions she supports. If she loses her mind on a “political rival” on television or, really, anywhere, that outburst will live on forever and be the subject of “endless discussion” and it will be the only thing that’s discussed. Whoopi has been involved with The View for a decade now. She knows how this works. She may have been caught up in the moment, but, again, she can’t do that. She’s the lead host.

As for Pirro, she really needs to stop the poor right wing martyr shit a rest. She knew exactly what she was doing when she went on the show. The first time she said “Let me finish” I knew that she was trying to start shit. And when she was able to actually start shit, I knew that she was going to use her “treatment” as a topic for her show and any and all right wing media appearances she made afterwards. What better way to rile up her own fan base to sell books and “stick it to the left?” And then she gave quite the impassioned “Can’t we all just get along?” speech on Saturday night, acting like the right didn’t lose its fucking mind when the black guy was president. It’s all just so ludicrous.

Do we need more civility in our public discourse? Sure. Are we going to get it any time soon? Of course not. The “Left” is too stupid to figure how to get organized, and the right isn’t going to quit the strategy that’s worked for them for decades, mainly the “media is against us” scam. I mean, why would they stop doing it if its base continues to believe it?

I wonder who is going to be the next right wing media martyr, and which “leftist” is going to forget that the second they flip out on someone it will be the only thing anyone talks about? And how many days is it going to take for it to happen?


And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Comedy legend Roseanne Barr, for claiming that ABC cancelled her show because she voted for Donald Trump. No, Roseanne, your show got cancelled because of your racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett, which is what it was. Your recent political leanings were known before ABC brought back your old show and until you outed yourself as a racist they were fine with you. That’s what happened. Please, stop trying to explain away what happened as something else. It’s sad. You can’t fix this. Just go away for a little while.

Disney, for firing James Gunn from Guardians of the Galaxy part 3 over old tweets featuring bad jokes about pedophilia. Was Gunn making those jokes now? No. So what’s the problem? How did Disney not know about them before he was hired for the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie? Why are they now such a huge problem, especially when you consider that Gunn already apologized for them years ago?

And, no, this is not the same thing as Roseanne losing her show. Roseanne made her comments this year, not a decade ago, so please don’t bother with that.

The “Left”, for allowing someone like Mike Cernovich to continue destroying people. Why isn’t Mike Cernovich’s name mud? It might be on certain segments of the internets, but anywhere else? Not really. Even after that Pizzagate bullshit he’s still treated seriously. That’s insane. Where’s the concerted effort on the other side to trash him?

Exactly. It doesn’t exist and it probably never will. By the time “the Left” figures it out it’s already way too late to do anything.

– Douchebag Hall of Famer, 2017 Douchebag of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United States Donald Trump, for the entirety of last week. Please, for the love of God, stop making news, Mr. President. Have your people write a script, then just read the script. Don’t add, don’t subtract, don’t “speak your mind.” Just say what’s on the fucking paper. Don’t solicit questions. Just stop talking altogether, unless it’s stage managed down to the millisecond. If you do that, you won’t have to do another one of those absolutely horrendous “this is what I meant to say” speeches. Why is that so hard to understand and to grasp?


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